Tinder template - can "not looking for anything super serious" scare off girls?

[ihnskko]

I've been trying the Tinder template on the KYIL guide, and after some light conversation/banter I used something similar to the following on two girls that seemed receptive:

You seem cool - let's grab a drink and see if we click. Not looking for anything super serious, but let's see what happens. Got WhatsApp? I’ll send you a text.

One girl ghosted, which is not a big deal - she probably wasn't interested. The other one said something like

I'll pass. Not looking for a quick fuck.

and unmatched me a few seconds later.

To be honest, I am open to anything. I want to escalate to sex quickly, but if the sex is good and I like the person, I see no reason why a relationship wouldn't be on the table. I also see no reason to get to know someone and be FWBs, rather than a purely physical connection.

My question here is whether my message comes across as "I just want a quick fuck and disappear", or whether the girl was just dumb/uninterested. I would like to convey that I am interested in getting sexual quickly, but that I am also interested in a connection and open to a possible relationship. Should I stick to something a little bit less sexually charged and more vague like:

You seem cool - let's get to know each other over a drink and see if we click. Got WhatsApp? I’ll send you a text.

Or will that backfire and result in dates with women not interested in sex?

---

Note that I met my last 3 years LTR on Tinder with a single message, where I basically said:

Empty bio, huh? Nice, it's more fun to know each other in person. Let's grab a drink sometime next week - what's your number?

She obliged and then we hit it off. We fucked on second date, were FWB for almost a year, then became exclusive. Basically zero communication prior to the date, and no sexually-charged banter like saying "you're sexy" or "not looking for anything serious".

Other lays I've had from dating apps have been similar - just one or two texts, or literally just open with:

Hey, I like your vibe. Let's get to know each other over a drink sometime next week - you in?

I don't know. On one hand, I can see the KYIL template as better for building some basic rapport. On the other hand, it might scare off girls who might receptive but afraid of "just being a quick fuck". Any thoughts or experiences on the matter?

 

[ihnskko]

I've actually noticed something similar. I think it depends on what you want. In my area the hotter girls will absolutely not tolerate that since they are more conservative/religious. I think it all depends on the vibe. It honestly depends on how hot they are. The hotter they are, the more willing I am to hangout even if I know us fucking on the first date is unlikely.

Their hotness is a major factor. My ex was quite hot, but she felt like an outlier due to how quickly she agreed to meet. Most lays I've had from Tinder were girls that looked cute in pictures, then were a chubbier or uglier than expected in person - fuckable, but not the kind of hookup you would brag about. The hotter the girl is, the more resistance I get, both while texting and in person.

Call me blackpilled but a part of me is getting more and more convinced that looks are 95% of the equation, and if the percieved difference between me and the girl is high enough, I can say and do the right things but she won't comply. Similarly, I also think that I could be very direct if the girl percieved me to be way hotter than she is. Unfortunately...

 

[terry_crews87]

Honestly, your in fantastic shape. Id personally say your pretty damn close to maxxed out. If looks are 95% of the equation, and I think everybody would say your very handsome, what gives? Have you really been hitting the numbers hard?

 

[ihnskko]

Honestly, your in fantastic shape. Id personally say your pretty damn close to maxxed out. If looks are 95% of the equation, and I think everybody would say your very handsome, what gives? Have you really been hitting the numbers hard?

I appreciate the compliment and I do think I look attractive, but I disagree with being closed to maxxed out. I also think that I'm far from being close to the top men in terms of physical attractiveness. For starters, I am just 5'6", and, as an example, I look nowhere as good as men like these (that are often used to show how different girls behave in front of a hottie):
- https://melmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Screen-Shot-2019-06-24-at-5.48.05-PM.png
- https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OjR_LE503pA/maxresdefault.jpg
- https://i.ytimg.com/vi/L75K75hnlWc/maxresdefault.jpg
- https://i.ytimg.com/vi/PlOZlgdVe5g/maxresdefault.jpg

Being completely objective, in terms of physical attractiveness, I would put myself slightly above average, but not much higher than that. Probably around 6.5-7 in this scale https://imgur.com/1EpSoNB

I've been hitting the numbers quite hard - I can get around 20-40 matches per boost, which end up being 4-8 leads after filtering out unattractive girls, timewasters, and idiots using Tinder Passport. Out of those only a few will reply to an opener, and out of those even less will agree to meet up. Those who I end up meeting and screwing usually end up less attractive than they looked in their pics. It's a bit disheartening.

Many leads also seem very receptive and are eager to meet up and give me their number, only to either flake at the last minute or to literally ghost me right when we're about to agree on a time and place. That is the most infuriating.

 

[terry_crews87]

So what is your plan on improving your looks? I dont get the point of the pics you posted. Ya, chicks are gonna be wet for handsome young doctors, what else is new? Girls don't know your 5'6 from your pictures you have good proportions. I thought your pictures were really good. Maybe cuz those guys looked so sleazy, they attracted more sleazy girls to their profile. These are just screen shots who gives a fuck? We don't know if these people ever met up and banged. For all we know these chicks are just annoying time wasters trying to pump up their ego with the tinder chads.

20-40 matches per boost sounds good to me so maybe it is not as much a looks thing? You might look like a sleazy douchebag in those pics of you with the towel over your dick, but if that isn't good looking enough for tinder im about to give up. I've heared so many times that it doesn't really matter what you say as much, but it must a bit listening to what you and chado are saying about your openers?

