- Joined
- Jun 5, 2020
MakingAComeback said:Manganiello said:Bad. Really bad.
People rarely read emails.
They rarely read stuff.
Get their attention and tell them value in 2 seconds or your dead. And this is an email that assumes attention in your email that you don't have.
Sorry I'm in a rush would explain more.
But I've done like 40,000 cold calls. And also used to run a company solely off of advertising. This will Not work.
I feel like to explain this I would need a very large amount of time to explain it well.
If someone is busy, is seeing hundreds of things competing for his attention. And has no time to read stuff. What will get him to buy something or even engage more?
Because if your running an online business you absolutely need to understand how to sell to people who have very limited attention spans.
Anyway whenever we get a chance to hop on a call again. I can explain it in depth then.
Thanks bro I have revised it as below:
SUBJECT LINE
Let me know…
Quick question.
BODY
Hi #FIRSTNAME#,
The [Blog post, LinkedIn article, Podcast, etc] you shared the other day really caught my attention [CUSTOMISE AS TO WHY] and led me to check out your profile.
As I love what you’re sharing, I couldn’t help but think of ideas on how you could increase productivity, upgrade your energy, and maintain laser focus as a business leader. Allowing you to deliver more for your business and clients, be a better leader, over less time.
Just like [Client Name] (CEO) who went from uncertainty to "the best month" of his business, while achieving more without additional work, or [Client Name] (Founder) who had a productivity and wellbeing breakthrough and launched a successful new venture.
If that sounds interesting, I would love to share my ideas with you over a [call/loom].
Let me know.
Ravi
Founder, IronWill
I would also love to chat to you about sales and we can jump on a call and make that happen
Ravi
Good crack at it.
Still lacks a definitive value proposition that can be seen in the first 0.3 second glance you'll get before he skips your email.
This is the most important part of any email you write. Because you can have the best email but if nobody pays attention to it in the subject line or the first sentences in the body, it doesn't matter.
... heres an example.
Subject: About your [POST TITLE] LinkedIn post.
"Hey Freddy McFredrickson,
I'm Brandkn. I help people get unstuck in their career paths.
I saw your post about blab blah.
...."
That's a quick example I would've used for career coaching.
Notice how quick you know what I offer. It's like 0.3 seconds the guy knows what I'm about. Yours is so convoluted in formal speak.
Template:
SUBJECT: BAITS THEM INTO OPENING THROUGH CURIOISITY.
HELLO
I AM (CLEAR EXPLANATION OF WHAT PROBLEM YOU SOLVE)
REASON FOR THE EMAIL.
OFFER
REINFORCE OFFER WITH MAIN BENEFITS
WHAT PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT HOW AWESOME THE OFFER IS.
OFFER AGAIN
with a
CALL TO ACTION
...
Just do that.
The less words the better.
Unneeded words is your enemy in emails.
There shouldn't be a single word in that email in there that doesn't need to be there.