1 year after AA review (Part 1/2): Changes in skills, attitudes, learnings

[CainGettingLaid]

This is a crosspost from my AA program on GLL.

Day 1/Intro:

I'm Cain, I live in Germany, 24 years old, just finished my bachelors degree and moved to Cologne for an internship.

Today I am starting the AA program.

My sex live has been a shitshow for the most part of my life. Had my first kiss at 14, first oral sex at 17, but it took me until 22 to actually fuck. Now two years later I have upped my score to six chicks.

I found GLL last summer after searching for ways to avoid being emotionally attached to a fuckbuddy. I had a rought patch in life in general, being somewhat depressed and burnt out. I decided early in 2020 to focus on my sex life and took pretty much all chances I could get via my social circles. The year started of good in relation to my past track record. I fucked two chicks a few times in the first few months. Eventually both fuckbuddy relationships fell apart because one chick wanted a relationship and with the other I messed up because I was too needy. Well shit, my sex opportunities in social circles were dried up and the pandemic countermeasures were going on so I wasn't meeting new people regularly.

So I read a bunch of stuff from GLL and was inspired by it:
- decided I needed to give online dating another shot and I also wanted to do AA.
- lost some weight. I was never obese but not fit either. Started with the GLL fat loss diet but switched it up slightly because it was unhealthy and the caloric deficit pushed down my testo too hard, had far lower sex drive. Nonetheless, I lost 7kg/14pounds in 7 weeks and since have had a fourpack. The eightpack isn't fully showing yet. Decided to do some gains instead from that point on and focus on other stuff like clothing and my skin.
- worked hard on some good/acceptable Tinder pics (profile link will follow on day 3 of my AA journal, looking forward to your guys feedback)

At the beginning of this year, I made some New Year's resolutions related to sex. New Years resolutions are usually not my style, they are usually bullshit. I have only made some once in my life when I was serious about it. It was to start writing a diary which I have now been doing for more than a year. Really important decision. Well whatever, here is my new years resolution:

This year I want to get my sex live in order. That means specifically:
- having sex regularly. At least one night per week. Optimally not only on average, but really every week
- fucking twelve chicks this year, one for each month
- beating my approach anxiety

I launched my Tinder profile first thing this year. My sex life didn't accelerate as much as I had hoped, especially because I simply had a lot of other shit on my plate (like my bachelors thesis) and also made a bunch of excuses. Especially, I didn't even fking start AA yet. I didn't use tinder much but I got one fuck buddy relationship out of it with a chubby chick. Almost simultaneously, I met a new chick in my social circles which was hotter and also started a fuckbuddy relationship with her. The two fuckbuddy relationships almost fully drained me of free time and energy so I wasn't super explorative for new chicks after that.

I maintained the two fuckbuddy relationships until one week ago when I moved to a new city. I think I did pretty good in maintaining them, thanks to GLL. Dodged relationship bullets. Fucked both of them on the first date, thanks to Boytoy. The hotter one turned out to be really kinky and I got to explore a lot of fantasies (bondage, anal, DP (with toys), public sex in park and university library...).

Overall the experiences of the past few months have been great and I am grateful to GLL and the community for helping me. I especially want to give a shout out to BoyToy as well, found some of his stuff through the Internet Archives/Waybackmachine.

These experiences pushed my confidence big time. Now I want to take shit to the next level and finally start approaching girls whenever and wherever I want.

I gotta admit, I have pretty strong approach anxiety, at least I feel like it is very strong compared to other fears I have. Socially, I am really extroverted and not afraid to speak in public or anything, quite the contrary. Also at private parties with friends of friends I can talk to chicks and when there's some liquor involved I will also start flirting with them and eventually make out and things even have developed into sex (not same night). But when it comes to talking to chicks that I am interested in and that I have no given social context with like a party or TInder, I am terrified.

A sexually fairly successful and very close and trusted friend of mine thinks that fear is natural and that every guy has it. He might be right but I'm not ready to accept that for me. I want to be able to do that shit and the AA program looks doable and pretty genius. Of my new years resolution, losing my AA is the most important part to me. I don't think I could live happily without having tried seriously to get a liberated sex life.

