• Welcome to the forums, Guest. Please note that you must make a post in the introduction thread and upload an avatar to gain full access to the forums.

TONY_MONTANA's AA Log - Day 12

T0NY_M0NTANA

T0NY_M0NTANA

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2021
Sup guys, I'm finally back to trying to get AA smashed out. I started last year on GLL forums just before the plandemic. Long story short - I used that as an excuse to stop doing drills. Since then I've got my own place, a full time job and am in a much better place overall.

If anyone is doing the AA program and wants to link up on whatsapp for accountability, support or just someone to talk to and go through this journey with - message me.

tenor.gif
 
Day 4 - Went out to do the first drill, spent about 30 mins walking around lol. It ended up taking about an hour to do the first drill.

Day 5 - Easier today, asked 5 chicks for the time in 13 mins, then another 5 in 12 mins.
 
Day 6a - Had a bad day yesterday. Was in my head alot. Ended up forcing myself out the house to do 4 reps in about 30 mins before it started raining, I called it a day.

Day 6b - Went out today on my lunch break, did 3 more reps in 30 mins, going out to try and finish off day 6 this evening after the gym. I'm going to try and make an effort to go out every single day and chip away at this, even if I only do 1 drill - It's better than sitting in the flat doing fuck all.

Was raining after the gym, decided to call it off. Will finish tomorrow.

Day 6c - Got out at 6pm, only had 45 mins before the maintenance guy came. Headed off into town, it was actually funny because at my apartment and on the walk there I was pretty in my head but once I actually got there and spotted some girls I had no problem approaching. Town itself was pretty quite and it was kinda hard to find girls. None the less I managed to do 7 reps which included some groups of girls so I'm happy with that. Considering this day done. Onto day 7.
 
Day 7a - 1/15 - Terrible day. Been grey and pissing down all day. Managed to get out the house because I needed to go into town anyway, failed to "get in there" as Chris puts it and it was a downwards spiral from there. I became more and more in my head and ended up just walking around for 30 mins doing nothing. It started raining even harder so I decided to head back. Somewhat angry and steeped in mental turmoil, I stopped a girl walking towards me - I asked her for the time. She replied and I left. What are we even afraid of? Looking back in hindsight it's comical how much we play it up in our heads. I'm going to read this back, before I go out tomorrow for drills just as a reminder to fucking do the drills and get in there. It's no big deal.

Day 7b - 8/15 - Read my post from yesterday ^ before I left and went out at lunchtime today to have another crack at it. It went sooooooooo much better, the most "approach axniety" I had was when I was still at home preparing to leave lol. I approached the first girl with no problems and managed to drill another 7 before I headed back for some food. Feels like redemption after yesterdays terrible performance. I barely had any anxiety before and during the actual approaches. What a fucking state this stuff puts you in, the last few girls I was even laughing and joking around with them and had them giggling back. Feeling good right now.

Just as an extra note, the girls I approached today were the hottest ones. It seems for whatever reason, the hotter the girl the better the reaction - has anyone else noticed this?

Maybe ill try finish up the rest of day 7 after the gym later if im not too tired.

Day 7c - Went out to finish day 7, had a hard time finding sets. Town was pretty quite, there were alot of mixed sets that I couldn't approach, maybe I'll have to work on that. I did approach the hottest girls I saw that were alone. Strange because there was really very little anxiety in doing so. Onwards to day 8.
 
Day 8a - Went out and did 8/16 reps. Talked to the first girl I saw, then got in my own head and walked around for 30 minutes doing nothing, walked home frustrated for lunch. Decided to go back out and try again hours later on because I wasn't happy at all lol. Did another 7 reps in 40 mins.

Day 8b - 14/16 reps, felt good today. Very little anxiety doing the drills. wasn't much opportunity to approach though. Town was kinda dead so I'll go out later after the gym and do two more drills to finish day 8.

Day 8c - Finished the last two reps of day 8. Starting day 9.

When you get those large gaps where you find yourself walking around not approaching and being in your head, how do you push through that? Would like to hear from some of you guys that have found a way through it.
 
Day 9a - Went out on my lunchbreak, did 5/15 reps. Still finding excuses to not approach because of x or y which I need to work on. I have no problem;

- Stopping a chick who's walking towards me
- Approaching a chick who's standing still.

What im struggling with;

- Stopping girls walking in the same direction as me
- Walking along side girls doing the drill.

Need to work on those.

Day 9b - Been pissing down all day, but it's no excuse not to go out - Or yes maybe it is... because there were very few people out in town and the ones that were out naturally were rushing around with hoods up, heads down and umbrellas. One could argue that's just approach anxiety talking and yeah you're probably right. Still wasn't feeling it today. Ended up walking around for 45 mins. Asked 3 girls for the time then went home.

Not too happy with this obviously but still, I made the effort to do out with the intention of doing drills.

