Victor's Progress Log - Might need help, time, or both
- Thread starter victorcr1
- Start date
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 3
Following the programs guidance today I reviewed my Tinder profile by changing some pictures and using some newer ones. I also opened accounts on Bumble, Hinge and Badoo to increase numbers.
This exposure to feedback on my actual looks/physique feels actually hard, but I hope I can use it to take action and start improving my looks, fashion, etc. (and consequently my pictures), so thanks to everyone who responds in advance. Feel free to comment both on what pictures to remove/include and actual suggestions on my looks (haircut, beard, clothes, vibes, etc.). I also included in the post other pictures that didn't make it to Tinder just in case someone gives me feedback on them (or suggests to actually use them in profile).
Overview:
Picture 1 (only one I included from a professional photo shoot I took last year)
View attachment 14
Picture 2:
View attachment 13
Picture 3:
View attachment 12
Picture 4:
View attachment 11
Picture 5:
View attachment 10
Finally I also used 2 pictures where I appear with friends in a social context (at a restaurant and at a park):
Group pic 1:
View attachment 8
Group pic 2:View attachment 9
-------------------------------
Left out pictures:
Left out 1 (professional):
View attachment 7
Left out 2 (professional):View attachment 6
Left out 3 (professional):
View attachment 5
Left out 4:
View attachment 4
Left out 5:
View attachment 3
Left out 6:
View attachment 2
Left out 7:
View attachment 1
Following the programs guidance today I reviewed my Tinder profile by changing some pictures and using some newer ones. I also opened accounts on Bumble, Hinge and Badoo to increase numbers.
This exposure to feedback on my actual looks/physique feels actually hard, but I hope I can use it to take action and start improving my looks, fashion, etc. (and consequently my pictures), so thanks to everyone who responds in advance. Feel free to comment both on what pictures to remove/include and actual suggestions on my looks (haircut, beard, clothes, vibes, etc.). I also included in the post other pictures that didn't make it to Tinder just in case someone gives me feedback on them (or suggests to actually use them in profile).
Overview:
Picture 1 (only one I included from a professional photo shoot I took last year)
View attachment 14
Picture 2:
View attachment 13
Picture 3:
View attachment 12
Picture 4:
View attachment 11
Picture 5:
View attachment 10
Finally I also used 2 pictures where I appear with friends in a social context (at a restaurant and at a park):
Group pic 1:
View attachment 8
Group pic 2:View attachment 9
-------------------------------
Left out pictures:
Left out 1 (professional):
View attachment 7
Left out 2 (professional):View attachment 6
Left out 3 (professional):
View attachment 5
Left out 4:
View attachment 4
Left out 5:
View attachment 3
Left out 6:
View attachment 2
Left out 7:
View attachment 1
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2021
- Goal
- Master daygame
- Age
- 34
victorcr1 said:
From your profile, remove photo 2 (lonely) and 3 (skinny). Remove both group photos as you aren't the center of attention. Crop the beach one so you look taller.
Add in Left out 3, this may be your best photo as you have a small skinny frame you so you will get best results with your head and chest only.
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 4 Drill (Level 1)
Today I did the first drill with relative ease, which made me feel great. Every interaction happened in the same order
I could observe that the range of emotions accross the 5 ‘approaches’ varied greatly. There was this girl (arguably the hottest) which after I established eye contact with her and saluted she stopped, took off both of her earphones right away and gave me her full attention, with a slightly positive emotion. That made me feel great.
Looking forward to tomorrow for next set of drills.
Thanks a lot pancakemouse for the tips on the Tinder pictures.
Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE.
Today I did the first drill with relative ease, which made me feel great. Every interaction happened in the same order
Hello, what time it is? (In reality it was in spanish: “Hola, qué hora es? or ¿Disculpa, tienes hora?)
- Oh (looks at mobile and gives time).