That's why I am doing the AA program now. Unfortunately I have a full time job for four month, so the AA program can only be my "1b)" priority. To be honest, I hardly give a shit about the internship but I want to do it since I did a bachelors program that was kinda detached from reality and this is my best opportunity to get some real experience. Passion wise though, I don't give the slightest fuck about my work. I see no higher purpose in it. My mental focus and motivation will be on the AA program, even though I might not spend the largest chunk of my time on it.

All the time after work can be dedicated to the AA program. Since I am in a new city I have no friends here and I have no social life to distract me, so that part will also make it easier. I hardly have any commute times to my work (9min bike ride). I live in a large city (1 million inhabitants) that has a lot of young people. I think the circumstances are OK for starting AA. No work or a part-time job would definitely be better. But I'm not gonna postpone my efforts for another four months.

It's the end of excuses for me. I know that when I put my mind to something, I can do it. I did it with uni, I did it with sports.

Now its time to get laid by losing my fears.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 2:

Today I'm starting off my journal. Also signed the petition. Looking forward to the drills.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 3:

Relaunched my tinder profile that I used like four months ago. I made it with Rooster's guide. Check the link to see the pics. Would highly appreciate your feedback. tinder.com/@caintinder (I think you can only see the pics. As the text I used the example in Rooster's Guide)

Some specific questions:
- where would you rank this profile on Chris' boyfriend material/boyfriend potential/scumbag scale? My guess is I'm way too far on the "nice guy/boyfriend material" side. What are the aspects in my pics that emphasize this point? How could I switch it up?
- thoughts on the topless pic? Female friends mostly tell me its a minus but I don't believe them, have seen swiping behavior that tells differently. Is the workout pic below better?
- first pic I want to show my face. Do you think the frontal angle fits me well or should I try it from the side?

It is not the worst profile, it got me a fuckbuddy. Nonetheless I think it got me very few matches. I'm taking that opinion from talking to a friend who also uses Tinder. I created the profile by using photofeeler and retrospectively it is already a lot better than profiles I previously had that got me nowhere.

Before relaunching the profile today I read this guide (Chris recommended it somwhere on GLL, can't remember where): thoughtcatalog.com/chris-haven/2014/02/5...t-laid-using-tinder/ Also discovered the guide by Killyourinnerloser yesterday but haven't had the time to read it, as it is fucking long. I'll use it to gradually improve my Tinder profile over the next months.

Also installed Bumble today and I'll try it out. A female friends of mine recommended it to me. I kind of fear that its mostly chicks looking for relationships. I would be interested in hearing your guys experiences with Bumble. Also, because Bumble does not accept shirtless mirror pics, I uploaded a workout pic, see attached

Looking forward to the first drill tomorrow.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 4:

First day of drills. Did them this afternoon. Was supposed to ask 5 chicks for the time and leave, age irrelevant.

In the end, I did 13 approaches. Not because I was hyper motivated, but because I wanted to do five that felt proper. For the five proper ones I only counted single girls without masks in my age range. The other 8 approaches were either above 30, wearing a mask, or they were groups of chicks.

It took me two or more hours. I'm new in town and I think I picked some bad spots. Started right in front of my house and approached a girl within three minutes. But otherwise the street was pretty dead since it is a shopping street in a district that is more of a small town itself but only like 20k people. Plus there is a duty to wear masks in the main street. I blatantly ignore it, but I feel like its pointless to talk to chicks wearing masks. What's your thoughts on that? So after I went to parks nearer to the city center and near the large river (Rhine). But the spots were fairly empty. Tomorrow I'll try near the uni.

I skipped a few girls, more than I would like to admit. My mind kept making up stupid excuses. I started to deliberately work against them though. Approached a girl with large headphones. Approached a girl that was on a bike line waiting for the light to turn green. Stopped a girl that was running. Once I took some pics of the nature in the park and spotted a group of chicks my age. First I didn't approach them because I thought that they probably saw me taking the pics. Why the fuck would I ask for the time if I had a phone? It pissed me of though that I gave way to that excuse. After a few minutes I luckily crossed them again and just went for it. It's fucking irrelevant if they saw my phone. Then they will think I'm weird. So what. That's kind of the point in the AA program to desensitize yourself against that feeling.

