Organdroid Crushes The AA Program

[anorgandroid]

INTRODUCTION

Yo, it's Ryan

I've already introduced myself in the introduction thread, but since I'll be spending my time working on this thread for the next few weeks, possibly months, I figured I should offer more background on myself, my aspirations, and current shortcomings.

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF WHERE I'M AT

At the time of writing (April 3rd, 2023), I'm a 21 y/o virgin (god that feels good to say in earnest) living a few miles outside of Lancaster, PA, and who's been dead-set on improving himself since the previous summer. I've been hitting the gym regularly (six times a week), reading an hour a day, and overall being more health conscious. Current successes I've had are:

- beat my own depression
- gain 20 pounds within four months (big improvement over being a skinny loser)
- quit playing video games
- drastically lowered porn consumption
- had my first kiss and bout of intimacy with a woman

MY CURRENT SITUATION

I'm a computer science undergraduate, and will graduate next month. By the end of May, I will be moving from my apartment back in with my parents. Now I don't plan on staying with them for long, since I want to move to a city (we live in a suburban neighborhood, about as upper middle class as it gets on the east coast). Even though I'll have a degree in it, computer science isn't my calling anymore. I'm no longer as interested in it as I once was, probably due to a terrible internship I worked at over the summer.

I've gotten more invested in coaching and human psychology and would love to try that. I can see a future of doing that and being fulfilled, all the while supporting the lifestyle I want. Unfortunately, my social skills are pretty dirt-poor at the moment, mostly because I'm not a very open person.

A LITTLE BACKSTORY (I PROMISE THIS IS IMPORTANT)

For better or for worse, I've always felt exceptionally different from most of my peers, which manifested in me feeling shunned from interacting with them as a whole. The earliest I can think of this being the case is freshman year of high-school, where I could tell other people didn't want to associate with me (some of those fuckers even called me autistic, why the hell did I care about their opinions?). I had a small group of friends who loved playing video games, and I wanted to associate with them as much as possible, shutting myself out from anyone else, even my own parents and siblings at times.

This would continue even through to college, up until the summer of 22'. By that point, I was diagnosed as being moderately depressed, which as Andy says, I fucking deserved. I played video games for numerous hours a day, masturbated to porn every single day, sometimes twice, and had no trajectory in life other than my next fix of dopamine.

Then I started watching self-improvement content from numerous creators, seeing how they got their shit together after whatever rough patch in their life, and I realized that they were no different, hell, they were in even more precarious situations than I currently was. I got rid of my bad habits, started lifting daily, and by the end, came out a more positive person, having conquered his own negative emotions.

But I still sucked at social interactions.

On top of that, I met a friend of one of my apartment housemates, and we started developing feeling for one another. Since I was still a pussy, and had no idea how to be upfront with what I wanted, or what that even WAS, I didn't navigate the relationship well at all. She didn't want to commit to a single person, and I THOUGHT that I wanted monogamy, that she was the only one who mattered to me. 'Course I know now that that was me being a desperate bitch, who was afraid of letting people go, and thought that I could "change" her. The day I realized that I couldn't, was simultaneously one of the best and worst days of my life: I felt like absolute SHIT, but I learned something extremely valuable from it:

I can't expect others to change, but I sure as hell should expect myself to

Now that I've recovered fully from the heartbreak, I've been getting even stronger desires for social exposure and intimacy. Only problem is I still suck at putting myself out there, and getting what I want out of relationships. It was at this time that I discovered KYIL (through Andy's Tinder guide, as I'm sure most of you found this site through), and the original GLL sites. More importantly, I discovered GLL's approach anxiety program and developed the burning itch to complete it.

However, I only made it until Day 9 the first time I tried it.

I'm proud that I made it that far, but I KNOW I can do better. That being said, I also made a grievous mistake, and on the first day to boot: I never made any sort of log for myself to keep track of my progress. I used the excuse that I couldn't make an account on the site (never got a follow-up email to approve my request to join), but that shouldn't have stopped me from making a vlog, or even using this forum.

So that's what I'm going to do, starting today.

