• Welcome to the forums, Guest. Please note that you must make a post in the introduction thread and upload an avatar to gain full access to the forums.

How to Get Better

1. Pick at least one, but ideally more than one outer game framework, coach, mentor, and/or community. Examples include, but are by no means limited to:
  • Game Solved (framework)
  • Technical Game Bible (framework)
  • Game Brotherhood NYC (community)
  • Winner Within (community)
  • Dante (coach)
  • Ultimate Man Project (framework, coach, community)
  • Austen Summers (coach, community)
  • Manhattan Daygame (framework)
  • London Daygame Model (framework)
Choose one framework and run with it. Do not confuse yourself by mixing multiple resources.

2. Pick at least one inner game framework / modality. Examples include, but are no means limited to:
  • Authentic relating/circling/t group
  • Psychodynamic therapy
  • Talk therapy
  • Cognitive behavioral therapy
  • Meditation
  • Internal family systems
  • Psychedelics
  • Gratitude journaling
  • Letting Go
3. Devise a system (not goals). A system means that you do the same x things every y amount of time. A sample system could be:
  • Daygame 3 days a week
  • Nightgame 2 nights a week
  • Set up profiles and swipe on Tinder and Hinge for 15 minutes a day
  • Lift weights three times a week
  • Meditate 15 minutes a day
  • Do group therapy with wings one a week
  • Go to talk therapy once a week
  • Do a skincare routine once a night
  • Write field reports for every outing and date and post them in your community
  • Record all your sets and send in your community for analysis
  • Keep your community apprised of how you’re doing with inner game
A lot of guys think they need to set goals. Don’t set goals.

4. Keep a running list of outer and inner game sticking points

Write these down, keep them in your notes file, add new ones whenever they come up, and remove old ones whenever you’ve solved them. A sample list of outer and inner game sticking points might look like:

Outer Game

  • When I pursue sets after losing compliance, I appear weak in both body language, tonality, and vibe. I need to square up and get in front of sets and stop them with masculinity.
  • When vibing, I have too much fun for the sake of fun. It’s just random goofing off. Fun needs to be calibrated towards a purpose rather than just random riffing.
  • I overuse alpha Kratos God of War fist down rage energy to shut down frames instead of playing with the frame and battling.
  • I build only surface-level comfort. I need to build deep comfort and connection comfort.
  • I show my cards too early with girls that I actually get along with. I need to be indifferent, mysterious, cagey. It should not be you that’s opening up to the girl and telling her about your feelings. It should be her who’s opening up to you because she likes you and feels safe around you.
  • I fail to deploy Active Frame Control: recognizing the metaframe of the interaction and challenging the girl on frames to put her in my frame. Passive frame control, or being reactive to the frame a girl is setting, is not enough. Unless she’s actively in your frame, you are in hers.
  • When frame battling, I play the defensive and qualify to the girl instead of flipping the frame completely around and putting her on her heels to qualify to me.
  • I don’t ground my sets: “there’s no point where you slow down and get into a deeper convo about motivations/passions/dreams” (Storm). Even when I do, it’s too surface-level. I need to get to the point where the girl is saying things like “I can’t believe I’m telling you this right now.”
Inner Game

  • I lack killer instinct. I don’t have the ability to just tap into winner mode like Dante, Kobe, or Michael Jordan can do. I have only brought this out rarely. If I want to be the best I can be, I need to figure out a way to harness this.
  • I’m stupidly impatient. I just want to get every interaction over with and fuck the girl already. This leads to me rushing things (like not building enough comfort when a girl is back at my apartment) and making errors at critical moments (such as texting too fast without thinking).
  • I have a big ego, am fairly stubborn and very skeptical. This makes it hard for me to accept new information that doesn’t fit my worldview. I prefer to do things “my way”, even when it hinders learning. I should learn to assign more weight on things my wings say when I know they have much more experience than me.
  • I treat Game as a true “Game”. I’m in this way more for the fun and self-development than for the sex and true enjoyment of women. I find it hard to authentically connect with women (e.g. little retention, never had a crush on a girl in school, never been in a relationship). This perceived inauthenticity hinders my results with comfort girls and hurts my retention with most women, even when they are just looking for sex.
5. Execute consistently and be patient. Progress isn't linear, and you're not going to be better overnight. Getting good takes years of daily practice.
 
Click to expand...
Love the systems vs goals thing. I think I am going to shift my thinking to this.
 
A remark about systems vs goals. I agree that it's very important to have a system. But: my entire field of work is built on arbitrary goals. (if you don't know: I'm a Computer Science researcher.) We need to publish our work by submitting papers to conferences. Each has a deadline. If you're 1min past the deadline: that's it. Maybe you need to wait half a year before submitting again. This is arbitrary: it's just the way things are organised. Every experienced researcher tells me they see this as an advantage. People who complain about that are generally shit at research. Having a deadline pressures you into working and into finding a way to make things work. Lots of people say that they're at their most productive 2 weeks before a ddl. It makes you do your absolute best to submit something which maximizes your chances of being accepted.

