Hey Everyone, I've been away from the forums for a while, but I need to be here now more than ever. 9 months ago I had everything I wanted, a great job, a really cool fwb, and I was at my goal weight. Fast forward to now, and I've become a bigger loser than I was before.
What happened? Well to start with I decided to change careers, as I had fallen out of love with engineering. I decided to go for my masters in comp sci. I am currently taking pre-reqs, but that's actually going well, I love the classes and my gpa is almost perfect. That added stress meant I was working from 6-230 and in class from 3-9. As a consequence, my mma/lifting started to drop off. Then around march the girl I was fwb at the time basically told me she was just in this for the sex. This hurt like hell tbh, she was the only girl that I was really comfortable being myself around and we got along great. Obviously something was up that I didn't know about. Around this time I fell into heavy porn abuse and it absolutely wrecked me mentally and even financially at times. Throw in unchecked eating, hardly any working out and not enough sleep and this is who I've become.
-At my lowest I was 185lb. I am currently 228 and I hate it. All of the awesome clothing I bought from Radical style guides barely or don't fit me anymore. I'm so self conscious I hardly go out anymore. (the clothes did look sick bro, thanks for the guide, worth the money)
-Absolutely abusing porn to an unhealthy amount. I hate myself for this one. I've been spending too much time and money wasted on this bullshit.
-Haven't been laid since may. Fwb and i stopped talking entirely.
I think yesterday was my rock bottom. I went on a date last night with a girl i met on hinge (still got that i guess) and it was awful, just the type of person I wouldn't want around me. I want my old life back, and I know nobody is going to save me. I've come back from worse and I know i can do this. I start at a new university in late January and i WILL NOT be a god damn loser when i start. Here's my plan
-Immediately hop back on to my old diet plan. That's well within my control, and i know most cravings will disappear in 3-4 weeks.
-Get my ass back to mma and lifting. Before school i was spending 15-20 hours a week combined. Unfortunately now i can only do fridays-sunday, but i should still be able to hit my goal weight by semesters start.
-I don't think it makes sense to be active on any apps right now, my confidence just isn't there. I think ill just get myself into shape, break my camera out when I'm ready and hit that hard.
-Save as much as I can. No more buying crap food and porn.
-Quit porn. This is my hardest challenge and I have no idea how to. Any advise from you guys would be greatly appreciated. I've basically been a full blown addict since I was 13. This is 100% going to be the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I will be starting a new progress log. I cant trust myself to keep myself accountable. Most importantly, I'm scared of failing, which leads to not trying.
What happened? Well to start with I decided to change careers, as I had fallen out of love with engineering. I decided to go for my masters in comp sci. I am currently taking pre-reqs, but that's actually going well, I love the classes and my gpa is almost perfect. That added stress meant I was working from 6-230 and in class from 3-9. As a consequence, my mma/lifting started to drop off. Then around march the girl I was fwb at the time basically told me she was just in this for the sex. This hurt like hell tbh, she was the only girl that I was really comfortable being myself around and we got along great. Obviously something was up that I didn't know about. Around this time I fell into heavy porn abuse and it absolutely wrecked me mentally and even financially at times. Throw in unchecked eating, hardly any working out and not enough sleep and this is who I've become.
-At my lowest I was 185lb. I am currently 228 and I hate it. All of the awesome clothing I bought from Radical style guides barely or don't fit me anymore. I'm so self conscious I hardly go out anymore. (the clothes did look sick bro, thanks for the guide, worth the money)
-Absolutely abusing porn to an unhealthy amount. I hate myself for this one. I've been spending too much time and money wasted on this bullshit.
-Haven't been laid since may. Fwb and i stopped talking entirely.
I think yesterday was my rock bottom. I went on a date last night with a girl i met on hinge (still got that i guess) and it was awful, just the type of person I wouldn't want around me. I want my old life back, and I know nobody is going to save me. I've come back from worse and I know i can do this. I start at a new university in late January and i WILL NOT be a god damn loser when i start. Here's my plan
-Immediately hop back on to my old diet plan. That's well within my control, and i know most cravings will disappear in 3-4 weeks.
-Get my ass back to mma and lifting. Before school i was spending 15-20 hours a week combined. Unfortunately now i can only do fridays-sunday, but i should still be able to hit my goal weight by semesters start.
-I don't think it makes sense to be active on any apps right now, my confidence just isn't there. I think ill just get myself into shape, break my camera out when I'm ready and hit that hard.
-Save as much as I can. No more buying crap food and porn.
-Quit porn. This is my hardest challenge and I have no idea how to. Any advise from you guys would be greatly appreciated. I've basically been a full blown addict since I was 13. This is 100% going to be the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I will be starting a new progress log. I cant trust myself to keep myself accountable. Most importantly, I'm scared of failing, which leads to not trying.