MY CURRENT GOAL

I wholeheartedly believe that by completing GLL's AA program, I will get the following benefits:

- improve my ability to hold conversations with others
- rack up examples of other people being genuinely caring and awesome
- allow me to gain confidence when conversing with/escalating on women
- give me an area I can reliably coach others for
- give myself that upward momentum I desperately yearn for

WHY I HAVE NO CHOICE OTHER THAN SUCCESS

Earlier I stated that I graduate in May, and will move back to live with my parents. I already have a set track of what I want to do: move to a big city for more social/sexual opportunities, start a coaching business, and live the digital nomad style for some time (keep in mind I don't have a single dollar to my name atm). However, my parents are EXTREMELY reliant on me going to graduate school, claiming that it'll get me a better job, higher pay, and more opportunities for success in my field. I've accepted that I'll have to go against their wishes no matter what, but I'd like to have SOMETHING to back myself up, that I'm dead set on making coaching work.

Therefore, I NEED the experience the AA drills will give me by the time I move back home, not only to prove to my parents that I have what it takes to make my dream work, but to MYSELF.

Failure is NOT an option. I need to succeed, my future relies on it.

This has been Day 2's post. The next time I post, which will be tomorrow by the latest, I will have made some great pics to use for Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. I might use OkCupid and POF, as the AA program suggests, but I've noticed that a decent amount of women on there live either more than an hour away (curse you, suburban Pennsylvania), or look like shit (physically and picture-quality). All the more reason to motivate me to take better photos. I don't have access to a DSLR at the moment, so my phone camera will have to do until I can grab one from a friend.

Stay strong boys, we'll make it through the other side together

 

[NightRoller]

Hey man, a lot to unpack here. My reply has little time, so it won’t do it full justice, but that aside:

I feel you on not having many options/blowing by your college times with little social experiences. I’m basically there myself, but salvaged a little bit of college this year. My family lives in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in the MidWest, full of conservative chicks, the only ones on online dating are the ones with major problems as opposed to online dating in the cities.

Which brings me to an important point: as you’ll read in stuff like pancakemouse ’s blog and elsewhere, you need to go to a big city. Optimally, over 200,000 people, but 100,000 could possibly work. Live in the city in a tiny apartment if you have to, but don’t live far out in the suburbs if you can help it. The volume is rarely there and it makes logistics difficult.

About a year ago, at 21, I was a virgin myself, so props to you for starting this log and getting out there. If you’re curious to know more about my mindset and stuff when starting, you can see my website blog (I might have it linked in my signature or profile?), but overall, it won’t help you. Taking consistent action will. Get yourself into an environment with decent volume sooner than later, and then set up online dating to lose your virginity and get some experience before/while trying in-person game.

I’m kind of doing it after just 1 year as a busy college student. You “sure as hell can too”

Looking forward to the cool posts to come from you

 

[anorgandroid]

DAY 2
Christ, today felt like it lasted forever. I'm sitting on my bed, laptop on my lap, at 10PM, knowing fully well that I should be getting ready to zonk out for the night (I take sleep extremely seriously, I need my eight hours of quality rest even if it KILLS me). So the drive I have making this post should count for something.

TODAY'S RESULTS
Got some nice pics at the gym with some of my buds, but nothing I'd personally want on the top of my Tinder, ESPECIALLY not my "swipe-stopper." I don't believe shirtless pics of a dude doing a Schwarzenegger pose in front of a mirror in a locker room are all that flattering, even to other dudes. The good news is I have a full photoshoot planned with these guys tomorrow! We're gonna hit up the park and a nearby city to take some good photos, I'm extremely eager to get my ass in gear for them. I've already packed a suitcase of my best clothes, gotta give myself options (and make it seem less like each shot was taken on the same day).

But I think most of the progress I've made is on the mental front. I spent a decent amount of time today ruminating on my previous relationships, or times I've tried to have one with another girl. So far those include:

- my housemate's friend, who I spoke over on my first post
- a girl I knew from my freshman year, and reconnected with at a bar last September
- a classmate of mine whose number I asked for three weeks ago
- a chick I pulled a phone number from on POF

Let's start with the last of these. This was the first time I've matched and gotten a number from a dating site, all using Andy's template, so I figured she must REALLY want to meet up.

Only issue is she kept waiting multiple days to message me back.

Today she decided to message me again, FIVE DAYS after the last time I messaged her. By this time I was getting annoyed with the flakiness, and decided to be upfront and tell her that I wasn't going to have any of it. To my surprise, I did manage to get a response three hours later, and sadly, she said that I "had no idea what kind of shit she has in her life," and I blocked her after wishing her well.