More importantly though, I realized that I do not need an external reason or occasion to talk to chicks. I can do it simply because I want to. Another reflection that hit me deep was when I was walking past a flock of sheep (kid you not, there were actually sheep grazing along the river in this big ass city). I realized that this is kinda the perspective I could take on chicks in general. Just clueless, harmless sheep. Almost NPCs. I can do pretty much what I want to do in terms of approaches, I can be the wolf. That's what I want to become through the AA program.

I was surprised how much effort the approaches took. I was pretty tense most of the time and whenever I talked to a girl I had slight fight or flight symptoms, like tunnel vision and an adrenaline rush. I guess it does make a difference to otherwise asking for the time because I subconsciously realize that I am not asking them for the time but really I'm doing this because I want to talk to them. Even though I leave afterwards as part of the drill.

The reactions were mixed. Mostly neutral, some positive, some weirded out. One chick guessed the time but didn't take out the phone. One chick told me she's sorry she can't tell me the time. It was kind of a weird corner where I asked her and I didn't smile and I was wearing dark clothes. Maybe she was afraid I'd snatch her phone. Crime in this city is pretty bad. One chick was driving on her bike with headphones in and acted like she didn't notice me (that would be number 14 actually). I think the chicks that were weirded out were mostly weirded out because there were a lot of people around that I could have asked instead so they maybe thought this was some dumb indirect approach. Or they wondered whether I had no phone. I don't know, I don't really care.

One main takeaway I had is that my eyesight fucking sucks. Used to be really good before I started university 4.5 years ago. Now I can't tell from 30m/100feet whether a chick is 20 or 40. I'll try to work on doing some eye exercises in the next weeks. Might also do some approaches with my glasses.

There was actually a super funny occurrence. While wandering through parks I came by the botanical garden. I then remembered that in the same spot I was in the summer of 2016 with a very close friend of mine. We were doing a hitchhiking/couchsurfing trip through Germany and Cologne was our first stop. Was a crazy and adventurous couple of days in Cologne (story for another time). That friend and I had mostly bonded over one thing we had in common: We hadn't gotten laid ever. During that hitchhiking vacation we were trying to cold approach chicks in that same botanical garden. We were fucking terrified. I think during the entire vacation my friend made one or two legit approaches and one joke one, I made none. What hit me today was that pretty much nothing has changed regarding our ability to cold approach. I have had the specific desire to be able to do this for at least 4.5 years now. I am nowhere. That's crazy. One more reason to go through with the AA program at any price.

I asked an old dude to take a pic of me in front of a nice tree. There were no chicks around to ask. Can you guys feedback on my outfit? Be relentless.

 

[Toast]

First off, great job committing yourself to bettering yourself. if you continue down this path with serious intention then I'm sure you will come out the other end a beast.

I feel like its pointless to talk to chicks wearing masks. What's your thoughts on that?

This really depends on your views. If you think that wearing a mask makes it easier for you to approach then don't approach them. The whole point of the AA program is to put you in situations that make you uncomfortable. if there's a lack of girls and its extending your time for doing drills then approach the masked chicks for more exposure. Personally I don't think that a maskmakes a girl less pretty, some times it can have the opposite effect. Some chicks have pretty eyes but ugly af mouths and that's a turnoff for me and might make them a not approachable or up to my standards approach.

I realized that I do not need an external reason or occasion to talk to chicks. I can do it simply because I want to...I realized that this is kinda the perspective I could take on chicks in general. Just clueless, harmless sheep. Almost NPCs. I can do pretty much what I want to do in terms of approaches, I can be the wolf. That's what I want to become through the AA program.

this is the essence of social freedom. Just doing whatever you want because you want to and not letting anyone or anything stop you from doing it.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Today I had my second day of drills but simultaneously my first day of my internship. I got off work at 5:30pm, bought groceries and had dinner and it was already 7pm. There is a Corona curfew in my city at 9pm (fcking authoritarian). For a moment I considered not doing the drills today because it takes me like 45 minutes to get into town and the same time to get back so I basically only had like 30 minutes.

