Checking text messages compulsively!!! Help!

[MILFandCookies]

Hey guys, new to this forum, excited to dive. the. fuck. in.

With girls and even with friends, I often obsessively check my phone after I send a text... Often double texting, rereading my text to see if I should clarify something... I am 100% sure 50% of the girls I text wouldn't have decided to ghost if I had more control over myself... Based on my degree in BroScience. I like to over-communicate and I hate leaving things vague - and I hate waiting for texts and not knowing when or if it'll come.

What can I do to 1) change my actions and text only as needed and 2) change my emotions so I'm not worried in between texts from someone?

Cheers,
~J

 

[Lionel]

The answer to both of your questions is to change a little bit of how you see your place in your relationships. You recognize that you have this problem where you over-communicate details and that you hate vagueness. Is this because non-verbal messaging in general can leave you with a somewhat anxious feeling (for lack of better word) where you want to make sure you've conveyed to the other person exactly what you want them to know? If this guess of mine about you is right, then the solution is that you need to hammer it into yourself that simple is better with texting - texting should be like following a binary flow chart more than writing out a proper contract.

With texting, you've really got to ask yourself (until it becomes instinct), "What's the ultimate takeaway I want the other person to get from this". For example, if you're interested in grabbing a burger with your buddy, there's so many ways you can text him. "Hey bro, do you want to grab burgers this Sunday", versus, "Hey bro, do you want to grab burgers from generic burger shack around noon this upcoming Sunday". They both basically convey the same message - the extra details are unnecessary until you've confirmed that (a) your buddy is free on Sunday and (b) they're interested in grabbing burgers with you. Keeping things simple makes responding a lot easier for the other guy to respond, and as a result of this, you'll find that your text conversations flow smoother as you get better at this. Plus it'll make your conversations much more efficient so that you're spending less time on communication and more time doing stuff.

As for girls specifically, I found this texting guide to be amazing: http://web.archive.org/web/20200809180203/http://authorcloud.co/MrVs-Guide-To-Texting-Girls-dq16ldatn

 

[MILFandCookies]

Thanks much both of y'all.
Tim Cook has me by the balls - no iPhone equivalent :|
Nice guide. He's got some funny texts. I like your analogy of texting being less "contract-y" and more "flowchart-y." Ignites the coder within me.

Edit: I just realized... I've got nice guy shit still. This comes from trying to make other people feel happy/not make them worry. I just gotta practice not taking responsibility for others' feels.

 

[MILFandCookies]

Took advice from the text guide. Thanks Lionel.
Also shoutout to KillYourInnerLoser for the Tinder guide. Followed the text advice.

Last 4 texts are today. Everything else is last week, before the text guide.
Writing texts that don't need responses is a superpower.

 

[TimmyTurner]

Quick one - iPhone equivalent would be screen time. It isn’t perfect but it’ll force you to remember that there’s a reason you blocked a certain app (or in my case all apps until the evening).

 

[Calis]

joe_ronimo Indeed, the technique seems to work. It's like you put less pressure on her. I will test that for sure.

Thanks for the guide Lionel