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Living the dream/ Phase 1 - The first crossroads

Been wiped out with a chest infection for the last couple days.
Coming out of the defecit for a bit to get it to fuck off.
Will resume some light gym work tomorrow.
Managed to set a pe pr and has been nice to do nothing for a couple of days.

Still been making moves though. Going on a bowling date with first girl Friday. A double date hiking on Saturday, seeing new years girl on Sunday for a walk then staying at first girls place Sunday night.
Will get back in the gym and continue looksmaxxing too. Got a compliment saying I look healthy which is probably due to new skincare routine.

Ive realised I'm not lonely anymore, I have people who I like sharing my life with and for that I am grateful. I am even more grateful that they like sharing their lives with me.
I've spent so much time afraid of failure; probably to the point of it being pathological. I have failed loads, my dick didn't even work when I started seeing first girl. But it didn't matter. Nothing that I thought would stop me has stopped me and for that I am grateful beyond words.
 
Venting:
Cough hasn't gone this weekend which is starting to bug me.
More so I've been feeling pretty low about my looks. My biggest insecurity is having bad skin and bags under my eyes which make me look tired. Even when I'm well rested and have been exercising eating healthy ect they don't really improve and I think they are genetic.
I've been able to improve my body, my style and grooming but this seems out of my control and I just can't help feeling that if I were better looking in this aspect I would be getting better results*
I want to resolve this and prevent looking old before my time.

Actions:
Retinol and sunblock - both measures now in place
Start using dermapen
Check out the GLL skincare stuff
HGH I'd take this for physique but it has notable beneficial properties for skin- namely collagen synthesis.
Melanotan 2 - to use this summer for an even skin tone and healthy tan + protective properties of increased melanin.
Nuclear options:
Dermal fillers
Lower blepharoplasty
-I might look into these when I hit my 30s

This sounds extreme and my neuroticism plays heavily against me but my brain keeps flagging it as my biggest weakness looks wise.

*In terms of results I have made some good progress but I still feel like I'm being treated like a provider.
First girl found out about the girl whose place I stayed at on new years and that we've been going on a few walks and hanging out and her response was to get really anxious and then drive over to see me. This sounds good but I feel like I only get the best put of her when she's worried I'm going to find someone better- even though we are just seeing each other on a casual basis.
It honestly makes me suspicious that she sees me as some sort of provider when I'm aiming to be more like the guy she would casually fuck at a festival (which she has done plenty). I'm also annoyed with the new years girl for trying to stress her out and I just can't help but feel she is only interested in me as she's coming out of a breakup.
Maybe I'm being cynical but this dynamic of I provide x and they give me y is the exact thing I want to avoid.
It didn't help that I shaved my beard and got roasted for it from first girl- at the time I kind of agreed it does look worse but she wouldn't stop and thinking back about it is actually pissing me off, like is having a beard the only thing that she sees in me haha.

I want to achieve gigachad status and be above all this petty drama but until I figure out how to beat my skin/undereye genetics I don't think I can get there and it'll just get worse as I age. Annoying.

How do you improve from a mentally healthy place? How do you not reinforce feelings of 'I'll only be good enough if...'?

This week:
Back at the gym hard, add cardio
Fing good hgh and dosing protocol
Maintain skin and hair care
Eat healthy- I only had 2 pints this week
Use dermapen Sunday.
Research peptides
Re-read meditations by Aurelius
 
Sewerdog said:
*In terms of results I have made some good progress but I still feel like I'm being treated like a provider.
First girl found out about the girl whose place I stayed at on new years and that we've been going on a few walks and hanging out and her response was to get really anxious and then drive over to see me. This sounds good but I feel like I only get the best put of her when she's worried I'm going to find someone better- even though we are just seeing each other on a casual basis.
It honestly makes me suspicious that she sees me as some sort of provider when I'm aiming to be more like the guy she would casually fuck at a festival (which she has done plenty). I'm also annoyed with the new years girl for trying to stress her out and I just can't help but feel she is only interested in me as she's coming out of a breakup.
Maybe I'm being cynical but this dynamic of I provide x and they give me y is the exact thing I want to avoid.
It didn't help that I shaved my beard and got roasted for it from first girl- at the time I kind of agreed it does look worse but she wouldn't stop and thinking back about it is actually pissing me off, like is having a beard the only thing that she sees in me haha.
Click to expand...

Good stuff on the progress, man. Excited to see where you are in a few months.

In regards to being treated like a provider instead of the person she casually has sex with as a festival, would you say you treated her like those other guys did to get to that point?

