KB's log

[Killing boredom]

Yo guys, I'm fresh to the forums and the blog, still going through all the chapters. I am commited to changing my life completely, so I figure making myself accountable is the place to start.

I'm 31yo, playing online poker professionally from Brazil. I was initially(many years ago) repelled by the PUA scene and how it seemed to treat women and lack self-growth guidance. Came across Andy's stuff recently and it resonates a lot more with me - slowly going through the chapters but I dig. Granted, I never tried at all and my results are just a sum of coincidence and sprint periods of desperation to get laid/connect - I fuck a lot with the idea of being the best version of myself tho and it's about time I start building to that. My lays are barely on the double digits and always came from Tinder or college - never did cold approach or anything else.

My short term(this year) goals are:
- Get my workout routine going. Never miss a week. I've never worked out for more than a few weeks without full stopping for months before and I feel I'm getting too old. I am going to get shredded. Also gonna do something else, probably yoga
-Rebuild my wardrobe, haven't bought anything in years. I think I have my style figured out(maybe I'm delusional) but I need to start trying much harder
-Get into the habit of taking photos/get better at it. I take maybe 1 picture/week, probably less than that. I have no clue how to take them or pose for it etc
-Better work ethic. More hours/month. Get more financially stable, move out to my own place

I have not figured out my long term goals as this starting phase is a bit overwhelming on all the info and all I wanna do, so I'm gonna be more grounded for now. I'll make a second post below about my current situation.

 

[Killing boredom]

So, the pandemic hit me hard. Stopped taking care of myself, became very sedentary etc. Became apathetic and depressive. Started back on Tinder after things started opening up and met this girl - says she's "assexual fluid" from the start, don't really care to elaborate or have an opinion but basically means she has periods where she says she doesn't really get turned on. We talk for a while before going out because of pandemic stuff - go out, make out hard(nearly have sex in public) but do not fuck that day for lack of place(I don't live alone). We go out more times, have sex a few times, get pretty attached. I was gonna move back to another city for college so didnt wanna escalate and she was pretty down about that - was usually very invested and saying I was handsome often etc. We didnt go out a lot(maybe 1x/month) but talked a lot online. I quit college to make a transition to playing poker full time and was pretty focused on that. Some things about her annoyed me, I was still depressed and too proud/focused on other things to try and fix it, so I became kinda cold towards her. I "broke up"(even tho we werent technically together) a few times and went back, went on for 1+ year then she broke up recently. Day after, she texts a bunch of stuff saying she regrets etc, I ignore her for a few days thinking I actually want to break up so that's that. I start missing her and go talk to her, but I get too emotional and she actually repels me a little bit - says she doesn't know if she can go back to feeling the way she did, "it would've worked out if it was meant to be" or whatever. Still, we go out. She mostly repels me, behaves very differently from when we usually went out and we barely make out. She says she got cold, needs time etc - we talk for a bit and she says we couldn't work out, we are more like fwb...but then says we can keep going out and be exclusive if I want, which makes no sense to me but I accept because the idea of her going out with other people feels bad rn. Onesis, I know. It makes me anxious because she doesn't like going out a lot so we could see each other maybe 2-3 times a month. We go out again - but she went saying she wasnt really in the mood. When we get there I find out she got a piercing that day and I knew we wouldnt have sex, but we barely make out again, she keeps kinda repelling me. Towards the end I got pissed and stopped trying. When we get home she says I'm great and she's awful or something like that, then changes subject. We have been talking and it seems to be getting a little better but it still feels like she is repelling me. I have not asked her out again and am kinda waiting for her to do it(probably next weekend but not this one), but I think the plan is to work on myself and my stuff, realize I'll be fine and keep growing regardless and give her 1 more date, if it doesn't get better I bail.

Sorry for the Bible, thanks if anyone reads it lol

 

[Killing boredom]

Bought a pullup bar, built a workout routine with the help of some people and got started.
Will go shopping next week(thinking wednesday) for clothes and new shoes.
Have been feeling a bit shitty about the girl I talked about. She's being evasive and not affectionate, despite we talking a decent amount online. Tried to ask when are we going out and she was evasive. I'm going to kinda mirror her for a bit, not engage if she doesn't but I'm getting the urge to look for affection elsewhere despite liking her. Going to wait for a bit(probably not until next date since idk when the fuck that would be) and maybe have an honest talk about how she's not meeting my expectations and I'll be better off seeing other people if it keeps being that way.

 

[Wnyhg]

Welcome.

