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1 year after AA review (Part 1/2): Changes in skills, attitudes, learnings

Day 13:

Today was about asking girls for where to get good wine, boasting about a job promotion and getting wine recommendations.

Today was incredibly easy for me. When I read the drills, I could not find anything particularly difficult about it. Usually I find some difficult part in the drills.

Of course there was a little anxiety before and during it, but very little. I would say even less than asking girls for just the time on day 1. That made me realize that I have already progressed significantly over the past two weeks. And today didn't even start off perfect, I was tired when I started the drills. But I relaxed inside, started, got rolling and then CRUSHED it.

Today really FELT GREAT. I was happy and extroverted. I was smiling and that made the interactions fun.

I wonder whether it is possible to get to a point of social freedom and inner relaxedness such that full approaches feel this easy. I don't know. But if I can make it to that point, I will love my life.

P.S. Toast Finished watching your interview with Andy yesterday. It's inspiring to see that someone finished it recently (Manganiello also). Feels more real. Chris is so big of an icon that its sometimes hard to relate. I'm looking up to you guys and getting ready to get to your level!
 
Keep up those positive feelings for Day 14. You, me, and PK47 are now all up to the same day. You get extra points for approaching Germans!

Edit: Actually, will you attempt Day 14? I’m not sure what kinda COVID climate you have in the EU atm.
 
CainGettingLaid said:
I wonder whether it is possible to get to a point of social freedom and inner relaxedness such that full approaches feel this easy. I don't know. But if I can make it to that point, I will love my life.
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I wonder this too, I'm not there yet but I definitely have seen a major improvement in my social freedom after the program. I honestly do think that its achievable to get super comfortable with approaching.
 
Thanks man.
Let's see you do it now.


CainGettingLaid said:
Actually, will you attempt Day 14? I’m not sure what kinda COVID climate you have in the EU atm.
Click to expand...


I did this one during a lockdown. Definitely doable even when you're not supposed to. I quickly found out most people 60 to 70% didn't care about giving a high five.
 
Day 14:

Today was the first physical drill, getting high fives. Two sets of 10. It was rainy and COVID related measures are still going on. I did it anyways.

Approached 21 girls in 1 hour and got 10 high fives.

Approached another 21 girls in 20 min and got 10 high fives.

I forgot to take a break between the two sets so I decided to have a break and do a third set.

Approached 22 girls in 37 min and got 10 high fives. This set only took longer than the second set because there were less girls. The first set mainly took so friggin long because I chickened out a few times and switched locations because I was in the inner city first where there were less girls and they were all wearing masks, which makes this much harder. Especially because I usually ignore the duty to wear masks when there are no cops around so the girls already look at me like I'm some sort of criminal or weirdo. Went to a park where people were mostly not wearing masks. Was much better there.

Many girls seem to be cool about the Corona measures. I counted a few fist bumps towards the 30 high fives, but they were the vast minority. I didn't count elbow bumps, which many chicks offered instead of high fives. Of those that did not high five me or propose an elbow bump, some said something about Corona. Some looked weirded out because of someone wanting to high five during Corona or they were just generally weirded up by a stranger wanting to high five, idk.

Don't get discouraged if you're having a bad streak or something. On my third set, I started out with just one out of nine attempts getting me a high five. It's just random fluctuations.

I didn't anticipate to get about 50% successful high fives. Expected less due to Corona. Was a fun day. Many girls were super happy about the high fives. I'm also always happy if someone randomly high fives me.

Today I also realized how many more opportunities I see for hitting on girls than I used to two weeks ago. I'm going out of my way more and not just approaching women on the same walkway, but also rapidly switching sides of the streets or taking a turn. The AA program makes you want to go for anything you can get in terms of approach opportunities and that really helps me to loosen up.

I think the funniest part about today was that a lot of chicks expected me to hit on them after the high five and from the eyes of some I could tell they were excited about that. But I just kept walking. I WILL DO THE DRILL AS WRITTEN AND LEAVE. lol. When I started the program I felt like this was kinda an annoying requirement but it really lets you chill out inside and focus on your performance and what you want and planned. Great mindset.

Wow I also just realized I approached more than 60 chicks today. If there were multiple in a group, I counted each of them today though, unlike on the other days. Still, that is fucking HUGE. Like who does that? I certainly didn't before the AA program.

Ready for week 3.

