Brandon Builds - Conversation with the ex-wife

[Olafsmash]

Killing it bro !

 

[MILFandCookies]

Living a life of abundance man! It's inspiring to read.

Love the archetype you've put together too.

 

[Bman]

How to Develop Your Archetype: Part 2

The previous time I wrote about developing my Archetype it spurred a trend on the forums of others trying to develop theirs. I thought it would be helpful for you all if I wrote a short guide as I continue to develop mine in real time. 7500 words and two days to write, I sure hope it's useful to you.

This post has a lot to do with theory. I try to balance it with what actions I’m taking to develop my archetype. I don’t want you wasting time by sitting in your room just theorizing about your archetype and never battle testing in the sexual market. You’ll learn at the end of this post the importance of theory then action, getting feedback from girls, then more theory, action, feedback. In fact I was halfway through writing this post on theory, went on a date and got laid, and came back to finish it after walking her back to her car.

So promise me you will take action on what you read here.

What is an Archetype?

Before we get started, let’s define two ephemeral concepts that will be necessary for understanding the rest of the guide. First is Archetype, which is the dynamic relationship between your personalities, behavior, and looks.

Archetype = Inner world (personality, mindset, values) + Your actions in the outer world based on that inner world (speech, behaviors) + Your presentation of that inner world to the outer world (looks).

Second is “vibe”. This is the more ephemeral of the two, so forgive the rough definition of something that is hard to put into words. But roughly, it’s the relationship between your archetype and how the world reacts to that.

Vibe = Archetype x Reaction of the outer world (ie girls) to that archetype.

The reason these concepts are important is because if any one element of your archetype is “off”, meaning incongruent with the other elements, then your “vibe is off”, meaning the reaction you are receiving is incongruent with what the world is expecting.

So when someone tells you that you need to “fix your vibe”, they are signaling that your personality, behavior, or looks are incongruent. Your archetype is incongruent with what the world wants and is expecting.

For further understanding of this, I’ll point you to our wise sages:

• kyil_andy & Ed_ did a podcast showing how Ed changed his archetype and had better success.
• AskTheDom and Crisis_Overcomer did a podcast discussing archetypes and what happens when they are incongruent.
• MILFandCookies did a video explaining the importance of being congruent in your photos, showcasing what you would look like and be doing if you were caught on your best day.

Now let’s dive into a real example, my archetype development, so you can see how this works. As you read, you may think “Brandon, does this one element really matter that much?” By itself, not that much. However, remember that these parts add up to a whole. If you have several elements that are only slightly incongruent, the individual element does not matter, but when added together it makes a larger incongruency. One or two incongruences makes you interesting. Dozens cause cognitive dissonance in her head.

Analyzing Archetype

I showed how to analyze your current archetype in part 1. But as a quick refresher, you’re basically looking over the previous lays and breaking down what type of girls you attracted, what attracted them, and how you can develop that to attract the type of girls you want.

In order to do this I think you need at least 20 lays to have enough data to begin working with. I wouldn’t worry too much about it until then. If you’re just getting your first few lays, use the fuckboi lite presented in Andy's Tinder Guide as your archetype and go get laid.

After 20, you can make a prediction about your archetype, try it on for a while, and then keep iterating based on the results you get. If you want to see how this process unfolds over the long term I would assign pancakemouse’s log for reading.

I was recently alerted that my vibe was off and something was incongruent with my archetype after having been on dates with 4 different girls and not closing any of them. This was abnormal for me because my close rate before the first archetype improvement to my profile, was somewhere around 50-60%, with 20% of the no closes being me saying no to them.

Quick analyzation of the last 4 dates:

• Girl 1: Hot professional. I would have closed this, as she was into me and wanted to go back home with me, but I fucked up the logistics before the date. However on the date she said I was “softer” than she expected, which she clarified as meaning more calm. This was good for her because she was nervous and needed more comfort.
• Girl 2: Hot professional. When I went for the pull, she said something along the lines of really vibing but having a block of wanting to go back with me and needed to finish a project anyways. This girl was hot and confident, so she needed to me to spike her arousal levels by being more sexual as she was expecting I would, but instead got an even keeled experience.
• Girl 3: Spiritual/ Instagram type girl. Pretty much same thing as the previous girl, stating we were vibing well, but wanted to get to know me better and have a second date.
• Girl 4: Spiritual type girl. Super platonic.

The new pictures no doubt increase the quality of girl I was matching, in the type of archetypes that vibe well with mine. However, what I think happened was my profile sold a wild, dominant, sexual threat in looks. However my personality and behavior, while dominant, was more Zen and not the exciting spike of adventure and sexuality they were expecting.

Naturally I am mature, calm, composed, grounded, thoughtful, and calculated. In recent social interactions I’ve been mistaken for being in my late 30’s, being told it’s the way I carry myself.

So in my archetype I have two incongruences to work with:

• Looks – showcasing more the mature, Zen dominant side of my personality so that when I go on dates the girls are not expecting a wild child that is pulling them right into the bathroom there to fuck them, but is still here for sex.
• Behavior – being more sexual on the date, touching them, letting my eye contact that I’m great at holding express more of that “I want to fuck you” energy, and overall being more in touch with my desire in that moment.

Now let’s see how I update my archetype based on the feedback from the market and what I want going forward.