I decided to do it anyway. However, I didn't take the luxury as yesterday to only count chicks that are on their own and not wearing masks and close to my age. Although almost all were my age range, many of them were wearing masks or were in groups.

Today I was supposed to ask 5 chicks for the time and leave. Then wait a bit. Then ask 5 more for the time and leave, but do it faster this time.
My first set was 7:05, 7:05, 7:07, 7:08, 7:42. Large gap was because I was taking the train into the city. Got lucky and met four chicks right in the small district I live in.
Then I took a short break. The second set was 8:00, 8:02, 8:04, 8:10, 8:10. Honestly, I got lucky that the trainride was within the other set. Otherwise I would have had a really hard time beating it, even in the crowded part of the city.

I wasn't super happy though with my overall performance, I felt like I had a somewhat shy tone when asking for the time. So I did a third set between 8:15 and 8:30. Got home like 20min after the curfew, fortunately didn't get caught.

The reactions were mixed, just as yesterday. Sometimes I wonder whether I look really intimidating or how bad the experiences of some of the chicks must have been with guys rudely hitting on them. One took a step back when I asked them even though she was with a friend and gave me like a disparaging look. Less than two minutes beforehand, I had asked a group of four chicks for the time and they happily told me and after I said thanks they said "40 more minutes" in like a friendly, jokish way, referring to the curfew at 9pm. They were vibing with me. I didn't change anything in between those two approaches. The chicks were just in an entirely different mindset. Crazy. It was also funny, one pair of chicks I approched they were quite a bit younger than me and I think they were flattered/nervous, the girl had to take like three attempts at pronouncing the time correctly. We are not the only ones that are shy, fellow AA-brothers.

I was super pressed for time and rushed through the drills today. Hilariously, it made it a bit easier. I was pushed by the fear of not being able to finish the drills today.

Tomorrow I'll try to start my work earlier and get off earlier so I have more time and can do the drills in a more relaxed fashion.

This really depends on your views. If you think that wearing a mask makes it easier for you to approach then don't approach them. The whole point of the AA program is to put you in situations that make you uncomfortable. if there's a lack of girls and its extending your time for doing drills then approach the masked chicks for more exposure. Personally I don't think that a maskmakes a girl less pretty, some times it can have the opposite effect. Some chicks have pretty eyes but ugly af mouths and that's a turnoff for me and might make them a not approachable or up to my standards approach.

Thanks Toast for the reply. It makes sense that what really counts is the ease of approach. I think what bothers me additionally is that I can't tell as well how the girls are reacting. I would like to know that and expose myself to it. That's also a part of what makes approaching scary to me. I think I'll treat masks as not being optimal, but Ok. Maybe I will try to do a few more approaches if a lot of girls are wearing masks. After all, I can still partially see their facial expression, just not 100%.

 

[Toast]

I was super pressed for time and rushed through the drills today. Hilariously, it made it a bit easier. I was pushed by the fear of not being able to finish the drills today.

Time crunches were one of the best things for motivation to complete drills. I wouldn't suggest not doing drills even if you only have 30min. Even if u can only get in 1 approach a day due to time constraints, that's still one more approach under your belt and a step towards your goal.

The reactions were mixed, just as yesterday. Sometimes I wonder whether I look really intimidating or how bad the experiences of some of the chicks must have been with guys rudely hitting on them.

Its impossible to know what is going on inside a chicks head at the moment. She could have be having a shitty day, abused in the past, or whatever. Dont worry about looking intimidating or whatever. Its basically on the chick to respond well, and if she doesn't then it doesn't matter. Any reaction is a good reaction be it good or bad.

This is all a learning process and once you start getting your approach numbers higher you will see some similarities between approaches and how generally its never your fault. Some girls just suck, and others are amazing and nice.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 6:

Got into town slightly earlier today. Started there at like 7:15pm in town. Finished the drills at roughly 8. Today I had to do 5 repetitions of the following: Ask for time, leave. Ask for time and nearby place, leave. Ask for time, nearby place and whether she has been there and leave.