- Thank you! (And i leave)
I could observe that the range of emotions accross the 5 ‘approaches’ varied greatly. There was this girl (arguably the hottest) which after I established eye contact with her and saluted she stopped, took off both of her earphones right away and gave me her full attention, with a slightly positive emotion. That made me feel great.
Looking forward to tomorrow for next set of drills.
Thanks a lot pancakemouse for the tips on the Tinder pictures.
Hey Victor, cool to see someone else doing the AA program at the same time I am. May your Victory over approach anxiety be complete and merciless!
Looking forward to following your progress and leeching off you in times of low motivation
.
Your new supporter and random Internet stranger,
BoneyG
Looking forward to following your progress and leeching off you in times of low motivation
.Your new supporter and random Internet stranger,
BoneyG
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
Welcome Victor!
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 5
Asked for time to 5 girls, rested for around 10 minutes, and asked another 5. I found I was way less nervous than yesterday. I would say almost not nervous at all. One thing I noticed though is that as soon as I open and girls start reaching for their phone my brain can’t wait to say “Thank you” and leave. What I mean is that I still don’t feel comfortable and as soon as I open I am looking forward to leave.
Regardless of this the day was easy after completing yesterday's drill. Looking forward for day 7 where directions and ‘Have you been there’ question gets introduced.
- Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE.
- Walk up to 5 women again an ask them for the time, but do the drill faster. LEAVE.
Asked for time to 5 girls, rested for around 10 minutes, and asked another 5. I found I was way less nervous than yesterday. I would say almost not nervous at all. One thing I noticed though is that as soon as I open and girls start reaching for their phone my brain can’t wait to say “Thank you” and leave. What I mean is that I still don’t feel comfortable and as soon as I open I am looking forward to leave.
Regardless of this the day was easy after completing yesterday's drill. Looking forward for day 7 where directions and ‘Have you been there’ question gets introduced.
victorcr1 said:
Felt the same thing when I started too. Now it's basically gone for me, even in longer interactions with multiple questions. This is probably a common side-effect of the program.
Getting started is now my issue. When I know I have to ask further, slightly weirder questions, it's sometimes hard for me to even ask for the time and I let many girls slip by. Then also if I do manage to get the time but the girl doesn't stop walking, I don't always have the stomach to continue my questions and so let her go with a "thank you." Definitely need to work on that.
Can I ask if you only approach girls you could potentially be in interested (as in similar age, not fat, etc.) rather than indiscriminately (as in saggy aunties and grannies)? I know Chris said approach anyone without a dick but I find that does not really simulate the dynamic of a real approach which we want to be exposed to, unless done to the proper sort of girls. I ask because I just had a shitty day at the mall today avoiding old women, fat women, old fat women, and families and finding just enough volume for one set of 3 reps.
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 6
Today was hard to complete, but after around 90 minutes I managed to do it. I was super happy and satisfied at the end.
It was rainy but I wanted to do it anyways, so I took a bus to the most popular mall in the City. Asking for time and directions was easy, but asking the ‘Have you been there’ got me pretty nervous.
Since I was at the mall, I asked “Do you know where the cinmea is?” since at this mall there is a cinema in the third floor. All reactions where pretty good. Some answered they didn’t know where the cinema was, so I repeated those for them to count.
On the 12th approach, when I had to ask for time, directions and have you been there, the reaction was AWESOME. The girl gave me her full attention, and when I asked where the cinema was, she started giving super detailed explanations of how to get there (instead of just saying “Third floor” LOL). After she finished, I asked her the “Have you been there” and she said “Yeah, they are pretty cool…” And went on talking with excitement about some of the features the cinema had.
My brain was not giving credit. On one side my fight or flight mode was screaming me to leave. On the other side I was soooo happy inside. She even asked me if I was meeting someone and what movie I was going to watch. I replied with some vague answers and said I was watching Civil Ware LOL, and even talked about the movie. After this we ended up saying goodbye, but I had the feeling she might have wanted me to ask her out.