Overall Archetype

When I first started developing my archetype, I had mapped out some buckets that I fall into with “Rockstar”, “Bohemian/Spirtual”, and “Smart/Professional”. I took some pictures & updated some threads mostly in the Rockstar and Bohemian buckets, but had not got around to doing anything in the Professional bucket. I ran forth with what I had and would get to those later.

As a result you got this free spirited, wild looking, rockstar, rebel into BDSM, who’s super direct about sex in text. What are you going to expect when you get on the date?

Instead you get a mix of that with this guy who is also really thoughtful, conscientious, building a startup in education, doesn’t drink, so on and so forth…

It’s causing cognitive dissonance in the girl’s heads and they don’t know whether to put me in the fuck him now bucket or long term provider bucket. They are in limbo.

Now while I partially am that rebel rockstar type, I’m more like the rockstar… “professor who doesn’t play by the rules because he knows their bullshit but thoughtful enough he’s going to take action in changing them”. Good example is Jordan Peterson. Still masculine, dominant, dangerous, but in a more mature way. That Daddy Dom energy.

I need to bring in more of Smart/Professional with a modifier of Creative/Professor and Daddy Dom.



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In relationship to that, this is also the type of girls I want to attract more of in order:

• Good girl/Hot professional combo: When they have that “good girl” archetype, I vibe really well with them because they usually need more comfort to lower their arousal levels from being nervous, rather than spiking. But when they have that “Hot professional” combo they are lady in the streets, slutty, kinky, nympho in the sheets. These are hands down my favorite. My ex wife was this. My favorite lays were these. I have never had ED with these girls, ever.
• Alt girls: I do pretty well with these girls as we vibe over being different than society, but I may not always be as wild or extreme about it as them. Visually they are so hot to me and I like the overt displays of sexuality as opposed to the lady in the streets.
• Spiritual girls: They are fun, we vibe well about self-development, meditation, travel, tantra, those sorts of things. But they can also drive me up a wall sometimes with their free spirited nature, going with the flow, or talks about astrology and the like. I need to be careful with these ones though because I occasionally get ones like The Feminist or Psychedelic Girl which can be toxic.
• Instagram Blonde: Basically those damn skinny, big titted, blonde girls sitting over there in my No Girl column. I rarely ever match with one and it’s a tragedy. I love blondes, but I also know I’m probably not going to vibe well with one of those archetypes. So I’m probably better off scooping up a combo one with one of the above categories. On the upside, I get a lot of red heads which I also enjoy. But genetically they are an anomaly, so I really think there is some underlying biology match of our genes or something. But I digress.

Also worth noting, the age range I most vibe with has been 24-35. Younger has just been logistically too flakey for me. Mentally, I match more with women that are older than I, which makes the dates and post sex chats more interesting.

Psychology

Now let’s breakdown the archetype into its parts so we can better understand the role they are playing with the others. We’ll first start with my psychology. While over long periods of time, you can influence shifts in your psychology, it takes a lot of effort in rewiring, and largely it is set in stone.

Traits

We’ll use the OCEAN or Big 5 traits as it’s pretty reliable and easy to see how it applies to game. Plus you can take a survey of yours through Jordan Peterson’s Understand Myself for pretty cheap.

• Openness: Moderately High – this is what makes me open to new ideas, wanting to experiment, and with girls, helps give the rockstar rebel vibes
• Conscientiousness: High – this, however, makes me very aware and deep thinking of what that rebellion will do, how it affects other people, responsible, hardworking, and with girls, gives empathy and comfort
• Extraversion: Moderately Low – this bites me in the ass all the time as I have to cognitively put effort into speaking to others, leading a group, being in big social situations.
• Agreeableness: Moderately Low – this helps with challenging girls, taking direction, and again, being rebellious
• Neuroticism: Moderately Low – this help me have that steady, grounded, calm demeanor that can be comforting, but bites me in the ass if I need to spike emotion in girls

So we can see here that I need to have my looks match and show my high level of conscientiousness as it’s a dominant part of my personality.

Being that members of my family also exhibit dark triad traits, it’s worth me noting them here as well.

• Narcissism: Moderately Low – I handle criticism well, have a lot of empathy, and don’t feel entitled to anything. However I do like being admired and respected but mostly when it has merit.
• Psychopathy: Low - While I may be a rebel to the status quo of society, I have far too much empathy.
• Machiavellianism: Moderate – This is the one I keep the closest tabs on. You’ll see shortly that one of my highest values is honesty, and for good reason. I am hyper aware of the weight of my words and actions in their ability to influence other’s emotions and actions for my gain or theirs. I am always monitoring my intentions, trying to aim them at the good. I’m aware of the degrees of honesty and how much they impact outcomes. If this post is not evidence, I’m very good at high level strategy, and this requires knowing the psychology of the players in the game. I believe this is necessary to be a good leader. No doubt it helps me a lot with girls. But I always error on the side of more honesty than not, with good intentions, as to never become a tyrant.

Mindset

I’ve dedicated a 365 project to working on this for myself. I recommend having a look at least at the first post to see specifically how I’m developing that and the way it affects my interactions with girls. You’ll notice some minor childhood trauma in there, and in my lay reports. You must address your trauma, otherwise it will bite you in the ass over and over again.