I did the 15 approaches and also 2 more because I started one triplet at the second task so I thought fuck it lets just do some more. I once again also counted approaches of groups and with masks, even though hardly any had masks on since it was a park. I found a pretty neat spot that I used today. It is super intensely frequented. Lots of girls in their 20s walking alone or in small groups. Hardly any masks. Usually no hurry of them to get somewhere. Awesome spot.

The reactions were much better today than in the last two days. I think it maybe was because I was wearing lighter clothes (blue jeans, white sweater, light brown leather button-down shirt instead of grey jeans, black sweater, darker brown rough leather jacket). Maybe I also smiled more and took a lighter voice tone, but I'm not sure about the latter. Maybe my mood was better. Maybe the girls mood was better due to slightly better weather. Idk. It's really hard to disentangle. And it also really doesn't matter for right now. Most important thing is getting in that approach experience.

Its impossible to know what is going on inside a chicks head at the moment. She could have be having a shitty day, abused in the past, or whatever. Dont worry about looking intimidating or whatever. Its basically on the chick to respond well, and if she doesn't then it doesn't matter. Any reaction is a good reaction be it good or bad.

This is all a learning process and once you start getting your approach numbers higher you will see some similarities between approaches and how generally its never your fault. Some girls just suck, and others are amazing and nice.

Thanks Toast for your input on this. I'll trust your judgement and stop worrying about the underlying reasons for now.

I felt like the girls were super happy that they could help me. Seems to give one more of a good feeling to help with directions than just time.

Doing longer approaches felt much better to me as well. I had some time to become observant about myself and the girl (or group of). I was able to calm down inside, lose the initial rush. In some cases even, the girls pulled up Google Maps to find me the directions. Then I had a lot of time to properly reflect and also take a closer look at them. Some of them were really fucking hot.

As for my performance, I was really happy. Hardly skipped any girls. I even was smooth in pretty much all the conversations.

In today's Audio, Chris discusses that when you do things quickly, girls do not have the time to think of why you are approaching them. I think that's pretty accurate. Sometimes when a chick can see it coming that you are about to talk to her, she will react differently. Take the situation where you change your path for like five meters so you can talk to her when she is coming towards you. The reaction that I got in that situation was multiple times that the girls thought I was gonna hit on them (I could tell from the facial expression and body language), which made them insecure. That was before I was able to say the first word. One of them even made a gesture of like "not interested" before I reached her. She was wearing fishnets though even though it was windy and fucking cold, so I think she might be getting hit on for her outfits a lot. Such a quick and straightforward reaction is an exception I think. It wasn't even rude though. What Chris said, that chicks will hardly ever strongly and rudely reject you, has been true so far.

Generally, I think its hilarious that if a guy walks up to a chick then the standard reaction of chicks is to assume that he is going to hit on them. The world really does evolve around sex.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 7:

Took a break yesterday because I was exhausted (work, sleep deprivation...).

Today it was raining but I still did the drills. Was the same as yesterday except that I had to talk to the first chick I saw. "Get in there!"

I managed to do all the approaches even though there were far less girls outside due to the weather.

I really like the notion of "social momentum" that Chris uses. I can totally relate to it. Today was generally not a good mood for me, I was still fairly tired. Listening to the audio hyped me and starting the approaches pushed me even more. But wandering around in the shitty weather with hardly any people out pushed the mood back down. Finished nonetheless.

The "get in there!" mindset is nice. Throughout the past few days I have been approaching girls in more and more situations, I am accepting less and less excuses and approaching them in less comfortable circumstances. I can now start to grasp the drive that I have seen in some of the videos of Chris and Scotty. In one of them they literally chase after girls and run up to them from behind and grab their arm. It always blew my mind where they took the balls from to do that. Even though I am nowhere near doing that, I can now imagine doing it and how it feels. Looking forward to doing crazy shit like that! Week 1/7, feels nice!

 

[Toast]

Throughout the past few days I have been approaching girls in more and more situations, I am accepting less and less excuses and approaching them in less comfortable circumstances.