Once I walked away I felt so happy and excited about what just happened that I could not stop smiling and even laughing by my own. The emotion was so intense that I even felt like crying, but just kept laughing. Reflecting on this, it came to my mind that all the approach anxiety and other problems I have could be rooted in the feeling that I am not worthy of being desired by women. Then, when my brain sees that this might not be true (after that positive interaction), it ‘explodes’ with positive emotion and lets go accumulated negative emotion. Not sure about this but I think it is a real possibility.
- Time, Leave
- Time, Directions, Leave
- Time, Directions, Have you been there?, Leave
- Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.
Today was hard to complete, but after around 90 minutes I managed to do it. I was super happy and satisfied at the end.
It was rainy but I wanted to do it anyways, so I took a bus to the most popular mall in the City. Asking for time and directions was easy, but asking the ‘Have you been there’ got me pretty nervous.
Since I was at the mall, I asked “Do you know where the cinmea is?” since at this mall there is a cinema in the third floor. All reactions where pretty good. Some answered they didn’t know where the cinema was, so I repeated those for them to count.
On the 12th approach, when I had to ask for time, directions and have you been there, the reaction was AWESOME. The girl gave me her full attention, and when I asked where the cinema was, she started giving super detailed explanations of how to get there (instead of just saying “Third floor” LOL). After she finished, I asked her the “Have you been there” and she said “Yeah, they are pretty cool…” And went on talking with excitement about some of the features the cinema had.
My brain was not giving credit. On one side my fight or flight mode was screaming me to leave. On the other side I was soooo happy inside. She even asked me if I was meeting someone and what movie I was going to watch. I replied with some vague answers and said I was watching Civil Ware LOL, and even talked about the movie. After this we ended up saying goodbye, but I had the feeling she might have wanted me to ask her out.
Once I walked away I felt so happy and excited about what just happened that I could not stop smiling and even laughing by my own. The emotion was so intense that I even felt like crying, but just kept laughing. Reflecting on this, it came to my mind that all the approach anxiety and other problems I have could be rooted in the feeling that I am not worthy of being desired by women. Then, when my brain sees that this might not be true (after that positive interaction), it ‘explodes’ with positive emotion and lets go accumulated negative emotion. Not sure about this but I think it is a real possibility.
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Yeah it is the worst feeling when they don't stop but at the same time it feels great when they give you full attention.BoneyG said:
BoneyG said:
Yes, I only approached girls I could potentially be interested in. That is what made me wander around the mall for 90 long minutes. The mall was crowded but finding attractive women (excluding moms with kids and couples) was way harder than I initially thought.
victorcr1 said:
Yes! I've felt this way multiple times (minus the fight-or-flight; when it's going good I have fun sticking around) and it's amazing. It motivates me to continue approaching since it shows there's awesome girls out there you can instantly connect with if you can only find them (by approaching nearly everyone).
Your analysis of the feelings of inadequacy and subsequent emotional overload is interesting and sounds pretty convincing. Whatever the truth, the important part is that this feeling pushes us forward rather than holding us back.
I've also had that same feeling of the girl perhaps expecting me to ask her out when the interaction goes really well. I never do it partly because Chris says not to, and partly because it's in the context of an "indirect approach" which is weak and sets a bad stage. Not sure how much either of these matter if it appears the girl is obviously(?) digging you and our goal here is to Get Laid no matter what, but I'm mostly content to trust the process and forget about that until AA is a distant memory.
victorcr1 said:
Haha, I frequently take longer but then again I live in the suburb of a suburb and it's obvious that LA drains the hot girls straight out of my area. If there was reasonable public transportation here I would go to Santa Monica or wherever, but there is not and driving to and from LA is such a momumental logistical pain I'd rather risk a ban or reputation at the community college 10 minutes by bike from my house, even if its girls aren't really anything special.