Naturally, since this is the first time I've gotten a number from a dating site, I felt really attached to the prospect of getting results from it, only to see it wash down to drain. And then I started feeling bad since I never really tried to understand things from her point of view (gotta thank Andy yet again for that realization) And yeah, I keep telling myself that she must've been really boring (after all, when I asked her what she did for fun per the template, her response was "i drink" ), or that her not responding to me meant she didn't care at all whether we met or not. But there's no way of me knowing if I don't ask. So this has gotten me curious about the "right" amount of time I should spend on screening via text, and when to cut it off if nothing bears fruit. I assume I'll get better with this with practice.

I'm also proud of myself for drawing clear boundaries, although I may have been too harsh in my wording.

If anything, this is all the more reason why I need to take these photoshoots seriously tomorrow. The best fix for this is to simply get better results on dating apps, get exposed more to these situations, and I'll naturally improve. And I can't get those without some fantastic pictures, and a stellar bio to boot.

I'll go over the other stories with my "romantic" interests in more depth in the future, whenever they might become relevant in the narrative (holy shit there's lore here )

TOMORROW'S GOALS
Technically it's Day 4 of the program (god I spent no time going over that huh), so that means I got to ask five girls for the time. I can do this pretty easily at the moment, so I'd like a way to make it harder without copying over tasks from future drills (asking for a location, what kind of phone they have, etc.).

My go-to drill for right now is asking them "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Somehow, this message always gets interpreted by someone as me wanting to stop them for whatever reason, so they'll either say they have to get to something, or they don't have the time (though I've only tried this on my campus, which makes me also think hitting other places up in the future would be wise). To which I'll reply "No sorry, I need THE time," or something along those lines. They'll most likely feel relieved it wasn't anything major, possibly even embarrassed that they misunderstood my approach.

The first time I accidentally stumbled on this interaction, I knew it could be fun when used on the right people, really hope I don't sound too mischievous with this idea :evil:

COMMUNITY RESPONSES
Before wrapping up this post, I'd like to thank everyone who's read this thread thus far, and especially NightRoller for the motivation! I'll go over a few comments made that stood out to me.

I feel you on not having many options/blowing by your college times with little social experiences. I’m basically there myself, but salvaged a little bit of college this year. My family lives in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in the MidWest, full of conservative chicks, the only ones on online dating are the ones with major problems as opposed to online dating in the cities.

Glad to see we have something in common here

Which brings me to an important point: as you’ll read in stuff like @pancakemouse ’s blog and elsewhere, you need to go to a big city. Optimally, over 200,000 people, but 100,000 could possibly work. Live in the city in a tiny apartment if you have to, but don’t live far out in the suburbs if you can help it. The volume is rarely there and it makes logistics difficult.

Hard agree, it's not like there's absolutely no one out here to date, but options are drastically narrowed down, on both sides. It definitely means fewer people to approach throughout the day, and fewer possible matches on dating apps, but I do think there's a good case for there being less competition from other guys, that the 1% of men most women swipe right on are lower in quantity. But even if that were the truth, you are absolutely correct there are fewer cards dealt here, and my priority should be to move when I graduate.

Alright, that's it from me today, I'm starting to drift off into snooze-land at this point. Stay tuned for tomorrow's entry, and remember we'll make it through the other side together

 

[komeback_kile]

Love it, dude. Keep up the grind. Echoing what NightRoller said, a bigger city will do you better when you can move in the future. Also sounds like you parents will be a deterrent to your goals, freedom, and life -- not in a nefarious way, but probably not what you need if you want to grow and learn responsibility on your own.

Another consideration that goes against some of the conventional advice around here (of dropping everything and going all in), consider doing something with your Computer Science background. I hated working full-time in the field, but now having a part-time job, I have incredibly flexibility that most do not have and get paid well for it. Anyways, just an option or consideration to challenge you with.

- All the best and look forward to seeing your photoshoot

 

[anorgandroid]

DAY 4-5
Didn't have any time yesterday for the post, and I BARELY have time tonight, so I'll try to keep this post relatively quick.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS
Had a great time at the photoshoot, took one of my college buds down to a park about an hour away, and we had a fuckton of fun doing it! I packed a suitcase of all the fashionable clothes I had and found a few fitting pairs of dress shirts and khaki pants. We took a few shots in the parking lot, and on the walking trail (although I probably won't use those, since we were topless in those ones). And since most of the trees are in bloom at the time, you bet your ass we took some posing under them. Not to mention it was sunny and in the 80s, I could not have asked for a more perfect day!