I'm concerned you want her to look at you one way, except she has no idea about it. Sounds like a recipe for resentment. Have you planned out any next steps from here?
 
natedawg said:
Sewerdog said:
*In terms of results I have made some good progress but I still feel like I'm being treated like a provider.
First girl found out about the girl whose place I stayed at on new years and that we've been going on a few walks and hanging out and her response was to get really anxious and then drive over to see me. This sounds good but I feel like I only get the best put of her when she's worried I'm going to find someone better- even though we are just seeing each other on a casual basis.
It honestly makes me suspicious that she sees me as some sort of provider when I'm aiming to be more like the guy she would casually fuck at a festival (which she has done plenty). I'm also annoyed with the new years girl for trying to stress her out and I just can't help but feel she is only interested in me as she's coming out of a breakup.
Maybe I'm being cynical but this dynamic of I provide x and they give me y is the exact thing I want to avoid.
It didn't help that I shaved my beard and got roasted for it from first girl- at the time I kind of agreed it does look worse but she wouldn't stop and thinking back about it is actually pissing me off, like is having a beard the only thing that she sees in me haha.
Click to expand...

Good stuff on the progress, man. Excited to see where you are in a few months.

In regards to being treated like a provider instead of the person she casually has sex with as a festival, would you say you treated her like those other guys did to get to that point?

I'm concerned you want her to look at you one way, except she has no idea about it. Sounds like a recipe for resentment. Have you planned out any next steps from here?
Click to expand...

Thanks man, that is a good point. I think my self esteem is still very unstable and often depends on positive reactions from girls. I need to evolve past this and anchor my self worth in my actions rather than the reactions of others.
 
Had the conversation with first girl that I've been dreading.
I told her I can't see it being serious with her and in the nicest way I said why I feel like that. (She's been so hedonistic in the past)
I honestly expected to get friendzoned but I wasn't. She said she really likes me and enjoys seeing me and wants to keep things going. She also said most guys ditch her after a while and that she's 'only worth a few months'
I told her that was fucking bullshit and she's worth so much. All a women has to be is loyal, kind and slightly attractive and they're already priceless- the crazy thing is these are just personality traits they have to exhibit, not what kind of eyeliner they wear or how many ig followers they have.
Maybe party girls with high body counts really do just have self esteem issues, I'm not sure.

Cold is slowly shifting
Getting on my skincare, might see a dermatologist as its bugging me so much. Will use dermapen on Sunday.
Defecit maintained
PE maintained, progress stalled though
 
tdan187 said:
It gets easier with time. Being able to be assertive like this with girls is super important though. And they usually respond better / more positively than you'd think.
Click to expand...

It was definitely a surprise how well she responded to me setting boundaries and framing the relationship. She's been messaging me loads and wants to see me more than our normal 2 times a week which is really nice if I wasn't ill again :|

No real updates this week as the chest infection has returned and I'm actually resting until it has gone this time.
 
Sewerdog said:
Had the conversation with first girl that I've been dreading.
I told her I can't see it being serious with her and in the nicest way I said why I feel like that. (She's been so hedonistic in the past)
I honestly expected to get friendzoned but I wasn't. She said she really likes me and enjoys seeing me and wants to keep things going. She also said most guys ditch her after a while and that she's 'only worth a few months'
I told her that was fucking bullshit and she's worth so much. All a women has to be is loyal, kind and slightly attractive and they're already priceless- the crazy thing is these are just personality traits they have to exhibit, not what kind of eyeliner they wear or how many ig followers they have.
Maybe party girls with high body counts really do just have self esteem issues, I'm not sure.

Cold is slowly shifting
Getting on my skincare, might see a dermatologist as its bugging me so much. Will use dermapen on Sunday.
Defecit maintained
PE maintained, progress stalled though
Click to expand...

Sound that with my own brush with the party girl that was L

She had HUGE self-worth issues

Yours actually went well

YOU CAN DO BETTER

YOU DESERVE BETTER

Lets get you with a pretty lovely gal who is what you're looking for

Keep working king

MAC
 
MakingAComeback said:
Sewerdog said:
Had the conversation with first girl that I've been dreading.
I told her I can't see it being serious with her and in the nicest way I said why I feel like that. (She's been so hedonistic in the past)
I honestly expected to get friendzoned but I wasn't. She said she really likes me and enjoys seeing me and wants to keep things going. She also said most guys ditch her after a while and that she's 'only worth a few months'
I told her that was fucking bullshit and she's worth so much. All a women has to be is loyal, kind and slightly attractive and they're already priceless- the crazy thing is these are just personality traits they have to exhibit, not what kind of eyeliner they wear or how many ig followers they have.
Maybe party girls with high body counts really do just have self esteem issues, I'm not sure.

