Upstart's AA Program Log

BRUH. I LITERALLY CHASED A GIRL DOWN.

5/28/24
May 28, Day 23 (of 90)
I saw a girl jogging my way and tried to get her attention using a method I'd learned from a pick up vid.
I got her attention, smiled, kept a safe distance, but she didn't stop.

So I ran along with her!
I told her she was cute. She told me she was dating a woman.
"DANG." I said and laughed. "Have a good one, then"

I was laughing to myself about that approach for a good little while.

Before I could actually approach women, it seems I've overestimated the amount of girls who are actually AVAILABLE.

I thought my muscles, dressing well, and my height would count for waaaay more than it actually does. It literally doesn't matter as much as I thought (outside of my own self-esteem). Most of the women I've approached so far, are already in a relationship.

The last two days I'm still getting used to the reality that I can now approach.
I don't have to spend hours going out every day to do drills any more.

In fact, I was hoping to get laid from the apps first, to give me enough of a courage boost to approach girls IRL. I find it funny that I got laid before I beat approach anxiety, but that's how it went. I've also seen the opposite occur.

*On a side note, I'm so glad I got my room cleaned and my bedsheets washed. I just feel more energized in general.

I can feel that I'll have a girl pretty soon, and one will become many in no time.

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5/27/24
May 27, Day 22 (of 90)

Yesterday, I approached a girl at the gym.
Oooooh scary, I know. But I approached with tact. Even though she was wearing those tight booty shorts and everything! Doing squats of course too.

I simply asked what she was training for. She said powerlifting we had a short little convo about that. Then I said, "lemme let you get back to it. Have a good one." there's a chance I could see her again so I don't want to pounce immediately.

I was a bit intimidated to approach at first, but I still did. In fact, the entire time I was there, I was the only one who spoke to her. I'll just take that W, even if I'm just imagining it.
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Cont'd from Above:
5/28/24
May 28, Day 23 (of 90)

For now, I'm okay with not hitting a quota of 5 approaches when I go out. I'm baby stepping it, just like the AA Program before, so if I'm not excited about going out. I still go out. And if I'm not excited about talking to anyone I'll still find someone to talk to. I consider going out at all a 10/10 success compared to my life before. Approaching is 10/10. Hitting 5 per day will be the new goal to hit and maintain.

Today, I ran into this sort of goth looking chick at the library I'd seen (& mentioned) before. I talked to her, said my usual line, but this time, I was determined to have a longer chat than usual which I usually don't because I was too nervous before.

We talked even after she told me she wasn't single. I asked her for her name, and I gave mine. It was a pleasant chat, but still no dice.
I pushed myself to approach one more girl at the grocery store, (after the one I literally chased, lol) and that was it.
I saw one girl who might have been interesting to talk to, but she was with a friend, so that put me off slightly. That might be the next push I have to make. At this point, I'm pushing my comfort zone, little by little. Approaching a girl alone is waaay less nerve-wracking, but I have to keep up the momentum everyday.

By the end of this summer, I should be able to talk to a group of bikini clad girls by the riverside with ease. I feel that is well within my grasp.

As for night game, I really feel like I'm spinning my heels when I go out alone. I'm not really willing to stay out long enough to make a connection, and I can't really find anyone to talk to.

BUT showing up is half the battle, so I'll keep going out at night on weekends.
In the meantime, I have to make money somehow before I get to red alert mode.
Again.

May 29, Day 24 (of 90)
YOOOO I LITERALLY CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY.

They'd never expect that I could so easily shoot my shot at girls. I know I shouldn't care, but they'd look at me so differently once they see I can do this.

So far my real approach count comes out to about 15+ over the last few days.
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Today I was so out of it, but that's normal, just like it was with the AA Program Drills. Some days I'd be right on it. others, not so much.

I had an opportunity to approach early this morning, but I didn't. Not necessarily out of fear or nervousness. I just didn't approach. But that set the tone for the rest of the day. There were many other opportunities I didn't go for simply because I lost the initiative.

I managed to eke out one approach at the grocery store. While it was a positive vibe, she was taken.
I'm getting that A LOT.
For now, I'll keep focusing on fundamentals.
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When it comes to work, I feel so reluctant to get back to working and trying to make money. I love this brief pocket of time when I get to push myself socially, but I can't continue unless I have money coming in.