Values

I feel values are best observed in the way you act. So I will cover this more as I discuss my behaviors below as values affect the behavior decisions I make. But here’s my values in order of importance:

• Purpose – this means I’m never giving up my mission or ambition for a woman. She will always ride shotgun to this. Part of the decision to get my divorce in fact.
• Honesty & Integrity – by no surprise this is why I run Andy’s screening/direct game
• Health – this shows up in not drinking, not sacrificing too much sleep, which effects date choices
• Mastery – this is a huge driver for me wanting to learn and continue developing in game
• Autonomy – I cherish my freedom and individuality. Probably should have never got married. But this makes casual, non-monogamous relationships work well for me.
• Love & Relationships – Ah here they are. They are important to me. Other people are important to me. But not before those other values.
• Spirituality – Obviously this helps me connect with spiritual type girls on some level.
• Security – This is largely in relation to money, having routines, and some sort of anchor while I declare anarchy and revolution to other areas of my life. It sometimes rubs against things I’ll do with girls. Also it makes me contemplate still having an anchor partner, like Andy does, or lean towards having MTLRs.

Looks & Fashion

Now let’s discuss the second part of your archetype: your looks. I covered this a lot in part 1, so take a look at that.

In developing my archetype further, I have some updates to do with my looks in order to better match my personality. Mainly this means bringing in a more mature, professional look in some of my photos and fashion. Here’s a list of those:


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A couple explanations on my choices.

I’m planning on getting a 3 piece charcoal tweed suit. A 3 piece because I enjoy vests, and not wearing jackets, to roll up my sleeves and show my tattoos. But I can also wear the jacket with less formal clothes, like designers/ architects often do. And I can also wear the full getup. Pretty versatile. I’m choosing tweed as the texture as it is more often associated with an oxford professor than a business mogul. This aligns more with my passion for education and teaching, and my apathy towards money. Additionally it gives more Daddy Dom vibes rather than 50 Shades.

I’ll also be picking up a white/cream 2 piece and red vest. This will be worn out to events, especially BDSM ones. It stands out when everyone else is wearing black and with my long hair, beard, and tattoos, it has some subtle religious, good vs evil undertones to it. Last Shrine I had went dressed as Jesus and got a lot of admiration for it. Since AskTheDom's previous recommendations to me in my log, red has also just become my default for these things.

Ill dive more into the photo choices when discussing hobbies in the next section.

I’ll still continue to be getting a lot of tattoos because I love them and it just further intensifies the rebellious, sexual vibe.

Behavior

Finally, let’s discuss the last part of your archetype, your behavior, or the actions you are taking in the world. There is a lot that can be covered in this category, but since I’m using myself as an example, I’m going to cover the developmental changes and clarifications I’m making to my archetype.

Types of Game

Based on my personality, values, skills, and lifestyle, these are the types of game I like focusing on:

• Online: I really enjoy photography so I don’t mind taking hundreds of photos to keep improving. I’m also decent at marketing and copywriting which helps in improving the profile funnels. Most importantly though, it fits in well with my main focus being my work.
• Daygame: Truth is I really want the confidence and charisma that is on the other side of doing hundreds of approaches. I want to be able to approach any women, any time. My biggest idol on these forums of what I would like to achieve one day with this is SpicyBoi. The tenacity, directness, and balls on the mother fucker is inspiring. My biggest problem is consistency and I’ve not dedicated the time to pursue this. However as I travel for van life, I will be prioritizing logistics of being in places that I have easy access to volume. I also believe I have potential for this as in the less than 100 total sets I’ve done I have gotten several numbers and been on a date from cold approach and almost always get positive interactions.
• Social Circle: This is just thrilling. I also have no hesitation at aiming at the top girls in that arena and going after them. And my personality makes leading those circles very possible. I’m pretty rookie with it still, but enjoy improving. I’ll be creating a professional social circle and meetup in the coming months. Shout out to natedawg who is killing it in this arena.

I avoid night game entirely. I value my health far too much and not really the “fun” guy. I’m pretty serious. Doesn’t jive well with the social environments of night game.

Speech

The act of speaking is how you communicate your inner world to the outer world. Some will say it does not matter what you say, but how you say it. I know why they preach that, which is to keep you from being too nervous on taking action because you don’t know what to say. But after you get a hold of your nerves, it would behoove you to pay attention to both what you say and how you say. This is an art form known to the Ancient Greeks as rhetoric.

Words have power. Clarity requires picking the right words. For example, let’s look at the intention and meaning of these words when I use them:

• Cute – I’m usually using this when a girl looks good enough to have sex with, but not giving me extreme sexual vibes. Or she’s acting less mature and coy. Or I’m not feeling as confident from moving from a platonic to sexual situation, such as approaching a girl in the middle of the street.
• Sexy – I’m using this when I want to shift their mindset from platonic to sexual, when I’m being confident, dominant, and direct, or they really get my blood flowing.
• Gorgeous – I’m using this when the girl is usually higher SMV and has a particular “lady” vibe to her. It’s more powerful than cute, but shows I also respect her modesty (even though I’m going to turn you into a dirty girl later).

If you don’t think this matters that much, I challenge you to ask the next girl you sleep with what dirty names they like and don’t like being called, like whore, slut, bitch, ect. You’re going to hear a lot of responses that surprise you and learn that each of those single words carry different weight to them.

On the other side is how you say something. Your tonality, inflection, and body language must match the intention and clarity of your message. I’m not a speech coach, so I won’t go on about improving these as I don’t have specifics for you to do.

