Tragedy
Member
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2023
Hi guys,
I'm a 30yo dude who lurked on GLL for a decade and lurking here for 2-3ys. #procrastination
I applied many things and got great results but I have also had major drawbacks in my life. For whatever reason I never engaged directly in the forums. Makes no sense but the brain is weird.
I could write a book about sad crazy shit that happened to me but it would be pointless. I'll instead divide this post into 4 categories with lists: Timeline, Goals, Things I'm good at, Things I suck at.
TIMELINE
1993 - Born
2010 - I discover Game, though I live in a village.
2011 - Gut issue that ruined my life (SIBO). Zero help by doctors, just denial.
2012 - Finish high school and start Univ. (Psychology). Move to big city.
2013 - Gut unfixed issue transformed into anxiety, agoraphobia and panic attacks. Didn't leave my room for 9 months.
2014 - I leave my room and on the same day I find myself a GF. I shit you not! I lose virginity.
2015 - Start psychotherapy. I slowly overcome all anxieties and panic attacs with hard work and pain.
2017 - I improve gut health with paleo-ish diet and changing antibiotic dose based on studies
2017 - Testicle operation (varicocele) goes bad due to bad doctor. I have great pain
2018 - They give me cortisone for inflammation. It completely fucks up my sleep and my mental health
2018 - GF with whom I'm having toxic relationship and living together, about to leave me. Fucks my remaining mental health.
2018 - They give me antidepressants. They completely fuck my sexuality. I get a syndrome called Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. No libido, no emotion, no erections, I can't feel even touch or pain or heat on my genitals
2019 - GF leaves me for good. I'm an ill skeleton, I look like I just got freed from Auschwitz
2019 - Six months later I start fucking some other girls. Struggling a lot with the Sexual Symptoms. I start again my bachelor and finish 3 years in a month.
2020 - I start my master in Neuroscience looking for a cure for this sexual syndrome and for sleep issues. Covid happens in Italy. I can't leave house for 5 months. I spend my days getting ripped doing gym with furniture. I look hot for the first time in my life.
2020 - Despite covid shit I go to study abroad and travel eastern Europe (big change after not being able to leave my room). More sex
2021 - Back to Italy. Crazy sex despite syndrome. Viagra helps but only a bit
2021 - Again abroad. More sex, more girls. I find myself a new nice GF who is not crazy.
2022 - I get a scholarship but I make debt unsuccessfully working as a driver. Broke.
2022 - Finish my entire master in a month but my professor dies so no graduation
2022 - Depressed for being so broke, I enter into a dark hole that hasn't ended yet.
2023 - Trying to exit from this shit. I need $ asap, currently self studying data analysis. Also I need to close forever this Univ. bad chapter of my life that I should have never started in the first place.
GOALS
1) Fixing sleep. Needed for working and for life achievements.
2) Having a stable income. I need money for fixing sleep.
--after I solve this paradox--
3) Spending a big part of my money in trying to fix the sexual thing. 5ys later it's better but not healed. I can feel touch again.
4) Spending other money for fixing ball pain that hasn't stopped in 6y
5) Finishing my thesis and forget about my university curse. 11 wasted years.
6) A ton of other less concerning goals
WHAT I AM GOOD AT
- Enduring suffering
- Researching scientific literature/neuroscience
- Problem solving
- Sex (despite dysfunction. It used to be better obviously. Laycount=~10 but a shitload of sex in the past)
- Keeping girls. Return rate = 100% despite dysfunction and ball pain. They keep coming back many times for years.
- Empathy
- Getting myself into existential depression
WHAT I SUCK AT
- Consistency
- Focusing
- Prioritizing
- Noticing time passing
- Keeping a calendar and a schedule
- Being happy and satisfied
- Having a smart life plan
- Financial planning
- Not procrastinating
- Being tougher and more stable emotionally
- Probably another million things
!!! Looking for an accountability partner !!!
I also need advice/guidance on how to start a career in Data Analysis and land a job asap!!!
