Sabe's Logs, Tinder, Dating, + generally tryina improve with girls

sabe

sabe

Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2023
Hey everyone! Need help!

I have totally procrastinated posting here. I was lurking since I was afraid you guys would be mean but taking action on my own I came to realize I definingly need help. My goal is to eventually find a long term relationship, but pick the right person. I am a virgin, never had a huge urge to purse girls so I am really shit at it. Good social skills, have lots of friends I absolutely love. Feel like a total normie with a pretty low sex drive in the forms tho.

I hired a styles, and got a photoshoot done but still get one match every few days on Tinder with platinum. I was one outfit andy for a long time, so I really liked the outfits but of course its not working. I haven't gone all in on all the dating apps yet, will set it up slowly for sure (feeling iffy since tinder is such a flop)

Feedback would be greatly appreciated!!

I'm happy with the photos, so I'm a really bad judge of it I guess.

Tinder profile:

https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/download/file.php?mode=view&id=11933

Body: 14-15% body fat, 151LBs - 285 bench, 415 deadlift, 375 squat (These are numbers from 3 months ago now, ruptured by chest benching without warmup, mostly do calisthenics... look the exact same) Work out 3x a week for the past 5 years on-off through many injuries, run 5x a week, and climb 2-3x a week. Learned my lesson through many many injuries so solid warm up before every workout and climbing ses. Willing to drop to 10-11% if needed but I've been and didn't really enjoy the feeling + I was way more injury prone given my activity levels.

https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/download/file.php?mode=view&id=11932

Current thoughts :
1 - Feedback, Figure out wtf is not working
2 - General self improvement, new goals? I do have 10 year goals, and eulogy goals in-mind so goal alignment is needed. I would hate myself if I became a fuckboi
3 - Monthly photoshoot (probably find someone way cheaper since this service took some saving)
4 - repeat, until I get good results -> get good with girls -> eventually find the right person for a relationship
 
I would remove photo 5.

Absolutely get a shirtless shot in there as soon as possible. Your genetics and v-taper are seriously impressive. I would even consider throwing the mirror shot in right away, even though mirror shots are taboo.

As far as looks, find the best hairstylist in your city and get the most trendy haircut possible. Your current haircut makes you look 10+ years older.

You could also stand to wear some younger clothing, right now you're very "Jerry Seinfeld" which again ages you.

What's the population of your metro area / where do you live? How many profiles are you swiping right on per day? One match every few days feels too low for a profile of this quality.
 
thanks for the really quick feedback really appreciate it dude!!

Removed the 5th picture. Should I add any other photos from the photoshoot?

Will go shopping this weekend for some "Younger" looking clothes. Need to talk to my stylist for what that means or if anyone can point me in the right direction would appreciate! Also found out my tinder was busted lol, all my matches disappear. So I only had one in the past three days. I went on the website this morning and had 6 matches yesterday who woulda thought? Still need to get some more photos taken with different vibe huh. I'll throw in the shirtless photo in there for now, will try to get one done as well.

From seattle, center of the city. Swipe pretty fast for 15 minutes at the end of each day.
 
Removed picture 5 and 7, after the tinder bug I get a match every other day. I did one boost Friday night, and another Saturday morning and both only gave a single match. For each of the matches, I get ghosted when I ask for the number, well there were 4 people that I asked so far so not much of a numbers game yet. This is my first time taking dating game seriously and holy fuck does it mess with my general productivity. Swiping everyday has slowly been increasing libido, and it gets me hella distracted. I got a haircut and new piercings, I didn't end up buying new clothes yet. Need to do that, most likely next weekend go to the mall or something.

I'll keep the routine up of swiping and messaging, I downloaded bumble, hinge, and a few others as well. No luck there. Been reading some of the other forms and its been a huge inspiration, especially colgate's Logs and MakingAComeback's the amount of work you guys put in is actually insane. 2 months ago, I attempted the AA program but couldn't make it past day 8. I legit approached 11 girls for directions the first day, then 8 girls the next day, then 5 girls the next day, on the 4th day I walked 30 minutes to a mall walked around for 2 hours and couldn't even get myself to ask someone for the time and walked another 30 minutes back home. 4 days in a row stuck on day 8 gave up because it was effecting my work productivity. It was a huge mental hurdle, I've been thinking of jumping back into it, but going much lighter. Following KYIL's one approach a day challenge.
 
