The FetLife Discussion Thread: Massive waste of time or solid lead generator?

[Vice]

So I've been on FetLife for over a year now, and only slept with one woman. I used good photos, a good bio, etc.

I've started to come to the realization that FetLife is a massive waste of time. There's a few reasons for this, in no particular order:

- Majority of the users are men, and unattractive fat women.
- Any attractive woman gets the proverbial bucket of hot dogs thrown at her, blowing up her inbox to the point where even if she was interested in you, you'd be drowned out by a sea of "Hey" messages with dick pics as the profile pic.
- The forums on there are literal cancer and will corrode at your soul.
- Subtle anti self-improvement attitudes
- There's a "dark energy" that permeates the site, similar to how you feel when you go to a weird seedy sex shop or strip club (not sex shaming, but it's not a "clean" sexual charge like you'd get at a Vegas pool party)
- You're highly likely to come across content that you would rather not have encountered (I'd rather never see furries again)
- There's a lot of porn on there; makes NoFap difficult and can also just make you feel weird after being on there if you have that disposition.
- Difficult (but not impossible) to search for women. I've found a few tricks to make this way easier, but it's still a huge waste of time finding leads.
- Much easier to get a woman's attention on dating apps/in person
- The women on there will essentially get endless straight up sugar daddy proposals, and then no longer use the site

Pros:
- Very easy to stand out with good photos and bio
- Good way to learn about kinks and interesting techniques
- You'll start to get the idea that most women's kinks are pretty much identical

Now, granted, I'm in a part of the US that isn't exactly known for its attractive women, but even my trips to larger cities resulted in similar results. I'd LOVE to find reasons to keep using it, but it seems like I'm leaning in the direction of deactivating my account and pursuing more effective means.

 

[Squilliam]

I've never bothered with it given how much trouble I already have on normal dating apps.

Thing is, isn't FetLife more of a social network rather than an actual dating site?

 

[Holden]

Got two lays by finding local groups and copypasting the same (well-written, well thought out) message to girls and couples. If I was willing to show my face on there I would've gotten more lays out of it I'm sure, but I'm never going to compromise on that so these two lays were blind dates. Which is unacceptable to most girls/couples of course.

I only have one picture of my body on there and a rudimentary profile (but with well-written sentences again, seems very important on kink stuff like this)

I considered going to a meet-up but ultimately decided against it. Looked at the people who RSVP'd and didn't look all that interesting.

Although I'm certain it's a social proof based scene. Like if you have one successful date on there, that girl can vouch for you to other girls. Once you get that ball rolling, it should be easy.

The thing is I find much hotter girls on Tinder and Bumble and as for kinks, meh, most girls are just as kinky as Fetlife girls. It just takes a bit of warming up to you to get it out.