In fact, I forgot all about the AA drills, even though this was the PERFECT time to practice.

As far as the drills, I went through them at the Aldi up by my place, since I needed groceries and figured why not: besides it gives me a chance to practice in a tighter space, where others would be more put off that I'm asking EVERY girl there for the time.

Also, and I wasn't expecting this at all, I saw the first girl who I'd say was unequivocally a 9. I didn't get such a good look at her face, so that could drag the score through the mud, but everything else about her, her ginger locks, her hourglass physique, even her behavior screamed one word: "feminine." Honestly, writing this out makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, and I'm starting to realize that there's a certain mystique to women that I've never even considered, how they can be so human and so alien at the same time.

Also, the dude she was with was a solid 5, decently tall, but fat. And extremely scruffy. I mentioned this to some of my boys, and one mentioned "he's either got a funny personality, or hella bread." I'm not gonna argue and say that's completely true or false, but I did take something meaningful away from that:

If a guy like that could bag a true baddie, then there's no reason why I couldn't.

I mean I SAW them together. WITH MY OWN EYES. I'm more envigorated than jealous honestly. Provided I put the hours in, IN TIME I CAN DEFINITELY DO THIS.

TODAY'S RESULTS
Oh god. Thursdays are the busiest for me. When I say I barely have any time to do anything other than coursework, I MEAN IT. Here's a little breakdown of my schedule:

7 - 10AM: Wake Up + Morning Routine (calisthenics, reading, meditation, eat breakfast, skin care)
10AM - 12PM: Classes
12 - 1PM: Free Hour (I spend this time eating and reading since I'm still bulking)
1 - 4PM - Classes
4 - 5PM - Free Hour (again, spent this time eating and listening to podcasts)
5 - 8PM - Part-Time CS Tutoring (my only income source atm)
8 - 10PM: Evening Routine (dinner, shower, log post)

So I don't have much time to do approaches. And while I know some might say that I can squeeze some time during my free periods to work on drills, I'd much rather tack them onto the next day's approaches, and make it at least slightly easier due to social momentum being maintained. Which is what I'll do tomorrow.

At least I spent a good amount of time getting done some coursework today. I still have some to wrap up by tomorrow morning, but it gives me at least another hour tomorrow to fuck around with pedestrians :evil:.

TOMORROW'S GOALS
One of my primary goals for tomorrow is to find a consistent and reliable spot to meet women. I've noticed my campus is extremely inactive at certain times, and whenever there are people out, they're in a rush to get to classes, which lasts all of ten minutes. It's also a small campus, with about 7000 students total, so that doesn't give me a consistent stream of ladies to interact with.

So tomorrow I'm thinking about going to Lancaster city and finding a park or something which boasts a decent amount of people of the fairer sex. It'll be good to scope out logistics for meeting up in the future, and would very much help me figure out where people decide to congregate in general. And help broaden my horizons: I don't have to rely on approaches on campus all the time, and I can devise more ways of asking for directions (hell, I might actually be serious about needing them).

Other than that, bang out both Day 5 and 6 drills tomorrow, and it should be smooth sailing from there. That's not to say I don't gotta work on getting them done though, I can't afford to think I can coast on by. I believe that was the reason I couldn't get past Day 9 before, I thought I was above the current drills, and started skipping them. I need to do these until it becomes second nature to me.

COMMUNITY RESPONSES

Another consideration that goes against some of the conventional advice around here (of dropping everything and going all in), consider doing something with your Computer Science background. I hated working full-time in the field, but now having a part-time job, I have incredibly flexibility that most do not have and get paid well for it. Anyways, just an option or consideration to challenge you with.

So I HAVE thought of doing some CS work after graduation, part-time or just an internship, just something to give me a bit of income right out the gate. It'll definitely lessen the amount of debt I might accumulate by going out. And yeah, full-time isn't the way for me either, I can't imagine working 9-5 WHILE ALSO working out for an hour AND doing drillsFor anyone successfully pulling this off, kudos to you guys, I couldn't even find the balance today to do EITHER of those.