Apps has given me nothing, I don't know how to text man I'm so shit. If I follow the tinder guide I get ghosted faster than i can say "what do you do for fun?" LMAOO, all good I realized I don't really have that much approach anxiety if I talk with everyone around and be a social guy. The goals was to talk to one girl a day, I will just keep doing this till I feel like I have close to no approach anxiety. Then ima do a 30 day approach challenge. I'll try to log every few days so I don't forget, still swiping, still texting, but also trying to do shit in person. I am serious, I will get laid, I will have a dating life, and eventually, I will have a girlfriend.

Actions:
Monday - talked with a girl on the way to work, she had cute banana ear rings. We talked for 15 minutes, and then she had to go. I was too much of a bitch to ask for her number, and she looked like she wanted it too :(. After work I walked around to try to talk to girls, buuut started a convo with a dude straight grinding (works all day chem eng, who is learning unity for vr for fun) I kinda got too engrossed in the convo and ended up walking with him for 10 minutes. Went into a target, there were so many people here in groups I was too much of a pussy to talk to anybody. Finally I complimented a girl on her neckle and said hi, she looked at me gave a "ha, thanks" and went back to her phone...

2 girls - 0 numbers

Tuesday - talked to a girl on the bus to work again lol, I did get her number but I was sooo friendly, 0 intentions, man I just can't. After work i went to a meditation gathering, meditated and listened to a dhamma talk for 2 hours. My backkk ouch. On the way back talked to a girl, she was a milf. She was really into the convo, annnd we talked for 5 minutes... got to the light and I fucking walked away like a little bitch instead of asking for her number. She looked legit sad dude, I turned back and she was still looking at me AHHH

2 girls - 1 number

Wednesday - Talked to a girls on the way to work, busy getting late to work or something. Said have a nice day and moved on. After work, talked to this lady in her late 30s, super nice conversation... I wasn't really feeling her but I was mad at myself for not asking for numbers so I asked her for her number and got it. Transferred bus, talked to this super cute college student. It was such a fun convo but like 0 intent lmaoo I will get better... exchanged numbers. Talked to another girl on the way back, looked cute from the back but the face ehh she had a mustachio. Went home, hit up the college student for dinner! Super nice friendly date where I showed 0 intention of wanting to date her ::::((. She was really fun to talk to tho, cornell cs kid hella smart, all the same interestsFUCK the rejection is coming and I know it. On the way back I chatted up this girl and she legit said "my day has been awful, but aren't they all" and I bounced quicker than any time I had approach anxiety. She looked straight depressed, killed my after date vibes.

4-5 girls (don't remember all) - 2 numbers - 1 date (friendly)

Journaling - general reflection: I need to show my balls, but I'm proud of what I have done so far :D
 
sabe said:
Apps has given me nothing, I don't know how to text man I'm so shit. If I follow the tinder guide I get ghosted faster than i can say "what do you do for fun?" LMAOO, all good I realized I don't really have that much approach anxiety if I talk with everyone around and be a social guy. The goals was to talk to one girl a day, I will just keep doing this till I feel like I have close to no approach anxiety. Then ima do a 30 day approach challenge. I'll try to log every few days so I don't forget, still swiping, still texting, but also trying to do shit in person. I am serious, I will get laid, I will have a dating life, and eventually, I will have a girlfriend.
Click to expand...
To my knowledge, the general consensus among the more advanced guys on the forums is that Andy's texting template from the tinder guide is not really too effective. The problem is that it screens too hard. If you are a guy struggling to get matches then you will not have much success with Andy's texting template. That kind of texting only works if you're high SMV with lots of options and can afford to filter out a lot of girls. What Andy's template basically does is it screens for a small subset of girls who are super down for sex. Which works if you have enough options.

