Hello,
I want to do the AA program (GLL) and thought it would be a good idea to log it here. Hope I am allowed to even though this isn’t the GLL forum.
I’ve known about GLL and Andy since 2015, and been lurking the forums off and on. I recently found Tragedy’s thread about the «post medication syndromes», and found it very well written.
I have PFS/PSSD/PAS (or whatever you want to call it) from accutane 8-9 years ago, but think I have recovered my reward system to a «good enough» level to give it a go. Still feel castrated though, and in pain most of the time (even when at home).
I have no friends, never had a gf, no job for a number of years, no education etc. I spend 90% of the time or more inside the house (my parents’). I have serious problems even going to the mailbox, and buying groceries is getting increasingly more difficult (crippling social/anticipation anxiety etc) and takes a lot of effort and energy. This has been getting worse over the years. Which makes things difficult, but at least I have a much wider spectrum of feelings now compared to before.
For many years I was basically a zombie, having massive anhedonia, brain fog, DP/DR and emotional flatness etc. But the benefit of that was somewhat reduced anxiety and no depression. Anxiety is now at an all time high, and I really have to do something about it. It’s also somewhat of a result of feeling stuck for so long. Very traumatizing. But I see the anxiety as a good thing too. More feelings = better. Respons to coffee, nicotine, alcohol are all better, indicating a more sensitive reward system.
Usually I avoid participating in forums because I feel it takes too much energy out of me, and puts to much pressure on me to perform etc. So might delete.
Got a stress respons just writing this out and thinking about posting it, and still am a nervous wreck even 6 hours after. I seriously can’t think straight anymore if this is the right thing to do or not.
But I’ll give it a go. I have to get out of this by any means necessary.
The AA program will be my only goal for the next 5-6 months.
Thanks for reading.
I want to do the AA program (GLL) and thought it would be a good idea to log it here. Hope I am allowed to even though this isn’t the GLL forum.
I’ve known about GLL and Andy since 2015, and been lurking the forums off and on. I recently found Tragedy’s thread about the «post medication syndromes», and found it very well written.
I have PFS/PSSD/PAS (or whatever you want to call it) from accutane 8-9 years ago, but think I have recovered my reward system to a «good enough» level to give it a go. Still feel castrated though, and in pain most of the time (even when at home).
I have no friends, never had a gf, no job for a number of years, no education etc. I spend 90% of the time or more inside the house (my parents’). I have serious problems even going to the mailbox, and buying groceries is getting increasingly more difficult (crippling social/anticipation anxiety etc) and takes a lot of effort and energy. This has been getting worse over the years. Which makes things difficult, but at least I have a much wider spectrum of feelings now compared to before.
For many years I was basically a zombie, having massive anhedonia, brain fog, DP/DR and emotional flatness etc. But the benefit of that was somewhat reduced anxiety and no depression. Anxiety is now at an all time high, and I really have to do something about it. It’s also somewhat of a result of feeling stuck for so long. Very traumatizing. But I see the anxiety as a good thing too. More feelings = better. Respons to coffee, nicotine, alcohol are all better, indicating a more sensitive reward system.
Usually I avoid participating in forums because I feel it takes too much energy out of me, and puts to much pressure on me to perform etc. So might delete.
Got a stress respons just writing this out and thinking about posting it, and still am a nervous wreck even 6 hours after. I seriously can’t think straight anymore if this is the right thing to do or not.
But I’ll give it a go. I have to get out of this by any means necessary.
The AA program will be my only goal for the next 5-6 months.
Thanks for reading.