It might've sounded like this before, but I don't actually hate CS. I'm currently working on an undergraduate thesis, where I built my own RPG game in Unity, and I've had an absolute blast coding it and explaining my process in the write-up. Rather, it's the work that I had to do at my previous internship (bug fixes, web load testing, golly-gee) and certain major requirements that don't do it for me. 'Course now that I have more experience under my belt (not to mention a FLIPPIN DEGREE WOOHOO), it's possible that I could find something more my speed.

With that being said, should I prioritize finding a city with good employment opportunities, or a city with a decent population of social opportunities? I imagine most have both, but I'm curious as to which most would say is a higher priority.

I'll leave you with that question for now, and I'll post the photos whenever I get the time to unload them from my camera. Until next time

 

[anorgandroid]

DAY 6
Okay FINALLY I can start talking about the drills today!

TODAY'S RESULTS
I'm gonna be honest, I really didn't feel like completing the drills today. Which I at first internalized as me not having fun with the program any longer, a completely idiotic thought considering I only asked five women for the time so far. I made up plenty of excuses in my mind: that it was too chilly and windy to approach, that I wouldn't get any positive results, that I was above doing this, etc.

And I still went out there and did the drills.

And even when I did the drills, I felt like I wanted to quit halfway through.

I'm really proud of myself for persevering through scouting out the city of Lancaster for approach opportunities. I'm proud of myself for sticking through when I couldn't find ANY girl for a good five minutes. And I'm proud of myself for finding some genuinely cool women out there.

For anyone who needs a refresher on where I'm at, as well as the program itself, my task was to go up to ten women and ask them for the time, and after that ask five for the time, five for the time + directions, and five for the time + directions + whether they've been there. So in total, that means 25 women to stop and talk to.

Asides from going through periods of time without finding a single girl to talk to, the only negative was that one girl blew me off entirely. But the positives far outweigh those.

One girl started gushing about a ramen place I asked for directions to.

One girl mentioned that a hotel's bar was pretty good WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN ASK ABOUT THE BAR.

AND ONE GIRL PULLED OUT HER PHONE TO FIND DIRECTIONS TO ONE OF THE BIGGEST LANDMARKS IN THE CITY.

I think I'm starting to hate asking girls for the time because I know I can get funnier and more interesting topics out of them. There's no way I can only ask them to check their phones once when I can get them talking about basically anything. I'm starting to see this program as being fun again, I hope that lasts up until the last week!

TOMORROW'S GOALS
Get Day 7 drills done, continue working on my thesis project, and try to enjoy the weekend. It's Easter in a couple of days, so I plan on traveling home to spend time with my parents and sisters. Hopefully, it'll give me more opportunities to look for places in which to continue my mayhem.

SOMETHING ELSE ON MY MIND
After reading and hearing some of the stories guys on this forum have regarding their virginities, and how wrapped it was into their identity, I have the feeling I might be suffering from the same thing. Even though I've been more focused and dedicated to self-improvement, going to the gym daily, building strong connections with my peers, and attempting to understand myself, deep down I still feel like a fucking child. And I believe the issue is two-fold: a reliance on my parents for income, and the inability to get intimate with a woman.

While the former is something that'll resolve itself in time, the latter won't until I take some action. But I also notice that at times scrolling through dating apps, I'll see a cute girl, and think that I'm not a man enough to be around or, or be intimate with her, even though I KNOW I should at least try to make it happen. It's not so much that I think I can't get my dick up when around a woman, rather I wouldn't get the confidence or courage to go and pursue if she slows the slightest sign of attraction.

I've honestly been entertaining the thought of seeing an escort to solve this dilemma for a while now, but now I'm starting to actually think it might be the best solution for me. Being starved of female attention (sisters don't count, sheesh) for my entire life has sucked, so actually getting it, even if I need to pay for it, would definitely lessen the psychological blow I deal to myself when thinking of girls.

NOW the only issue is getting the funds for it. I've found a trustable provider that not only looks cute and reliable but also goes for $400 for an hour, which seems like a pretty great deal from the research I've put in. The problem is I have $600 to my name for the remainder of the month, of which I need to still spend on food, gas, and utilities for my apartment. Mentally here are the options I've considered to make this fantasy into a reality:

- be completely honest with my parents, and ask for another $200 so I can make ends meet this month
- take a loan out from my bank, hopefully, repay it in full
- start selling things I don't need anymore online, such as books, clothes, etc.