I would suggest learning how to sexualize over text in a more subtle way. This is something I'm actually learning right now. It's much more difficult to get right but from what I can tell it's a lot more effective.

Still, your profile has to be somewhat fuckboy or else it just comes across as incongruent.
 
This dating shit feels so hopeless to me man. I'll try to stay positive but its been taking a burden on me. Tinder is basically no matches and when I do I still get ghosted, been trying to get better at texting but holy shit I'm shit. Bumble I get the daily 3-4 matches, and every 3 days one of them says "heyy", I crash and burn after that. Got on hinge, need to learn to systemize texting on these apps since I'm spending wayy too much time on them right now. Realized all my approaches in person has been to and from work on the bus or walking to work, have no idea where to talk to girls outside of this narrow window. I've made a bunch of new friends, even girl friends, but my balls aren't fucking there!! I keep pussying out in showing intent. I told a friend of mine my goal of being able to flirt with woman, and he said he's down to walk around with me tomorrow and push me to actually show intent. I know I just have to keep showing up but its hard to believe in myself. I also saw my ex on the apps today and maybe that's adding to the feelings of hopelessness (never escalated past holding hands and cuddling in college). FUCCCK. That being said I have talked to a new girl every day since I set myself the challenge too, I have complemented them in the most platonic way you could fuckign imagine but I'm taking action. I was on a hot streak last week in terms of in person interactions, but this week it kinda fell off. I definitely still have approach anxiety anywhere outside of single girl standing alone. Put a car on hold to buy, so I can save myself the hour and a half in commute every day but I'm actually scared where I'm gonna talk to girls once I do stop taking the bus everywhere.

Outside of putting myself out there, I've been trying to become a better man.

Been reading No-more-Mr-Nice-Guy, I'm too much of a nice guy. I put women on pedestals when they don't deserve it, have needy behaviors that make me feel bad and I'm certain turn off women. If you guys have any other book recommendations I'm all ears. Making friends, joining communities, Working out 3x a week, running 5x a week, working 8-10 hours a day at an awesome fucking job where I might get promoted soon cross my fingers. I feel solid outside of dating, but the moment I put my focus on it I feel inadequate and insecure.
 
sabe said:
Tinder is basically no matches and when I do I still get ghosted, been trying to get better at texting but holy shit I'm shit. Bumble I get the daily 3-4 matches, and every 3 days one of them says "heyy", I crash and burn after that. Got on hinge, need to learn to systemize texting on these apps since I'm spending wayy too much time on them right now.
Click to expand...
your style in the pictures is way too safe, it definitely screams "nice guy" and being brown doesn't help unfortunately.

pancakemouse said:
As far as looks, find the best hairstylist in your city and get the most trendy haircut possible. Your current haircut makes you look 10+ years older.

You could also stand to wear some younger clothing, right now you're very "Jerry Seinfeld" which again ages you.
Click to expand...
this point pancakemouse mentioned is hurting you far more than he made it seem over two dry lines of text. i wish he put it in big bold red letters.

...
...

oh wait i can do that

pancakemouse said:
As far as looks, find the best hairstylist in your city and get the most trendy haircut possible. Your current haircut makes you look 10+ years older.

You could also stand to wear some younger clothing, right now you're very "Jerry Seinfeld" which again ages you.
Click to expand...

there we go



you already have a great body, so obviously that is not the problem

you will need to figure out an archetype that would fit you and that girls (of your type) want to fuck, and then dress like that

for example, i came to japan, and since looking like a kpop star is considered attractive here and i have a young looking face, i am trying to lean into that (under the direction of a teacher)

personally i am terrible at figuring out the specific implementation of the above steps (i do not have any interest in fashion lol), Rags2Bitches is the local expert on this front. pinging him to give input here



since we look vaguely similar and i am assuming you live in the west, i can also provide my old profile i used in america that provided a workable amount of matches in nashville, tennessee: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=40299#p40299

but i could have been much more fuckboy and done much better on the fashion front. it's probably a decent reference point though, and i am excited to see which direction you take your fuckboy style journey
 
