I just need some general advice on what t o focus on re dating and getting laid

[LifeTwoPointZero]

Hey guys!

OK, I've had a long dry spell. I don't just want to get laid, I want to explore BDSM after discovering this in 2018 via an LDR.

I've been following Andys' Tinder guides just to test the water and already getting some interest. I've also been talking to a girl I've met on an app and it's been going well, not a relationship, LD though so another story...

But I don't know if I'm ready for this, Andy says to go all in on my goal so I guess that would be improving my looks. For example, I need to get my teeth fixed, I'm pretty self-conscious about that. I could definitely be in better shape and my wardrobe needs an overhaul. But that could take a while, hence my question.

So, do you think it's wise to go all in on improving my looks, losing body fat, etc. before I even think about entering the dating pool? I know Andy has a page where he goes through all the excuses we can use and I've definitely been doing that, I need to dig it up and read through it. But there is a lot of onus on looking your best in these guides to have more chance of success.

Please move if in the wrong subforum, but I wanted to get some advice from people who've gone through this process already. It's the follow through I rally struggle with and I end up putting up all these barriers and excuses...

I think this is why I could benefit from coaching, lol.

Peace.

 

[loki]

I've been following Andys' Tinder guides just to test the water and already getting some interest

perennial reminder to everyone that andy (whose other advice I really appreciate) has the absolute worst texting in all of PUA. please look up any other guide on texting and use that

I've also been talking to a girl I've met on an app and it's been going well, not a relationship, LD though so another story

is it going well or is it LD. pick one

I need to get my teeth fixed

it's fine unless you're literally missing half your front teeth or something. my similar-looks brother has abysmal teeth, mine are normal, we get about the same amount of interest. this shouldn't be stopping you from dating

I could definitely be in better shape

you look fine in the pfp, definitely already well in fuckable territory, losing fat being a prerequisite is more for obese guys. though it always helps to be leaner

my wardrobe needs an overhaul

definitely not a reason to delay dating

So, do you think it's wise to go all in on improving my looks, losing body fat, etc. before I even think about entering the dating pool?

I'd say no and it's an obvious ploy by the anxious part of your brain to stop you from doing unpredictable socially risky stuff like dating instead of safe comfort zone monk mode shit.

Dive in. You're more than ready

 

[loki]

are you actually 48

 

[LifeTwoPointZero]

I've been following Andys' Tinder guides just to test the water and already getting some interest

perennial reminder to everyone that andy (whose other advice I really appreciate) has the absolute worst texting in all of PUA. please look up any other guide on texting and use that

I've also been talking to a girl I've met on an app and it's been going well, not a relationship, LD though so another story

is it going well or is it LD. pick one

I need to get my teeth fixed

it's fine unless you're literally missing half your front teeth or something. my similar-looks brother has abysmal teeth, mine are normal, we get about the same amount of interest. this shouldn't be stopping you from dating

I could definitely be in better shape

you look fine in the pfp, definitely already well in fuckable territory, losing fat being a prerequisite is more for obese guys. though it always helps to be leaner

my wardrobe needs an overhaul

definitely not a reason to delay dating

So, do you think it's wise to go all in on improving my looks, losing body fat, etc. before I even think about entering the dating pool?

I'd say no and it's an obvious ploy by the anxious part of your brain to stop you from doing unpredictable socially risky stuff like dating instead of safe comfort zone monk mode shit.

Dive in. You're more than ready

Thank you, this really helped put things n perspective. I just need to take action, I mean when are you ever ready?

Insofar as the monk mode anxiety shit, is a good approach to treat dating as a way to gain experience and insights on what areas to work on etc?

In truth, I haven't dated irl or had sex for a loooong time due to long-term health issues. I think that's what I'm hung up on; performance anxiety!

So maybe jumping into bdsm is not so much the best way to reenter the dating pool lmao! Oh, so can you recommend a texting guide? I saw the one posted by another member if that's solid. I also came across Jim Wolfe recently who has some interesting stuff on dating etc.

But, Andy seems to have had a lot of success with that approach. He has the confidence though I suppose, that is my issue, lack of confidence. Having the balls to go all in and ask for what I want and have that sense of confidence with women when I meet them and not be total wuss haha!

And yes, I'm 48. We have weird genes in my family lol, but I do a lot of exercise, holistic and esoteric stuff to maintain and look after myself.

 

[Tragedy]

I would wait at least 5 years until everything is perfect

Jokes apart, no, I really don't see any reason not to start today.