I'm worried about letting my parents know (especially my mom, who's pretty stingy with money, only using it if it has "practical" value) about this, I'm not certain they'd understand. At the same time, Andy has mentioned multiple times that honesty is the best policy, so I should be able to sit down and have an open conversation about it with them. And who knows, maybe I'll get a different perspective that I haven't considered before from the conversation, or my dad can relate due to going through a similar situation at his age. Either way, I need to let them know, and make my decision from that.

So my last goal is to have this conversation with them, and decide if seeing an escort will really change things for me.

That's all I have for now, will keep you all posted on how everything goes tomorrow! Until the next post

 

[anorgandroid]

DAY 7
Been about four days since my last post, here are my results for Day 7, which I completed yesterday. I took a break over the weekend to visit my family to celebrate Easter with them, getting myself a much-needed break from classwork and the drills

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS
I'm gonna be honest, getting to doing the drills yesterday needed a bit of convincing myself to go forward with them. I still feel like I'm above asking for time + place at this moment and needed to think of ways to spice the approaches up. I didn't want to deviate too much off-script, nor did I want to add too much to the mix to deal with at once. Not only that, but I needed to think of a way to keep social momentum going if I don't manage to find anyone around me for some time.

Then I thought of a pretty brilliant solution: ride my bike while doing the drills

Honestly, this helps a great deal with maintaining social momentum, since I'm MUCH faster on a bike than walking, I can easily find another target within thirty seconds tops. It also helps me seem like I'm in a hurry to get somewhere, making the direction asking seem more plausible (I understand if this isn't the intention, but it helps give me some deniability). While fun, I don't want to constantly use my bike for approaches, as I'm not always going to have it on me at all times, but it helped make a relatively mundane drill more fun to achieve. I felt amazing after all 15 approaches!

TODAY'S RESULTS
Didn't do drills today, since I've been cooped up with schoolwork for most of it. While doing these drills is a priority of mine, my main priority will remain finishing my degree. That doesn't mean I'll wait until it's done to take these drills seriously, but if I need to cut myself some slack due to being busy with my courses, I should not punish myself for that. Considering I need to finish up my thesis project, a final project for my data mining and macroeconomics classes, and everything else under the sun that comes with college, if I can't afford to take at least an hour or two out of my schedule, I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

That being said, I will try to get done a drill at least every other day.

TOMORROW'S GOALS
Tomorrow I'll be meeting with some of my professors to get tips on these projects and continue chipping away at each. But I'm going to plan out some time around 4-6 to go and continue the drills. It should be a gorgeous 84 and sunny, so perfect weather to hit up the city park, wherever that might be.

CLOSING THOUGHTS
One more thing before I wrap up this post, I wanted to mention the results of my "meltdown" in the last post. I definitely shared a more vulnerable and insecure side of myself with all of you. I'm not ashamed of this, in fact, I'm glad I actually recorded how I was feeling in the moment to always look back on. I've often been afraid of serious discussions on sex and my sexuality, so getting all that out has honestly helped me be conscientious of this problem.

Truth be told, I feel that it'd be best to drop the virgin label from myself entirely. I might not have had penetrative sex at this time, but I have been intimate with a girl before, and I have had her suck me off too, so that should count for something. If it's happened once, surely it'll happen again.

As far as losing my "virginity" with an escort, I definitely would like to get assistance from someone experienced, but I'm willing to do it with something with little to none as well. I don't want to fit myself into a box as I did in the last post, where I only have one course of action because quite frankly that's a lie. If I had a cute girl willing to wrap her lips on my cock without expecting money, why would I need to have one who does? (again, not to bash escorts, just being clear about how they're not the only option I have)

A fantastic sex life isn't my highest priority right now, but I know it'll be it once I finish university. For now, I'll do the best I can with getting good photos, Tinder matches, and approach experiences.

I'll give updates to each as they come, so until next time!

 

[anorgandroid]

DAY 8
Had a scorcher today, which meant perfect weather to go practice some drills on. Today's set included four sets of asking for time + directions + have you been there + did you like it.

