Dating progress (getting hot girlfriend)

[fabiano]

Hi there,

I am Fabiano, I am an Italian 32 year old living in Barcelona. I am virgin, 5'1 tall (155 cm), with a big belly because of health issues I have had since birth and by the time I am writing this post I have done 722 daygame approaches over the course of 2 years. Got 6 dates - almost all of them put me in the friendzone from the getgo.

My goal is getting a hot GF. I was approaching only attractive women, but over the last 50 approaches I started to approach 5+ as suggested by a dating coach I worked with in the past to gradually increase quality of targets as I get results and as I get better. Manganiello on this forum suggested the same.

I am really frustrated and sad, I can't see progress.

 

[Squilliam]

Your best bet is to approach your looksmatch, maybe slightly higher.

If you're 5'1" and overweight, you shouldn't be expecting to get reception from super hot girls.

Daygame is still quite blackpilled. Not as much as online or nightgame, but it still is. You're approaching random girls on the street who have no real reason to stop and talk to you.

This isn't to say that game can't help at all, but in general, you're mostly going to be getting girls who are roughly as attractive as you, maybe slightly higher. Even with good game, I think there's a limit to it.

I think the advice of approaching 5+ girls is good. Being excessively picky is doing you no favors if you're not getting results.

If you keep ending up in a friend frame, that means you're likely too non-sexual and "puppy" in terms of your vibe. I have the same problem. A lot of girls I'd go out with from daygame would treat me like a friend.

 

[fabiano]

Thanks, man. I really appreciate your advice.

What do you propose then as an alternative strategy or tweak? Cause not getting the result I want is not negotiable. We are not here to be average and get average results, or low ratios. We are here to do what's necessary.

The disabled Squirmy and Grubs or Nick Vujicic are examples of situations where what you guys call SMV didn't matter. In the case of Squirmy and Grubs, he was earning 25k a year when they met, so there wasn't even the money excuse that could have attracted that cute wife. She just had the chance to find him as he was on a YouTube documentary, so here we just might need to change the "marketing" strategy.

With Hinge/Tinder I had 2 cute Colombian women interested in me out of 25 dates I went to over the course of a year. But I declined both because one of them had a darker skin than what I thought (I am not attracted to dark skinned women, although I recognise she was cute) and the other one wanted an open relationship. I should have taken the opportunity with the one who wanted the open relationship just to get experience with sex.

I stopped using apps because Tinder wasn't working anymore and I don't want to only use 1 app because if it goes bankrupt where am I going to get dates (Hinge works much better because I can rely on the first message I send, not just on photos like on other apps)? Last week I installed Bumble again (hasn't worked last time) so I am trying to use dating apps again (Hinge + Bumble). I have 2 dates this week from these 2 apps. However, I am not convinced about the quality of women I can consistently get on apps. Also, by only doing online game I don't train my social skills frequently to get prepared for the dates - if I don't do daygame as well 3-4x / week.

 

[Holden]

SMV always matters. Rather than assuming you witness the equivalent of a miracle (where the laws of nature suddenly stop existing so an exception to them can occur) better to assume there is something happening you don't know about. That Squirmy and Grubs couple for example. First of all they live on social media so they have a fantasy to sell just like every other influencer. Secondly, who's to say she's not sleeping with other men on the side? Either with the guy's blessing or without. You're just taking their word for it and basing your worldview on that?

Even if I put aside my cynicism (they have a very strong financial incentive to stay together and sell the image of a happy couple and lie about how they started as a couple) I'd find it very hard to believe she's not sleeping with other guys. I'm not even opposed to that but later in your post you say that the Colombian girl who wanted an open relationship was a dealbreaker so apparently you do.

The point is you don't know what any other relationship is like behind closed doors, that's true of ordinary couples on the street and that's doubly true for couples who make their money as a couple on social media.

That said, SMV is about more than just looks. You can punch above your weight looks-wise through status.

If you were a famous movie actor your problems would be solved. The question you have to ask is how close you can get with the existing skills you have or skills that you can reasonably develop with your talents and time.

Figure out where you can get status, become the top dog, and date a girl from that scene.

Three examples off the top of my head are: dancing, photography, rigging in the bdsm scene. All these guys tend to punch above their weight. If you became the best salsa dancer in your city, starting giving lessons, etc. That's a huge status boost and you'd get a girlfriend that way, with a girl who's into salsa.

More broadly, guys in prestigious careers also punch above their weight. Software engineer - no. Doctor or lawyer - yes.

If I were you, I'd spend my time doing two things. 1) Find a girl and keep her around to get experience with sex and women in general, and 2) join a subculture (dancing) and work your way up the ranks and attain status there.

Broadly speaking, anything that involves an audience is conducive to status. Dancing, stand-up comedy, acting, singing, playing in a band. Depends on your existing talents and skills.

If you can play guitar for example, you'd do much better with women by performing live with a band than you would if you spammed another 1000 approaches.

 

[Vamos]

Buongiorno bello,

i have some questions: What is your job and your financial background? Would “locationmaxing” be an option for you?