For context, I moved back in with my parents after finishing college and while I definitely don't want to stay here with them, for the time being I have not yet really been looking at my future. It's partly a shame because I like the town itself, but in terms of girls it is a retirement home. I'm conflicted as to whether to try and move to LA where Chris came to fame but where it's also fiendishly expensive, or whether to try and move to my parents' homeland of Bulgaria where I've never lived (though I visit every summer) with an American remote job and have everything be laughably cheap. I'm also sure there'll be plenty of hot girls in the capital where I'll most likely live.
Sorry to hijack your thread to talk about myself like that
ThelegendofJ
Member
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2024
victorcr1 said:
Next time, if a set like this happens, just add: btw, what are you doing right now? If it's nothing urgent, just go to the movies together.
Seemed like you two vibed very well.
Now you know how the flight response feels like, you can recognize it and tell yourself, no, she likes me and I enjoy spending more time with her.
You are doing great man, keep on going, amazing things will happen!
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Hello again. After completing day 6 of the AAP 1 month ago I started finding excuses to postpone it and eventually dropped it (not without guilt or mental stress).
However, this last Thursday I managed to come back at it, completed day 7, and used the momentum to do days 8, 9, 10 and 11 the following days (today I repeated day 11). The logs:
This day was waaay easier than day 6. I think day 6 was felt super hard because I was walking around the mall with anxiety building as there were not that many girls to approach and was constantly scared of reapproaching the same girl. Looking back I feel that was too much and too fast, and it made me drop it.
This day on the other hand, with the “Get in there” trick, felt way more natural and easy. Also, I did it as I was coming back home from work, so I had an actual place to go (instead of wandering around a closed small area like a mall).
Additionally, most reactions were slightly positive and there were even 2 girls that smiled and got closer while smiling in a way that felt awesome. That relaxed me and gave me momentum to go through the drill with relative ease.
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.
Although some interactions were weirder than day 7 and that made feel worse, I completed the drill quickly (I stopped almost every attractive girl I could). Also, I think I had too much coffee before going out (I went for a workout after) which made me feel a bit sick and contributed to this ‘weird’ feeling.
Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.
I have been recording video logs in Spanish (first language) and today was the first day I recorded it in English, so here it is:
Video Log day 9
Today was the first time I did a ‘no sense’ interaction, where the girl told me she had not been at the restaurant and I still asked her is liked it. I found it funny and I almost enjoyed it.
I did the drill relatively fast and I feel it is getting easier each day, which is a good sign.
In the video I talk about a scary thought that comes to my mind sometimes, which is that I might be able to complete the program but still be uncapable of approaching. Or even worse, to complete the program, be able to approach and still be uncapable to get results.
What I am trying to say is that reading other logs where guys are approaching like mad men and still not getting results is scary to me, really scary. However, I read this quote from @Squilliam that pushed me into taking action anyways (without guaranteed results):
Analyzing this rationally and stoically I should strive towards only focusing on things under my control, which right now is to complete each day’s drill.
Completed the drill. Easier than usual because on day 6 I was already asking for directions to a movie theater as I was at a mall (rainy day) with a movie theater nearby.
What was super lame imo is that I got 0 recommendations for good movies. Even the positive reactions had no clue or hadn’t gone to see a movie lately.
Today felt surprisingly easy considering the drill (mostly the “what phone do you have?” part). Remember it took me more than a year to get past week 1.
I had 2 interactions where I tried to stop the girl for time and she didn’t stop. That felt painful but I was able to mindfully recognize that feeling and keep on with the drill.
I liked a set where the girl opened google maps to help me find a cell phone store and my inner bitch was yelling in my head “tell her its ok, say thank you and leave” but my other side, the side that is pushing myself to grow, was like “Shut up pussy, let her search for that store”. I feel like I even had some fun with my inner dialogue during that interaction.
I managed to stay there, quiet, letting the girl do the search XD and feel weird. Eventually she found one after like 20/30 seconds but it was closed, and since I was standing there quiet she eventually said “sorry” and started leaving. Then I asked the following 2 questions, and she was so surprised and confused haha. I was ver satisfied with that performance.