A system structures your work. But a goal verifies that your system works and forces you to build a system that works. I think about it this way: we're built for operating at 90% of our stress capacity at almost all times. Stress forces you to work hard. The more you stress yourself, the more you can take. It's like with lifting weights, except it's mental and not physical stress. And having an arbitrary goal and treating it seriously is a great way of stressing yourself.

And remember, this is coming from someone who used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and someone who had insomnia due to excessive stress. Stress is good for you. Exercise can hurt you too.
 
NewFoundResolve said:
Scott Adams has a chapter on this in his book "How to Fail at Everything and Still Win at Life", would recommend.
Click to expand...
Fuck yes, I was about to mention that book. James Clear (Atomic Habits) and Alex Hormozi both mention this system a bunch of times as well.

pancakemouse said:
I lack killer instinct. I don’t have the ability to just tap into winner mode like Dante, Kobe, or Michael Jordan can do. I have only brought this out rarely. If I want to be the best I can be, I need to figure out a way to harness this.
Click to expand...
Biggest question here. It seems like you think this is something that can be learned. How do you think they did? Did you happen to watch the Jon Jones video on this?
 
bigV said:
A remark about systems vs goals. I agree that it's very important to have a system. But: my entire field of work is built on arbitrary goals. (if you don't know: I'm a Computer Science researcher.) We need to publish our work by submitting papers to conferences. Each has a deadline. If you're 1min past the deadline: that's it. Maybe you need to wait half a year before submitting again. This is arbitrary: it's just the way things are organised. Every experienced researcher tells me they see this as an advantage. People who complain about that are generally shit at research. Having a deadline pressures you into working and into finding a way to make things work. Lots of people say that they're at their most productive 2 weeks before a ddl. It makes you do your absolute best to submit something which maximizes your chances of being accepted.

A system structures your work. But a goal verifies that your system works and forces you to build a system that works. I think about it this way: we're built for operating at 90% of our stress capacity at almost all times. Stress forces you to work hard. The more you stress yourself, the more you can take. It's like with lifting weights, except it's mental and not physical stress. And having an arbitrary goal and treating it seriously is a great way of stressing yourself.

And remember, this is coming from someone who used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and someone who had insomnia due to excessive stress. Stress is good for you. Exercise can hurt you too.
Click to expand...

I agree, I will add, that goals IMO should be process oriented, but with metrics that we can measure that are indicators.

Just having goals, as you will be aware, is ubiquitous normie advice and has been tested by the entire global population since the agricultural revolution.

School & University works on this approach of goal achievement and deadlines.

And produces people who, for the most part, are shit at performance.

Stress is good, provided you're recovering from it, provided it's also underpinned by the right mental models, and provided it's also something we're actively recovering from.

When stress is chronic, and our "achievement" is just temporary respite from stress, this can produce learned helplessness, unconscious task resistance, and create a lifetime that is marred by wasted potential.

The truth is, most humans just are not goal motivated and directed. You give them a deadline, and it changes nothing for them. Maybe 2% of the population respond to that. And the rest of the population looks at them, and thinks if they just try harder, they too will get the same outcomes.

This assumes the same:

-Unconcious conditioning
~Habituation & neuraplasticity
-Biology & mitochondrial status of the pre frontal cortex
-Restoration, stress hormone status
-Internal drivers & success factors, beliefs, mental models

A way around this, IMO, is a superior system that blends all 3 layers of performance, and allows you to develop them simultaneously (structure, biology, and inner world), and goals that are process-driven but with the correct indicators built in.

This is a useful additional layer to add to Pancake's post.

But overall, Pancake did very good work on that one, he is spot on IMO, I would probably agree with you Big V and say we could also add a layer that is based on proper goal setting.

Solid discussion from you.

-MAC
 
Agree with everything, MAC! I should've said more instead of just "I'm making a remark", it was too early in the morning. Pancake's post is definitely solid and I wanted to add some context to it based on my own experience, not to take anything from it. I do have a tendency to make "inflammatory" comments, but I'm glad that you understand it's for the sake of the discussion.

And honestly, it's probably better to start with a system as a foundation, and then add goals on top. You're right that stress alone, without the proper mindset and perspective, is probably detrimental overall. It was detrimental to me until I learned how to ride it.
 
System frameworks and process oriented goals are pretty much the only way I've ever had any kind of success in my life.

I still suck with women and have a painfully unfulfilling dating & sex life, but all I know is a process oriented system is going to be the path.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top