So, here’s my full story
I was born to a conservative Muslim family (this gives context to my situation later). I was a really shy kid (probably had undiagnosed social anxiety disorder), was always good academically. Was bullied a bit from primary to middle school but nothing eventful happened during this period.
So, my problem started when I became a teenager and puberty, it was at this point I realized I am no longer religious. Started resenting my parents as I realized they’d never accept me as an atheist. It was also during this time, I discovered self improvement through reddits getdisciplined. I also befriended a really good-looking popular guy during this time (this also affected me a lot).
After hanging out with above mentioned popular guy I saw how girls interacted with him. He could be the biggest asshole and girls would still hookup with him and basically worship him.This really disheartened me as it was at this point I realized I was not attractive facially (based on the words and actions of girls). I remember at this point my friends were encouraging me to talk to this girl and even kind of introduced me to her but she was like: ‘I’m out of his league”. Ouch, that really hurt. It was at this point I went to my first ever parties but due to my social anxiety and strict parents couldn’t really make the most out of this. But, I realized the kind of life I missed out on.
It was also at this point, that I started to get bullied a lot by the above mentioned “friend” and basically the entire school. I guess people realized I had some sort of mental health issue and didn’t really have a lot of friends which made me an easy target. Got beaten up physically everyday. Couldn’t really tell anyone about this.
I just decided to focus on school and transfer to this other school (which I eventually did). So, the summer before starting my A’Levels (at another school), I started lifting .Was Skinny Fat when I started, Decided to bulk and followed a PPL program. Did this for 2 months, made some newbie gains, some of my past T-shirts got tighter. I entered this new school with a little more confidence (which would eventually crumble).
So, basically during first week of new school, I approach this girl but she got weirded out and said “This is getting creepy”. At that point, due to me being entirely insecure about my looks I treated this as a “If I was better looking she wouldn’t have said that”. This was also backed by when I saw a really good looking friend of mine talk to her and she was really receptive.
It was at this point I genuinely became depressed, I realized I couldn’t do anything about my face and no amount of lifting would make me attractive. It was also at this point I discovered The Red Pill and sluthate.com. Sluthate was really toxic, According to them I was a 2/10 facially and was basically destined to be an incel forever. The Red Pill also heavily influenced my stance on Women
One beacon of hope came when I stumbled upon GoodookingLoser.com Forums and discovered the post “How Losing Fat can make your face attractive”
https://theredarchive.com/blog/Good...e-good-looking-how-much-losing-face-fat.35086
After reading this post I decided to start cutting. Followed GLL diet (can’t find link for it anymore). In 3-4 months I got down to 130 lbs (10-12% bodyfat) . Had abs and face leaned down. Had a jawline. Also I don’t know if it was me just finishing puberty or just the increased testosterone from lifting but my face got slightly more masculine and better looking. It was during my fat loss journey that I experimented with Ritalin (for studying and appetite suppression), which in hindsight was a really stupid move as soon I needed to really up the dose and was taking it daily.
After I stopped Ritalin, I had a withdrawal phase, came out to my parents regarding my mental health issues(GLL actually convinced me to get help). Went to see a doctor and thereafter a psychiatrist. Got on an anti-depressant initially which completely cured my depression and anxiety (it probably made me manic). So i started my 2nd year of A Levels. I started Posting shirtless pics on Instagram. I finally had girls talking about me (I would often hear from female friends or on social media that xyz girls was talking about my abs and if i was single). This cured my validation and insecurity issues completely. However, I was new to this stuff and due to my socially awkward nature managed to screw up some chances.
Though my mental health was better, I still had some concentration problems (thought it was ADHD but infact was schizophrenia). I had to stay in a psychiatric unit for about a week. Got on antipsychotics and took a gap year and decided to rejoin school next year. Due to a combination of getting on antipsychoitcs (increased my appetite a lot) and deciding to bulk and powerlfit I gained around 30kg in around 6 months (a really dumb mistake to dirty bulk this much), I thought was getting muscular since my lifts were going up, but I was just getting fat
Come next year, I decided to give my exams privately. Basically became a shut-in for 2 years. Let my appearance go completely. Got upto 110kg (~35% + bodyfat). Stopped caring about my style, hairstyl skincare and basically everything. All I did was study all day long. It was also at this point that I developed an unhealthy attitude toward food. I would lose 17kg in 7 weeks and regain it back in 4. Did this multiple times
After 2 years I started university, but I had basically zero confidence starting this as I was obese, had a fat face. Upon entering university, I basically developed a habit of overthinking stuff. The academic experience was so challenging that I basically had zero time for anything else. This alogn with my strict parents, I became depressed again seeing all these people enjoy their lives and party their ass off. I actually developed a complex (GLL also talks about this a lot), that all these people were wasting their lives and I will come out successful in the end (but this was not true).
Currently, in my second last year of university, my goal is to finally have a social life. I have not planned a hangout with anyone for the last 6 years. So, my goal is to remedy this. For this, I need some form of income (so I can move out of my parents house, they pay for my college but anything else I have to cover).