Cold is slowly shifting
Getting on my skincare, might see a dermatologist as its bugging me so much. Will use dermapen on Sunday.
Defecit maintained
PE maintained, progress stalled though
Click to expand...

Sound that with my own brush with the party girl that was L

She had HUGE self-worth issues

Yours actually went well

YOU CAN DO BETTER

YOU DESERVE BETTER

Lets get you with a pretty lovely gal who is what you're looking for

Keep working king

MAC
Click to expand...

Thanks MAC
I'll be honest it's a real mindfuck, she's so hedonistic: she said regular sex barely does it for her anymore as she's done so much crazy stuff (kind of what happens to male porn addicts where they get into more extreme shit over time) and yet she's chasing me, who is very inexperienced and even had ED for the first few months I was seeing her.
The self esteem stuff was a tough one as I never wanted to make her feel bad about herself by enforcing a bit of distance, especially as it seems to reinforce the same patterns of behaviour that made me want to step back in the first place. She still wants to have a threesome with some people she knows so obviously I'm gonna keep it casual with her, but she also seems to have a deep need for emotional connection and a family.
I don't know what's best for her but it's important to remember that people don't always know what's best for themselves and I think she's a good example of this.
I've been learning a lot though and we've had a great time so far and I'm happy that she seens to have more respect for me now I've enforced my boundaries.
 
Updates:
Cold hasn't shifted so missed workouts and have gone back into a surplus, first girl wanted to see me anyway so went to her place and stayed over.
Ended up making her cum 5 times this morning just with my dick so the ED can go fuck itself, didn't finish but it gave me some serious stamina.
I need to realise I'm getting pretty good at this and there were some moments where a switch flipped and I got this rush of positive emotions. Interesting stuff, self perception is massive, maybe I am a Chad now.

Physique pics:
Haven't really been able to train without coughing my guts out but she has full length mirrors I wanted to use
 
Back from the dead
Workout done
Dickmaxxing done
Skincare done

Cold has gone so I'm gonna push it at the gym again, get my body in insane shape.
Building up a nofap streak to try to beat Saturdays performance with first girl and also because I like the edge it gives me.
Also back playing guitar and will start doing lessons.
 
Weekly recap:
Been ramping it back up at the gym
Looksmaxxing protocols maintained
Went out with social circle Friday, Saturday, spent today at first girls house.
Had a week of nofap which made sex with her way more intense, libido gets crazy on 125mg/ week test but I also feel the nofap making me restless and moody for the first few days before my mood lifts. I want to use this extra energy to make money.
ED: was able to make her cum from sex and finished myself which is awesome. She told me she has a fantasy about me pinning her up against a wall so will start trying these kind of things now my confidence is increasing.
I credit the nofap with this breakthrough and I think it helps my dopamine/reward systems too.
She also cooked me dinner and said I'm always welcome which is another highlight of this journey.

I think getting rich is going to improve my life the most. I can leverage money for long-term health, looks (things like hair transplant in my 30's) and location. My brain needs to do something productive too now that I'm no longer porn addicted and have good energy levels.

Accountability photo attached
 
To do:
Get haircut
Start using regaine along with dht reducing shampoo. Read GLL stuff about hair care
Actually set up a hanging device as well as maintaining pe stuff EOD
Research side-hustles
Sort out subscriptions, set up saver/investment account, invest £100/week
Workout ×4 cardio ×2 go on 2 walks
Read 20 mins/day
Buy more test
Eat healthy
Build nofap streak till next time I see first girl
 
Hair:
Starting a regimen of nizarole shampoo, finasteride and RU58841 (topical peptide)
Will update with hairline pics to track progress.
Only concern is bulldozing my DHT may cause the ed to return but hopefully as my test is exogenous it'll give me some leeway.
Currently running 125mg test/e a week in conjuction which may change this summer if I go back on a blast.
 
Updates:

ED: I consider this fixed, still don't finish sometimes, able to cause multiple orgasms though which is cool. Closely monitoring what the finasteride does to my libido.

Hair: Running all discussed protocols, still too soon to see any results

Physique: Been eating out with friends loads and lost some definition. Will bring this back after my holiday. Trying to overreach slightly on my workouts before I go away so the first week will act as a deload.

Work: Got the highest pay rise they can offer me and will get a promotion once they sort out some admin stuff.

Going on holiday for two weeks to Cambodia so I'm looking forwards to relaxing and seeing more of the world.

I've decided to run another blast when I'm back and finally get that 8-pack. I'll also really focus on side-hustle development.
 