Hell yah man, this is key! Id encourage to even delve into areas that are even more uncomfortable. If something feels awkward, run right towards it. Awkwardness is just anxiety because of the situation. Great job my man.

 

[Manganiello]

Even though I am nowhere near doing that, I can now imagine doing it and how it feels. Looking forward to doing crazy shit like that! Week 1/7, feels nice!

Those feelings just gets better from here.

The feelings/confidence you gained from this week is a 100x by the time you roll around to week 6.

You'll start to feel that confidence ooze into everything.

I managed to do all the approaches even though there were far less girls outside due to the weather.

Nice job. A win is a win. Doing the drills consistently, even on the hard days when you're mind is feeding you excuses not to do it is really good.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 8:

I was tired today and also felt unusually anxious before starting the drills, even after listening to Chris' audio. I went out and did them anyways. I finished them super quick and with ease. It was basically the same drill I did for the past few days. Back then I sometimes already asked whether they liked it when they slightly hesitated to answer whether they had been there. I essentially did it to rationalize the question whether they had been there because some chicks seemed to find it odd. Today, whenever I did the third part of each set, I purposely did not. And no huge awkward silences or bad things occurred. They always came up with some answer. This made me more courageous to try out less smooth things. I always try to seem smooth, I think it is also because when I am not and I ask random questions, it makes me feel stupid, which I hate. But now I realize that it does not fucking matter what the chicks think and whether they think I am weird or not. I simply care less. It is also true though that it hardly affects the interactions. The non-smooth ones turned out as "good" (in terms of reactions) as the others. In reality, nobody gives a fuck if the person across from them is perfect, because nobody really expects it.

If the fourth part of the set seemed not possible because the girl had not been to the place, Chris proposed two options: Either talk to other girls until you find one that has been to that place. Or ask them anyways. He says the latter is for the ballsier guys, because the question makes no sense then. I got through all sets without a girl or a group of girls never having been to the place I asked for. But I wanted that situation to confront my fears so I talked to more girls and I found some that said they hadn't been there and I still asked whether they liked it. Nothing terrible happened. They simply repeated in a friendly fashion that they hadn't been there. My takeaway is that I can really stop being socially adapted to a large degree. You can pull of so much "weird" shit and nothing serious happens. This program is fucking liberating.

I also recognized some interesting parallels between having approach anxiety and doing things while being high on magic mushrooms. This is probably only relatable for guys that have done LSD or shrooms (don't do them carelessly, they are not a fucking party drug!). So when you are on shrooms, everything is way more intense, you feel your emotions more strongly and your consciousness is bombarded with information. I once tried doing pushups when I was on shrooms. It was fucking impossible. Every time I got to like five or six reps, I had to stop because my mind came up with some random bullshit that distracted me or wanted to make me believe that I couldn't continue. This experience on shrooms is just a more intense version of what we experience every day. Whenever something is exhausting or uncomfortable, our mind will make up excuses and distract our consciousness from doing it. With AA, your mind always makes up reasons to not approach chicks. Your consciousness doesn't like behavioral change and will oppose your attempts to change yourself. During the shroom trip I firmly resolved to do 15 pushups. That's nothing for me under normal circumstances. But I won't lie if I say that it took my entire willpower to do it. Fighting your lazy consciousness is fucking hard, but the AA program makes it easier. You can fight the lazy, change-opposing part of your mind in relatively "easy", small steps.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 9:

Today I was pretty afraid of the drills. Yesterday I did what Chris called the ballsier version one time, where you ask a question that makes no sense. That was basically what all drills today were about. I already thought that asking chicks you have never met whether they had eaten at a specific restaurant was kinda random. But then the third part of each set was to ask them whether they liked it, irrespective of whether they had been there or not.

I did the drills. I was pretty scared but mostly before the conversations and not during them. I purposely picked a place that is not super well known. None of the girls had been there, hardly any had heard of it. After doing the five sets I wanted to ask the nonsensical question more times because I was pissed of how much it scared me. So I did just that part of the drills more times after, another eleven times. It did not become easy and my fear didn't disappear. No surprise there, I know it is a longer process to overcome fears. But now I at least once again showed myself that I have the balls to do shit that repeatedly scares me and get the exposure I need.