P.S. offwego Yeah I did the drill. In Germany, the COVID restrictions are still pretty crazy but it's slowly improving. In my city, all the restaurants are closed and also all other non-essential businesses. You can only do click & collect in stores or takeaway in restaurants. Only grocery stores, drugstores, pharmacies and a few other stores are open. You have to wear medical masks in stores. You even have to wear a mask in the open air in the inner city. You can only meet one additional person from another household. There is a curfew at 9pm. Shit is fucking insane. Double vaccinated people are enjoying a few more rights since this week, but everyone else is still completely fucked. Only about 10% of the population are double vaccinated.
 
Glad to hear you're smashing it Cain. Sounds like you had a lot of fun, I can't just imagine all those girls looking at you as you walk away all confused after high fiving them.
 
CainGettingLaid said:
I think the funniest part about today was that a lot of chicks expected me to hit on them after the high five and from the eyes of some I could tell they were excited about that. But I just kept walking. I WILL DO THE DRILL AS WRITTEN AND LEAVE. lol. When I started the program I felt like this was kinda an annoying requirement but it really lets you chill out inside and focus on your performance and what you want and planned. Great mindset.
Click to expand...
This is definitely a funny feeling. You can really see it on some girls faces when they're expecting to get hit on. Not doing it and just moving on always made me smile as well.

Great job killin it out there! 60 girls in on day. Thats some legit numbers right there
 
Day 15:

Today was FUCKING CRAZY.

It started off "normal". The drill was to give two sets of 10 high fives but in half the time as on day 14. On day 14 I did 1 hour the first time and 21 minutes the second time, so I was aiming for sub 30min and sub 10:30min. I did the first ten high fives in 23 attempts and it took me 15 minutes. At that point I started believing that doing it in 10min was possible at my location with fast walking, absolutely no excuses and a bit of luck.

Now for the crazy shit. I took a break between the sets as I was supposed to. I was almost done with my break and walking to a spot where I wanted to start the second round. The cops pull up next to me. I am not fucking kidding. Three cops, one male, two female, all fairly young (25-30 I guess). They ask for my identification. I didn't have it on me but I offered them to go to my place where I have it, they declined. I asked them why they had stopped me. Now comes the crazy shit. They tell me that a chick that was running through the park called them because a dude high-fived her and she saw him high-fiving other young running chicks as well and thought something fishy was going on. And I fit the description. I was like yeah that's me. I'm trying to get rid of my anxiety of talking to girls and I'm high fiving a bunch of girls my age range as one method of losing my fear. They took down my personnel data and since it checked out that was fine. They said my story sounds plausible and the girls can decide whether they put their hand up so what I'm doing is Ok. They cautioned me to maybe only high-five like every third girl. That was more like advice, not an order. They also said that it would probably be creepy if I did it at night. They said I could keep going but if they were to be called multiple times then they would have to do something about it. They kinda wished me good luck with my endeavors in the end haha. They were pretty friendly overall.

Even though the cops were fairly friendly, it somewhat scared me. Now in retrospect, sitting in front of my laptop, it scared me A LOT and it is still scaring me. Even though they said it's Ok, the fucking police coming up to me for what I did is a shocker.

I sat down for like 20min and tried to cope with what just happened. The sun was shining, someone was playing reggae music so that helped to calm me down. Still though, it hit me pretty hard.

Then I got back up and did the second set. I forgot to count the amount of approaches it took me to get 10 high fives, but it was in the same ballpark as in the first set and on day 14. I did it in 13 minutes, so I missed my goal of 10:30 min. After a short break, I started doing a third set, but eventually stopped. I was feeling super anxious and got rejected like 8 times in a row. My outcome dependence is still real. My fear was also amplified because unlike on the other days, I did two rounds through the park so the probability of meeting the same girls twice was real. It even happened once today. I stopped two girls for high fives and they were like "still not". I am apparently not able to remember all faces from like an hour ago apparently haha talked to too many chicks already. The fear was intensified by the thought of meeting the same chick that called the cops (no clue who it was).

This feels like shit. For one, it is the first time I was not able to do a days worth of drills when I went out. Second, the fear of meeting girls again resurfaced, maybe stronger. I had an uplifting experience when I re-met a chick a few days ago. I mean if I properly think about it, nothing bad happens if I re-meet a chick. But my mind is fucking with me right now.

I guess it really is two steps forward, one step back. My anxiety today before starting the drills was higher than I would have expected since I was basically only doing the same thing as on Day 14, which I rocked. Sunday I took the day off. It's like a mental health routine to not do anything planned on Sundays. Yesterday I didn't do drills either. I was fucking exhausted and the rain was pouring and I got off work late. But it was also partially because I was simply afraid. I guess I forgot that there is day forms and also that AA disappears very gradually.