This site is a goldmine. Alongside GLL(goodlookingloser), I’ve managed to lose my depression(microdosing mushrooms), journal my weight loss and get solid advice from guys who posted advice that is literally worth thousands.

As far as this chick you’ve been seeing. She loves you. She just can’t commit because of some baggage she’s got. She’s putting words into your mouth, and justifying herself. At least that’s how I read it. Go cold. If I were you I’d just write I love you and move on. Sounds douche, but keep your frame and self respect. Tell her what you feel l, be honest and leave.


I learned that to lose weight quickly drinking lots of water makes a difference, I mean a lot if water. The other thing I learned is to limit carbs for a few weeks and then binge. Like a slow carb diet.

Buying a pull-up bar is perfect, working the back muscles will get you the best bang for the buck and you’ll look better because of it.

Before you buy clothing, check out the style guide. Black jeans, a Henley shirt and doc martens or Stan smith sneakers. You can always shop at goodwill and buy more for less.

Ive been using verses of the holy books and not Cato and Vonnegut to give my woman a reality check, not directly, but with her relatives. It’s amazing to witness their responses. I see it in their friends eyes and stuff. It might be th reason you’re not getting through to her.

 

[Killing boredom]

Thanks, I'm looking forward to being part of the community.

As far as this chick you’ve been seeing. She loves you. She just can’t commit because of some baggage she’s got. She’s putting words into your mouth, and justifying herself. At least that’s how I read it. Go cold. If I were you I’d just write I love you and move on. Sounds douche, but keep your frame and self respect. Tell her what you feel l, be honest and leave.

I think she loved me and she made it somewhat clear but a bunch of the baggage is kinda my fault, I didn't see the relationship as very functional and since I didn't think she'd be able to help me fix it I acted douchy for a while. Now I don't really know, but if she's still around it must mean something.

Before you buy clothing, check out the style guide. Black jeans, a Henley shirt and doc martens or Stan smith sneakers. You can always shop at goodwill and buy more for less.

Definitely checking it out. Goodwill not really a thing for Brazil I don't think, but I got options. This is the one area I think I'm at least decent in tho, just been not caring enough for a couple years.

Ive been using verses of the holy books and not Cato and Vonnegut to give my woman a reality check, not directly, but with her relatives. It’s amazing to witness their responses. I see it in their friends eyes and stuff. It might be th reason you’re not getting through to her.

I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about, can you elaborate?

 

[Wnyhg]

What I meant to write is, are her friends advising her on not proceeding with your connection with her?

My woman doesn’t care for my opinion. She appreciates the advice of scholars and philosophers. The only exception is her uneducated best friend whose advice overrules pretty much everyone. It’s boneheaded, but I see it alot.

 

[Killing boredom]

What I meant to write is, are her friends advising her on not proceeding with your connection with her?

My woman doesn’t care for my opinion. She appreciates the advice of scholars and philosophers. The only exception is her uneducated best friend whose advice overrules pretty much everyone. It’s boneheaded, but I see it alot.

Ah, I have no clue. She doesn't have many friends and I didn't actually meet any, we weren't on that type of relationship. It's completely out of my control anyway

 

[MILFandCookies]

Hey man, fucking props for starting the journey.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step - or some cliche bullshit like that.

Cliche aside, it's totally true. You took the first step on improving yourself, so good job!

As for your relationship, it honestly sounds like a drama fest. If you had 3 other girls you could see right now that treat you the way you want to be treated, would you spend any time thinking about this girl, who's wishy washy with you/pushing you away/only barely sexually available?

https://killyourinnerloser.com/go-talk-to-more-girls/

Great article by Andy, our lord and savior ^^^ I'd give it a read.

I might be coming across as cold, but you deserve someone who's there for you in the ways you want them to be. The journey you started is going to get you what you want, but it might take you through some shadows first.

Cheers man. You're in the right place.
~Joe

 

[Killing boredom]

Hey man, fucking props for starting the journey.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step - or some cliche bullshit like that.

Cliche aside, it's totally true. You took the first step on improving yourself, so good job!

As for your relationship, it honestly sounds like a drama fest. If you had 3 other girls you could see right now that treat you the way you want to be treated, would you spend any time thinking about this girl, who's wishy washy with you/pushing you away/only barely sexually available?

https://killyourinnerloser.com/go-talk-to-more-girls/

Great article by Andy, our lord and savior ^^^ I'd give it a read.

I might be coming across as cold, but you deserve someone who's there for you in the ways you want them to be. The journey you started is going to get you what you want, but it might take you through some shadows first.

Cheers man. You're in the right place.
~Joe

Thanks, talking to more girls indeed made it easier. Just wanted to do it without feeling like an ass, but yeah.