I also liked another set where after asking the “what phone do you have” the girl challenged me with “Why are you asking” with an annoyed tone and my brain just said, out of nowhere, “I want to buy a phone so I want to know”. I liked that I said it in what seemed a more assertive than expected way. In fact, she conceded and told me what phone she had. Finally, after the last question I started walking in the opposite direction shed had pointed me in for the cell phone store. Even though I am not sure I did this intentionally I felt really good after acknowledging it.
Day 11 Video log
Today I decided to repeat the drill for two reasons:
Set 1 - Annoyed girl
The girl starts getting annoyed and super confused with my cellphone questions, but instead of giving up I insist she answers, which felt good.
Set 2 - Repeat drill on nearby girl that listened previous drill
I ask for time and directions to store, leave, and then see another girl walking in the same direction as me and at the same pace, which means she probably heard me ask for time and directions to the previous girl. My initial and usual reaction is to try to create distance with this girl in order to not seem weird when doing the drill again with a different girl (as she would notice I am spamming the ‘do you have time’ question). However, instead of that, I mentally challenge myself to not only stay there but to ask THAT girl for time. Surprisingly she gave me time and answered the full set of questions with a positive tone.
Set 3 and 4 - Do the drill on couples but talking to the girl
I did the whole drill on 2 couples but directing all the questions to the girl, keeping eye-contact with her and semi-ignoring the guy (even though the guy was super positive trying to help me out with the time lol).
The fact that I tried to make it harder for myself cheered me up and gave me a lot momentum.
However, this last Thursday I managed to come back at it, completed day 7, and used the momentum to do days 8, 9, 10 and 11 the following days (today I repeated day 11). The logs:
Day 7 Drill (Level 1) – May 23, 2024
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Directions, Leave
- Time, Directions, Have you been there?, Leave
- Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.
This day was waaay easier than day 6. I think day 6 was felt super hard because I was walking around the mall with anxiety building as there were not that many girls to approach and was constantly scared of reapproaching the same girl. Looking back I feel that was too much and too fast, and it made me drop it.
This day on the other hand, with the “Get in there” trick, felt way more natural and easy. Also, I did it as I was coming back home from work, so I had an actual place to go (instead of wandering around a closed small area like a mall).
Additionally, most reactions were slightly positive and there were even 2 girls that smiled and got closer while smiling in a way that felt awesome. That relaxed me and gave me momentum to go through the drill with relative ease.
Day 8 Drill (Level 1) May 24, 2024
Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)- Time, Directions, Leave
- Time, Directions, Have you been there?, Leave
- Time, Directions, Have you been there?, Do you like it?, Leave
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.
Although some interactions were weirder than day 7 and that made feel worse, I completed the drill quickly (I stopped almost every attractive girl I could). Also, I think I had too much coffee before going out (I went for a workout after) which made me feel a bit sick and contributed to this ‘weird’ feeling.
Day 9 Drill (Level 1) – May 25, 2024
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Have you ever eaten at [nearby restaurant]?, Leave
- Time, Have you ever eaten at [nearby restaurant]?, Did you like it?, Leave
Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.
I have been recording video logs in Spanish (first language) and today was the first day I recorded it in English, so here it is:
Video Log day 9
Today was the first time I did a ‘no sense’ interaction, where the girl told me she had not been at the restaurant and I still asked her is liked it. I found it funny and I almost enjoyed it.
I did the drill relatively fast and I feel it is getting easier each day, which is a good sign.
In the video I talk about a scary thought that comes to my mind sometimes, which is that I might be able to complete the program but still be uncapable of approaching. Or even worse, to complete the program, be able to approach and still be uncapable to get results.