Right now I am both afraid and angry. The anger is real and these are my thoughts on it:
1. The police gets a call that a guy is high-fiving young female runners and sends out three fucking cops? Do they not have better things to do? The things the cops told me might be intended as good advice, but in reality, I feel intimidated by them and since none of that shit is the law I think the cops have zero business telling me that. Especially telling me if that happens repeatedly, they would have to do something about it. Its clearly not harassment, so I'm pretty sure they can't do squat about it. I don't think I should be worried about it since this is probably the only time anything like that will ever happen to me. And even if it does happen again, there would be no serious consequences. But the fact that my mind does worry about it pisses me off.
2. How damaged or psycho does a chick have to be to call the cops on something like this? At first I wondered whether I looked intimidating or something. Then I realized that over the course of the last 13 days of approaches, I have approached about 400 other chicks. The vast majority of them were happy or indifferent. Those that were not were only weirded out. Not one of them called the cops. It is clearly not a problem on my end. It is important for me to fully internalize that it is not my responsibility to act such that I don't hurt any people. I am doing absolutely OK stuff. It is not my responsibility to step back my life because there are some mentally damaged people out there that might get hurt. I did not cause their mental damage so they have no right holding me back.
3. On a broader scale, I am angry at how narrow-minded people are. To see a guy high-fiving chicks and to then jump to the thought that something fishy is going on. I mean not everybody did, obviously, but I think this was not purely caused from the mental damage of that one chick but also a broader societal mentality. Whenever someone does something outside societal norms, the judgement is swift and brutal. I hate that and always have hated it. But it will not stop me from beating my AA. I will use this rage to fuel me to beat AA. Fuck narrow-minded people.

I will have to repeat the drill since I didn't manage to do it quickly enough. I'm mad about that and it is dragging me down. On all the other days I left with a good feeling of finishing a drill. Today I quit doing the drills because I was afraid. I gave in to my fears. I hate that.

The stuff today scared me to such a degree that I am considering to try some new spots and switch between them eventually, even though my current spot is fucking awesome since it is fairly dense. I mean rationally it is probably a good idea since I'm gonna do this for at least five more weeks at roughly the same time every day. If I do it at the same park every day, I would cross a lot of girls multiple times, which is not helpful. But the fact that I am only seriously considering this today makes me feel like I am giving in to my fears and I hate that.

I thought twice about writing this post. I did not expect to ever have to deal with the police with this program. I mean why would I have to. This is like the worst case fucking thing that happened today I guess. And really, nothing happened. There are no consequences. All the negative stuff is going on inside my head and I will eventually get over it. My experience might scare some guys off that are doing the AA program or are considering to do it. But the most important thing in this community is staying real. So I decided to share it all with you guys.
 
That sucks dude. I would’ve also been very upset. I can totally picture this happening to me, it’s a very relatable experience as I incur dozens of rejections on Day 14 alone. The police sounded nice though, although obviously they can never be your friends. I guess running women are off limits for this drill then? A lot of them like running hi fives but there is still a stigma against men interacting with running women. All it takes is one far left feminist to derail you with their insane grievances. Either way you are still killing these drills. Good job, I envy your progress.
 
Damn dude that is crazy that some chick called the cops on you. I'm glad to hear that you understand that its the chick that's psycho, and nothing that you are doing wrong. She literally has nothing better to do then ruin someone's day. It is unfortunate but people out there like that do exist and you will run into them sometimes.

Like you said, the cops cannot do anything to you for giving high-5. They said it themselves. Also people can just say no like they also said. The worst they could do it to tell u to leave the area maybe? Idk if they can even really do that.

CainGettingLaid said:
Then I realized that over the course of the last 13 days of approaches, I have approached about 400 other chicks. The vast majority of them were happy or indifferent. Those that were not were only weirded out. Not one of them called the cops. It is clearly not a problem on my end. It is important for me to fully internalize that it is not my responsibility to act such that I don't hurt any people. I am doing absolutely OK stuff. It is not my responsibility to step back my life because there are some mentally damaged people out there that might get hurt. I did not cause their mental damage so they have no right holding me back.
Click to expand...
This is very well said, and 100% true.
 
Day 15 second attempt:

Yesterday I didn't go out for drills. I was friggin rekt from work and the previous day with the cops stopping me really fucked with my mind and brought me down. Got some extra hours of sleep instead.