For me, this is probably my most congruent category and one I need the least development on. From a young age I noticed the importance of communication for being a leader. I trained for 5 years in architecture school to stand up in front of people, communicate complex, abstract ideas to them, and have them brutally rip them apart again and again. Architecture school is not for the faint of heart. I’ve also spent hundreds of hours podcasting, both interview and solo. I’ve been through two coach training programs. I spent 8 years in a long term relationship where we constantly addressed issues with each other.

So it’s now pretty easy for me to get on stage in front of hundreds or talk directly to girls about sex or deep, emotional topics. Even when I do my occasional approaches, after I get over the nerves of the first one and opening, I usually flow pretty well. I get complimented when I push my voice deeper, have comfortable, dominant body language, and speak with ease and openness. If I’m nervous, occasionally I will speak to fast, but I have learned to slow down and really savor silence.

Being that I am well read, intellectual, and learn a lot, my speech tends to be more mature. With those comfortable enough to do so, including my ex-wife, I have been told I can make them feel dumb sometimes. I’ve learned to better fit my speech to my audience. However, showcasing more of the archetype of the smart/professional/professor will help with expectations.

With girls, the last frontier with my speech is dirty talk and sexualizing my speech. I’m rapidly progressing here, but still room for improvement.

Dates

Andy & Radical recently did a great video on different date plans you can do. Check it out.

I’ve yet to do a straight to the crib lay. A straight to my place would be congruent with the sexual directness, but I have no reference if I’d enjoy it. I have attempted a few times. However there is not really anything exciting to do at my place. Nor do I drink. I have a pool at my complex and have thought that may be worth a try sometime. With the comfort girls this is too much for them and they usually still want a first date at least.

On the other end, my conversion rate from first date to second date if I did not pull on the first is practically 0. Of what I can recall, I have only ever converted 2 girls into lays from this. So I am far better off just closing on the first date. Which is most in line with the sexual directness.

On those first dates, I have found that if I’m on my game that day, 30 minutes is the sweet spot. I’ve pulled faster at around 15-20 minutes. If it’s gone an hour, there is probably something up and I’m going to have some resistance.

On the other hand, having a long, 4 hour adventure date with someone I really vibe with is a lot of fun. I don’t want to do this all the time, but at the end of that date I wanted to ravish and practically fuck that girl in the middle of the street. Showing sexual interest, being touchy, and escalating was of no problem for me. So maybe every once in a while, just for my own pleasure if nothing else.

First date activity/location

Right now my go to spot is an outdoor bar that serves whiskey, beer, coffee, and teas. It’s got a decent vibe to it and works just fine. Because of my value of health, I always just get water. Which is fine, but it is a minor incongruence because I invite them out for a drink, and then don’t drink. Occasionally I get questions why and answer it, no big deal. However, the place doesn’t really invite the girls to dress up too much as its more casual. The other options are a dive bar next to my place which I’ve tried and not my vibe at all, or a bigger bar that just has all alcohol. So the coffee bar is the best of the three.

What I think would more congruent for me though is a well-designed tea/coffee lounge with nice couches that’s just a little more upscale. Not like rooftop, boujee upscale, but some place that is just a little classier and would be congruent for me to wear the all black designer look. Usually places like that are downtown, so I’ll prioritize that when van traveling.

Girls are expecting me to also be dominant and commanding. I really like that Holden tells them exactly what to wear on a date that he knows turns him on. I’ve just been too sheepish about doing so, but would like to change that. Specifically asking them to wear skirts, cocktail dresses, red/black lipstick, and dark eye shadow. Shit drives me wild, which would help me to be more sexual towards them on a date. Going somewhere just little classier than the coffee bar is more congruent with those requests also.

I’ve also tried walking dates next to the lake, twice. First time was a successful pull but she had herpes which is no go for me. Second was the most platonic date ever. Works alright but you get sweaty from walking in the Texas heat. If I do those in the future there is a nice little, secluded gazebo on the lake that we can walk to and then sit, and I can escalate from there.

What I think might be fun though is doing a photo walk with them. A buddy in college and I used to do this all the time where we would take our cameras and just go shoot cool street photography together. We did it once in Japan and it was a fucking blast. My favorite things to shoot are portraits and glamour/boudoir photos of girls. I think it would be a window into my hobbies during the date, is inherently dominant as I tell them what to do or touch them to put them in a pose, and I can show them pictures I have shot with other girls. I also have “photography (including spicy content)” as a hobby in my bios. Andy used to do geocaching with girls. This seems like a similar little adventure together. Worth a try I think.

Dates with girls I’m seeing on a regular basis

In the few times that I’ve done it, it’s really fun to take my girls out with me. Breaks up the same routine of having them just come to my place. They also get to partake in the adventures that come with the fantasy of getting with this specific archetype. The dates I’d enjoy are:

• BDSM events – makes them really fun to have a date and girls really want to go to them. Plus for me, it’s great for social game.
• Concerts – I only got to do this a few times when I was younger and always wanted to take girls with me. Many of the alt girls I match with are into metal/rock so it would be a blast.
• Movies – pretty normie, but I really enjoy the movies. And I’ve actually had a fair share of sexual activity at the theater, so that’s always fun.
• Symphony or similar – I’ve come to really enjoy string instruments as I’ve got older. Obviously falls in line with Daddy Dom and Lady in the streets dynamic.

