Ravi, Year 3: Self-Improvement Log - Data-Driven, Incremental Growth. Feedback Welcome. Ego & Defenses, Dropping [XMAS MESSAGE FROM MAC]

One more for ya


I always loved these hardcase people, fucking trauma heads.

Go read about this guys life and your head will spin. Fucking brutal hardcase sadism.

And the mofo becomes a WORLD CHAMPION BOXER

In that era, when people a boxing world champion was godly.....the pinnacle of greatness

Hardcases & trauma heads 100% CAN be majorly successful in life

But it's a complex and multi year journey where you have to work on the RIGHT ISSUES

He was out for a while rehabbing himself. Working on his actual issues.

Got back in the ring, there's ring rust sure, but he arises again.

That will be what I do. Gotta go through my own "inner game rehab" and then, will go get what I seek.

BTW, I deeply believe in determination in life, people like Vinnie Paz, David Goggins, are why I called my business IRON WILL. But as I learned over the years, that iron will has to be dedicated to proper developmental work, which is for 85% of people, recovery, healing, relational recovery, inner game recovery, masculine rebuilding towards the "north stars of masculinity" Coach D talks about, and solving the INDIVIDUAL puzzle to allow them to perform at the highest level and win

The IW framework is still the correct method to solve the complex puzzle

Biology & Physiology
Structure & Habits
Inner Game


The problem is always within one of these 3 things and they evolve and go into different domains as you move through the journey

But at the end, is SUCCESS

-MAC

Checkins and posts rn are weird due to jeg lag whereby one is going to bed as per usual at 1030, laying awake until 830am, and then passing out. FML. lol. and then going through all the expulsion and trauma recovery kinda shit.

will be rekt for a bit. and then be better than ever.

in other news, since getting back last mon, and getting back on keto, down 7lbs!

feelsgoodmane

Wed 20/11/2024

(1) Business:
-Block 1: Coaching Delivery
-Client Calls: J, R, and J

(2) Body:
-Ketosis
-McKenzie, Knees Over Toes

(3) Inner Game:
-The Practice: Morning & Evening
-Guided Meditation

Others:
-Admin

Up at 6am. Out the door for a walk. Hour and a half of light, including sunrise.

I expect the circadian rhythm will reset in time.

Focus, clarity, and some drive coming back. Still quite compromised. This will be both healing & emotional work, as well as keto adaptation.

Patience....

Noticing a lot about myself. Latent shame, and some clear unconscious barriers towards others. I have a number of texts in my phone from friends I've known for years. I am experiencing a lot of resistance in simply replying

I recognise where these feelings come from. Over decades of adverse experiences, the unconscious mind, as a preservation mechanisms, erects these walls, creates these subtle sensations, and develops these patterns unconsciously, to keep us "safe".

Uncovering these deeper aspects of myself, is crucial for my ultimate success and realisation of human potential.

It's strangely gratifying, being able to handle this part of the work. Being in the self-improvement and dating mindset, none of this was possible to address. The mind is always in the mode of, well, I have to post content, I have to hit the gym, I have to improve my game, etc, etc. There was no mental bandwidth to address these things.

Quite understandable, really.

The journey has many parts. Fixing sticking point, after sticking point, until we are there

Something curious.....

As Pancake would say, you attract what you are. At a deeper level, among the literature, speaking on the subject of human relationships and bonding, I found this interview with Dr Gabor Mate quite evocative. Some things that stood out:

On his marriage to his wife:

"You will always attract and bond with people at the same level of traumatisation as you"

Similar to the idea of the girl is your mirror in game.

The first FWB I had, Nerd Girl back in the day, was an outlier case of traumatisation. Details will be spared here. I believe our casual relationship, was healing for us both, and helped us both get further along in our journey. I didn't understand the depths of my own wounds at the time, but as she exposed hers, which were utterly barbaric, I began to lament the lack of "quality" women I was attracting, blissfully ignorant of my own role in this part of the journey.

I was getting what I was getting, because I had not healed to the level where I could looksmaxx, gamemaxxx, archetype and locationmaxxx enough at the time. Fair enough, really.

All the women who were significant in this story so far, had similar patterns, similar strange previous experiences, and were more of the dysfunctional sort. This, showed signs of improvement eventually. This year was when I'd finally gotten the "quality experiences" I was looking for which allowed me to let go of my stubborn need for outcomes, and address the actual issues.

It's always about the actual issues in this stuff.

"Socialisation is a process that happens naturally when an individual feels good about themselves, is well individuated, and wants to connect"

Hmmmm. Aligns well with polyvagal theory, relational ability, and I suppose broader concepts of bioenergetic theory and what is is to be human.