Day 9c - Got out on my lunch break, did 8 reps in 45 mins. Today was a strange one, I came out the house motivated and managed to smash out 5 reps in about 10 mins then I hit a wall - kept talking myself out of approaching even though I wasn't nervous really. I'll finish the last two reps tomorrow and start day 10.

Day 9d - Finished 3 of the final reps on the way to the store today (Time, have you eaten at _?, did you like it?)
 
Day 10a - Went out after work to do day 10. Did two reps then went home because it started raining. Been feeling off and in my head all day. I'll give it another shot tomorrow!

Day 10b - Better day today, managed to get 5 reps in 40 mins. I did all 5 reps in the first 12 mins then hit a wall. Really struggled with the final rep of the set too (Time, cinema around here, seen anything good lately?) So gonna focus on that tomorrow and clean the rest of this day up.

Day 10c - Went out at lunch and did 4 reps of (Time, cinema around here, seen anything good lately?) finally finished this fuckin' day. I think I struggled so much on it because it's something I would never ask and its very "rapport seeking" and indirect as Chris puts it. Who would ever ask this question without the intent of hitting on a girl indirectly? Funny as well because I know its just AA talking and im massively overthinking it in hindsight... somehow when you're out in the field you try and rationalize it too much. I walked around for 30 mins before starting and eventually reached a "fuck it" moment, counted down from 3 and just went in for the first rep - Of course the girl responded well and afterwards I felt like such a bitch for playing it up into this mammoth task in my head lol. Ah well, feeling good now that I got it done. Laterz!
 
Day 11a - Went out at 5pm to do drills which was a mistake because town was pretty quite. I should of gone out earlier but my gym closes early on Saturday and I got up late so that's that. Managed to get 5 reps in 30 mins, bitched out of asking "what phone do you have?" partly because it felt weird and partly because everyone I talked to seemed unreceptive and kept walking away as I was asking where the nearest phone shop is.

Still, got out the house, took some action and chipped away at AA - so I'm happy about that. Gotta keep it rollin'

Day 11b - Couldn't even do a single drill today. I didn't want to leave the house but I did anyway, and ended up walking around for 45 minutes doing nothing. I'm not going to beat myself up because that doesn't work. Maybe its OK to have days like this, just having the acceptance that some days you aren't going to be feeling it and that's alright. This is a process - I'll never quit.

As for the feelings themselves I can't even say it was anxiety that stopped me doing anything, just apathy really. Which I think stems from slipping back into some bad habits this last week. If that's the case (which I suspect it is), it'll be interesting to read this back in a couple of days once im back on track and see if it was indeed related.

Day 11c - Got out at lunch, did 3 reps in 45 mins. Did the first 3 reps in 10 mins and felt good, built up momentum then lost it and couldn't approach anyone else. It felt like I didn't have the authority to approach people. Dunno if this is a self-esteem issue or what. Still got out the house and took some action.

Day 11d - Fuck. Today I went out with the goal on doing 1 rep of - Time, do you know if theres a phone store around here?, what phone do you have? Do you like it? I did it! But jeez it felt like it took everything I had. The approach itself was kinda funny because as I was walking up to the girl I had an internal dialog/battle going on between the AA telling me not to do it and that it's scary and another voice saying "do it pussy", as I got nearer and nearer I decided there's no way im going to turn around now and just went for it.

Surprise, surprise the girl was nice and answered my questions. I think im going to have to keep repeating this day for a while until it becomes a bit easier. I'm kind of shocked too because looking at this drill on paper, didn't really scare me that much. But out in the field those last two question im really struggling with... Ah well. Considering today a victory. I couldn't do this yesterday. As Chris says its those small victorys that's we have to grab onto.
 
Hey guys, im back after a bit of a posting hiatus.

Since my last post I've been out 6-7 times trying to feel good about day 11 - and until today's breakthrough I didn't really feel good about it. I'd have days where I could only do the first two reps of the drills (Time?, Cell phone shop?) but struggled to feel comfortable about the third and forth rep (What phone do you have, do you like it?) It feels awkward and intrusive (which is the point I guess) lol. When I have managed to push through and do these reps the reactions have been positive and neutral, so I understand now that it's purely AA/SA talking. I know we shouldn't care about 'reactions' and when I'm not doing drills I understand this, but when im out on the battlefield its tough to stop that mental narrative - Just the ego trying to protect itself, naturally.

I feel I'd almost exhausted my town, there's a tiny mall here with about 12 shops and often I'd see the same people there every day or every other day which added to the anxiety. I didn't really feel like being the creepy guy going around asking chicks for the time lol. It's probably bullshit and purely AA talking but I didn't want to take any chances because my town is not THAT big (35,000 people).