To be continued in next post...

 

[Bman]

Continuing from previous post...

Sex

Being I’m a sexual deviant, I enjoy exploring the range of opportunities with sex from BDSM to Tantra. I think it’s important to know the kind of sex you want because then you can signal and screen for it. The world of BDSM comes prebaked with it’s own archetypes, and while I tend to dislike all the labels because it pigeons people into holes and closes them off from exploring their sexuality, they are helpful if you know what turns you on.

I fall somewhere between a Daddy Dom and Master. As a Daddy I enjoy having her earn her pleasure for being a good girl, get some spankings and punishment when she's being naughty, but either way she must beg for me to give her more. As a Master I enjoy having her treat me like a king, worshiping, serving, lusting after, and being a slut for me because of how well I've taken care of her.

Two really important points with this, at least for me:

• There is an emphasis on the girls earning the pleasure otherwise I can default to old tendencies of giving away pleasure and energy freely
• The girl must want to do these things and be enthusiastic, practically begging to do them. I don’t enjoy the girls who want to be taken or forced into submission. I don’t force anyone to do anything. I’m not a tyrant, but a benevolent king.

Additionally, I enjoy anything that amplifies the taboo/naughtiness of it like fooling around in public or role playing. What I would like to work on, and would be congruent with the archetype, is getting more confident about doing sexual things on the date itself. For example, telling her to take her panties off and keeping them in my pocket for the duration of the date. Or having her wear a skirt so I can play with her somewhere secluded (see why I like skirts?). Of course I need to learn how to escalate up to that point better.

As mentioned, I also enjoy Tantra. Someone I follow is Luna Agneya who was a dancer and deep in the BDSM world, later learned Tantra, and now teaches what she calls “Tantric Kink”, basically mixing the two. I love doing this and have been telling girls about that. This hits hard with the spiritual girls. Outside of that, many girls don’t know what Tantra is so I have been working on the best copy to explain it and get them intrigued by it. For the hot professionals, I often have to lead with BDSM and bring in the Tantra later. Being a Dom focused on pleasure, rather than pain, it aligns well. Feel it sets me apart in the scene also. So I plan on playing it up more.

As for submissive archetypes I enjoy most:

• Good girls: the type of girls with praise kinks, are a little shy and innocent, feminine, and after you open them up are total naughty sluts.
• Service subs: the ones that get off on being of total service to you, not just sexually, but enjoy doing other things for you as well.
• Slaves: girls who like to be owned by you and of complete use to you. These I have to be careful with though because I don’t enjoy extreme degradation and sometimes these girls do.
• Switches: I actually enjoy the sexual confidence of these women. It’s also so cute to have them try to dominate me while I’m dominating them, and have them ultimately submit.

Worth noting, I also enjoy submissives either new to BDSM or early in their exploration. They are the most open minded and willing to experiment. Being and educator, I also enjoy mentoring them. Ones that have been in the scene a long time usually have preset definitions or expectations of what D/s is, and I don’t like following arbitrary standards set forth by someone else. That’s my job.

Submissive archetypes I want to try to avoid:

• Masochists: I tried some sadist stuff with girls who are more masochist and I don’t enjoy it much at all. I don’t like treating someone emotionally or physically less than human. I have too much empathy.
• Brats: I don’t mind a little brattiness if they are being coy and ultimately a good girl. But I have met brats that are just annoyingly challenging you at every little thing. It just drives me up a wall and I don’t want to be around them at all. These girls also often want to be taken or forced to do something, and I don’t enjoy forcing them.
• Rope bunnies: I’m just starting to learn shibari, but I don’t forsee myself doing it just for the sake of doing rope. I want have sex, not just tie you up.

Career & Hobbies

This category represents the world that you are brining girls into. That if they hookup with you, they may get to take part in. It’s also the topics that you will most likely talk about on dates. If you show hobbies that you think are cool in your pictures, but you don’t actually do them, then you won’t talk about them with much passion. Passion in your words and voice will illicit emotion in the girl. Spiking emotion will get you in her pants. So you need to actually do those hobbies or have that career.

Other than my bio and my speaker photo, my profile does not really show much in congruence with the education startup. Yet on every date I talk about it and the girls always think it’s cool (or pretend at least). But it’s slightly incongruent with what they expect. Because a startup is inherently rebel, it’s worth showing and getting a photo of me reading, learning, or teaching would help with this.

Right now I have a picture playing guitar in my photo which increases the rockstar archetype. While yes I have barely started learning guitar, I couldn’t play you a damn song right now. Sometimes I get asked about it in messages, and I just tell I picked it up recently. Pretty incongruent.

As MILFandCookies teaches, you should show ones that you’d be caught doing on your best day that are still exciting.

So here are my current hobbies in order of what I do most often:

• Podcasts – both listening to and making every day. I actually ran a photo with me podcasting in an early version of my profile.
• Weightlifting – could do a gym pic, but doesn’t necessarily fit the rest of the story of the archetype.
• Reading/ Learning – think I could do a pretty dominant version of this like in the inspiration photos above and it would show the intellectual side of my personality
• BDSM – highly congruent with the profile and would like to get one with one of my girls
• Tantra (including meditation, yoga, & breathwork) – a picture of this would bank me more spiritual girls, but that’s not the main archetype I want to go for.
• Photography – think this would also be a great way to show creativity, dominance, and sexuality if done with me directing a girl in a boudoir shot
• Writing – by writing I mean typing, and photo of me at a computer is not sexy.
• Volunteering – might bank me more good girls and soften the edge just a tad, but my dog photo already does that
• Concerts – could be a good social photo but a lot of people have that
• Volleyball – same as weightlifting, doesn’t really match the rest of the story.