I wish I could just get to the part where I'm making money from my art full time. And not have to do these other BS jobs from phone apps like Uber or Workwhile. If I could just make $2000 monthly, that would cover everything I need. it doesn't even have to be up $2000, even $1800 would be manageable.

I just have to keep pushing for now.

May 30, Day 25 (of 90)

Not much action today.

I analyzed my finances and clarified that I need to make $1300 to make it through the month.
Actually facing my bank account and clarifying the figure in my head takes so much weight off my mind.

In terms of approaching, I didn't really approach any girls I was interested in today. I didn't see many out there. I just popped out to the store for a quick couple of things, then came right back.

I talked to a few (older) women, just shooting the breeze. I wanted to work more on communication without expectation, and basic conversations today.

I feel more okay with myself than before so I'm glad about that.

It just occurred to me today that the time I would have spent finishing the approach anxiety program can now be spent NORMALLY approaching women I'm interested in, and asking them out until I get the sex life I'm happy with.

I actually forgot that the point was the sex life, not the drills, lol.
I can spend the rest of this 90 day period honing my approaching ability and making friends.

That being said...
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THE APPS:

I got a phone number from Hinge, this one is looking very strong. A date is HIGHLY likely, and as a bonus she lives within walking distance from the looks of it. All positive signs.
I'll hit her up tomorrow and set up a date.

In the past, I really overestimated the value of messaging each girl online. If the app would allow me to message first, (Facebook dating or Hinge) I would send a canned opener thinking that would increase my chances of matching, when it really just wasted massive amounts of time.

Photos matter first, then swipe like a madman.

Hinge is still in the lead for the most phone numbers and meet ups! I'm starting to consider buying Hinge+ .

Maybe after I do a shift and get some money first!

This post was meant for May 31, Day 26 (of 90)

Part of me doesn't even want to date for real.
Maybe I felt this way in 2022 as well.

But actually getting the dating life I want requires a lot of me. I'm sort of in that awkward stage where I know I need to grow, but it's just uncomfortable, because I'm not used to it.

Dating, to me, means I can't just keep to myself anymore. I have to involve someone else emotionally and that is slightly uncomfortable.

But if I want more hoes on my hose, I'll have to bite the bullet.

I know I'm talking crazy, because actually having sex again definitely beats the loneliness I was feeling all of last year. Jerking off alone and forced into solitude. And now that I'm close to my goal of dating again, I almost want to back out of it lol!

I just want my self-esteem & confidence to catch up to my looks. I'm 6ft and muscular, but don't feel socially confident much of the time. But that's the life of a late bloomer.

Dating would also be a lot easier to manage if I had a decent income coming in!
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I texted the strong lead I got from Hinge. We'll meet Monday evening. I don't necessarily plan to take her home first date, but if it happens it happens. My only goal is to retain her for as long as possible, while I get other plates.

All in all, I like to keep 3 at maximum in case one falls off.
I was on the way to doing that last time, but the third kept flaking.

Let's see how this time goes.

I didn't approach any girls today. But I'm still maintaining my goal to go out every single day without fail.

I realize that NOW is the time for my two years of hardcore dating.

It was actually pushed back a year because of everything that I've mentioned before. But NOW's the time to start again. And go for as long as I need to.

This window of opportunity won't come again for a long time, so I'm taking it.

I was putting so much emphasis on building a social media presence for my business that I disregarded the time suck it became for the rest of my life.

I figured out marketing to a certain extent, but I went hard because I wanted to go full time in comics as soon as humanly possible to quit my day job.

But now, I'm okay with taking as much time as I need to build up the business while I work menial jobs for a few years. As long as I get get the pu$$y I want and develop my self confidence, while also drawing my comics then I'm good with waiting till my 30s to finally blow up.
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June 1, Day 27 (of 90)

I did NOT feel like going anywhere or doing anything!
But I still went out twice today. I went once for groceries then out at night to the bars and clubs.
I'm so glad I went out.

I ran into a girl from my old Sunday school. We hugged and caught up for a bit. She was a model in NYC and still cute as ever. She was hanging out with a famous baseball player (in her words). I don't even watch baseball lol. I dapped him up and said "hi".

Then talked to her a little longer, got her number and bounced. It was nice to see a familiar face.

