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Thrice log.

@Thrice

Speaking for all the mods here, we wanted to briefly address this.

At times you have a very negative mindset, and questionable actions. The mods are not here to police your life, but we must be diligent about looking out for the health and culture of the community. Sometimes your behaviors can be a potential threat to that community, particularly if your actions somehow got word back about this community and getting it canceled.

That said, we CAN see you improving. For example, we gave you a warning a long time ago about violent, woman hating behavior, and we've not seen that level of aggression from you since. We acknowledge that clawing your way from depression, negative beliefs, and resentment of others is not done overnight.

We would really like to see you recording your progress of working on your mental health, either with a therapist, coach, or on your own.

Please don't give us a reason to ban you by escalating your negative behavior. We do want to see you succeed.
 
Some crazy things happened lately. So first thing first I decided to quit the pizza delivery job. I decided that changing my life was better than some extra money. After quitting the night pizza delivery job I was able to hang out every evening in the same places where the guys I meet on the tecno clubs on weekends hang out.

This way I was really able to form bonds because now it's not just weekends anymore, I'm meeting them every evening and socializing. yes I have less money but it's the only way i can move forward, the reason I have been delivering pizza for the last 14 years is that I'm a scared little pussy afraid of any change.

I've also realized that perfectionism is my main problem, i'm an overthinker perfectionist who takes no action and the only way to change that is to tackle my goals one at a time.

I've had 5k on my bank account for 6 months and i have been reading used cars reviews for a year, I have realized that it's all part of my perfectionist overthinker mindset so I have decided enough is enough and bought my first car within a week. I've never been happier about a decision.

The day after buying the car i met a hot 20yo i tried to approach multiple times at the tecno club, she remembered me and was so sweet. Asked her if she wanted to hang out and said yes.
We spent the day together eating, drinking and doing other fun stuff. She likes drugs too.

It was an amazing feeling, my first day with a car spent with a hot 20-year-old. And it only happened because i have balls and go after girls. She asked me for my ig but i told her i'm banned for 30 days because i don't have good pictures yet. I took her home and asked her if she wants to hang out again, she said yes but just as friends adding some lame excuses i didn't understand. She also said she had a boyfriend but it can't be true, what kind of boyfriend would be ok with her spending the entire day with me?

I admit i was hurt because i fantasized about her like a bet cuck since meeting her at the tecno club. Now that i'm less butthurt i'm thinking that maybe keeping her as a friend would be a good option, i'm doing all this because i want to become more normie and less autistic.
Thats the goal of this social circle game phase i'm doing, not just pussy but also becoming more of a normal person with friends. And for this goal, having a hot 20 years friend and being seen with her is not exactly a bad thing. At the same time i felt like a cuck when she said no after we spent the entire day together and bought stuff for her.

Another amazing and a bit fucked up experience happened two weekends ago. So i got invited to this mega tecno events. one of the people in my car was the 20yo i used to stalk with the fake profile when i was an incel, how fucked up is this? i used to stalk them now hey're asking me for rides...like i said many times they even made a group.

She clearly remembers me. say what you want, I'm not putting women on a pedestal, but they do remember and notice everything. That change in the face for a split second is all i need to know that she remembers me, but if she asked for a ride it means she's not scared i guess.

To be honest, i consider her extremely beautiful, i couldn't look at her in the face because her beauty is actually intimidating + the fact that i used to stalk her doesn't help. She's into drugs too, you wouldn't tell looking at that angel face with freckles. i would give an arm to have a girl like that. her boyfriend is not better looking then me, but he met her within her circle. I'm trying to not compare and be jealous.

They met when i was at home fighting my own brain and suicidal thoughts. they are on their normal schedule, I'm on the healing and catching-up schedule. But i still ask myself why i've been so insecure and beta all this years now that i'm seeing with my own guys that i'm better looking than most of the guys who are fucking the girls i used to stalk...

I have been dealt a bad hand in this life, I will never be normal. I will always have to fight just to be able to wake up before 1 pm. My brain, the most important organ in the human body is sick. it's a pain-inducing machine. But i'm proud for fighting back. I will die like a lion, not a sheep. I will not allow myself to ever rot at home again. I will make friends, create memories and fuck girls. I can't control the outcome but sure i will try.

I'm so sad the first girl didnt want but it's still progress, huge progress. I was fat and rotting at home at some point, now i'm hanging out with hot 20 years olds in my car. And if it's true she has a boyfriend (i doubt it) it means she likes me enough to want to hang out and be seen with me while her boyfriend is waiting for her at home. This is a girl i used to stalk with fake profiles now i'm approaching them and going places with them.

it's a win but sex is important too, it's been a lot since the last time i had sex and i'm becoming weird around attractive girls again, so i need to make sex happen.

Next goal is to get fucking pictures for instagram. Getting pictures of me taken is my biggest fear now and i have to tackle it before moving to the next goal.
 