Living Space

Your living space is a reflection of your internal world and lifestyle. A cluttered space is a cluttered mind.

I spent 8 years in architecture, 5 in school, 3 in the professional field. Trust me when I say that spaces also have vibes and it is important for that vibe to match yours. Girls are also very aware of this. Spending time with hot interior designers in college and banging one last year, they are all about the vibe of a space. The higher quality the girl, the more important it is to her. I’m not just talking about your top tier boujee girl either. Even your most free spirited, gypsie, spiritual girl wants a well curated space she can vibe in. I mentioned Luna Agneya earlier and she has a podcast episode about this which you can hear from her and the guest of how important it is for them to feel comfortable, safe, and in the mood. Being that I’m a designer, girls are going to expect this of me more than the average guy, just like girls are going to expect Radical to have his fashion more on point than your average guy.

Current Space

Currently I’m in a small 400 sq. ft studio apartment just right outside of downtown. To be more congruent with my archetype it would probably be better for me to be in downtown with studio loft with balcony or something, but I originally moved here with my ex-wife and had no idea I’d be doing all this and needed to prioritize location, logistics, ect. I don’t have a lot in my apartment, but what is in there is curated to give a mature vibe. My bookcase and desk are dark wood, which matches the hardwood floors, and black iron. I offset that with a white designer entertainment stand and bedside cabinet that has all my BDSM toys. I have a few selected pieces of art on the walls reflecting my personality, plants to accent areas, and mirror placed directly across from my bed that girls can look at themselves in when they are riding me. My bed has a comforter set with throw pillows and I have been told several times, especially by the younger girls, it’s the nicest bed they have been on at a guy’s place. I have color changing lights, use incense, and wired surround sound in the apt to fill in the other senses as well. The space could be done even better, but it gets the job done.

This setup is slightly incongruent with what you might expect a “rockstar” to have and with the spiritual girls they might expect more tapestries, alter items, and candles. I live here 24/7 so I’m not changing the space to fit them, instead I think showing the more smart/professional part of my archetype will lessen the incongruency.

Future Space

Right now I am in the midst of purchasing a van to do van life. Ultimately I think this will be a net negative on the archetype with the professional girls, but an increase on the girls looking for adventure and the spiritual girls. However I will be designing and building out the entire thing myself, choosing high quality materials and making it really well designed. Pancake gave me some pointers about pulling to a van as “going on an adventure” and showing it off. A lot of girls, including my ex wife, follow van life on Instagram religiously because they crave that adventure and juxtaposition to mundane, regular life. The van space though is a big reflection of my values, so it’s very congruent in that sense.

Developing the “eye”

In design we have a phrase when someone can quickly look at something and know exactly what needs to be changed in order to have a better design. Instantly.

We say they have an “eye” for design. They understand gestalt, an organized whole that is perceived as more than the sum of its parts.

A good designer has the ability to look at all the parts, understand the relationship between those parts, know how the effect those parts have on people, combine them all together, and do it in service of a singular goal or vision aimed at “the beautiful”.

This “eye” is applicable to anything, you just change the goal…

A good trainer has the ability to look at each muscle, understand the relationship between the muscles, know how training those muscles will effect the body, combine them all together, and do it in service of your body composition goals.

A good president has the ability to look at each system and state in their country, understand the relationship between them, know how they effect the nation and global society as a whole, combine them all together, and do it in service of the goals of the nation.

Some of the top guys on this forum have developed the eye in some way and use that same skill to succeed everywhere…

• MilfandCookies learned it with photography
• Radical learned it with fashion
• Manga learned it with sales
• Crisis learned it with copywriting
• AsktheDom learned it with BDSM
• Andy learned it with content and coaching

Sit down with any one of them and show them something in their domain, and they can easily spot what needs changed. Instantly.
This same skill, I’ve tried to show you, can be applied to your dating, specifically your archetype.

You use your eye to look at all the parts of your archetype, understand the relationship between those parts, know how those parts effect girls, combine them all together, and do it in service of getting laid.

By the way, those top guys I listed all have the eye for this too because they learned to transfer the skill.

So how do you develop the eye?

To be frank, this is exactly what I’m trying to teach people to do in the education startup I’m building. To teach people to identify problems in their own life and solve them. Then take that same ability to identify problems, large global problems like poverty or healthcare, and solve them. But that’s not important to you. You need some action steps right now. It is KYIL after all.

So do this:

• Put a shirt on and go talk to a girl. Reflect: What happened? How did you feel? How do you think they felt?
• Put a different shirt on and go talk to a girl. Reflect: What happened? How did you feel? How do you think they felt?
• Put a different shirt on that reflects your personality and go talk to a girl. Reflect: What happened? How did you feel? How do you think they felt?
• Put a different shirt on that reflects your personality, makes you look better, and go talk to a girl saying more than hello. Reflect: What happened? How did you feel? How do you think they felt?
• Repeat ad nasuem until dead.