Thanks colgate ! You a G. Might take a break from the apps for a bit until I have the style, archetype, photos to back it up. I have plans for photography fashion and the like, won't say anything till I start taking action so I actually have something to brag about instead of getting a dopamine hit for mental masturbation. Day game I'll titrate up slowly. Big win for me today, first time in my life I started a conversation with a girl with "hey I thought you were cute, wanted to say Hi!" HOLY SHIT. I was so fucking hyped bro you have no idea, I don't know if she was into the convo at all she was smiling and thanked me. Talked for like a minute before I ran away like a bitch, I was late to work or so I tell myself... I still only talk to around 1-2 girls a day, but every single one of those interaction has started with "Hey, how's your day going?" or something along those lines. Until today!

I need to get it into my thick head that being a fuckboi, chasing girls isn't a bad thing. That I can still live my values while pursuing girls, it might make it even easier once I start to get good with girls. I want to kill my inner loser! That's why I'm here.

I beat myself over it so much, feel soo behind in the dating game, the anxiety and sadness that I thought went away from months of meditation and journaling, all of those feelings of insecurity really comes out when I actually take action, when I actually take steps towards fixing it. When I was having these thoughts this amazing youtube video got recommended ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xxb-HovgjjM&t=4119s ) It got me hyped, JT & dr K and their insightful asses. Need to talk back to my thoughts, so what? "You're right I am behind, I'll keep moving forward anyway, I don't need to catch up to these casanovas, I just need to keep moving forward"
 
sabe said:
Big win for me today, first time in my life I started a conversation with a girl with "hey I thought you were cute, wanted to say Hi!" HOLY SHIT. I was so fucking hyped bro you have no idea
Click to expand...

epic first approach and epic way to report it
 
Progress logs and updates
- First off, I went to a meditation retreat for the weekend and I feel so fucking happy I'm out of the world. General vibes are great.
- Talking to girls almost every day outside of the retreat, few cold approaches but not enough for sure (I really need to just buckle down and do more approaches)

I have been on a 3 dates now. 2 from cold approach, and 1 from tinder. All the dates felt really friendly, the first two we got coffee and it was fun... I didn't escalate anything I wasn't really feeling it. The tinder date, the girl was really into me but I really wasn't feeling her but I told myself I am going to invite the girl back to my place see what happens. Ah man bad idea, every question I asked she answered so negatively I lost all interest in her but I held the commitment to myself and invited her back. Went to my place, kissed her (it felt awful) my first kiss with a girl so that checks something. I totally did not like her in anyway but would fuck. I ended the date right away and said good buy. I feel nasty and knew I would regret it if I took things any further. Now I need to message her cuz she seems inclined to see me again sigh. Discerning my intentions I want to gain experience and have been lowering my standards to do so but I don't think this was a skillful crack at it. I want to continue getting better at cold approach, will be on dating apps but moving forward if I dislike the girl on the date I'm just gonna end it. I need to find them attractive and I need them not to kill my vibes. I want good experience not shit experience just to check off a list. I will eventually lose my v card don't feel too impatient.

But so far so good, life's been great. I'm just gonna be patient with these things
 
You made the right decision. I've had many times where I pushed myself to escalate when I wasn't feeling it, and I regretted it every time. Personally I find that the more experienced I've become, the higher my standards have gotten. But as a virgin, I imagine you'll be much more flexible with standards.

Obviously you can't be too picky if you're a newbie. You just need to find a balance. Maybe a girl is not your ideal type, but you should still have some level of attraction to them. It can help to focus on the aspects of them you do find attractive. Like, maybe she's not your ideal girl, but maybe she has big boobs or a nice ass, etc. GLL has an article talking about this.

And it's totally understandable if you didn't want to fuck them based on their vibe/personality. Personality is not a cope at all. While looks are important, personality/vibe/sexual chemistry is very important also. The best sex I've had was looks & good sexual chemistry/vibe.