I don't think you've been dealt as bad of a hand as you think.

Yeah your mental health and inner game is abysmal, but looks wise you're quite lucky.

The fact that you've been able to go out with hot 20 year olds (as a mid 30s man) even though you have such negative views of yourself and the world, speaks volumes about your value in other departments.

And honestly it's better that way. The thing you can control the least, you got lucky in. You can fix your mental health and inner game. It's not easy, but it's definitely possible.
 
Squilliam said:
The fact that you've been able to go out with hot 20 year olds
Click to expand...
I find them very hot but i might be biased because tecno club girls are exactly my type. I can send you pictures, anyway I think they're really hot. The last girl we went clubbing with has the most beautiful angel face I've ever seen, and she's fucking a drug dealer with no money that doesn't look or dress better than me. I have been extremely depressed since for this reason.

the first girl just wanted to hang out because I have a car, and she said no to a second date. I can't stop thinking about how beautiful they are and the fact that I've never got to experience a girlfriend like that. Just 6 lays with Tinder and nothing else. My need for intimacy was not satisfied with these 6 tinder lays that lasted 10 minutes each and were nothing special. I want to experience what it's like to have a feminine girlfriend like that, kiss her face, and hold her hands every day.

The socializing thing is getting crazier and crazier, today we met a guy that sells drug and we went play bowling with him, we picked his girlfriend up and took her with us...a drop-dead gorgeous 19 yo...how the fuck they do it they aren't even good looking or well dressed and why I've been sleeping in my bubble stalking girls with fake profiles if shit is that easy?

No girls see me as this crazy incel weirdo because i have been stalking them while i could've started this social circle game earlier and got results without stalking any girl. Even after improving my looks it's all challenges and no sex.

My only goal now is to take pictures for instagram I'm satisfied with and start asking girls for their folllow.
The first girl wanted to hang out again so I need a couple of good ig pics where i don't look like a weirdo, maybe a good pic of me practicing guitar and another good pic of recording a song, singing into a mic.

I have those things I just need to improve my room, the goal is to show her I'm a normal dude with hobbies and invite her home to watch a movie. But she already said she wants to hang out just as friends.
Worst case scenario she doesn't find me attractive and really wants to be just friends and i benefit from having a hot 20yo friend. When we went to the tecno club last saturday i really could not look the other girl in the eyes

I'm acting like i have time to waste but i'm fucking 36, i need to do what i got to do ASAP.

Let's recap some impressive things i did lately that were impossible to imagine just 3 years ago.

- i decided to make friends at the tecno clubs going against the most popular and common advice and "meet ups", jiujitsu and shit like rock climbing. I know very well from experience that you just meet dorks and lame guys that dont wanna at those places...yes even at the "jiujitsu saves lives practice" they are all dorks and weirdos that dont wanna go out and talk to girls.

so I said fuck it, why ask people to go out with me, why not just befriend them when they're "already out". decided to hit the tecno clubs and it was a success. This is my original idea, something I've never read on self-improvement communities

- i approached a girl and we had fun together going around in my car, she's 20 and hot. Partial success because she wants to stay friends but still shocked that this is my new normal

-i went clubbing with a group of friends and one of the girls is from the group of girls i used to stalk, this is kinda crazy to. instead of changing city to escape this thing, i'm like redeeming myself.

99% of guys would be so ashamed that they wouldn't be able to leave the house, but i have this could care less chill attitude and it looks like it made some girl change idea...crazy.

Now it's time to take good ig pics and start seriously approaching. I wish i had a friend in real life who could support me in my journey and even join me.
Depression is very very painful, it's the worst pain a human could experience. A fucking guy in this forum called negative and said I'm spreading negativity and ruining the mood. Imagine having to face a life where emotional pain is daily torture and having people saying you ruin the mood...I'm here to show people with clinical depression that you can achieve your goals anyway


"Hollow Crown"

There, there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind

You, you can but wait
for me to return
For me to show you how I felt

These wounds have bled
And pages fly by
I need to feel you right by my side

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together

So, So far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind

Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong


 
bought new lights and practiced taking some pictures. The new lights are helping. I look better with the hat, i think it's because I have a big forehead. I'm taking finasteride and using minoxidil, i will not allow my hairline to move back, the fact that I look better with the hat is telling. I need more hair in the front, not less

I'm learning about the importance of lighting. Two pictures taken within one minute can look worlds apart, I can look good in one pic if the lighting is good and bad in another picture taken seconds after if the lighting is bad.

This is helping me deal with my self-image trauma. the idea of taking pictures outside is still intimidating so i decided to do my best to take some indoor instagram pictures.

Use them, meaning expose myself by giving my Instagram to girls for the first time and then taking pictures outside as a second step. Not a bad idea considering you can take sick indoor pictures if the room looks good and you have something interesting going on like a guitar to play or something, making it all look casual and not intentional


https://imgur.com/a/vWQceDC
 
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