You make predictions about the world based on what you know, go test that out in the real world, analyze your results, and make a new prediction based on your new understanding. Repeat.

Want faster results?

Find a coach or mentor. They have the eye, you don’t. They can see things, 100x faster, and you can’t. You don’t have enough time in development yet. You can borrow their eyes.

Or read books, take courses, and consume the wisdom left by those sages. Then implement.

Theory > Action > Theory > Action.

By doing so you will undergo the process of “embodying the sage”, learning to see through their eyes, backed by your own experience. Socrates taught this to Plato, Plato to Aristotle, Aristotle to Alexander the Great. Then Alexander almost conquered the world.

Eventually after you have mastered your shirt (and a hundred other small things in this process) you can continue with more complex situations such as the killers on this forum like:

• SpicyBoi: what happens when I travel dozens of countries, go directly sexual with this hotel maid, and pull her into this empty room for a quick bj?
• Holden: what happens when I wear my Chad suit out on a date with two girls I regularly have threesomes with in front of a third girl I want to add to my harem?
• kyil_andy: what happens when I have my long term girlfriend source and screen girls for us to regularly do kinky threesomes with?

You must learn to walk before you can run. You must run before you can sprint. You must sprint before you compete with Usain Bolt.

Personally, I’m just getting my running legs broken in. I get a few lucky sprints in, but no way am I beating Usain Bolt yet. But I know where I’m going, and that’s to the top. That’s not a dream, but a fucking promise.

If you develop your eye, undertake this process, you can get good at your dating.

If you get really good, you will transfer the skill and eventually you’ll be able to spot problems in any area of your life and quickly solve them.

If you get really, really good, you can do this for a business, organization, community, country, or society and solve problems that effect hundreds, thousands, or millions of people.

That, my friend, is how empires are built.

 

[Olafsmash]

What a fantastic read. Some guy's think "archetype" is slapping on some stylish clothes and it's done, but it's way more complicated than that.

Very impressed, thank you!

 

[Radical]

The level of thought and detail here is amazing Bman

If you want to you could repost it all into in a new post I could sticky it to the top of one of the sub forums

 

[natedawg]

Incredible post. One of the best I've seen here.

Mods, can we sticky this or add a Hall Of Fame area for posts like these?

 

[Bman]

The level of thought and detail here is amazing @Bman

If you want to you could repost it all into in a new post I could sticky it to the top of one of the sub forums

Thank you. Yes, I will repost it in the "Tinder/Online Dating" area tomorrow.

 

[Radical]

The level of thought and detail here is amazing @Bman

If you want to you could repost it all into in a new post I could sticky it to the top of one of the sub forums

Thank you. Yes, I will repost it in the "Tinder/Online Dating" area tomorrow.

Nice! I'll leave a reminder to log in tomorrow and enshrine it

 

[Holden]

Interesting post. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Trying to switch my style up from rockstar to something more sophisticated as I'm getting older. But still keeping the bad boy edge. It's a difficult balancing act. I'm doing a bit of both now depending on my mood/the venue/the girl I'm after.

On the other side is how you say something. Your tonality, inflection, and body language must match the intention and clarity of your message. I’m not a speech coach, so I won’t go on about improving these as I don’t have specifics for you to do.

If only there was someone on the forums...

 

[Bman]

Interesting post. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Trying to switch my style up from rockstar to something more sophisticated as I'm getting older. But still keeping the bad boy edge. It's a difficult balancing act.

Given the very small window into you from your log and not having actually met you, you seem more the business mogul type, and sexually a Master. Probably more extroverted and charismatic than I, so like a Tony Stark (a playboy who will rock a designer suit or a black sabbath t shirt) or Danny Ocean (charismatic, sophisticated, rebellious leader/ top of social hierarchy).

I'm doing a bit of both now depending on my mood/the venue/the girl I'm after.

Same. When I'm out at munches or the like I might wear the rockstar rings and all black A7X shirt with ripped jeans and boots. If I'm going out with one of the hot professionals I usually switch the gold jewelry and probably wearing a black and white combo and dressed to the formalness of the venue.

 

[kratjeuh]

Amazing post, thank you for putting in the effort to make this.

The reason these concepts are important is because if any one element of your archetype is “off”, meaning incongruent with the other elements, then your “vibe is off”, meaning the reaction you are receiving is incongruent with what the world is expecting.

Can heavily resonate with being called "off" or "weird". I notice that most guys here with similar intentions as me (= achieving abundance in order to attract an ideal partner) create this same weird vibe because at the early stages it's kinda weird to be fucking many girls in order to achieve 1 LTR.
Where do you see the solution in this case to "fix" the archetype thus creating a good vibe?

This category represents the world that you are brining girls into. That if they hookup with you, they may get to take part in. It’s also the topics that you will most likely talk about on dates. If you show hobbies that you think are cool in your pictures, but you don’t actually do them, then you won’t talk about them with much passion. Passion in your words and voice will illicit emotion in the girl. Spiking emotion will get you in her pants. So you need to actually do those hobbies or have that career.

In developing my archetype further, I have some updates to do with my looks in order to better match my personality. Mainly this means bringing in a more mature, professional look in some of my photos and fashion. Here’s a list of those:

How would you combine a mixture of outlining hobbies whilst keeping a set archetype or would you say your archetype can be situation dependant? I'll use myself as an example to clarify the question.