Today I decided to eliminate that factor and take the train to the nearby city with 1.3m+ people. What helped alot was that on the train there, there were no seats so I ended up standing. There was a cute girl, probably in her early twenties stood feet away with a medusa tattoo on her chest. I made a comment about it and we ended up talking for the whole 30 min journey, she was a really cool girl. Funny because she looked like the classic 'hot unapproachable club girl' (tanned, makeup, piercings, tatted up, slutty clothes) but she ended up telling me about much she loves playing fortnite and visiting retro video game arcades lol. Looks can be deceiving, it's funny how we stereotype people based on looks and make up fake mental narratives about them when we know nothing about them. Felt like she was into me for sure. Anyway this put me in a really good mood and probably helped me finally push through and feel good about doing day 11 - I did 3 full sets in about an hour in the city's mall before I called it quits because the blisters on my feet started hurting alot.

Kinda crazy how much of a struggle I've had with this day haha. When I first saw it on paper I was like, it doesn't look that bad but for whatever reason... fuck I didn't have a good time with it. Anyway it's behind me now so that's that, moving onto day 12. It would be interesting to revisit day 11 in like a month just to test if its any easier.
 
Yo, today I went to do day 12, managed to do 2 sets in 50 minutes. Wasn't that tough, but still took a while to get started and I ruled out alot of girls that I should of approached for bullshit reasons. Still pretty happy with the effort I put in. One hot latina girl with a juicy ass in booty shorts was eye fucking me whilst walking towards me so I stopped her and did the full drill. She probably expected me to hit on her because she then seemed disappointed when I just ask for the time etc.

Was in such a good mood afterwards I decided to test to see if I could do a rep of the ABC's drill since you guys seem to love that one so much. I was psyching myself up for about 5 minutes pacing around the mall then just went in for it.

Me: "Hey, check this out!"
Girl: "Hi" *Smiling*
Me: ABCDEFG *walks away*

Watching her smiling face turn to disgust and creeped out almost made me crack up. I walked away trying to contain myself. I think I'm gonna have fun with these "funny man" drills, of course that remains to be seen, but to be honest that ABC rep was easier for me than the day 11 final rep (Time, Phone store, Phone do you have?, do you like it?) and asking for the time on Day 4. I've always been a natural joker and prankster my whole life so *hopefully* I'm going to enjoy these "funny/creepy drills".

Anyway, gonna wrap up day 12 probably on Thursday.

Laterz
 
I'm back.

Where have I been?

No where really. I stopped doing the AA program partly because I was a pussy, and partly because work schedule picked up.

What have I been doing?

Since my previous post in September 2021 and March 2022 - fuck all. I'm sure someone can relate, you start working on this stuff then you stop because it's hard or for whatever reason then months later you come back to it. I was a naughty boy and skipped the AA program up until week 6 where basically you are just going direct on girls telling them what you want. My thought behind this was that I struggled so much doing the indirect approaches in the earlier weeks of the program because it wasn't authentic. So atleast if I walked up to a hot girl and gave her a direct compliment, regardless of the result it would at least be honest and genuine and I would be happy with myself.

This was scary as fuck at first and I went out 3 times and walked around for hours without doing ANYTHING. After that I came home and felt so defeated and worthless, After a horrible dark night of the soul and long stares at myself in the mirror saying WTF is wrong with me, I made a pact to myself that the next time I go out I HAVE to do atleast one or I'll quit this forever.

The day had come, I was feeling awful all day, nervous, anxious, constant negative thought loops but I knew the regret and self hatred if I didn't do it would be much worse.

To set the scene, it was a cold snowy evening in early March, I got into the city by train at 6pm. Walked around for about and hour basically trying not to throw up because I was so anxious. It was cold, it was snowing and I knew I had to catch my train back home in about 30 minutes. The extent of the racing thoughts and anxiety at this moment is something I never want to experience again. I reached a breaking point where I just let go and said fuck it. A cute brunette in her early 20's was walking towards me, I signaled with my hand for her to stop and said "Excuse me, Hi" her face lights up, "This is random but I just wanted to say, you look really cute. Have a nice day" She started brushing her hair, gave me a warm smile and thanked me.

I walked away with what felt like the biggest dopamine hit of my life, this sounds crazy but it was like a firework explosion in my brain. It was nice the girl gave me a good response because I fucking needed it at the time.

Where am I now?

I've built up from giving direct compliments into longer conversations using the London day-game model as a framework, Typically now I'll go out for 90mins x3 a week and hit on anywhere between 12-20 girls (Usually 4-8 per session). Yeah I get some bad reactions, yeah I get rejected a lot, but I don't really care anymore. It doesn't dent my ego, my skin is thicker and I just give less of a fuck if one particular girl likes me or not. The fact I moved my feet, said my piece in a direct and honest way makes ME happy and that's all I can control.

I've also met some great wings to go out and do daygame with, regardless of our 'results' we always have a laugh, we always learn something new and we are improving.

Respect to anybody with moderate to severe social anxiety who's in the process of going through the early stages of this journey, it's not easy! I'll edit this later and clean it up.

I'll probably turn this into a cold approach log going forward.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top