Rice
Member
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2022
Hey guys,
Something I have been struggling with lately is the whole idea of "be above average" in looks to get laid. Its repeated all the time on KYIL and GLL (Good Looking Loser), as well as various mentors in these communities.
In theory I can see myself being above average in looks: I get a lot of dates from online dating, girls I approach would show up on dates without knowing anything about me, and both men and women have been complimenting my appearance almost every time I am out.
But when I see even an average looking girl I still have a hard time seeing that she would want to have sex with me. And if she calls me cute or hot or whatever it kinda feels like she is just saying that to be nice and she just wants to be friends.
I am in this weird state where because I have so much surface level interest, I can look at college age girls and my default reaction is she probably likes me and would probably want to go on a date / talk to me. But when it comes to sex I still view it as 100% me getting lucky if it happens rather than me being the hot guy she would want to be with (or that she even gets anything out of it).
I suspect a big part of it is because growing up I always had girls call me cute or whatever but it was more "little kid cute" and not "hot cute". But whenever I actually showed interest in girls it would be awkward. So I learned to react to typical IOIs as her just being friendly.
It has gotten better lately, but deep down I still have the same mindset that most girls have no interest in sex with me. Especially since I have gone on so many dates with zero sexual tension. It feels like girls only wanna hang out with me because I come across as such a nice guy that they didn't even know its a date.
Even if I had sex with a girl, I still feel like she didn't actually find me attractive. She was just bored and I was in the right place at the right time. I only start to believe a girl actually finds me attractive if we meet up multiple times and she doesn't seem to be able to control herself around me.
The other issue is I just don't find myself attractive. The guys I look at and think "wow he is hot" is a tall twink with a nice jawline. My attractive traits are my muscles and my smile, which aren't really things I really appreciate in men personally. I still find it surprising that muscular guys get laid.
I know for both issues I need to do some kind of brainwashing or reframing. But I haven't put much thought into it because I figured time will fix it. To some extent, time has fixed some issues, but it seems to have plateaued recently.
I don't have any experience fixing beliefs, and it seems around the forums a lot of guys have way better mindsets than I do. I am hoping someone can share some insight on how to get started on actually liking myself and viewing myself as someone who can be successful with girls.
Something I have been struggling with lately is the whole idea of "be above average" in looks to get laid. Its repeated all the time on KYIL and GLL (Good Looking Loser), as well as various mentors in these communities.
In theory I can see myself being above average in looks: I get a lot of dates from online dating, girls I approach would show up on dates without knowing anything about me, and both men and women have been complimenting my appearance almost every time I am out.
But when I see even an average looking girl I still have a hard time seeing that she would want to have sex with me. And if she calls me cute or hot or whatever it kinda feels like she is just saying that to be nice and she just wants to be friends.
I am in this weird state where because I have so much surface level interest, I can look at college age girls and my default reaction is she probably likes me and would probably want to go on a date / talk to me. But when it comes to sex I still view it as 100% me getting lucky if it happens rather than me being the hot guy she would want to be with (or that she even gets anything out of it).
I suspect a big part of it is because growing up I always had girls call me cute or whatever but it was more "little kid cute" and not "hot cute". But whenever I actually showed interest in girls it would be awkward. So I learned to react to typical IOIs as her just being friendly.
It has gotten better lately, but deep down I still have the same mindset that most girls have no interest in sex with me. Especially since I have gone on so many dates with zero sexual tension. It feels like girls only wanna hang out with me because I come across as such a nice guy that they didn't even know its a date.
Even if I had sex with a girl, I still feel like she didn't actually find me attractive. She was just bored and I was in the right place at the right time. I only start to believe a girl actually finds me attractive if we meet up multiple times and she doesn't seem to be able to control herself around me.
The other issue is I just don't find myself attractive. The guys I look at and think "wow he is hot" is a tall twink with a nice jawline. My attractive traits are my muscles and my smile, which aren't really things I really appreciate in men personally. I still find it surprising that muscular guys get laid.
I know for both issues I need to do some kind of brainwashing or reframing. But I haven't put much thought into it because I figured time will fix it. To some extent, time has fixed some issues, but it seems to have plateaued recently.
I don't have any experience fixing beliefs, and it seems around the forums a lot of guys have way better mindsets than I do. I am hoping someone can share some insight on how to get started on actually liking myself and viewing myself as someone who can be successful with girls.