Earlier in that same bar I came in and one of the workers came up to me saying, "we think you had too much to drink so we're gonna have to ask you to leave." I hadn't had a single drop. But I did have a headache and it was my first time in that place.

So I explained to the guy I asked him what made him think I was drunk. He said I looked lost and spaced out. Is that what I look like to other people? I wondered. But he said, "I believe you" and we shook on it and I stayed.

Even earlier in the night, I crossed the street while to red hand was up, there were no cars, so I just crossed. Two girls followed behind me.

I looked over my shoulder, smiled and said "Why are y'all copying me?" They looked at me and laughed and said "you heard us saying we'll just follow behind you?"

I said "nah, but I be doing that shit too sometimes," they said "for real?", I turned around and said "yeah", then walked away.

I notice that I'm starting to get more comfortable with people out and about. I don't feel so scared anymore. But I still have the tendencies of my old self.

I've destroyed the belief that I'm unwanted, unloved and not someone to hang out with, but I still have the tendencies that say so. Over time, these will die down as I get more comfortable with people in general.

Later in the night, I watched two games of pool between two groups of friends, one girl was about to do a shot and I was in the way. She said she didn't want to hit me. I moved, watched her take the shot. I said "DON'T MISS"
She laughed and said, "You're not making this easier!"

I watched extra close as she missed the shot, then sat back down in my spot.
I'll have to accept that even this much interaction is progress.

I walked around a little longer for the rest of the night and then went home.

It was a choice between staying in and having an ice cream sandwhich before bed, or going out and possibly getting head. I'm glad I chose the latter!

MILESTONE REACHED: Got a phone # from COLD APPROACH!!!

JUNE 2nd DAY 28 (of 90)

I saw a girl at Walmart and talked to her. She was a cute little white girl who had just graduated college. We had a decent little conversation. I asked, "Are you single?" She said "yes"

I had to make sure I heard that right.

I said "Hm?" She said "yes. I'm single"

I was like "cool", continued the conversation then grabbed her phone number afterwards.

That was the good news.

The bad news is, she hasn't replied to my text in 2 days.

Imma just charge it to the game. Flakes happen.

My online dating on the other hand is starting to generate options.

The girl from Hinge flaked on Monday. It was an understandable flake, so I hit her up today to meet up on Thurs. or Friday. No response yet.

I'm also invited an divorced asian woman to coffee on Saturday afternoon. She's 37, but I don't mind. (beggars can't be choosers). She has a really cool style, so imma see wassup. Met her on Coffee Meets Bagel.


I feel like I'll be getting pussy VERY soon. I've even put two condoms in my wallet to prepare.

No need to ask girls if they're single. They'll tell you if they're single. Just go for the date pitch.

Good work man, keep it up. First time reading your log and I'm looking forward to seeing big progress

JUNE 13th DAY 39 (of 90)

SLOW PERIOD. I finally found a pocket of time in which to make some great strides in my business. I finally updated my website to be more customer friendly, and I've created a whole new website to host my own comics.

I've still been going out every single day in some capacity, but the dating attempts IRL and on the apps have slowed down this week. But I'm finally done with all the website stuff, so now I can get back to it... right?

WRONG!
I've gotta make some money, cuz I'm running out. I need to make at least $1000 this month to pull through, which should be easy if I work all this week and next. So that's not too bad. Doordash sucks as a way to make money though.

I've finally locked down a date with the 37 y/o asian divorcee from Coffee Meets Bagel, so we'll see how that goes on Friday evening. I'm actually excited.
But when you've got nothing anything is exciting.
Sometimes I forget the whole point of this is to have a sex life, ffs.

I haven't seriously approached since the last post I think, but I am going out with a buddy on Saturday to the Domain so we can get in some reps. It's gonna be fun. He's in a worse position than I am dating-wise, and has never cold approached, but I really hope to show him how simple it can be to just approach a girl and ask her out.

On that note: @pancakemouse, what's wrong with asking if she's single? I thought it helped save time, so you don't have a long conversation before she tells you she's got a boyfriend, engaged, or married.

And thanks @ProgressEvolution! Good luck with your progress!

JUNE 17th DAY 43 (of 90)

So I finally went out with the Asian lady and the date went all right. It wasn't too flirtatious, but it was also just the right amount of engaging for the both of us...I think. I feel I need to learn to engage women's emotions more during dates. (I've been told I was boring in the past, but that girl wasn't much to write home about either.)

