Dropping some
advice I left Pancake awhile back. Some of it was specific to his situation, but its generalizable.
So here are a few suggestions, in the order I would address them:
1. Biology
If you're T is high, and you're having erotic dreams (I'm assuming you're also getting erections during sleep?), plus you've been biohacking and such, things are probably working well here.
I'd recommend looking into adding a supplement or two to get a slight increase in libido. I take tongat ali and fadogia agrestis for a T boost, but they also have a side effect of raising libido. I also eat oysters almost daily. If I'm having sex two or three days in a row, I will also take red ginseng on those subsequent days. Some swear by maca but its never really done much for me.
I know you're smart and read the studies. Find a few that may work for you. Introduce them one at a time.
2. Psychology
I think this category is more pertinent to you.
When we are turned on there is the outside stimulus of the woman and her attributes, which we have no control over. Then there is the internal stimulus of the feeling or emotion, which we have more control over.
If you understand your own internal triggers for eroticism, you can begin to manufacture arousal by creating situations that evoke those feelings or emotions.
My advice would be to start journaling your erotic dreams. By the act of journaling, you probably start having more, more often. I would also think back to your absolute favorite lays and sexual experiences. Journal those too. Then, pull out patterns and themes to what make these so erotic for you. Paticuraly, you are looking for triggers: the environment, attributes about the girl, sexual acts, but most importantly the
feeling or emotion it invokes.
For example, if I have some combination of the feeling the following:
- Naughty
- Desired
- Appreciated
- Primal
- Respected
- Worshiped
...I will feel more arousal. Feeling naughty, like something is very taboo and "we shouldn't be doing it" is very erotic for me. So if I'm with a girl that maybe she's attractive enough to have sex with but does not necessarily get the arousal going on its own, I can manufacture more arousal for myself by making the situation with her "naughty". Hence my enjoyment of certain kinks. You have control of that side. You don't have control of the girl.
A couple resources that may help:
- Directly help - The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment
- Indirectly help - How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain
3. Environment
Emily Nagoski has a great concept of brakes and accelerants to your arousal. Brakes make it hard for you to be aroused, accelerants make it super easy. Unfortunately, sounds like NYC and its girls are metric ton brake on your arousal. Your swimming in an environment of hyper masculine women when you desire hyper feminine ones.
Additionally, I know you said your life does not have too much stress. However, having visited NYC a couple times, the entire vibe of the city seems to be everyone is running constant levels of stress. It's normal for them to feel raised level of cortisol constantly. I'd be interested to know what your levels of cortisol are on a day to day basis. Regardless, stress is also a major brake.
inb4 just move bro...
I get your goals. So let's see if we can make it work where you are.
This is purely a speculative suggestion, but maybe having a plate, who was very feminine and you had sex every couple weeks could help. It would give you a physical touch point to your arousal every couple weeks and remind you of what that feels like. If you've not had sex in a couple months (and probably longer with the 1% type woman that really arouses you) then you're probably pretty out of touch with that. The psychology exercise above will help, but we all know its not the same as having it in the flesh. I say every 2 weeks, rather than every week, to keep your edge of wanting to go out hunting. Then when you are out approaching, before and during a set, you can use the mental setpoint of experiences with this woman and evoking the feelings from the psychology section above.
Really, you need to find a two ton accelerant to overcome the one ton brake of NYC. Recommend reading Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.