Inner Game IS King, ultimately.

Constructing that inner game, is such a mess, and requires one to go through the Outer & Inner journey.

Outer was key for years. And got me here. There is no MAC who doesn't have to handle outer first.....

But this focus, at this stage, IS the right one.

Alright. Onwards.....

-R

MakingAComeback said:

"You will always attract and bond with people at the same level of traumatisation as you"

Click to expand...

That's been so unbelievably true for me, upward trajectory feels very nice. I've certainly lost a lot of ability to empathise with girls who have that trauma shell but the experiences became much more fulfilling.

Day was productive, focused, did my best. Made 5 videos for CMU which usually takes about 3hrs.

Did the work today. Made a little bit of content to keep IW ticking over.

Engagement drops a lot on all the social platforms if you're not posting consistently, understandably.

Bringing more stillness and space, a lot comes up, Feelings of latent emptiness, isolation, and the underlying wound, which was a lot stronger in previous years, and would hurt so much, I'd seek validation on the apps and on the approach, which seldom came.

The stress cycle of doing all of this journey with where my inner world was at, good lord I don't know how I did it for as many years as I did.

I can see, there is still a lot of pain there. But it is so, so much better than it was say last year when I would experience actual agony.

That's really good. I can tell, the work is helping. I feel like I have a long way to go though. I feel the deep sense of inner pain, the emptiness, the void, and soul wounds.

In the past, this feeling, was the impetus to grit my teeth, work harder, and tell myself If I went even harder, I'd find someone.

This, isn't how you want to proceed in life. It's a recipe for misery. I see that now.

All people have value and deserve to live joyfully. I am a lot more aware of the inner game dynamics at play, and this alone, helped a lot.

Just going to keep working at it and I will improve in my focus areas. As always.

Thanks,
-R

Just working on myself lads, will log a bit better, inner game work is most of the day tbh.

Jet lag is still a big factor but being compassionate with myself

All good.

Just doing my inner work and working on myself really.

Logging as objectively as I can. Feel alright. More peaceful.

Just going to stay consistent and chip away. Needed a week of time to sink into flow. Needed "me time".

Gotta be compassionate. Seasons in life. I am having to resist the urge to want to work a lot. That isn't the season right now.....And that's OK.

Will pick it up in Jan 2025.

Cheers,
-Ravi

It seems like you are affected very strongly by jet lag (as am I), I wonder if this would help on your next trip: https://www.timeshifter.com/the-jet-lag-app

pancakemouse said:

It seems like you are affected very strongly by jet lag (as am I), I wonder if this would help on your next trip: https://www.timeshifter.com/the-jet-lag-app

Click to expand...

Looks great, will install it. thanks bro!

Yes, the let lag did me good and propper. Felt depressed the first week. Slowly got better though. Should be OK in the next few days and will keep cracking on.

Got a session with Gav, continuing to dig deep. Seeing some good incremental gains

Feel a BIT less gaurded when chatting with my brother, def. not feeling the same triggers, which was interesting. He's looksmaxxed like crazy now, he gets people stopping, jaw dropping, and asking him if he's a model. And I am sincerely happy for him. He's worked on himself a lot. I used to be quite upset that I didn't have the looks, and he did, but I don't feel like that now. I am actually happy for the lad, and have seen the work he's put in. He's also quite humble with it which I can say I respect.

I see how much trauma he has, and how much it has affected him. I can also see the enormous dysfunctions of both my parents. Sad.

It's the first time in my own life, I can see all of this, be in it, and not feel any triggers, but actually breathe, and be rational, normal, and grounded. Really on the way to proper freedom from suffering I'd say.

Def. see this as a full on, serious project. It's going to be like the first year of game. A lot of focus. Def. got enormous levels of baggage to work through, and can embrace it like an adult - this is the season for producing a grounded and capable, positive, healthy, and aligned man.

The rest should be OK after that. My brother while a lot better looking than me in facial features, shows me what is possible when a guy is properly lean. I've not been below 15% this whole time. He got a lot, lot more blackpilled while I was away, has gone down the rabbit hole of facial structure and stuff, and did a facial analysis on my old photo (lmao).


According to the blackpill analysis of the younger Sandhu, I was 15%, had "decent facial structure", but a terrible nose, and will need a rhinoplasty, as well as to get to 10% bf.