Today I went back into town and tried again to get a set of 10 high-fives in sub 10:30min. I failed pretty hard. I didn't even get 10 in total. I didn't count exactly, but I think I got like 5 high-fives out of 30+ attempts. The previous days, my "success rate" was close to 50%. At some point I think it became a negative spiral but overall it was probably because I was still very exhausted. That meant I was not as energetic and happy and did not emanate joy and confidence as I did previously. The police thing also still pulled me down.

It will be important for me to get into a good mindset again, I think this is mostly sleep and stress related. I have been grinding way harder than usual. New city, going from studies to a full time job, starting this program. I have been feeling overstrained recently and I have to be careful to not go too far. I might be taking a few more off days to stay on balance.

Day 15 is gonna be a hard lesson for me overall.
- First off, I have to learn to deal with my own failure and the fear of failure. The fear of not being able to do it seriously holds me back. It kinda reminds me of the fear I used to have of not submitting a good bachelor's thesis. It was paralyzing.
- Secondly, this day does not fully have the "get in, do the drill, get out" structure. You need a mediocrely good reaction in order to finish the drill. I don't think this is a problem in itself, but just makes it harder if you are having a bad day mentally.
- Thirdly, this day is relative to your own capacity. If you took like two hours to get the 10 high fives on day 14, then you have a full hour to get them on day 15. Since I did it in 21 min, I have to be way faster on day 15. In a way, this day forces you to grow beyond your own level, not some general level. Maybe I struggled less with the first 14 days of drills because my anxiety was not as severe as for some other guys. But this program hits everyone hard at some points, and I hit the first wall on day 15 I guess.

I went to the same park this time as last time and did not switch places yet because I did not want to give into my fears of remeeting too many chicks. That was a good decision. The stupid thing is that I need to keep doing this again and again until I finish day 15 because no other place is as dense as this one in terms of girls.

The most interesting thing for today was that I met some other guys doing approaches. They recognized I was doing something like that and waved for me. It was a guy and his coach and his wingman. So apparently, there is a whole pickup scene in my city and specifically in the park I am going to. This kind of pisses me off because that means the chicks there are getting hit on a lot and I have more competition and the girls might be generally annoyed of being approached all the time. On the other hand I have already been playing this competitive field for the past drills and it was totally fine. So no real reason to worry. And I guess if I learn to play this field, I can play many fields. Meeting these guys also means I might be able to find some like-minded guys to share experiences with in person.

Thanks offwego , honeybadger, and Toast for cheering me up and ensuring me that what happened was absolutely none of my fault. I really needed that.

offwego said:
I guess running women are off limits for this drill then? A lot of them like running hi fives but there is still a stigma against men interacting with running women.
Click to expand...

Nah I will still try them. A crazy one will not stop me. Honestly, I have never heard of that stigma. There is a stigma against catcalling women and that might especially apply in the case of chicks running in skin-tight sporting clothes where that probably occurs comparatively frequently. But beyond catcalling, I have not heard of a stigma against interacting with running women.
 
CainGettingLaid said:
I went to the same park this time as last time and did not switch places yet because I did not want to give into my fears of remeeting too many chicks. That was a good decision
Click to expand...
Good shit dude. This is the kind of attitude that will help you in the long run.

CainGettingLaid said:
- First off, I have to learn to deal with my own failure and the fear of failure.
Click to expand...
Its good think you are aware of this. The high-5s really are about accepting failure and moving on. Not letting it affect you and not being outcome dependent. Hard to internalize but a really important lesson overall.
 
Yeah, you set the bar high. Honestly, it's amazing you didn't hit a roadblock earlier. If you do yours at a park, then you can run up or jog on these drills rather than the brisk walking I suspect you were doing before. You might need time to recalibrate after what happened to you. If I were you I'd still be pissed at the incident. I had a flare up at work while I was on Day 11. It upset me greatly. I took 2 weeks off from AA because of the number of things I was facing, the hardness of the drill, not wanting AA to give me COVID before vaccine, and the workplace drama. Fortunately everything is good now, including at work.

I read many years ago how every major city had a "lair" where PUAs would hang out. There were meetups at the mall I do AA drills in now. Nowadays no such things exists—I've only seen 1 guy chatting up a random girl at my mall in my dozens of trips there. So even if you see some guys talking to random women, it's probably a looooooot less than 10 years ago. The confluence of online dating, #MeToo (aka nobodies thinking they're celebrities), and other online shit and gaming has reduced it greatly.

EDIT: Also, by stigma I meant taboo. My bad.
 
