cloudburst
Member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2021
Hi all,
I’ve been having decent success in the dating game, however I’m looking to improve more - particularly in my close rates.
I’ve been studying Blackdragon/Caleb Jones’ content and it has been a net positive on my OLD and first date closing ability, however I’m struggling a bit with the no kissing on first dates and with escalating to sexual conversation. I’ll be the first to admit that it may not be a big problem, as I’ve only hit low double-digit numbers of first dates and have about a 35% rate of getting a second, and could just be not enough numbers.
For the kino - what generic things do y’all like to do over the course of the date if you don’t kiss? I usually just open with an arm-behind-the-back or side-hug when I meet them, as it’s about as physical as most girls are okay with you getting in the first minute in my experience thus far. I’ve had success with more niche kino like pushing the hair back to hold an earring, gently touching an arm/leg to trace or ‘see a tattoo better’ during the date, but these don’t often apply. I think, as with most self improvement, I’m getting a little worse since applying this since I now think I’m portraying that I’m uncomfortable touching them (whether it be lack of attraction or unconfident). The whole point of not kissing them is to marinate the sexual attraction after the short first date, but I worry that currently I’m not leaving enough to marinate. (Even though I’m a decent conversationalist and they’re usually smiling or laughing often) I think the greatest failings are probably first in how I break off the date (usually resulting in a walk to their car and a hug or side-hug) or in the greeting (I have always thought side-hugs are cringy in any context).
Secondly, but in the same vein, I struggle to get to talks of sexuality. Part of the tension you’re to build is demonstrating that you’re comfortable being a sexual creature. Unfortunately, the main way to get to sexuality is to speak of past relationships, and the last few dates I’ve been on have ended in messy breakups one way or another so I have to revert back to fluff talk to keep the vibe light and fun. Also a failing of me to build sexual tension.
The only obvious solutions I have yet to test extensively is to more-or-less just grab her hand as we walk as a display of physical confidence and to try to jokingly blame the failure of the relationship on a lack of the ex’s bedroom prowess. These don’t seem like fantastic solutions though.
I don’t think there’s much to be improved in terms of body language, as I’m quite relaxed(take space, lean back, smile) and make good eye contact (usually triangle gaze, shifting to background and pointing something around us out), and don’t speak too fast. (Could maybe work on keeping deeper tonality, though).
Interested to hear your thoughts - happy to answer any followup questions.
I’ve been having decent success in the dating game, however I’m looking to improve more - particularly in my close rates.
I’ve been studying Blackdragon/Caleb Jones’ content and it has been a net positive on my OLD and first date closing ability, however I’m struggling a bit with the no kissing on first dates and with escalating to sexual conversation. I’ll be the first to admit that it may not be a big problem, as I’ve only hit low double-digit numbers of first dates and have about a 35% rate of getting a second, and could just be not enough numbers.
For the kino - what generic things do y’all like to do over the course of the date if you don’t kiss? I usually just open with an arm-behind-the-back or side-hug when I meet them, as it’s about as physical as most girls are okay with you getting in the first minute in my experience thus far. I’ve had success with more niche kino like pushing the hair back to hold an earring, gently touching an arm/leg to trace or ‘see a tattoo better’ during the date, but these don’t often apply. I think, as with most self improvement, I’m getting a little worse since applying this since I now think I’m portraying that I’m uncomfortable touching them (whether it be lack of attraction or unconfident). The whole point of not kissing them is to marinate the sexual attraction after the short first date, but I worry that currently I’m not leaving enough to marinate. (Even though I’m a decent conversationalist and they’re usually smiling or laughing often) I think the greatest failings are probably first in how I break off the date (usually resulting in a walk to their car and a hug or side-hug) or in the greeting (I have always thought side-hugs are cringy in any context).
Secondly, but in the same vein, I struggle to get to talks of sexuality. Part of the tension you’re to build is demonstrating that you’re comfortable being a sexual creature. Unfortunately, the main way to get to sexuality is to speak of past relationships, and the last few dates I’ve been on have ended in messy breakups one way or another so I have to revert back to fluff talk to keep the vibe light and fun. Also a failing of me to build sexual tension.
The only obvious solutions I have yet to test extensively is to more-or-less just grab her hand as we walk as a display of physical confidence and to try to jokingly blame the failure of the relationship on a lack of the ex’s bedroom prowess. These don’t seem like fantastic solutions though.
I don’t think there’s much to be improved in terms of body language, as I’m quite relaxed(take space, lean back, smile) and make good eye contact (usually triangle gaze, shifting to background and pointing something around us out), and don’t speak too fast. (Could maybe work on keeping deeper tonality, though).
Interested to hear your thoughts - happy to answer any followup questions.