I don't want to be offensive, if so please let me know and I'll delete the comment. But being 155cm is unfortunately not a bonus. I wish the world and people were different, but it is what it is. However, I have seen men your height in Asia or some countries in Latin America who had super great gfs.

Edit: I saw you work as "managing digital advertising campaigns". I have no idea about your field, but could you work remotely?

 

[fabiano]

In Barcelona there are plenty of LatinAmerican women (same language), so I am relatively covered for that. I mainly approach Latin American women.

 

[Rice]

You went on 25 dates from Hinge in a year and nothing happened? Unless they were all unattractive and thats why u didn't try anything. I think u might already have enough SMV to date. Just need to improve ur date game.

I don't think theres anyone I know either here or in person who got laid from cold approach who can't also get laid from online dating. In theory yeah when u cold approach, its possible to punch above ur weight class in looks but in practice ur prob not going to anytime soon or u wouldn't be in ur situation. So its better bang for your buck to focus on online dating first.

Online dates are always easier to make something happen than from cold approach. Simply because by being on the app, the girl is already mentally committed to dating or even sex. If u stop a random girl on the street she may be open to you, but not in the mood yet. Which means u need to put her in the mood on the date.

 

[fabiano]

Thanks guys for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

@Vamos Also keep in mind that both Colombian women that were interested in me (and that I haven't purposedly closed by choice, making a mistake) that I met via apps were both around 15 cm taller than me, which is about 5 inches (myself being 5'1 and them 5'6).

@Rice I think I might focus on online dating first. But in the meantime it's hard for me to get focused on other activities after work. Daygame is the best way that keeps me social, helps me speak Spanish consistently and gives me the opportunity to build a social circle as well. I met a friend there (good looking) but she friendzoned me but already invited me to an event with her friends and at least by doing daygame I might do something. I have recently started doing Yoga as well because I had to stop boxing because of a knee problem.

 

[Squilliam]

Why don't you get some height inserts or at least platform shoes? I don't have personal experience with that, but you can probably get yourself to at least 5'3" or even 5'4" that way. Then you'd at least be as tall as the average girl.

Rice is honestly right though. 25 dates and no lays means you're definitely doing something wrong. Your SMV is good enough to date if you're getting that many dates.

And he's also absolutely correct that online is easier to get laid from than daygame. You can get laid just from finding a girl who is super into you, you don't even need game.

Daygame is much harder. I'll say personally that it took me 1,300 approaches to get laid from daygame, and I had at least 7 or 8 lays from online by the time I started.

It's not for the faint of heart. It's an unbelievably brutal process, and an incredibly rewarding one. But it's a lot of work for very little payoff when you're first starting out.

 

[fabiano]

I used inserts in the past and I was up to 5'5. They fucked up my feet and had to stop using them.

From online dates I got 2 good looking women liking me (I explained earlier why I didn't go forward with them) who were each around 5'6 tall without myself using inserts (I am 5'1 tall).

 

[Zug]

When I was starting out, I would go on a date with any girl I found attractive in anyway. I don't understand being more picky than that when the issue is lack of skill and experience. Its not about settling, lowering your standards, or any other such nonsense. Its about getting the skills you need quickly and efficiently. You're already starting from behind, don't sabotage your progress by turning down dates because the girls skin color is slightly different than what you prefer.

I think one reason guys get picky like this early on is because its less painful to fail with a pretty woman than one you're not excited about. My advice is to get over it.

We are not here to be average and get average results, or low ratios. We are here to do what's necessary.

 

[Squilliam]

I used inserts in the past and I was up to 5'5. They fucked up my feet and had to stop using them.

From online dates I got 2 good looking women liking me (I explained earlier why I didn't go forward with them) who were each around 5'6 tall without myself using inserts (I am 5'1 tall).

Get platform shoes then. Easily adds 2 inches to your height. At your height you need any boost you can get.

I second Zug. You are not in a position to be extremely picky. You're already playing catch-up given your age and experience level. You can be picky once you get enough experience. Right now, you're a virgin. Go on dates with girls that you're even moderately attracted to. Those two girls you rejected, those were not good reasons.

 

[fabiano]

Thanks for the advice guys. I am using apps again and got a date yesterday, another one tomorrow and some more that I have in the pipeline for next week. I am going on dates with women I am moderately attracted to. Also, I am slowing down with escalation and physical contact as I have done it too much on dates in the past, putting too much pressure on the women. I am not going to use raised shoes again, my feet and knee have suffered enough already. I can get to my goal regardless, I am just going to get a bit more rejections.

 

[Zug]

Thanks for the advice guys. I am using apps again and got a date yesterday, another one tomorrow and some more that I have in the pipeline for next week. I am going on dates with women I am moderately attracted to. Also, I am slowing down with escalation and physical contact as I have done it too much on dates in the past, putting too much pressure on the women. I am not going to use raised shoes again, my feet and knee have suffered enough already. I can get to my goal regardless, I am just going to get a bit more rejections.

Respect, great mindset. Hope the dates go well.