Accountability update:

I haven't checked in for a few days, even though the AA program requires checking in on a ~daily basis. I had to take off a few days because I was overstrained. New city, new job, new social environment and not to forget the AA program took a real toll on my stress level. I intended to start doing drills again today, but got sick yesterday. Might be a few more days until I continue AA approaches, I need to reboot. I will be back though.
 
CainGettingLaid said:
Day 15:

Today was FUCKING CRAZY.

It started off "normal". The drill was to give two sets of 10 high fives but in half the time as on day 14. On day 14 I did 1 hour the first time and 21 minutes the second time, so I was aiming for sub 30min and sub 10:30min. I did the first ten high fives in 23 attempts and it took me 15 minutes. At that point I started believing that doing it in 10min was possible at my location with fast walking, absolutely no excuses and a bit of luck.

Now for the crazy shit. I took a break between the sets as I was supposed to. I was almost done with my break and walking to a spot where I wanted to start the second round. The cops pull up next to me. I am not fucking kidding. Three cops, one male, two female, all fairly young (25-30 I guess). They ask for my identification. I didn't have it on me but I offered them to go to my place where I have it, they declined. I asked them why they had stopped me. Now comes the crazy shit. They tell me that a chick that was running through the park called them because a dude high-fived her and she saw him high-fiving other young running chicks as well and thought something fishy was going on. And I fit the description. I was like yeah that's me. I'm trying to get rid of my anxiety of talking to girls and I'm high fiving a bunch of girls my age range as one method of losing my fear. They took down my personnel data and since it checked out that was fine. They said my story sounds plausible and the girls can decide whether they put their hand up so what I'm doing is Ok. They cautioned me to maybe only high-five like every third girl. That was more like advice, not an order. They also said that it would probably be creepy if I did it at night. They said I could keep going but if they were to be called multiple times then they would have to do something about it. They kinda wished me good luck with my endeavors in the end haha. They were pretty friendly overall.

Even though the cops were fairly friendly, it somewhat scared me. Now in retrospect, sitting in front of my laptop, it scared me A LOT and it is still scaring me. Even though they said it's Ok, the fucking police coming up to me for what I did is a shocker.

I sat down for like 20min and tried to cope with what just happened. The sun was shining, someone was playing reggae music so that helped to calm me down. Still though, it hit me pretty hard.

Then I got back up and did the second set. I forgot to count the amount of approaches it took me to get 10 high fives, but it was in the same ballpark as in the first set and on day 14. I did it in 13 minutes, so I missed my goal of 10:30 min. After a short break, I started doing a third set, but eventually stopped. I was feeling super anxious and got rejected like 8 times in a row. My outcome dependence is still real. My fear was also amplified because unlike on the other days, I did two rounds through the park so the probability of meeting the same girls twice was real. It even happened once today. I stopped two girls for high fives and they were like "still not". I am apparently not able to remember all faces from like an hour ago apparently haha talked to too many chicks already. The fear was intensified by the thought of meeting the same chick that called the cops (no clue who it was).

This feels like shit. For one, it is the first time I was not able to do a days worth of drills when I went out. Second, the fear of meeting girls again resurfaced, maybe stronger. I had an uplifting experience when I re-met a chick a few days ago. I mean if I properly think about it, nothing bad happens if I re-meet a chick. But my mind is fucking with me right now.

I guess it really is two steps forward, one step back. My anxiety today before starting the drills was higher than I would have expected since I was basically only doing the same thing as on Day 14, which I rocked. Sunday I took the day off. It's like a mental health routine to not do anything planned on Sundays. Yesterday I didn't do drills either. I was fucking exhausted and the rain was pouring and I got off work late. But it was also partially because I was simply afraid. I guess I forgot that there is day forms and also that AA disappears very gradually.

