SIGMA_1234
Member
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2020
Hey guys, I've shared this in a separate Telegram group, but I would like to ask this forum about this, too.
While I am sending my resumes and doing web design work, I cannot shake the feeling that there is this fear/ inertia in me that is keeping me from pursuing things like a madman and excel like I used to in uni. This is impacting my ability to work, so I decided to do a bit of reading about it.
Then, I read this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201210/failure-launch-male-and-stuck-home
This article described a phenomenon called "Failure to Launch", basically describing early to mid-20s men unable to kickstart their life by getting a job/ starting a business and moving out of home. The case study of that article is someone who is 25 but didn't finish college and is just lazing off in the couch of his parents smoking weed.
Contrast that to mine (also will add brutal honesty): I am gonna be 25 (holy fuck) this November. No drug problems. I graduated with flying colors at uni; but I think I am scared of what a job/ business entails is completely different from a student. And I am still struggling to differentiate from my student persona to put on my big boy pants. I think what contributed to this, too, was that I became an unwilling bum for a year when I wasn't clear of what I wanted to do for a career, yet, and I think that contributed to my life inertia, too. Maybe that's because I did so well at uni, that I never thought about my next step and plan after graduating, so maybe another reason I bummed out, too.
Reading that article, I can see it's designed to book a call with the psychiatrist linked there, so I just got the information only. But the condition he described really resonated with what I feel right now. That article (and a few others linked inside) noted that these men:
-) are afraid of competition ("what if someone is better at my job than I am? I'm not good enough and I'll just be replaced")
-) are afraid of failure ("what if I got my place and I fail and move back at home again? what if my venture fails? what if no one really wants to hire me because I came from an elite uni and we have a reputation of being enititled?")
-) are afraid of success ("what if success isn't what it's all cracked up to be? what if I really don't like this and I just get responsibilities I don't like?")
-) avoidant/ aversive to stress (work stress, business stress, etc.)
-) too sheltered in childhood and unwilling to explore the real world (grew up in an upper middle class family, everything provided. Why move out?)
The article also included nonsense (still true but not affecting me as it should) like less job opportunities and tougher economy, but that's not stopping me because I am doing web design work, helping in the family business, and submitting resumes to keep myself busy. Also getting laid on the side; a bit tougher because I have to screen more girls but there's enough wanting to meet me. But these 5 bullets are what I am struggling and keeping me from "launch", per se. And I believe this will keep me from firing in all cylinders in money, getting laid, and independence.
What I am doing right now:
-) article states that doing something is better than nothing. Thankfully, I broke my bum spell by sending resumes again and starting my online business.
-) matching with girls in Tinder and Bumble. Maybe some flirting and opposite sex interaction will inspire me to compete and be a better man.
I am really doing my best to sort out my mindset. I want to be in peak mindset and performance when lockdowns lift. I am sick of staying in my condition. If any guys can share tips on how they transitioned to being independent from being college students, it will definitely help. A mix of tips and a healthy slap of reality and tough love will be appreciated.
While I am sending my resumes and doing web design work, I cannot shake the feeling that there is this fear/ inertia in me that is keeping me from pursuing things like a madman and excel like I used to in uni. This is impacting my ability to work, so I decided to do a bit of reading about it.
Then, I read this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201210/failure-launch-male-and-stuck-home
This article described a phenomenon called "Failure to Launch", basically describing early to mid-20s men unable to kickstart their life by getting a job/ starting a business and moving out of home. The case study of that article is someone who is 25 but didn't finish college and is just lazing off in the couch of his parents smoking weed.
Contrast that to mine (also will add brutal honesty): I am gonna be 25 (holy fuck) this November. No drug problems. I graduated with flying colors at uni; but I think I am scared of what a job/ business entails is completely different from a student. And I am still struggling to differentiate from my student persona to put on my big boy pants. I think what contributed to this, too, was that I became an unwilling bum for a year when I wasn't clear of what I wanted to do for a career, yet, and I think that contributed to my life inertia, too. Maybe that's because I did so well at uni, that I never thought about my next step and plan after graduating, so maybe another reason I bummed out, too.
Reading that article, I can see it's designed to book a call with the psychiatrist linked there, so I just got the information only. But the condition he described really resonated with what I feel right now. That article (and a few others linked inside) noted that these men:
-) are afraid of competition ("what if someone is better at my job than I am? I'm not good enough and I'll just be replaced")
-) are afraid of failure ("what if I got my place and I fail and move back at home again? what if my venture fails? what if no one really wants to hire me because I came from an elite uni and we have a reputation of being enititled?")
-) are afraid of success ("what if success isn't what it's all cracked up to be? what if I really don't like this and I just get responsibilities I don't like?")
-) avoidant/ aversive to stress (work stress, business stress, etc.)
-) too sheltered in childhood and unwilling to explore the real world (grew up in an upper middle class family, everything provided. Why move out?)
The article also included nonsense (still true but not affecting me as it should) like less job opportunities and tougher economy, but that's not stopping me because I am doing web design work, helping in the family business, and submitting resumes to keep myself busy. Also getting laid on the side; a bit tougher because I have to screen more girls but there's enough wanting to meet me. But these 5 bullets are what I am struggling and keeping me from "launch", per se. And I believe this will keep me from firing in all cylinders in money, getting laid, and independence.
What I am doing right now:
-) article states that doing something is better than nothing. Thankfully, I broke my bum spell by sending resumes again and starting my online business.
-) matching with girls in Tinder and Bumble. Maybe some flirting and opposite sex interaction will inspire me to compete and be a better man.
I am really doing my best to sort out my mindset. I want to be in peak mindset and performance when lockdowns lift. I am sick of staying in my condition. If any guys can share tips on how they transitioned to being independent from being college students, it will definitely help. A mix of tips and a healthy slap of reality and tough love will be appreciated.