And drama fest is right. I do like the girl but not to the point of justifying the shit show. Had a "talk" with her and said something along the lines of "we shouldnt be exclusive if you are unwilling to change". She answered with more drama along the lines of "If you wanna see other people go do it", remaining unresponsive to the points I was making and obviously not meaning it but I took it literally. I'll still see her at least once more whenever she asks me(don't think I'm gonna be the one asking anymore) but that might be it.

Back on Tinder, talking to a few girls. Got a date with a young 6/10 alt girl this weekend, hoping I can be at least decent after all this time.

Changed the workout routine to a more accessible one, figured I wouldnt go far if I went for too much complexity instead of easiness to implement daily.

Got my first tattoo scheduled, it'll cover my entire arm elbow down - will likely be a good boost to self-confidence and my style, been meaning to get it for ages. Going shopping tomorrow for clothing, might post pictures with my face blurred later on.

 

[Mindset]

Welcome to the forums!

Seeing someone start their self improvement journey is always super exciting.

Radical's guide is definitely a good starter. If you would like some more resources I follow several style guys on youtube on social media, more than happy to share.
Looking forward to seeing the new style pictures.

 

[Killing boredom]

If you would like some more resources I follow several style guys on youtube on social media, more than happy to share.
Looking forward to seeing the new style pictures.

Definitely interested, send them my way!

Shopping was a small disaster, roamed for hours and didn't find what I wanted. Well, I was thinking about buying something like ~6 pieces and ended up buying 2. Got a few accessories and new earrings so I guess its fine. Will look more online, I didn't imagine it would be this hard since I kinda know what I want.

Got tinder platinum and the super high quality girls don't match but otherwise it's surprisingly popping. I think it's probably too optimistic to expect it to keep feeding me matches whilst being kinda picky(getting 3/day or something, only using it for 30mins~1h while boosting). I suck at first dates, so I'm expecting failure before success here - plan is to not overthink, just try to be myself(or a confident version of me) and make effort to show intent - analyse later.

How do you guys make first contact on a date, btw? Hug and start talking? Feels awkward in my mind. I realize I'm a newbie that needs baby steps, any help appreciated.

 

[Mindset]

Fo sho!

Alex Costa
A Brazilian born, american raised style influencer that shows off a lot of accessible fashion. It's never too much but very stylish.
Check out his instagram and his youtube channel.

Jose Zuniga aka Teachingmensfashion
An American with very mexican roots that always seems very upbeat. I like this guy's overal hustle attitude towards things, mainly because I'm the child of immigrants as well.
His instagram and youtube channel.

I think these will resonate with you the most.

Alpha Ml is a somewhat older guy with believe it or not the most upbeat attitude out of all of them.
I remember watching this guys videos and always smiling by the end.

Watch a couple of their videos and try out some clothing pieces to see what fits you, these guys definitely helped shape my style wise for that past 10 years.


As for your second question I always hug a girl when I first meet her. Just hug her as soon as you see her and it shouldn't be a problem.
I've lived in Sao Paolo for about six months so I think Brazilian girls should be more than open to it.

 

[pancakemouse]

How do you guys make first contact on a date, btw? Hug and start talking? Feels awkward in my mind. I realize I'm a newbie that needs baby steps, any help appreciated.

Strong eye contact
As I'm walking up "hey...."
Walk up to her, hug, test for compliance - is she holding the hug, is she timid, scared
If compliance is good, I let my hands wander down to her hips and hold them there, like we're fused at the hip from the front, stare into her eyes, and start talking
If compliance isn't good I just let it go and that's my cue it will be a long road to having sex with this girl

 

[Killing boredom]

Update on the girl: She delayed meeting again, we agreed to meet saturday but then during the day she said she wanted to break up, "didn't think things could be fixed". I said I'd cut contact etc but she said she wanted to give me my birthday gift(she had mentioned it before, my birthday was May 1st) so I agreed to meet. She said she wanted to do next saturday but I said I'd only agree to today(Sunday). It was implied we wouldn't makeout or anything. We met, hung out for a while and made out. She was very affectionate and open which made me think she had changed her mind, but towards the end we talked and she said she wanted things to be like before(going out once in a while, never really knowing). I said I'd rather break up - she insisted I talk to her if I change my mind but I said I wouldn't and we wouldn't see each other again. I blocked her on whatsapp(where we usually talked) after telling her to take care etc, also unfollowed on instagram. idk how I could've done better but I'm feeling pretty hurt. Back to Tinder I guess. Got a date Tuesday, not expecting much.