I didn't feel any particular spark between us, but I'm going to continue trying to see her for the experience. At the moment, it's all about the EXP points, nothing more. She's nice enough, and has two children: 12 and 14 years old. It wouldn't be any great loss if she didn't text me back ever again, but I'm interested to see where this goes.

By the end of the day she was just happy that I wasn't a psychopath, as she had had a weird experience with a guy on the dating apps where she had a bad interaction with a guy and then he followed her from app to app sending her paragraphs about how she's a biyotch and she should go out with him because he's got a PHD and he's smart.

She said the whole thing was scary, I thought it was funny.

The next day (Saturday), I went out to The domain in Austin with my buddy --who's a computer programmer - with the sole purpose of approaching girls. Since I had JUST figured this out 2 weeks ago, I warmed us up by talking to some store clerks here and there and then I showed him the step by step method I learned online. Then I demonstrated on an actual woman. From there, he was able to learn the pattern but was too nervous to make an approach the entire day.

He even had trouble smiling on command, which I totally understand because I had to practice robotically in a mirror to figure out how to smile. The only person he spoke to the entire day was me, and a Whole foods clerk and that was it. But I made sure to tell him all of that was okay, because it took me 8 years to get up to this point and that was by baby stepping it little by little by little by little every chance I could get,

I only took big leaps and bounds when I moved out of my parent's place, and followed the Good Looking Loser website (and KYIL!). And now I'm going another step further by doing his program on going out at night alone.

Chris really left behind a FREE online treasure trove better than most paid products.
His articles have ACTUALLY gotten me laid and helped me beat my approach anxiety, so of course I trust this program can help go out at night better. I'm tired of walking around aimlessly just knowing that nothing will happen. Now I can take steps forward.

That's the next Hill to conquer.
I completely forgot that he had written up a course about this very subject so I'm really excited to give it a try over the second half of this 90-day challenge I put myself on. I'll be going out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night to apply whatever drills that he has in mind and outside of that, I'll just be doing the regular online dating stuff and trying to make something happen.

I still haven't gotten laid yet, during this period but I know if I keep pushing forward, it'll happen sooner than I think! That's all I have for now see you in the next one!

JUNE 20th DAY 46 (of 90)
I'm starting to get pissed, bro.

(This post is mostly complaining! I've done minimal editing to it to keep the raw feeling of it.)

Dating fucking sucks.
Did it somehow get harder in the two years I was away?

I've leveled up as a person, and yet, that somehow amounts to LESS than when I started the AA program.
What kinda sick joke is this?

It's a ghost world out there and my phone is haunted.
Come to think of it, I may have posted something like this a couple years ago when I started this farce.

Anyways, this new 33 year old betch just changed her mind at the last minute.
The text convo leading to the phone number close (from Plenty of Fish) plus the date set-up was textbook smooth.

Now today:

Me: Wassup " her name" we still on for today?
Her: "Honestly we haven't spoken that much and I don't feel like I know you that well. and something came up today."

I was already annoyed at this point.
That's what a fucking date is for, dumbass.

Me: "That's true. Most ppl prefer text these days, but I'll give you call after work."

Called after work. Instantly forwarded. No response since.

Fuck me.
Whatever.

I automatically assume a better option--the one she really wanted- said "yes" and I got shafted.
But who knows, maybe someone died.

I think what's really made me angry the in the last month, is that my old Sunday school friend I met at a bar in a previous post gave me a wrong phone number. She even called her own phone when we were at the bar to make it look like it went through.

She was a model in New York, so maybe she's so used to doing this to other guys and she accidentally did it to me. But I'm pissed because I may never know for sure.
My thoughts about rekindling the friendship (and the possibility of meeting her hot friends ) died right there.

I can't even get the bottom of the barrel chicks on a dating app. I put in so much effort for solid pics of myself and I've only gotten ONE date in 45 days.

I put in YEARS of work on myself and it's just barely enough to get REJECTED by LOSER chicks on these apps.
On top of that, I've reached to limit of Tinder Swipes on UNLIMITED PREMIUM MODE. There's no more in my area to swipe on. 40+ miles out!

I swipe everyday like it's my JOB and still NOTHING.