What I am trying to say is that reading other logs where guys are approaching like mad men and still not getting results is scary to me, really scary. However, I read this quote from @Squilliam that pushed me into taking action anyways (without guaranteed results):
Analyzing this rationally and stoically I should strive towards only focusing on things under my control, which right now is to complete each day’s drill.
Day 10 Drill (Level 2) – May 26, 2024
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Do you know if there is a movie theater near here?, Leave
- Time, Do you know if there is a movie theater near here?, Have you seen any good movies lately?, Leave
Completed the drill. Easier than usual because on day 6 I was already asking for directions to a movie theater as I was at a mall (rainy day) with a movie theater nearby.
What was super lame imo is that I got 0 recommendations for good movies. Even the positive reactions had no clue or hadn’t gone to see a movie lately.
Day 11 Drill (Level 2) – May 27, 2024
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, Leave
- Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Leave
- Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Do you like it? Leave
Today felt surprisingly easy considering the drill (mostly the “what phone do you have?” part). Remember it took me more than a year to get past week 1.
I had 2 interactions where I tried to stop the girl for time and she didn’t stop. That felt painful but I was able to mindfully recognize that feeling and keep on with the drill.
I liked a set where the girl opened google maps to help me find a cell phone store and my inner bitch was yelling in my head “tell her its ok, say thank you and leave” but my other side, the side that is pushing myself to grow, was like “Shut up pussy, let her search for that store”. I feel like I even had some fun with my inner dialogue during that interaction.
I managed to stay there, quiet, letting the girl do the search XD and feel weird. Eventually she found one after like 20/30 seconds but it was closed, and since I was standing there quiet she eventually said “sorry” and started leaving. Then I asked the following 2 questions, and she was so surprised and confused haha. I was ver satisfied with that performance.
I also liked another set where after asking the “what phone do you have” the girl challenged me with “Why are you asking” with an annoyed tone and my brain just said, out of nowhere, “I want to buy a phone so I want to know”. I liked that I said it in what seemed a more assertive than expected way. In fact, she conceded and told me what phone she had. Finally, after the last question I started walking in the opposite direction shed had pointed me in for the cell phone store. Even though I am not sure I did this intentionally I felt really good after acknowledging it.
Day 11 Drill (Level 2) – May 28, 2024 (repeated drill)
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, Leave
- Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Leave
- Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Do you like it? Leave
Day 11 Video log
Today I decided to repeat the drill for two reasons:
- I was not sure yesterday if I talked to the 20 girls or only 16.
- Chris encourages to repeat this day for some reason.
Set 1 - Annoyed girl
The girl starts getting annoyed and super confused with my cellphone questions, but instead of giving up I insist she answers, which felt good.
Set 2 - Repeat drill on nearby girl that listened previous drill
I ask for time and directions to store, leave, and then see another girl walking in the same direction as me and at the same pace, which means she probably heard me ask for time and directions to the previous girl. My initial and usual reaction is to try to create distance with this girl in order to not seem weird when doing the drill again with a different girl (as she would notice I am spamming the ‘do you have time’ question). However, instead of that, I mentally challenge myself to not only stay there but to ask THAT girl for time. Surprisingly she gave me time and answered the full set of questions with a positive tone.
Set 3 and 4 - Do the drill on couples but talking to the girl
I did the whole drill on 2 couples but directing all the questions to the girl, keeping eye-contact with her and semi-ignoring the guy (even though the guy was super positive trying to help me out with the time lol).
The fact that I tried to make it harder for myself cheered me up and gave me a lot momentum.
Squilliam
Member
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2021
- Goal
- Be happy
- Age
- 24
- Motto
- Pain is temporary, greatness lasts forever
The feelings of doubt from thinking you won't be able to successfully approach are valid. Even 600+ approaches in I still feel that way sometimes.
The truth is, you probably won't get results for awhile. It of course depends on your starting point and such, but this is not an easy shortcut to getting laid.
A lot of scammy PUAs will spout shit like, "you just need confidence to approach girls and you'll get laid!".