I am glad to say I was chucking to myself as he outlined this. I don't think I truly care at this time. Interesting. My brother is clearly going through his own journey. I hope he lets go of this stuff in time. I also noticed how he is holding massive amounts of anger at his ex, which was a 5 yr relationship, broken up years ago, and he is still angry. I didn't know this, but my Mum told me when they broke up, he cried himself to sleep for months.....I was in London and didn't know.

Trauma IMO. He has similar wounds to me. All of us in that household coming up the way we did got shattered. Everyone was affected to the bone.

I am glad I can see this all now, and not be hurt. Feels like a significant era.

Enjoying it tbh. Becoming a bit happier, enjoying life more. Just subtle things. Music. Conversation. Can see I am still gaurded, and the way I am speaking to my bro, I am catching some red flags about myself. If I am seeing these, imagine what women were seeing the first 2 years.....fuck......

Will be sorted. Gonna crack into "the work" this weekend and have a good inner game weekend.

Cheers,
-Ravi

Sunday 24th

Life Admin: 2hrs
Reading: 2hrs
Guitar, Singing: 1hr 39
Writing: 1hr
Inner Game Call: 2hrs
Healing: 2hrs - Breathwork / Meditation / Journalling / Yoga

Good weekend. Lots of life admin, insured my car, made some payments, working on assembling a home content creation studio for IW & CMU. Listening to great music, had a good inner game call w/ JourneyToOptimal. Fasted successfully yesterday. 24hr fast. Down 1lb. WIN. Weight loss, is rather slow. I expect this is due to the jet lag. Still within it's grip, to be truthful. Getting around 3hrs of sleep a night. Doing all I can - sunrise, day time light exposure, etc. It will reset. The body will get the message.

Being as sleep deprived as I am, my mood, is still very flat. I am not, however, experiencing the dark side, like I did in the old days. Appears as if this has begun to shift. Very incrementally, mind. As ever with these things, it's 0.01% at a time.

This is the longest I've been without using the apps, or approaching, since I began this log. This, feels great. I am proud of myself. To have respect for myself as a man, and as a leader, and to truly let go of this, is a badge I wear with pride. It was so hard for me to stop, for so many years, because I was in my core too deeply wrapped up in conflict, which wasn't going away while in the game.

A lot of mental bandwidth opens up when you stop. Life, looks and feels a tonne better.

If you are reading this post, and at some point in your journey expect dating is making you miserable, you have my permission to stop ;-)

Life gets a lot better after you start taking your break, from what I've seen. The underlying stress starts to go away. And enjoyment of life starts to return. Very cool. Let;'s see what it's like in 6 more months, with my biology back on an even keel. Some way to go. We're very early on in this chapter.

Monday 25th November 2024

Actions

(1) Business:
-Block 1: Coaching
-Block 2: Thought Leadership

(2) Body:
-Ketosis
-KoT / McKenzie

(3) Inner Game:
-IW Protocol: 2 x
-Breathwork
-Yoga

Others:
-Life Admin

MakingAComeback said:

Good weekend. Lots of life admin, insured my car, made some payments, working on assembling a home content creation studio for IW & CMU. Listening to great music, had a good inner game call w/ JourneyToOptimal. Fasted successfully yesterday. 24hr fast. Down 1lb. WIN. Weight loss, is rather slow. I expect this is due to the jet lag. Still within it's grip, to be truthful. Getting around 3hrs of sleep a night. Doing all I can - sunrise, day time light exposure, etc. It will reset. The body will get the message.

Being as sleep deprived as I am, my mood, is still very flat. I am not, however, experiencing the dark side, like I did in the old days. Appears as if this has begun to shift. Very incrementally, mind. As ever with these things, it's 0.01% at a time.

This is the longest I've been without using the apps, or approaching, since I began this log. This, feels great. I am proud of myself. To have respect for myself as a man, and as a leader, and to truly let go of this, is a badge I wear with pride. It was so hard for me to stop, for so many years, because I was in my core too deeply wrapped up in conflict, which wasn't going away while in the game.

A lot of mental bandwidth opens up when you stop. Life, looks and feels a tonne better.

If you are reading this post, and at some point in your journey expect dating is making you miserable, you have my permission to stop ;-)

Life gets a lot better after you start taking your break, from what I've seen. The underlying stress starts to go away. And enjoyment of life starts to return. Very cool. Let;'s see what it's like in 6 more months, with my biology back on an even keel. Some way to go. We're very early on in this chapter.

Monday 25th November 2024

Actions

(1) Business:
-Block 1: Coaching [done]
-Block 2: Thought Leadership [done - 1 social post / 1 reel ]

(2) Body:
-Ketosis [done[
-KoT / McKenzie [fail]

(3) Inner Game:
-IW Protocol: 2 x [fail]
-Breathwork [fail]
-Yoga [fail]

Others:
-Life Admin [done]

Click to expand...