And yeah, if you're not feeling it, don't drag things out. Generally I end things in like 15-20 minutes if I'm not feeling it on the date. You're actually doing her a favor. It's worse to escalate and give her the impression that you're interested.
 
jakeD Haha thanks for the advice man, It's really hard for me. Its like I don't value myself that much If I sleep with them, I would rather get rejected more. I don't want to feel disgusted with myself, I'm already struggling with the sexual shame as is. That being said I made a commitment to get at least 50 rejections this month, I told a friend I'd give him 500 bucks if I don't. I bought a car last week so I can drive to work and drive back, planning on going easy on work, easy on social stuff, and going hard on rejection therapy. I want to overcome my fear of being rejected by girls.

Today : 3/50
- 1. Second real cold approach, took me 30 minutes to build up the balls. She was a really cute girl waiting for her boyfriend haha! she was really giggly, and complimented me right away and thanked me. I walked way feeling so much better.
- 2. 10 minutes later, another super cute girl. Lol she was headed to her 4th date with another dude she really liked but man she was really eager the whole conversation asked for my name thanked me and was hella hyper. Made me feel really good I approached her.
- 3. Thanked me, gave me some excuse about meeting with a friend. Happily took the rejection and walked home.

HOLY FUCK this feels amazing. that altogether also took me an hour and half tho. Each of the girls I found attractive :DDD
 
Same thing, one time i literally "fucked" a 4 out of desperation, it was the wrost experience ever and felt so bad afterwards. I have to like her a bit to enjoy it. This simply means she has to be at least a 6 to be honest
 
Yeah I'm gonna stick to it.

6/50 Rejection counter

4 - Lesbian couple, looked at me with disgust haha! First bad reaction
5 - had a boyfriend, pretty good reaction outside of that but did seem preoccupied since they were hanging with another girl. I didn't introduce myself to the other girl at all so she was looking at me the entire interaction like what the fuck are you doing haha, definetily need to start a convo with a group then state intention (call the girl cute or something). Felt more awkward than normal.
6 - was 17

Numbers
8th ever cold approach - the girl gave me her number. She was cute asian grabbing ice cream by herself.
Another number, this girl I never stated intentions I was journaling next to her she was just really bubbly and wanted to chat.

I love this, it feels amazing already. I'm only at 6 rejections so far I'm really looking forward to the type of person I'll be by the end of the month.
 
Today was awful, I didn't approach so much. I think its because I expect/ thought about good reaction it really put me in my own head. The more I focus on trying to rack of the rejection the easier it becomes, but I also don't play to win when I do that. But when I think about getting the number boom approach anxiety rears its fucking head again. Also meditation and being present helps quite a bit. I'll experiment with this tomorrow, think about racking of the number of rejection to 20 and not worry about the reaction, the number, the outcome. During the interaction once it starts I'll think about having fun. Also I have like 6-7 dead numbers on my phone now and that gets me hella sad.

11/50
Number - First approach yesterday, she was super surprised and happily gave me her number. It was a fun 2 minute convo as I was on the way to get a hair cut.
7 - Sweet girl with a british accent, I felt like she was too good for me and that kinda carried into the convo. It probably turned her off, we chatted for 3-4 minutes and she said I'm good when i asked for her number.
8 - I said she was cute, she thanked me and walked straight off. Idk if I should count this one but I'ma count it
9 - I legit forgot lmao, I logged it so I'm sure I did this approach
10 - two girls sitting together, lol she had a boyfriend and then pimped her friend as single. I looked over and the other girl was covering her eyes, we all laughed about it and I walked off. Maybe I should have asked the other girl. Didn't cross my mind.

11 - only approach today, she was dismissive as fuck and then said she was busy as she walked away.

Walked around for hour and a half in my own fucking head the whole time. Will work on this tomorrow for sure.
Already at 13?14? approaches this week, this challenge is hard as fuck but I ain't about to pay that 500 okay, I just need to focus on the feeling of losing 500 cuz that's all I was thinking about yesterday and it was so much fucking easier than today holy shit.
 