This could not be any further from the truth. In my opinion, approaching is a source of value, but a fairly negligible source. It's not enough value to get a girl to just hop into bed with you.
As a beginner you will get rejected hundreds if not thousands of times before you get laid once. This is precisely why most guys quit CA or don't even start in the first place. They can't handle the weight of all the rejections. It takes thick skin and a lot of perseverance to get past it. Fortunately, the more you get rejected, the easier it is to endure, and the less it bothers you. Furthermore, once you get one really horrible rejection, you'll realize that 99.9% of rejections will never match up to that.
And AA is only the first hurdle. Once you do the 500+ approaches or whatever you need to get over your AA, then there's actually learning game and that's something that takes a lot of time and effort.
I'm not saying this to discourage you. I'm just explaining the reality. The fact that it is so difficult also makes it extremely rewarding. I've made great friends with my wings, I'm a lot more socially competent, and even my online dating results have improved as a result of daygame.
The good news is that over time, it slowly but surely becomes easier to do things that are painful. This is because, you build the habit of doing what is hard but necessary, and also because you start to see some results, even if minor (a number, a date, etc).
My opinion is that you should start approaching actual girls ASAP. AA program is fine and all, but I think it is more beneficial to just start approaching. I never did much of the AA program myself and it worked out fine. But the first 100 approaches or so are definitely quite grueling.
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 12 Drill (Level 2) – May 29, 2024
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, Leave
- Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, I'm planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, Leave
- Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, I'm planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, I'm the sweetest guy ever, Leave
Video Log
Completed the drill.
On the 4th drill where I was saying the ‘I am the sweetest guy ever’ I got really nervous prior to saying it and when I finally had to say it I started laughing as my words came out, but I still said it. The reaction was positive as the girl started laughing too and left.
I acknowledged this urge to laugh/smile while talking and tried to force myself to say it with a serious tone, which I more or less managed to do.
Something I noticed is that when I finish the drill I tend to say “Thank you and smile”. Sometimes I would force myself not to say it just for the sake of it and I would have to focus super hard to keep my mouth shut once the girl responded the last question.
Last edited:
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 13 Drill (Level 2) – May 30, 2024
- Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
- Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, Leave
- Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, I got a promotion at work/Passed my test at school and I want to celebrate, Leave
- Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, I got a promotion at work/Passed my test at school and I want to celebrate, What type do you recommend?, Leave
Video Log
Completed the drill. Way easier for me than saying “I’m the sweetest guy ever” (yesterday’s drill).
Some girls even congratulated me for the promotion haha.
There were 2 girls that smiled from super close distance (for being a stranger) during the interaction and once I finished the drill they stood there, waiting for me to continue the questions. I was like “Ok, you can leave now”. I am still afraid of making it an actual approach.
However it has been 7 days in a row now completing the day’s drill, and I find it easier to do each day. That makes me feel happy and motivated.
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
Day 14 Drill (Level 2) – May 31, 2024
- Give 10 girls a high-five.
- Guesstimate how long it took you and record it in your AA Log.
Completed the drill. I think this was the hardest thing I did in my life (honestly). I almost postponed it for tomorrow but I managed to defeat that idea.
It was useful to use the ‘Get in there advice’ for the first one. It also helped the first one was a positive reaction that gave me an energetic high five.
I recorded 2 video logs: one after the first 10 high fives and the other after the next 10, and you can appreciate in the video that I am emotionally over stimulated. It comes out as laughter but I really fought inside and had a rough time.
There was one positive reaction that replied: “We don’t know each other” while giving me the high five, to what I answered, “There is no need to!”. I wanted to express that it was fine to give a stranger a high five, but I realized as she left that it appeared sooo rude, like saying “I high five you but I have 0 interest in knowing you”, but in a despective way. Maybe this was just in my head but I felt so sorry for it.