Quite a lot of time was spent with life admin.

Day was fine.

Sticking to the diet. DId my best. Sleep hopefully starts to improve. A sign of a body going through ketosis is sleep disturbances. This has been 2 and a bit weeks now. I look forward to it shifting fully.

Back in the gym tomorrow!

Bodyfat, will start coming down nicely.

A lot to optimise in my life. It's not settled in yet. Lots of room for improvement. Lots.

Diet can be optimised a lot, training hasn't even resumed yet, tracking/measurement of body and bodyfat also would help here.

Sleep has to stabilise first.

Feeling quite good, and was able to be productive for hours and hours. Did the 4 x 90min blocks which is my gold standard with no effort.

Not a bad day at all. Just far from optimal and the various layers aren't there yet. Until sleep is solid, the rhythm won't be there. It will come.

Plan for tomorrow:

Tue 25th Nov 2024

Actions

(1) Business:
-Block 1: Coaching
-Block 2: Thought Leadership

(2) Body:
-Gym: Push
-Ketosis
-KoT / McKenzie

(3) Inner Game:
-The Practice
-Reading
-Breathwork

Others:
-Haircut

Gym done. First session back!

Strength down, understandably, but nothing major.


A lot, will tighten up, over the next few weeks.

Lots and lots to optimise here. Diet, supplements, tracking/measuring. The workout itself, I think is fine, and serves the purposes of my goals - maintain as much muscle mass as humanly possible while I get down to 10% bodyfat.

Step by step. None of my current process / day flow even meets IronWill standards.

Sleep (jet lag) & profound inner game shifts, are what I attribute this to.

Proper self improvement, and working on yourself the correct way, is about balance, wholeness, and smart, careful, systematic implementation.

You should be able to show your results each day, and they should be solid. Each 1 day is a constituent of an overall year, and if each day is not optimal, neither will one's year be.

It takes sometimes weeks to get back into proper flow. One should exercise deep self compassion during such times.

-Ravi

Going to get an early night, if the body plays ball.

Stress hormones too high post-gym. Body just isn't aligned yet. Not playing ball.

Gotta heed the call, and give it what it needs. Lower stress, and be patient.....

It will perform like I need it to.

Plan for tomorrow:

Wedneday 27th Nov 2024
(1) Business:
-Block 1: Coaching
-Block 2: IW Content
-Coaching Calls: 1 on 1 clients

(2) Body:
-Fast
-McKenzie / KoT

(3) Inner Game:
-The Practice: 2 x
-Breathwork
-Reading/Study

Others:
-Morning & Evening Process
-Admin / Life Work

Actually finally got decent quality sleep last night. WIN.

Weight was oddly up 4lbs after my first session back. The body is complex. I am not tracking my kcals. Just focusing on ketosis. I will start tracking, from tomorrow. Today, I am fasting.

I had an odd dream about the girl I dated for only a short few weeks earlier this year. It was more of a travel romance, though very fantastic, and I must admit, I was rather in love with the lady, despite the experience teaching me she was not a good fitment at all.

I enjoyed the experience, for it's emotional depth, and also aspects of her which I liked a lot. My physical attraction for her, was quite low, but I was drawn to various aspects of her being. And repelled by others.

It was the strangest of dreams. And off that it would happen, given little thought being directed towards her, or other women I've dated. It wasn't emotionally painful, or anything of this sort, to have this dream. I think it is a sign of progression. Our unconscious sifts through things and helps us evolve.

Truly, it is not the season.

I am quite content with my current focus, on myself, inner game, and in a month I'd say, business growth.

I can say quite safely, that is where I am at. Improving, becoming better.

-R

Yesterday, was superb. Many happy hours picking my guitar back up after 3 hardcore years in self-improvement, living on the road going around the world.

Also resumed my study of the Spanish language.

Weight was 226lbs this morning. Not tracking, means things are all over the shop. There is no excuse for this. I will tighten this up.

That said, this week, function returned after 2 weeks of jet lag hell, an experience partially comparable to low smv hell, though the smouldering lakes of fire are not adorned with the same signage (it's ovER), the lived experience is comparable.

Yesterday, was very much Gandy heaven. Motivated, driven, inspired, couldn't stop myself working to be honest and was showing old MAC workaholism signs....I caught myself at about midnight and forced myself to stop. The demon must be controlled. I must be careful with that.

Holding myself accountable.

Daily plan to come.