Right now I am both afraid and angry. The anger is real and these are my thoughts on it:
1. The police gets a call that a guy is high-fiving young female runners and sends out three fucking cops? Do they not have better things to do? The things the cops told me might be intended as good advice, but in reality, I feel intimidated by them and since none of that shit is the law I think the cops have zero business telling me that. Especially telling me if that happens repeatedly, they would have to do something about it. Its clearly not harassment, so I'm pretty sure they can't do squat about it. I don't think I should be worried about it since this is probably the only time anything like that will ever happen to me. And even if it does happen again, there would be no serious consequences. But the fact that my mind does worry about it pisses me off.
2. How damaged or psycho does a chick have to be to call the cops on something like this? At first I wondered whether I looked intimidating or something. Then I realized that over the course of the last 13 days of approaches, I have approached about 400 other chicks. The vast majority of them were happy or indifferent. Those that were not were only weirded out. Not one of them called the cops. It is clearly not a problem on my end. It is important for me to fully internalize that it is not my responsibility to act such that I don't hurt any people. I am doing absolutely OK stuff. It is not my responsibility to step back my life because there are some mentally damaged people out there that might get hurt. I did not cause their mental damage so they have no right holding me back.
3. On a broader scale, I am angry at how narrow-minded people are. To see a guy high-fiving chicks and to then jump to the thought that something fishy is going on. I mean not everybody did, obviously, but I think this was not purely caused from the mental damage of that one chick but also a broader societal mentality. Whenever someone does something outside societal norms, the judgement is swift and brutal. I hate that and always have hated it. But it will not stop me from beating my AA. I will use this rage to fuel me to beat AA. Fuck narrow-minded people.

I will have to repeat the drill since I didn't manage to do it quickly enough. I'm mad about that and it is dragging me down. On all the other days I left with a good feeling of finishing a drill. Today I quit doing the drills because I was afraid. I gave in to my fears. I hate that.

The stuff today scared me to such a degree that I am considering to try some new spots and switch between them eventually, even though my current spot is fucking awesome since it is fairly dense. I mean rationally it is probably a good idea since I'm gonna do this for at least five more weeks at roughly the same time every day. If I do it at the same park every day, I would cross a lot of girls multiple times, which is not helpful. But the fact that I am only seriously considering this today makes me feel like I am giving in to my fears and I hate that.

I thought twice about writing this post. I did not expect to ever have to deal with the police with this program. I mean why would I have to. This is like the worst case fucking thing that happened today I guess. And really, nothing happened. There are no consequences. All the negative stuff is going on inside my head and I will eventually get over it. My experience might scare some guys off that are doing the AA program or are considering to do it. But the most important thing in this community is staying real. So I decided to share it all with you guys.
Click to expand...

Damn man that's Fucked up! I hope you're okay. Try not to let it knock your confidence. Sounds like someone's seen your perfectly innocent behaviour and come up with a scenario in their head and let it blow out of proportion.

People these days :roll:

Good work for not letting it get you down!

Regards,

S.
 
CainGettingLaid said:
Day 15:

Today was FUCKING CRAZY.

It started off "normal". The drill was to give two sets of 10 high fives but in half the time as on day 14. On day 14 I did 1 hour the first time and 21 minutes the second time, so I was aiming for sub 30min and sub 10:30min. I did the first ten high fives in 23 attempts and it took me 15 minutes. At that point I started believing that doing it in 10min was possible at my location with fast walking, absolutely no excuses and a bit of luck.

Now for the crazy shit. I took a break between the sets as I was supposed to. I was almost done with my break and walking to a spot where I wanted to start the second round. The cops pull up next to me. I am not fucking kidding. Three cops, one male, two female, all fairly young (25-30 I guess). They ask for my identification. I didn't have it on me but I offered them to go to my place where I have it, they declined. I asked them why they had stopped me. Now comes the crazy shit. They tell me that a chick that was running through the park called them because a dude high-fived her and she saw him high-fiving other young running chicks as well and thought something fishy was going on. And I fit the description. I was like yeah that's me. I'm trying to get rid of my anxiety of talking to girls and I'm high fiving a bunch of girls my age range as one method of losing my fear. They took down my personnel data and since it checked out that was fine. They said my story sounds plausible and the girls can decide whether they put their hand up so what I'm doing is Ok. They cautioned me to maybe only high-five like every third girl. That was more like advice, not an order. They also said that it would probably be creepy if I did it at night. They said I could keep going but if they were to be called multiple times then they would have to do something about it. They kinda wished me good luck with my endeavors in the end haha. They were pretty friendly overall.

Even though the cops were fairly friendly, it somewhat scared me. Now in retrospect, sitting in front of my laptop, it scared me A LOT and it is still scaring me. Even though they said it's Ok, the fucking police coming up to me for what I did is a shocker.

I sat down for like 20min and tried to cope with what just happened. The sun was shining, someone was playing reggae music so that helped to calm me down. Still though, it hit me pretty hard.

