JR's Log

[Aladdin]

Hello, I am here because I am trying to find happiness but I don't know what that looks like. I have ideas though that I have translated into goals.

Background: I am a brown guy and given the stereotypes, a little insecure about it. However, girls find me attractive and I've done relatively well since college. Lay count: Maybe 20 - 25 since college. Mix between 6s - 9s (2). I have a lot of success with dating apps - good photos with minor photoshop touch ups. Until 2 months ago I had a serious girlfriend - I was very happy initially but then it became long distance. She was still great, loved me for me and still loves me but I broke up with her because I wanted to have sex with more women and she didn't meet by requirements for social intelligence. I do well career wise but I don't have a lot of close friends - don't really know why but my speculation is I can sometimes be selfish or reserved. I joined this community to express my thoughts and better myself through the guidance and company of men going through the same issues.

Goals:

1. Build a strong social circle of real friends
2. Get over approach anxiety and sleep with more women through real life pick ups than dating apps
3. Meet a bi girl I can have a monogamous relationship with while still enjoy threesomes with women together
4. Make more money

 

[Aladdin]

Weird experience with a hinge girl I really liked that has me a little sad and depressed today

Pulled a 9 on hinge. Talked for 3 days and including phone calls and snapping. I was flirty all the way and we were vibing extremely well. Yesterday we had our first date - we met up, hugged and got ice cream. It all felt natural, conversation was great too and she came back to my place. She said she wouldn't do anything physical on the first date but it went so well that as i got closer to her she welcomes all advances. She claims not to have had sex in a year. We escalate and get extremely intimate, I get her naked..fucking 10/10 body arguably the best i've ever had and instantly want to lock it down (shitty thinking i know). I come off maybe a little strong in terms of telling her i could see us dating - she had mentioned she wants something long term and a monogamous relationship. Anyway she sucks my dick for a literal hour no joke...full sloppy blow job and I am mindblown. Then i eat her out and help her cum through fingers because she doesnt want to fuck. Then in the morning I play with her and this time we have sex, she full on rides me and then sucks my dick for another 30 min and asks me to cum on her face. I am absolutely in love right now and want to make her my GF but i dont say anything. Its not that i dont get laid, but its rare that I vibe with someone so well and they have my perfect body type - bubbly butt, tight small vagina and very perky and small tits and beautiful face. The fact that she made direct eye contact with 1 hr blow jobs was crazy and at the start of today I was the happiest I've been in a while. So she leaves after a shower and I start work, I ask when she's free next. No response for 4 hours and then i get the "I dont think i want this to go further. I want to explore myself and i think its best we dont talk. No hard feelings". Obviously in emotion and frustration i ask for closure to at least know where i fucked up..and i call her. At which point she tells me she's just not attracted to me as much as she is other men?? Like why come home with me, why get naked, why give hour long blow jobs with so much passion, stay the night, fuck me in the morning with more BJs and say she's not attracted? Sorry if this is poorly written, I just cant explain this and wanted thoughts.

More context: Her history has been 9 guys. all white but she told me she was attracted to Indian guys. I dont have any reason to believe she was lying about her dating history or that she hadn't had sex in a year. Tightest vagina I have ever fucked. We almost ran out of lube.