Thur 28th Nov 2024

Morning:
-Motivation Playlist: 1hr
-Inner Game: The Practice
-Sunrise
-Breakfast

Now.........

(1) Business:
-Coaching Delivery
-Study / Critical Thinking

(2) Body:
-Gym: Pull
-Nutrition

(3) Inner Game:
-The Practice
-Motivation

Others:
-Spanish: 2hrs
-Guitar Practice
-Admin

MakingAComeback said:

Yesterday, was superb. Many happy hours picking my guitar back up after 3 hardcore years in self-improvement, living on the road going around the world.

Also resumed my study of the Spanish language.

Weight was 226lbs this morning. Not tracking, means things are all over the shop. There is no excuse for this. I will tighten this up.

That said, this week, function returned after 2 weeks of jet lag hell, an experience partially comparable to low smv hell, though the smouldering lakes of fire are not adorned with the same signage (it's ovER), the lived experience is comparable.

Yesterday, was very much Gandy heaven. Motivated, driven, inspired, couldn't stop myself working to be honest and was showing old MAC workaholism signs....I caught myself at about midnight and forced myself to stop. The demon must be controlled. I must be careful with that.

Holding myself accountable.

Daily plan to come.

Click to expand...

Winner within jam sessions incoming haha

pancakemouse said:

To add context, he had chronic OCD.

Click to expand...

Wanted to wait for a bit, to respect Johnny (RIP).

He did, yes, and was suffering for decades.

His case was complex, and he didn't solve it.

I am a former severe clinical anxiety sufferer, who had:

-Severe anxiety, so bad I couldn't leave my room for 2 years
-Generalised Anxiety Disorder
-Phobias
-Panic Attacks
-Obsessions (Like Johnny)

I was on a LONG road to recovery, went through the medical route, which failed, and then had to figure it out myself.

Exposure therapy, helps a bit, but also can perpetuate these disorders.

Instead, I figured out how to solve the problem, via:

-Neuroplasticity, Sublimation, Brain change
-Breathwork, Airway development
-Biohacking, Mitochondrial Rejuvenation, Cold Thermogenesis
-Reducing brain inflammation

It is a complex and multifaceted problem.

And if your symptoms are not going down, you are not solving the problem.

I can say, it is very hard to heal and fix inner game issues, while confronting and doing exposure therapy, as one stays in their triggers, affirming to the limbic system that there is indeed a threat.

Sadly, this chap didn't see the big picture, didn't understand full recovery well enough, and it got to where it did.

The sad truth is, to fix these problems, which are complex, multifaceted, and multi dimensional, it takes tremendous ability to connect the dots, understand the big picture of how these issues interconnect, and you have to be able to deconstruct them, and reverse engineer wellness.

It is hard, and yet, possible. I have recovered from very complex and difficult mental & physical issues. Which few human beings do.

Hardcases, which are what Johnny was, are a major red flag. And them getting into game and self improvement, needs to be managed carefully. I believe people who are not healed, re-traumatise themselves by doing this, and perpetuate their pain and suffering. Not all cases are alike; I believed I was destined to remain a virgin forever, and had to disconfirm this belief in order to continue my life.

Bottom line here is, if one is STILL suffering after a few years....they HAVE TO CHANGE SOMETHING

I recovered, grew, and changed a lot. A lot. But part of me remained unhealed, and hence, I am stepping away to heal more in 2025.

Deep anxiety, is entirely fixable. Doing exposure therapy, for years, and STILL thinking this is going to fix you....This is just nuts......I did 2k approaches in my early 20s and it didn't do much for my anxiety levels, they escalated after that.

Because this is a complex subject with a lot of moving parts.

If more people were speaking about mental health and inner game, perhaps more would wake up.

Sad. And I can see the guy is missed by a lot of people. But what is more sad to me, is that he suffered and was miserable for most of his life. That, is trageic.

Yeeeeeeeeeee that slaps a little dont it

LOL @ these hoes getting cucked to mother fuck by Giga Stacy Jolene

It's fucking over!

Alright..........

Day so far is solid. Quality coaching call with an OG client, Jeff. Big breakthroughs with him.

Onwards now.

Friday 29th Nov 2024

(1) Biz:
-Coaching Delivery
-Coaching Calls
-IW Content Work

(2) Body:
-Gym: Pull
-Nutrition
-McKenzie & KoT

(3) Inner Game
-The Practice
-Breathwork
-Mindset

Others:
-Guitar
-Spanish
-Admin

Notes:

Couldn't train yesterday, brother took my car without asking me. MOGGED.