Back from holiday
To do Spring 23

Recomp body:
250-300mg test enan/ week
2 upper, 2 lower, 1 gpp, 1 rucking session increasing to 2 times, dropping one lower body day
Ramping up to alps track in Jun

Maximise skincare:
Sunblock if greater than 20mins exposure
Prescription strength tretinoin
Dermarolling/pen for 4 weeks then eow maintenance
Healthy diet, exfoliate once a week, sauna once a week with Epsom salt
Hyaluronic acid general serum/ moisturiser in the morning
Increase showering with tea tree soap to 2× a day to get rid of backne
Research and use melanotan 2 for protective tan pre summer/ alps

Haircare:
1mg finasteride daily
Nizarol shampoo (2mg)
RU58841 1ml daily application

Finances:
Progress aggressively at work- learning gigs, workday goals, be more proactive
Research and develop one viable side-hustle
Save and invest £300/ month
Continue buying company shares
Plan food shopping
Start long-term cosmetic fund

Health:
Send off for one bloodwork panel while in the middle of blast
Healthy diet
No more than 3 pints per week
Get noise cancelling headphones for sleep
Probiotics, raw dairy

Social:
Go into Oxford to meetup groups once a week and to one approach
Go on one stay cation with fwb

Style:
Get cool spring/summer wardrobe - 3 modular outfits
Maintain hair and beard grooming

Mental:
Read 20 mins/day self help related
Don't use phone or read news too much at work
Visualise and affirm 10 mins daily
Be grateful about 3 things daily
Walk in nature 2× a week
Tidy and organise room 1×/week
Remember all the things you thought you couldn't do

Sexual health:
Start hanging
Maintain stretching 30 mins eod
Pump 12 mins eod
Start kegel/ reverse kegel beginner routine
Run cialis daily
Dont whack off
 
Updates:
Had a really good week

Sexual health:
Saw fwb twice and now have the problem where she's getting too sore to go multiple rounds. She's also orgasming about 5 times just from basic missionary which has been amazing, especially getting to spend time with such a sexual person.
I've been trying some more dominant stuff too which she responds really well to, will keep exploring this as it creates a really fun back and forth dynamic.
I spent so many years needlessly worrying about size and being good enough when it seems I didnt need to worry at all. This was part of my fear of women and rejection for so long and it was something I had Nothing to worry about. Had a big grin on my face at work when she said she can still feel me the day after.
Followed Manly Cockfellow's amazing advice and got her to say she wants me to cum for her and that I feel amazing which really takes things up another level.
Test dosing in smaller amounts with a slin pin has cranked my libido significantly, possibly due to less aromatisation.
PE: Hit another pr this week and getting closer to my length goal, I'm definitely past the pont of diminishing returns but it still satisfies my ego. I can't really use the bathmate before sex anymore as it makes me too big so I'm just using it for maintenance.

On a more serious note she told me she loves me so I'm going to make sure to keep adding value to her life, keep being open and just enjoy the journey.

Physique:
Still getting back into it after my holiday, lost some strength and size, muscle memory and going back on blast means I'll be back in an elite place in 4-6 weeks.
I'm trying to blow up my arms, delts and upper back with more frequent direct work as well as training for a hiking trip in the alps in 12 weeks.

Skincare:
Currently using retinol, Hyaluronic acid serum from gll and a moisturiser and have seen an improvement which is really cool. Also trying to source some decent prescription strength tretinoin without having to pay dermatologist rates for it.
Hair: running discussed protocols, will get a shower catcher to track shedding but I also think I'll look hyper-masculine with a shaved head.

Work:
Pushed for a pay rise today and my managers said they've been putting measures in place and it's just a matter of time before HR finalises it but it's annoying me that 'red tape' is getting in the way. I'm going to take on some more roles too.

Invested in some noise cancelling earphones as I'm a terrible sleeper.
 
Ordered some expensive noise cancelling earplugs for sleep, prescription strength tretinoin and some Hyaluronic acid, also stocked up on more test.
Saw fwb three times last week, driving over and going multiple rounds is tiring me out lol so will probably just see her twice this time.

Physique is coming back very strong already, allowing some detraining can be very beneficial as I am able to elicit a massive training effect by doing comparatively less work in the gym while my body re-adapts.
The extra arm and delt work is contributing to a real V look.

Also went a week with no alcohol

To do:
Make more money - spend 4 hrs this week researching best way to do this.
Socialise with new group - having great sex on demand has made me lazy in this regard.
Continue hitting saving/investment target.
Use dermapen, retinols been drying my skin out so I don't want to stress it too much, I might work in a break so I can use it.
Continue bodymaxxing.
Bloodwork.
Manage energy effectively on early shift.
Smash new roles at work.
Healthy food shop.
 
Dude

You are REALLY putting the work in

So proud of you

I want you to be an epic KYIL success story

KEEP FUCKING WORKING KING

MAC DADDY
 
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