TODAY'S RESULTS
Today's Location: F&M Campus
I decided to change up the location yet again, this time opting for Franklin & Marshall College, situated right inside Lancaster city. Considering I didn't know the location at all, I figured it'd be a great place to find directions to certain campus staples:

Set 1: Ask where the library was
Set 2: Ask where the OTHER library was (they have two somehow)
Set 3: Ask where the fitness center was
Set 4: Ask where the surrounding park was (by this point I had already gotten myself lost, and needed directions out )

I took note of a few feelings I got from approaching today:

- Since it was a nice day, there were more people out lounging on the quad, which naturally would mean more girls to approach. The issue I faced was actually approaching girls in these situations, as it naturally seems like more pressure would be put on me to not seem "weird."
- I'm starting to banter a bit more with the girls, to the point of making up fake reasons for needing directions. I realize that I'm doing this to make myself seem less creepy and in need of assistance, rather than attempting to be more sociable. Going forward I plan to stick to the script more rigidly, especially for the next few drills coming up.
- I'm still messing around with the "right" levels of eye contact, whereas I feel I should let it happen naturally.

I've noticed a commonality between all of these feelings: my hyper-fixation on trying to be "normal" and blend in, and not bringing unwarranted attention to myself by doing these drills. I think the best way of getting through this is by forcing myself to be "weirder" around others, and little by little, the confidence to do "weird" things will build up, completely easing these fears.

TOMORROW'S GOALS
Thursday's the one day I can never make time for anything outside of coursework, and that'll likely stick tomorrow. So on Friday, I plan on getting through the Day 9 drills, while focusing on getting through the script without any major alterations, or "get-out-of-jail-free cards."

CLOSING THOUGHTS
I'm also trying to plan another photoshoot with my boys for next Wednesday since it seems to be sunny and cloudy, thus creating some soft light as opposed to the harsh sun yielded by the results of the last one. While the previous pictures are by far the best ones I have, I have to agree with the consensus here that they aren't very good, and don't represent me the best. At the same time, I believe that using them for my Tinder/Bumble/Hinge/etc. accounts would be the smartest play at the moment since they're the best pictures I have thus far. If I can manage at least five matches with them in the first 24 hours, that'll be more than double what I got with my previous pictures.

Other than that, nothing else to report! So until the next post!

 

[anorgandroid]

DAY 9
Got done a fuckton in terms of school assignments, I feel a lot better in terms of getting it all finished before graduation. I'm telling myself that I just gotta hang in there for another three weeks and finish strong, and I'm outta the education system for good.

TODAY'S RESULTS
Today's Location: Lancaster City

Oh god.

This is the first day I actually didn't finish the drills so far.

For a few reasons. For starters, I was kind of afraid my car would get ticketed, since I was cutting it really close to the time when the city stops permitting public parking. But other than that, the primary issue was scoping for chicks to run the drills on. Or rather, my lack of finding what I deemed "ideal" opportunities.

I would look for situations where there were one or two girls, preferably under 30 years of age, who were within at least 10 feet of me. Which didn't happen nearly as often as I liked.

However, I noticed plenty of opportunities where there were a group of girls passing me, a chick or two chilling out while surrounded by many people, or a girl walking across the street from me.

This only means one thing to me: I'm not pushing myself out of my comfort zone enough. I need to put my damn pride aside and stop worrying about what other people would think from seeing me do the drills, and actively chase what I want.

I think that I still have some deep-rooted shame about interacting with strangers, probably dealing with when I was a child (one of my first memories is of being rejected from playing with another kid, which speaks volumes about my mental state at times). However, that was when I was six, and we all know kids are notoriously cruel and stupid with one another, so I'll do some reflection later tonight on it.

I will say the three or so sets I went through today went pretty well. I did have one instance where a chick refused to give me the time, but I said whatever and headed off. I'm definitely beginning to get calloused to rejection.

Also to pick myself up after the failure to do today's drills, I went and took some more Tinder pictures, this time doing some shots of me on my apartment's balcony. I'll post them in a bit, curious to see if/how I've improved from the last time.

TOMORROW'S GOALS
Tomorrow I'll go out to the city and repeat the Day 9 drills again (the campus won't do since it's absolutely barren over the weekend). I'm planning to just get in there and run the drills on whoever I see, and keep a note of how I feel by being a little more "risky" with how I run the drills.

Until the next post!