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Brandon Builds - Update: Revival of the OG OF Girl

Bman said:
So my short list in order of importance is:
  1. Non-starters: Feminine, Beauty, Submissive - if she doesn't have these she's not even on my radar.
  2. Must haves:
    1. Respect (bare minimum is common courtesy)
    2. Open & non-judgmental (to sexuality, alternative relationship styles, and alternative lifestyles)
    3. Time prioritization - I don't expect sexual or emotional exclusivity, but I do expect to be made priority above other commitments (within reason)
    4. Willing to grow, growth mindset
    5. Healthy
    6. Honest, Vulnerable Communication style
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Pretty good list, I agree with it all except #1. I've found that there are a lot of bratty girls that will fall into line when they see you're not a chump. I refused to get worked up by disrespect early, I've seen too many do a 180 here in record time. Guys that don't get butthurt are *RARE*, and when they encounter it they tend to re-evaluate pretty quickly.

One thing I'm wondering about is how you can build sufficiently deep relationships for some of your BDSM goals. Maybe I just needed more practice, but I haven't found the ability to get real submission out of a woman without an absurd level of trust in me. Getting her to push herself a little bit in the bedroom and participate in your personal weird kink is one thing, her giving you control over her life is something else entirely. Are you going into contracts with these women? Are you collaring them? What level of submission are they giving you that they won't give anyone else?

I'm not the jealous type, and I am prone to some validation seeking. I noticed I don't get much thrill from a woman submitting to me if she does it for every guy. Trying to get that level of submission seems almost incompatible with traditional polyamory though?
 
Zug said:
Pretty good list, I agree with it all except #1. I've found that there are a lot of bratty girls that will fall into line when they see you're not a chump. I refused to get worked up by disrespect early, I've seen too many do a 180 here in record time. Guys that don't get butthurt are *RARE*, and when they encounter it they tend to re-evaluate pretty quickly.
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I have too. But I just don't want to put in the effort when I don't have to. Why deal with a bratty girl when she can get replaced with other sweet girls quickly? I just don't get joy from flipping a brat. It's really a big turn off. And nowadays, I don't have to if I don't want to.

Zug said:
One thing I'm wondering about is how you can build sufficiently deep relationships for some of your BDSM goals.
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These are really good questions and points that I've been spinning my wheels a lot about lately. Because you are right on the money.

What I've come to now attempting to test is elevating the importance of the Dom/ sub titles in that if I'm going to be her "Dom" I'm her only Dom. She can have other partners, so on and so forth, but I'm the only one that has that level of control over her. Just from a purely logistical standpoint, if two people are making decisions for you its going to be a disaster because they will most likely oppose. So yes, I'll be treating it with more diligence with a contract and collar. In that regard, I'm likely to only have one, maybe two true submissives. Anyone else is pretty much just fuck buddy, I'm just being a Dom in the bedroom, type thing, which is what I've been operating as in the past anyway.

I realized something recently that most girls don't really care about the Dom/sub stuff, and when they say they want a Dom, they really just want someone more aggressive and assertive in the bedroom, pretty much a rough sex top. All the other stuff, they could happily do without. Only a few want to submit in the traditional sense. So for a select couple, I'm a Dom in fullest sense. For the rest, its just business as usual. I'm just fucking their brains out unlike other guys would.
 
Bman said:
I realized something recently that most girls don't really care about the Dom/sub stuff, and when they say they want a Dom, they really just want someone more aggressive and assertive in the bedroom, pretty much a rough sex top. All the other stuff, they could happily do without. Only a few want to submit in the traditional sense. So for a select couple, I'm a Dom in fullest sense. For the rest, its just business as usual. I'm just fucking their brains out unlike other guys would.
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I have a hard time generalizing because my profile was pretty extra and filtered hard. Everyone who matched me was down for it in the bedroom.

Being a true submissive to me though? I don't know. I feel like that number is 0%. They just don't want that initially because it's unfathomable. Logistically speaking, most guys here would be down to immediately have some kinky sex with an attractive girl. If you change that to the women being their dominant though?

How many people have even thought about it ever? How few of those have tried to make it happen?

If I was single again, this is what I would want. I think I could probably convert most women with submissive tendencies if they were genuinely in love with me, trusted me, and believed I cared about their best interests. I don't know that you need to screen for super subs that hard, even if you want 24/7 TPE. It just takes longer.
 
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