Then I got back up and did the second set. I forgot to count the amount of approaches it took me to get 10 high fives, but it was in the same ballpark as in the first set and on day 14. I did it in 13 minutes, so I missed my goal of 10:30 min. After a short break, I started doing a third set, but eventually stopped. I was feeling super anxious and got rejected like 8 times in a row. My outcome dependence is still real. My fear was also amplified because unlike on the other days, I did two rounds through the park so the probability of meeting the same girls twice was real. It even happened once today. I stopped two girls for high fives and they were like "still not". I am apparently not able to remember all faces from like an hour ago apparently haha talked to too many chicks already. The fear was intensified by the thought of meeting the same chick that called the cops (no clue who it was).

This feels like shit. For one, it is the first time I was not able to do a days worth of drills when I went out. Second, the fear of meeting girls again resurfaced, maybe stronger. I had an uplifting experience when I re-met a chick a few days ago. I mean if I properly think about it, nothing bad happens if I re-meet a chick. But my mind is fucking with me right now.

I guess it really is two steps forward, one step back. My anxiety today before starting the drills was higher than I would have expected since I was basically only doing the same thing as on Day 14, which I rocked. Sunday I took the day off. It's like a mental health routine to not do anything planned on Sundays. Yesterday I didn't do drills either. I was fucking exhausted and the rain was pouring and I got off work late. But it was also partially because I was simply afraid. I guess I forgot that there is day forms and also that AA disappears very gradually.

Right now I am both afraid and angry. The anger is real and these are my thoughts on it:
1. The police gets a call that a guy is high-fiving young female runners and sends out three fucking cops? Do they not have better things to do? The things the cops told me might be intended as good advice, but in reality, I feel intimidated by them and since none of that shit is the law I think the cops have zero business telling me that. Especially telling me if that happens repeatedly, they would have to do something about it. Its clearly not harassment, so I'm pretty sure they can't do squat about it. I don't think I should be worried about it since this is probably the only time anything like that will ever happen to me. And even if it does happen again, there would be no serious consequences. But the fact that my mind does worry about it pisses me off.
2. How damaged or psycho does a chick have to be to call the cops on something like this? At first I wondered whether I looked intimidating or something. Then I realized that over the course of the last 13 days of approaches, I have approached about 400 other chicks. The vast majority of them were happy or indifferent. Those that were not were only weirded out. Not one of them called the cops. It is clearly not a problem on my end. It is important for me to fully internalize that it is not my responsibility to act such that I don't hurt any people. I am doing absolutely OK stuff. It is not my responsibility to step back my life because there are some mentally damaged people out there that might get hurt. I did not cause their mental damage so they have no right holding me back.
3. On a broader scale, I am angry at how narrow-minded people are. To see a guy high-fiving chicks and to then jump to the thought that something fishy is going on. I mean not everybody did, obviously, but I think this was not purely caused from the mental damage of that one chick but also a broader societal mentality. Whenever someone does something outside societal norms, the judgement is swift and brutal. I hate that and always have hated it. But it will not stop me from beating my AA. I will use this rage to fuel me to beat AA. Fuck narrow-minded people.

I will have to repeat the drill since I didn't manage to do it quickly enough. I'm mad about that and it is dragging me down. On all the other days I left with a good feeling of finishing a drill. Today I quit doing the drills because I was afraid. I gave in to my fears. I hate that.

The stuff today scared me to such a degree that I am considering to try some new spots and switch between them eventually, even though my current spot is fucking awesome since it is fairly dense. I mean rationally it is probably a good idea since I'm gonna do this for at least five more weeks at roughly the same time every day. If I do it at the same park every day, I would cross a lot of girls multiple times, which is not helpful. But the fact that I am only seriously considering this today makes me feel like I am giving in to my fears and I hate that.

I thought twice about writing this post. I did not expect to ever have to deal with the police with this program. I mean why would I have to. This is like the worst case fucking thing that happened today I guess. And really, nothing happened. There are no consequences. All the negative stuff is going on inside my head and I will eventually get over it. My experience might scare some guys off that are doing the AA program or are considering to do it. But the most important thing in this community is staying real. So I decided to share it all with you guys.
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Fucking crazy man.

I had some prettttty crazy experiences but nothing with the cops.

Continuing after this and going onto finish the program will probably be a defining moment.
This isn't supposed to happen, but it did. And you get to choose how to respond to it.

I'm not 100% sure what I wouldve done in that situation. I think I wouldve done the same. Been scared shirtless... then collect my thoughts, realized I had to prioritize my life and my goals (not BS people or the cops), then kept going.

But yeah I had some reactions very publicly bad reactions that made me shun certain places. It's a good idea to mix up locations once in awhile.