Reactions were just as Chris said, most chicks just repeat that they haven't been there. Some look confused. There was one shy asian chick that didn't know how to respond. Two times a girl in a group of chicks thought I wanted to sell them something and was like "not interested". Two times the chicks cracked up because it was such a hilariously senseless conversation. I had a hard time going into conversations at the end without a big fucking smile.

Honestly, this is already stuff that I would have seriously struggled with doing on day one. Having established a routine over the past few days and embedding the difficult parts after "get in there" and "just ask for the time" makes this stuff so much easier. Really appreciate this program.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 10:

Yesterday I chickened out. I told myself I needed a break for a day. I think it was mostly an excuse though. I at least went to the lake nearby and met some new people, so I was socializing in my new city.

Got back on track today though. I had already read the instructions yesterday and the anxiety had built up quite far.

The task was simple: Time? Where is the nearest movie theater? Have you seen any good movies recently?

Well fun fact, movie theaters have been closed for over six months now over here in Germany.

Did it anyways. Once I got through two sets, it once again became easy. Most girls told me that the movies were closed. I was either like "oh I thought they reopened" or "oh, still?" and "I guess I'll stream a movie" and then moved on to the next question. Reactions were even nicer than in the past few days, especially when asked about movie recommendations. Apparently people like talking about movies (I think many chicks are currently spending most of their evenings watching Netflix alone, so this is basically their frame of reference for a fun and relaxing thing to do). I didn't think that I could transform this drill into actually being a practice for seeking rapport given the circumstance of closed movie theaters. I thought it would just be a repetition of day 9, just basically seeming stupid by asking weird questions. But it worked out to be a rapport practice in the end.

Today I switched up two things:
- When approaching girls that were walking in the opposite direction that I did, I approached them frontal. So far I had mostly been walking besides them. Oftentimes this led to girls stopping late or slowly keeping walking while telling me the time. That way they already almost were past me once I got to the other questions.
- I walked slowly. So far I had always been pretty nervous which led me to walk unnaturally fast. That probably made me look like I was in a haste. Today I was just strolling in a relaxed fashion. This also translated to a bit more inner calmness and also coolness to the outside.

Funniest approach: I walked the same route for almost all my days so far through some parks in the inner city. Today I asked a chick for the time and she started grinning, shook her head and walked by with her friend. I turned around, slightly confused, slowly realizing what happened. I had already approached her in the past few days. I was like "ah did I..:". Then she asked: "are you a pickup artist?" I was like: "no I'm just trying to get rid of my social anxiety" Her: "you're doing great, keep going!". Haha that was hilarious. From the beginning of the interaction, it was not hostile from her side, her grinning was genuine (hard to describe). I had been afraid of this happening, me approaching the same girls multiple times. Well now it did happen and nothing really happened. Nice.

 

[Toast]

Funniest approach: I walked the same route for almost all my days so far through some parks in the inner city. Today I asked a chick for the time and she started grinning, shook her head and walked by with her friend. I turned around, slightly confused, slowly realizing what happened. I had already approached her in the past few days. I was like "ah did I..:". Then she asked: "are you a pickup artist?" I was like: "no I'm just trying to get rid of my social anxiety" Her: "you're doing great, keep going!". Haha that was hilarious. From the beginning of the interaction, it was not hostile from her side, her grinning was genuine (hard to describe). I had been afraid of this happening, me approaching the same girls multiple times. Well now it did happen and nothing really happened. Nice.

Haha nice! Glad this happened to you cuz it shows that even if you had someone who knew what you were doing it doesn't even really matter, and they were supportive. Funny how the situations we create in our minds are always so disastrous, but in reality they're generally no big deal.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 11:

Today was about asking chicks what phones they had and whether they liked it and being somewhat nosy. It was five sets of four approaches, I did another set on top.