 

[ihnskko]

I can't reiterate this enough. If you match with 100 hot girls, you will fuck AT LEAST 1. Play. The. Numbers. Game. Swipe more, approach more, improve looks more

Yep, I am fully aware of that. I'm just trying to optimize as much as possible and avoid losing leads

Btw that scale is dumb as fuck. Joseph Gordon Levitt is ranked a 6????

I'm sure that the scale is far from perfect but it does show a good progression. Also in that scale '6' means 'above average'. People usually think that anything below '7/10' is "bad", but that's not the mathematically correct way of looking at it. '5' is average (OK), '6' is above average (good), and so on. Look at the percentiles.

 

[ihnskko]

So what is your plan on improving your looks? I dont get the point of the pics you posted. Ya, chicks are gonna be wet for handsome young doctors, what else is new?

I'm going to keep trying my best to improve what I can. The point of the pics is showing you that, while I might be good looking and handsome, there are much better options than me in terms of physical attractiveness on dating apps, and girls might just have higher standards there. The fact that (for example) I'm at '7' and not a '8' might be a fundamental factor in my low rate of success on Tinder. It is a possibility.

Girls don't know your 5'6 from your pictures you have good proportions. I thought your pictures were really good. Maybe cuz those guys looked so sleazy, they attracted more sleazy girls to their profile. These are just screen shots who gives a fuck? We don't know if these people ever met up and banged. For all we know these chicks are just annoying time wasters trying to pump up their ego with the tinder chads.

That is true in the case of these screenshots, but I've had second-hand experience of how easier it is for other men with some friends. For instance, I had this Greek friend who was tall, handsome, and muscular - very good face genetics. Not red pilled at all, but successful with women. He was so enthusiastic about discovering Tinder after his break-up telling me: "Dude, you gotta get on Tinder! I'm meeting so many hot women!" not aware of the fact that I had been swiping for years. I told him "Great! What do you tell them to get them hooked?" and he literally said he just sends "Hi" as the first message and then chats for a bit and asks them out. YMMV, but it's quite interesting (and sad) that we're trying to optimize our choice of words and how we are perceived with photos and profiles while a genuinely (genetically gifted) good looking person doesn't have any idea of any of that and gets laid more often and more easily. I don't think it should demotivate us from trying our best, but it is telling.

it must a bit listening to what you and @chado are saying about your openers?

That is definitely a possibility. Another possibility is that I'm not "hot enough". It's hard to know which is true.

 

[Aloofus]

ihnskko I think the point of that template IS to be polarizing. If she's interested she WILL meet you regardless of the context. You're trying to screen out the attention whores/time wasters.

You actually left out the middle part of the message, which actually conveys no expectations. So you might be coming off as "too player".

 

[Forticks]

Yeah I wish I was born looking like that. I also wish my parents were billionaires and I didn't have to work. But life is unfair, play the hand you're dealt. For your pics I would definitely get them edited/blur the background. Andy has some examples on here somewhere of what a big difference that makes.

 

[Ed_]

I've had second-hand experience of how easier it is for other men with some friends. For instance, I had this Greek friend who was tall, handsome, and muscular - very good face genetics. Not red pilled at all, but successful with women. [...] YMMV, but it's quite interesting (and sad) that we're trying to optimize our choice of words and how we are perceived with photos and profiles while a genuinely (genetically gifted) good looking person doesn't have any idea of any of that and gets laid more often and more easily. I don't think it should demotivate us from trying our best, but it is telling.

ihnskko, I have these worries from time to time -- and I'm also 5'6" -- so I know that's also a limiting factor. Remember, your ultimate goal shouldn't be to have a certain "success ratio." The goal is really to have a certain number of sex partners/relationships. If you want to have sex with 100 hotties, does it matter if you had to approach 500 or 5,000 to girls to reach that? Now obviously, if you have to approach 500,000 girls to achieve that, it's a problem, but that's not really the situation most of us are in.

Again, don't get jealous that your goals might be easier or faster for other guys to achieve. In the end, it's going to feel just as good to accomplish them. "Nothing worth having comes easy."

Also, remember what Chris says: Don't Confuse the Top 10% for the Top .00001%. He gives a really good perspective on this in this audio (especially check out from the 20:00 minute mark).

 

[Radical]

Yeah its designed to scare some girls off

Its screening

Theres two lines that screen in Andy's template.
1. Hey youre sexy
2. Im not looking for anything serious but....

The benefits are mostly that any girl that meets you after this won't mess you around and also that you are acting in a way that is outcome independant.

So I've been under Andy's coaching since last May now. And the original template he gave me wasn't even as fleshed out as the one he promotes currently.

It was literally this:

Hey youre sexy. Sup?

*Her response*

Some sort of reply to her response followed by:-
Im not looking for anything too serious. But if you'd be down to hang out and see if we click drop me your number.


That was it and it worked

 

[ihnskko]

I understand that the template is meant to be for screening - my worry is that it was screening "too aggressively". As I mentioned in the OP, while sex is a priority, I am also open to the idea of a FWB or even LTR, is the girl is cool enough. It's not big deal if one girl mistakes the approach as "only looking for one night stands", but I wanted to make sure that that was not the intention conveyed by the template. I am fine with screening out girls not DTF on the 1/2/3 date, but I don't want to also come across as the kind of person who just fucks and ghosts, as that's not my intention here.

 

[Radical]

Your choice as Andy says

I found it didnt increase my dates or leads obtained by not doing it vs that line

Also you reserve the right to change your mind about the not looking for it to be serious thing