But when I first started going the high fives. Remember it was really me Toast & sundleboro who first tried to get high fives during covid. And it was nerve racking. What happened to you is what I feared what would happen to me... but it never did. Instead I got girls thanking me. Super hot girls being into it (actually) because it takes a lot of confidence to give high fives during a lockdown (I presume).

I had one really bad reaction from a high five. And I think that was the most memorable moment of the program for me... but that was pretty much it. For super super bad experiences. But I'm glad I went through it. Because it showed that I had some muscle and I can't ever again deny that I had the courage to do that sort of thing.



It's up to you. But just so you have some context. My brother is an activist and is perpetually dealing with law enforcement. They will lie to you and tell you what you're doing is illegal, because they want the problem to go away and have limited authority to stop you.

They'll say "I will have to arrest you" and know fill well that they can't and hope you don't call their bluff.

He's done tons of protests. Followed every single law. Cops show up. Try to talk him out of it. And he basically just says. Well the law says we have 15 minute to leave after we've been told were trespassing so we're going to do this for another 7 minutes as we slowly walk outside. If we got past 7.minutes you can do what you want...

Lots of stories like that.



Obviously use your own judgement. Don't just take my word for it.


End of the day. You have you're life and where you want it to go. This is just a hiccup. Keep going.


This isn't your first rodeo with adversity, nor will it be your last.

If it were me I'd keep doing it. But change up the locations. I'd probably still do drills in that location. But only ones where you can screen girls out.


But man... people are uptight. Jesus Christ. You shouldn't have to deal with that.

And it IS just one girl. Most people are happy and will welcome that kind of random fun interaction into their life.
 
Manganiello said:
It was a guy and his coach and his wingman. So apparently, there is a whole pickup scene in my city and specifically in the park I am going to.
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Id bet money that guy doesn't last. What's he doing needing a coach and a wingman?

What's he going to do when he doesn't have his coach or wingman?


You need to be able to do this stuff solo.


What you're doing is wayyyy better. Way more legit. You're out there alone. Doing this stuff ALONE. your actually gaining skills without the crutch of a friend or coach to buffer the blow of rejections.


I wouldn't worry about them. Seriously. There's thousands (tens of thousands?) Of guys who who try day approaches. Only a very few handful of guys actually can.

"CAN" meaning they can do 10 approaches in a day, a few times every week.



Make them worry about you. Dominate that city. It's your city. Make them struggle for what's left.

Honestly.

You might not see it now. But if you go through with this program you will be in that territory.

Girls RARELY get approached during the day. Like never man. Getting approached happens in movies and fantasies, not real life for most girls.

After awhile it becomes a run of the mill experience to call a girl cute for you...But its a near once-in-a-lifetime experience for her.
 
Day 15 third attempt:

Back after one week of not doing drills. It was super hard to push myself to get started again. I was scared more than I was the last few times. I told myself in advance that if I don't manage to do the 10 high-fives in under 10:30 minutes (which is what I need to do to finish day 15) and get 40 rejections, then I will allow myself to call it a day. Setting a goal that allows for a stopping point even in the case of failure felt good.

Started off rough. Only got 2 out of 15 high fives. I thought to myself at that point that I'm probably not gonna finish day 15 today but at least I will get in some practice and it will be less hard to go out again tomorrow.

I must have forgotten about the power of social momentum. Next I got 10 out of 18 attempts. And I made them in just below 10 minutes. I fucking made it!!!! That felt great and relieving. This day has been a real blockade for me.

Today was a perfect day to do the drills. The weather was nice, the park was packed. Honestly, I wasn't even that ballsy. Skipped a lot of opportunities, even in the successful sub-10min run. Shorter times are definitely possible

But I did work hard for it. The last two of the ten high fives I got from a group of two chicks. I walked up to them frontal, told them to high five and got one from one of the two. The other one had already passed me to my left side. She had looked much more hesitant than her friend. But I wasn't gonna let this opportunity go, turned around, walked two steps after her and was like "come on!" and she gave me my high five! High fives 7 and 8 were from two chicks waiting at a pedestrian crossing that I had to cross as well. I thought it would become awkward since the drill is to get out afterwards and not keep talking but I had to wait besides them for the street to clear out. Wasn't awkward at all I just stepped to the side a few steps and stopped talking to them haha. Lesson learned.

Thanks TylerDurden1995, Manganiello and PK47 for the support, encouragement and putting the police behavior in perspective. Not sure I would be able to push through without this community.

P.S.: Would appreciate feedback on my recent style post https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&p=14626&sid=b141387fb8cfe68fcc87720b8bdfd473
 
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