I'm a 30yo dude who lurked on GLL for a decade and lurking here for 2-3ys. #procrastination
I applied many things and got great results but I have also had major drawbacks in my life. For whatever reason I never engaged directly in the forums. Makes no sense but the brain is weird.
I could write a book about sad crazy shit that happened to me but it would be pointless. I'll instead divide this post into 4 categories with lists: Timeline, Goals, Things I'm good at, Things I suck at.
TIMELINE
1993 - Born
2010 - I discover Game, though I live in a village.
2011 - Gut issue that ruined my life (SIBO). Zero help by doctors, just denial.
2012 - Finish high school and start Univ. (Psychology). Move to big city.
2013 - Gut unfixed issue transformed into anxiety, agoraphobia and panic attacks. Didn't leave my room for 9 months.
2014 - I leave my room and on the same day I find myself a GF. I shit you not! I lose virginity.
2015 - Start psychotherapy. I slowly overcome all anxieties and panic attacs with hard work and pain.
2017 - I improve gut health with paleo-ish diet and changing antibiotic dose based on studies
2017 - Testicle operation (varicocele) goes bad due to bad doctor. I have great pain
2018 - They give me cortisone for inflammation. It completely fucks up my sleep and my mental health
2018 - GF with whom I'm having toxic relationship and living together, about to leave me. Fucks my remaining mental health.
2018 - They give me antidepressants. They completely fuck my sexuality. I get a syndrome called Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. No libido, no emotion, no erections, I can't feel even touch or pain or heat on my genitals
2019 - GF leaves me for good. I'm an ill skeleton, I look like I just got freed from Auschwitz
2019 - Six months later I start fucking some other girls. Struggling a lot with the Sexual Symptoms. I start again my bachelor and finish 3 years in a month.
2020 - I start my master in Neuroscience looking for a cure for this sexual syndrome and for sleep issues. Covid happens in Italy. I can't leave house for 5 months. I spend my days getting ripped doing gym with furniture. I look hot for the first time in my life.
2020 - Despite covid shit I go to study abroad and travel eastern Europe (big change after not being able to leave my room). More sex
2021 - Back to Italy. Crazy sex despite syndrome. Viagra helps but only a bit
2021 - Again abroad. More sex, more girls. I find myself a new nice GF who is not crazy.
2022 - I get a scholarship but I make debt unsuccessfully working as a driver. Broke.
2022 - Finish my entire master in a month but my professor dies so no graduation
2022 - Depressed for being so broke, I enter into a dark hole that hasn't ended yet.
2023 - Trying to exit from this shit. I need $ asap, currently self studying data analysis. Also I need to close forever this Univ. bad chapter of my life that I should have never started in the first place.
GOALS
1) Fixing sleep. Needed for working and for life achievements.
2) Having a stable income. I need money for fixing sleep.
--after I solve this paradox--
3) Spending a big part of my money in trying to fix the sexual thing. 5ys later it's better but not healed. I can feel touch again.
4) Spending other money for fixing ball pain that hasn't stopped in 6y
5) Finishing my thesis and forget about my university curse. 11 wasted years.
6) A ton of other less concerning goals
WHAT I AM GOOD AT
- Enduring suffering
- Researching scientific literature/neuroscience
- Problem solving
- Sex (despite dysfunction. It used to be better obviously. Laycount=~10 but a shitload of sex in the past)
- Keeping girls. Return rate = 100% despite dysfunction and ball pain. They keep coming back many times for years.
- Empathy
- Getting myself into existential depression
WHAT I SUCK AT
- Consistency
- Focusing
- Prioritizing
- Noticing time passing
- Keeping a calendar and a schedule
- Being happy and satisfied
- Having a smart life plan
- Financial planning
- Not procrastinating
- Being tougher and more stable emotionally
- Probably another million things
!!! Looking for an accountability partner !!!
I also need advice/guidance on how to start a career in Data Analysis and land a job asap!!!