The weather was humid, semi-cold and the sky was gray. I was not in a great mood but that's no excuse. Started the drills. Before I got halfway through, my one eye started crying. No kidding. No idea maybe I was rubbing my eyes too hard because I was tired. From then on I was walking around basically half crying, which did not make the drills fun. I considered giving up for today, but I pushed through. What was interesting was that the crying translated onto my mood. You know like when you force yourself to smile, you get in a better mood after a while. Or if you put your body in a powerful pose, you will gain self-confidence. The crying put me in a bad mood. I will keep this in mind and use tricks for positively influencing my mood on shitty days.

This is also a reminder to me that you don't need to be in a good place mentally to do approaches. Sure it is easier if you are. But you also pass up a lot of chances for doing more approaches if you only go out on your good days.

I'm not sure how happy I should be with my performance today. It was not as good as in the past days, I was not as outgoing and with less of a positive vibe. Given the circumstances (the crying eye) it was OK I guess. I'm wondering whether I should repeat this day. Today's drills felt easier to me than the drills of the two previous days, so I think I won't.

 

[Toast]

This is also a reminder to me that you don't need to be in a good place mentally to do approaches. Sure it is easier if you are. But you also pass up a lot of chances for doing more approaches if you only go out on your good days.

Great lesson to pull from the day man.

 

[Toast]

Also if u were wondering how to change the title of your journal. Go to the very first post and edit it. There u can change and save the title to whatever u wanted. IDK if u wanted to do this at any point, but just figured id share the info

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Day 12:

Thanks Toast for the hint.

Today was mostly easy. Only the fourth part of each set was hard for me. I chickened out twice and stopped after the third sentence. It felt weird to me to basically give myself a compliment. I did it a few times where I like mumbled it or said it in a joking manner. It became easier when I realized that I should not let the girls talk between my third and fourth sentence and instead say the fourth one right after the third. If you say it convincingly then, then it does not feel as fucking weird as the girl telling you for example what store to go to and then you are like "I'm the sweetest guy ever".

I was not happy with my performance when mumbling or doing it in a joking manner so when I was done with the four sets I did a few more of just the last part of each set and managed to do it in a serious manner. I even managed to do it smoothly at some point.

By now I feel like it is super annoying to ask for the time every time. I like to do it when the drills are hard to get in the flow or to get a conversation started, but otherwise it is really just annoying me and making my conversations seem kinda forced.

One thing I paid attention to today were my hands. Oftentimes when I'm nervous, I will put them in my front or back pockets. Today I instead I tried to leave them hanging besides me or use them to gesticulate. Either looks much more confident.

Today was also one of these days were I had a hard time translating the drills to my language. There is oftentimes not a German equivalent to the sentences. For example, the "random question:" does not have a perfect equivalent. When you translate it fairly literally (ich hab ne ziemlich zufällige Frage it works but sounds fairly clumsy because nobody uses that phrase. I still decided to use the literal translation because I am trying to get used to saying things in German even if they are not super smooth. I still struggle with flirting in German. I'm a native German speaker and English is only my second language. Nonetheless, I have always felt like it is easier to flirt in English. The German language is much more direct and does not have such nicely ambiguous statements that are great for flirting. For example, there is no perfect equivalent for "you're cute". There is one that means "sweet" (süß) and can easily be mistaken to be belittling. There is one that means "pretty"(hübsch), but is much more direct than "cute". I'll have to get used to flirting in German though, so the practice is great.

 

[Toast]

By now I feel like it is super annoying to ask for the time every time. I like to do it when the drills are hard to get in the flow or to get a conversation started, but otherwise it is really just annoying me and making my conversations seem kinda forced.

Totally get the feeling, but i also love hearing this comment. Just goes to show how comfortable you are getting with doing something that may have been hard to do in the beginning. I don't think you had too much difficulty in the beginning with asking the time, but the principle remains the same. Repeat something until it's boring and easy.

You're doing great at challenging yourself and focusing on little things like hand position and comfortability. Small details like hands in pockets really do seem to make a difference. in the past when i was nervous doing drills i always tended to fiddle with the rings i was wearing and i saw girls look away at what i was doing with my hands. they could definitely see my nervousness.

Edit:
Took me a second but I laughed when I re-read your new title for the thread.