There was a group of girls which after high-fiving one of them chased me to ask me wtf was going on. I just replied it was a long story, to which they answered: “We have time!”. I had no clue what to say, so I stood there semi-laughing and repeated that it was too long of a story. Finally one of the girls said: “Does it make you uncomfortable to answer?”, to which I replied yes, and they left laughing. That was funny but still got me nervous.
I also got some ‘rejections’ where the high five was negated, which felt like shit. I noticed that it felt worse if other people noticed the rejection. In fact 'people noticing' felt more stressing than the rejection itself (social pressure I guess).
Anyways, I hope I can get to relax a bit as I repeat this more and more.
Onwards.
victorcr1
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2023
June 7, 2024 - Might need help, time, or both
It has been a week since I completed day 14 of the AAP (20 high fives) and I am struggling to continue. I went through some downs these last days and asked myself:“What is the smallest thing I am willing do to keep advancing?”
The answer I came up with was to post in this forum what is going on in my head atm and asking for help/advice on what to do next. So here it is:
The next day after completing day 14 I had a surf class with some friends and I decided I'd do the drill on my way to the surf class (another 20 high fives). I did relatively OK on the first 10 high fives. Then I relaxed for some minutes and right as I was arriving to the beach I tried to start the next 10. I got 2 'rejections' (negated high five) and arrived at the class.
Right as I arrived, I entered a super defeated mind state, caused by the emotional stress of the high five attempts, the last 2 high five ‘rejections’, and the fact that the surf teacher was such a good looking guy. This last thing made me feel sad and angry at the same time. Thoughts like 'this guy (the surf teacher) must get laid so easily' or 'I am not even close to this guy's looks nor will ever be, no matter how hard I work out or looks max'. It was bad. Thankfully the surfing got me back to a decent mental place, but the 'damage' (or awakening) was done.
Next day was Sunday and I decided to pause the drills to do some inner work and figure out where this is coming from. My reasoning was that I needed to acknowledge where all the inner pain was coming from and do something about it, as I think doing these drills should be challenging but not defeating (to the point where after completing them I should probably feel satisfied/good, not down and sad).
In regard to the mentioned 'inner work' I tried meditation, journaling, and also scheduled a session with my therapist, which I haven't seen since last December. So far this appeared in my mind:
Being ugly and unattractive no matter how much I max out. Until this point, I have been openly rejected very few times in my life (if any) but only because I have rarely, if ever, exposed myself to being openly rejected. I think this is an unconscious self-defense mechanism where I try to avoid situations where I could get rejected to protect my ego. This ego likes to think that I am not ugly, that I am attractive to women. It rationalizes that the reason I haven’t had success with women is because I have not really tried, not because I am unattractive.
This of course is bullshit, but my ego wants to believe this so bad. And doing the AA Program attempts to break this delusional matrix and force me to see reality as it is. And it is painful. In fact, I think all the anxiety I get during the drills is my body trying to ‘protect’ me from facing this harsh reality.
Trying to summarize it, my brain struggles between 2 opposing visions:
- Vision 1: I am attractive, hot, and successful. I don’t have sex because it is not my priority but at some point, girls will be interested and initiate on me. I just need to wait and keep improving myself.
- Vision 2: I am ugly and unattractive to women. In fact, as much as I work on myself and looks max, there is a chance I will remain unattractive to women since I am already in good shape and still don’t fuck.
Taking action and approaching women would let me know where I objectively stand (I hope somewhere in between) but I am too scared of vision 2 being true. Part of me prefers to remain in this blissful ignorance state, and that is why I think I get so anxious when trying to do the drills: my unconscious mind is trying to protect the first vision.
However, assuming visions 2 was true, as painful as it would be, the only rational move would still be to keep improving and approaching (keep taking action). Eventually I think it comes to deciding between taking the blue pill or the red pill. Staying home and remain happily ignorant or burn myself out there, face reality and try to fight for what I can get.
And there it is. I feel like dissecting my thoughts into these words will already be useful to me, so thanks for that. Any advice will be much appreciated.