14/50 rejections + 2 numbers

Yesterday: number, Rejection bf, number.
Today: Rejection bf, Rejection too young.

Up to 14 rejections and 21 approaches. I'm sure I can destroy this challenge by the end of the month. First week doing it and I have to say this was a way bigger deal in my head than in reality. As a dude that never goes on dates, actually setting up and making time for the dates has been difficult but the numbers respond and approaching is really easy. Close to all my rejections have been boyfriend rejections, if they are single it goes pretty smoothly. I also really only approach girls that I find attractive, might have to lower my standards towards the end of the month. Might start going to malls, its pretty hard to have volume on just the streets in front of my house and leaving work. Haven't done much online dating stuff lately, need new photos before I hop back onto that. (Outside of dating I ran a half marathon this morning!! Ever closer to my goal of running an ultra)
 
15/50

I did two approaches today, nothing of interest happened but I didn't enjoy either conversations. Again the same pattern emerges, I'm too friendly, I act as I do when talking to a stranger on the bus and not as someone who saw someone beautiful from afar and couldn't help but say Hi. There is no seduction, no magic, after the "Hi, I thought you were [complement]." In these two approaches I asked "So where are you headed?", "What do you like to do for fun?" looking at their face I saw the excitement of my bravado slowly replaced by dullness as they tell me something so boring that even I lose interest. Oh really you like to study and hang out with friends for fun? Oh you are a business major to make money, makes sense, makes sense. I didn't get the chance to ask the second girl for her number as she had to get on a bus, but even if I did I knew it would have went no where. Haha, fuck it the next 10 approaches I'm gonna talk like some dude who fell in love with the women he just took a glance at. Complement in flowery ways , paint a picture of my world with words, and fuck asking questions I have not once gotten an interesting response back. I'll just try to guess with the most absurd or even romantically fantastical thing I can think of after I complement them. I'm pretty done with boba dates, and don't drink, I'll just invite them to fantastical and random shit i'd be excited to do. I'ma go on the streets and be a fucking clown for a few days maybe even a week if I find this more fun XD What did andy say its all one big experiment. Also my new car got focking busted in the apartment parking garage this morning lol a week after I got it here. Meditated the frustration away but couldn't really do more than 2 approaches if I wanted to hit my workout, make like 4 insurance phone calls, and go to rental place to pick up a wip till repairs. eh tis is life. Tomorrow tho, I'm excited to clown around
 
25/50 rejections lets gooo, did 6 approaches today, 4 boyfriend rejections all sweet interactions 1 dismissive, 1 number.

I will post here once a week starting now to keep me accountable and get feedback. I have quite a few numbers on my phone but I tend to forget or they don't replay to the feeler text and I don't ping. Still learning the ropes of dating. I went on another tinder date and I royally fucked up. It was this gorgeous girl and we went paddle boarding, paddled to the middle of the water held hands as we talked while the water slowly brought us back to shore paddled back out and did it again for 2 hours. When she first messaged me she said she wanted to keep it casual as did I since I have ABSOLUTLY NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING WITH DATING. The girl caught feels, and tbh I did too. She texted me canceling our next date night before saying she really likes me and would be too sad to only hang out a couple more times before she had to fly away. I was kinda in my own head there for bit, so I went out and talked to more girls :cool: Feeling better, have two numbers that are responsive from cold approach. My dating apps are still dead, will be taking photos now, bought a camera. Should be getting my car back soon from repairs as well. Also wtf first girl I actually liked on the date and she can't see me cuz feelings, no more romantic dates :mad: , how the fuck do I just be a fuck boy god damn it.

Photos from recent that I like, will have new photos on every update post from now on till I have some bangers to go back on the apps with.
View attachment 1 View attachment 2View attachment 3View attachment 4View attachment 5
 
First photo is fantastic, use it immediately.

No more activity dates. First date drinks at a bar near your place, pull to your place, bang. There's a formula for this.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top