Two part question.

[dimixer36]

How do you change your mindset? What things helped you guys go from a negative to positive mindset? In terms of dating or just in general.

Secondly, how do you stay more in the present? I’ve been practicing mindfulness and meditation but is there anything else? Any practices or specific exercises I should be doing?

 

[Wifty]

Embracing discomfort and more precisely self discipline.
Check out this book and live by these rules for 30 days.


It's the best "mindfulness" practice ever.

I tried meditating, therapies, finding knowing and understanding the roots of my problems...
It's like rationalizing, daydreaming, talking instead of doing : a plainly time wasting activity.
Check this article to see what to do about them.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/index/time-wasting-activities%3fformat=amp

Comfort can be a real bitch. This article.
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/index/the-comfortable-life-of-the-undersexed-male





Now about the positive mindset :
It's a side effect of getting shit done, Embracing discomfort and doing things you like.
When People run away from discomfort they are Being slaves to their feelings and their fears and they end up making decisions based on this criterion : avoiding discomfort.
Say you want to get laid but you have approach anxiety, if you let your fear keeping you away from fulfilling this desire you'll as a matter of fact won't experience them. And adapt other decisions and thoughts to this.
You then can believe that you don't want to get laid that much or that women are sluts etc... Rationalizing and other things to maintain the status quo.

Not only this but this process acts as a pattern which permeates in other areas of your life.
And you can change it, by embracing discomfort.
Because when you free from this and are not limited from these fears you begin to find out What you're really up to.
Because it permeates in other areas of your life, and say when you used to find excuses not to do say X or Y things because in reality, you tried to simply avoid discomfort, it won't have influence onto you like it used to and then you'll see that you do more and more fun and exciting things.

And when you are not slowed down by bullshit and get to realize your desires regularly, you feel better and better and it feeds a "positive mindset".


Then it needs maintenance.
That means that if you quit taking care of yourself, exhibiting courage and doing the things you like you may get back to bullshit.
But a few steps in the right direction and again you feel good.



So, really...
Meditation and so on are only ways for you to avoid investing in the things which make you feel uncomfortable.

Accept it, and decide to do what you want to. Use courage and discipline.

 

[The Beast]

Read the book - "Can't afford the luxury of a negative thought". It's not a fix all for negative thinking, you do have to put some work into it, there's quite a few exercises in the book you can do, but I got more out of that book then any book I've ever read on reframing a negative mindset. Talks a lot about staying in the present as well, how to readjust when you start projecting into the future or looking into the past too much.

I'd say meditation generally is good but I would also add to that intense exercise. You have no choice to focus on the present when theres actual physical pain and I think that practice for me blurs over into my day to day life. The gym/cardio is a type of meditation for a lot of people and it certainly is for me.