It's not that I'm tired of being alone, it's just that I'm feeling the weight of the odds stacked against me.
(This feeling is also coming off another re-listen of the RATIONAL MALE Audiobook by Rollo Tomassi. I'm actually re-listening to the whole trilogy during my current driving job.)

Any normal, intelligent person would throw up their hands and QUIT at this point and go MGTOW. I know I've considered it (briefly) in the past.

It feels like you have to become a damn near SUPERHUMAN, and it's still not enough for these hoes.
I've trained and put in the work on myself to be ABOVE AVERAGE. I know I am. I have proof that I am, and yet I still get loser results. I've gone beyond what I could do when I first started two years ago, and yet somehow my results are worse?!

And at the exact same time, I'll see some regular guy with some cute chick, and think HOW NIGGA? HOW?!

And I thought FINALLY being able to approach women IRL would be my saving grace, but even that is veteran difficulty.

I'm not saying I have approach anxiety again, but I am seeing that most of the time, these girls are UNAVAILABLE. A couple days ago there were at least 5 super cute girls to talk to, but I thought: "Why bother?"

I didn't see the point. I felt like I knew what they're gonna say.
I'm not scared of being rejected anymore, I'm just tired of it.

BUT here's the thing.

I know I'll just keep trying.
I know I won't stop. I know there's golden period waiting just around the corner.

I know none of these complaints will matter at all once I actually get my peepee touched, I'm just a little hangry. Not being touched in two years will do that to a guy.
Seriously, once I actually get laid, this post will be superfluous.
I just wanted to catalogue my feelings at the moment.

I think that if this is my current hill to climb, how much worse it will be for my computer buddy who I walked the Domain with. He can't even talk to girls outside of a business context.
I just gave him the Rational Male to read, so he doesn't get completely dusted when he gets involved with women.

In fact, I gave the book to another good friend of mine who proceeded to impregnate the worst sexual option he could find after getting dumped by his much cuter ex. The two events were YEARS apart, but it really disappointed me and my penis to see him reach for the easiest option he had at the time, instead of improving his SMV and picking a much better option from abundance in the future. (Same phenomenon happened to a cousin of mine. Impregnating a clearly WORSE option after a hot ex slipped through his hands. Why niggas, why?!)

We're in the same industry with similar aspirations of becoming greats.

Now all his time and money will be spent slaving away for his child and annoying baby mama because he couldn't see the forest for the trees.
Whatever. Unplugging guys from the matrix is triage. You do what you can, but you can't save em all.

Whatever girls he would've gotten, I'll take those too.

I hate this shit man. I just have to get my numbers up. It comes in waves. This week was a bust, but maybe next week will bear fruit. I just never know. I'm gonna have to learn night game, and improve what little daygame I do have.

But mostly I wish I could just get back to drawing my art and mastering my craft. But sex is such an essential internal need, that I can't ignore that part of me again without going into a serious lethargy.

But this pissed-off feeling is a good thing. It means I can look at bitches with the right attitude again, instead of deferential & placid. I can start bringing more ballsy energy to my interactions, and try to make something happen.

THIS I KNOW:
At some point, some girl will come around whether on the apps or IRL who will make it so EASY, I'll think: "it should've been like this from the start."
It will make the stress of my past attempts disappear like smoke.

....And then I'll immediately look for the next girl. The next plate to spin. Because I know the first one WON'T LAST.

Reality check: you aren't above average. Your vibe is off in-person (my assumption from watching your videos) and your photos aren't great. You are getting exactly what the market deems you should get.

So let's troubleshoot it.

1. How many estimated swipes did you do on Tinder, and how many matches resulted? How many of those resulted in a number?

Post three examples of your messaging.

2. Record and post audios of your approaches here for critique.

pancakemouse said:

So let's troubleshoot it.

Click to expand...

Thanks for taking the time to read all that mess, but troubleshoot how?

I'm reading all the guides and doing exactly as they say. But my efforts seem to amount to nothing. I know it's just a matter of time, but where am I going wrong? Is it my demographic?
You've had to have felt the same at some point. What'd you do then?

pancakemouse said:

Reality check: you aren't above average

Click to expand...

For my industry, I am. Depends on your definition of average.

pancakemouse said:

You are getting exactly what the market deems you should get.

Click to expand...

I agree, but how can I present myself better?

P.S. I come off way different in my actual youtube videos and podcasts than I do here.
This is more like an impromptu online diary.

Any feedback is appreciated.