But I don't know if I'm ready for this

I think none is. When I started to experiment some BDSM thing (btw I am talking exactly because I am not expert, nor super into that, and it still works) i just bought a rope a vibrator and a mask. No need to start like a pro dom, in fact probably it is even detrimental to overdo without experience. Start immediately and with few things, then build up from there.

-------------------------

perennial reminder to everyone that andy (whose other advice I really appreciate) has the absolute worst texting in all of PUA. please look up any other guide on texting and use that

Very interested in why you think that! I don't remember anymore his style that's why I am asking

 

[LifeTwoPointZero]

I would wait at least 5 years until everything is perfect

Jokes apart, no, I really don't see any reason not to start today.

But I don't know if I'm ready for this

I think none is. When I started to experiment some BDSM thing (btw I am talking exactly because I am not expert, nor super into that, and it still works) i just bought a rope a vibrator and a mask. No need to start like a pro dom, in fact probably it is even detrimental to overdo without experience. Start immediately and with few things, then build up from there.

-------------------------

perennial reminder to everyone that andy (whose other advice I really appreciate) has the absolute worst texting in all of PUA. please look up any other guide on texting and use that

Very interested in why you think that! I don't remember anymore his style that's why I am asking

Cmon, guy, going to take at least 10...

I have started. Have I started in the right area though? Ie online dating. From what I've read it is skewed against us. The whole online dating game is rigged and it can be very damaging to the self-esteem if you put all your efforts into that without being aware of the way it works...

I listened to The Slight Edge recently and it was eye-opening. My next steps are going to be to try and find an NLP coach and maybe a PUA coach. I know it's going to be expensive though, so first; finances. Money is always a barrier; you need to invest in yourself to grow and become a better person but you can also be stuck in a rut of self-sabotage without awareness that can hold you back for years...but I'm going to implement the slight edge, and I'm now reading think and grow

Yeah, I'm probably going to start going to events and munches cause I want to meet actual people and connect irl. I honestly hate the whole online dating thing tbh, you have no idea who's real, who's fake, or who's just feeding off the attention...

Anyway, on the girl I mentioned, things seem to be progressing well. We're exploring a non-monogamous dynamic where we are the primary partners.

 

[Perseus]

I have started. Have I started in the right area though? Ie online dating. From what I've read it is skewed against us. The whole online dating game is rigged and it can be very damaging to the self-esteem if you put all your efforts into that without being aware of the way it works...

Read the guide, it doesn't suck if you have a decent profile. If you don't, work on that before going all in with online dating cause getting 1 shitty match a week is disheartening. Also I would skip any LDR, might as well have a relationship with a chatbot.

 

[MakingAComeback]

Hey guys!

OK, I've had a long dry spell. I don't just want to get laid, I want to explore BDSM after discovering this in 2018 via an LDR.

I've been following Andys' Tinder guides just to test the water and already getting some interest. I've also been talking to a girl I've met on an app and it's been going well, not a relationship, LD though so another story...

But I don't know if I'm ready for this, Andy says to go all in on my goal so I guess that would be improving my looks. For example, I need to get my teeth fixed, I'm pretty self-conscious about that. I could definitely be in better shape and my wardrobe needs an overhaul. But that could take a while, hence my question.

So, do you think it's wise to go all in on improving my looks, losing body fat, etc. before I even think about entering the dating pool? I know Andy has a page where he goes through all the excuses we can use and I've definitely been doing that, I need to dig it up and read through it. But there is a lot of onus on looking your best in these guides to have more chance of success.

Please move if in the wrong subforum, but I wanted to get some advice from people who've gone through this process already. It's the follow through I rally struggle with and I end up putting up all these barriers and excuses...

I think this is why I could benefit from coaching, lol.

Peace.

I worked on looks & dating at the same time.

It gave me impetus to become fucking SERIOUS about the journey.

You can do both.

Start a log, and we'll help you figure it out.

It can be done.

MAC

 

[LifeTwoPointZero]

I have started. Have I started in the right area though? Ie online dating. From what I've read it is skewed against us. The whole online dating game is rigged and it can be very damaging to the self-esteem if you put all your efforts into that without being aware of the way it works...

Read the guide, it doesn't suck if you have a decent profile. If you don't, work on that before going all in with online dating cause getting 1 shitty match a week is disheartening. Also I would skip any LDR, might as well have a relationship with a chatbot.

I can't say my profile is good, it definitely needs work but I've been getting matches. Where I'm going wrong is closing, messaging always runs cold and back to square one. I've used the templates here and some other approaches just to push the conversation and see how far I can take it.

We're non monogamous so it's all good.

 

[MakingAComeback]

That sounds great man.

If you can, start a log and continue the discussion there.

If you need a hand to start a log, send me a private message.

Locking this.

MAC