I'm white with a steady normal job, played tennis at a professional level and my current hobbies aside from tennis are fitness and dancing.
Tennis is associated with wealth and class
Fitness is associated with more muscle showing off and strength (also some vanity especially in the tennis industry)
Dancing is associated with freedom and wearing brighter colors

Fashion wise it's impossible to mix these 3 in 1 and personality wise it's even more impossible.
Any advice here on how to be less off? Or would you reckon it's just about getting really good at fitness and dancing now so that the weirdness that people have turns in respect of mastering 3 skills instead of 1?

In order to do this I think you need at least 20 lays to have enough data to begin working with. I wouldn’t worry too much about it until then. If you’re just getting your first few lays, use the fuckboi lite presented in Andy's Tinder Guide as your archetype and go get laid.

This is the only part that I disagree with which is due to past experiences. I'll be humble and say that I've always been the guy thats is somewhat weird, luckily I've also always been accepted by society. I can only feel for my brothers here who actually got left out because I know 50% how it feels and that already sucks.
Self-improvement has reduced this weirdness to an extent but going from 1-14 lays actually didn't make a single difference in this regard.

I hope we can see more talks about this because it will help out a lot of guys on the forum. If you read my log, you can tell it's a bit tipsy-turvy, and I would wager 90% of the reason is because I have a tough time finding my archetype as well as my spot in society. I'm certain more guys have this issue.

I also feel that most guys here who are so big on looks, are just having the same troubles about creating their look (or their spot so to say). We would see a big reduction of blackpill comments if we could find a way to identify and fix this issue.

 

[bonzo34]

..

 

[Bman]

Quick Question

So my efforts in social game and building my munch have presented opportunities over the last few months of girls I could hookup with.


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And another from yesterday





These are the ones who have personally felt bold enough to reach out, but I can sense a couple others who would probably be keen.

That's great and all, but they are mostly girls that are 5-6/10 and I'm not that into.

My questions are:

• Any advice for attracting the hotter girls to the munch? Occasionally I will see a few attractive girls RSVP to the munch, but then never show. Because they are attractive, they don't really need to go out to these things. So curious to what ways I may make the value prop better to entice them out. Once they are there I just let the social status and in person skills do their magic. Part of the answer may just be continuing to put in work growing it and having word mouth, which is fine.
• Any way of letting these girls down nicely, that also benefits me? As in a I'm not attracted to you, but please go tell your friends kind of way

 

[Zug]

Any way of letting these girls down nicely, that also benefits me? As in a I'm not attracted to you, but please go tell your friends kind of way

If you're into Shibari or any non-sex related BDSM. It honestly might be worth engaging them, it doesn't have to be sex in the BDSM world. Getting some good photos from the scenes, getting them attached to your FET profile, etc. will help you out I think. I think the only way you get hot girls on FET is being hot yourself AND AND AND appearing "safe" via having enough social proof that you're not a psycho. There's tons of girls that are interested AF, they're just scared of psychos.

 

[AskTheDom]

Well it's all about incentives...

Why should they come to a munch?

Frankly, it's also one of the reasons why I never go to munches, they are kinda boring and most of the people are just "there" but not really make it a great time.. not much different from a book club

As you work at the kink scene - you must see these girls you want, so why not approach and ask them what would make them thrilled?

The few ideas I have about how to get there involve more into something more artistic (like photos,rope jams) rather than munches

 

[Bman]

Frankly, it's also one of the reasons why I never go to munches, they are kinda boring and most of the people are just "there" but not really make it a great time.. not much different from a book club

Agreed. Most of the leaders do a terrible job getting everyone involved and making it lively. Mine on the other hand everyone is talking, laughing, and has a great time. Which is why I get so many people coming back. It's just initially getting them there.

As you work at the kink scene - you must see these girls you want, so why not approach and ask them what would make them thrilled?

Duh, so simple that should have been my first thought. Thanks, great idea. I'll do exactly that.

The few ideas I have about how to get there involve more into something more artistic (like photos,rope jams) rather than munches

If you're into Shibari or any non-sex related BDSM. It honestly might be worth engaging them, it doesn't have to be sex in the BDSM world.

I'm not big into rope just for ropes sake, and most of what I enjoy about BDSM is inherently sexual. However I enjoy photography so there may be something there. Regardless, this gives me the idea to think about other event types I could hold. There are quite a few educational classes here, but I don't necessarily want to be instructing. Maybe something that's not a full on play party, but could practice BDSM skills with others in a social setting, which I'm assuming is what a rope jam is like. I've never been to one.

But again, just asking what's missing in those girls lives that they would like to attend is my best bet.

Thanks gents.

 

[AskTheDom]

However I enjoy photography so there may be something there.

Writing my thoughts as they come:
Hit up few cool looking girls you are familiar with and make some bdsm photoshoots, use them of FL to build a reputation about that artistic skill you have and offer to a couple of very good looking girls to take bdsm photos for their profiles, then ask if they would like to come to your munch and/or invite them when you are working at kinky events.

Hell for what I was doing in my day, having my own party would be the best - you can make a play party for few people

Anything that would put the type of girls you look at in an "upgraded" status type of situation would be catching the interest

 

[hyrtsmyrts]

Bman First of all - thank you for your quality posts. I don't feel like I have anything of value to add but I'll try.

Second: I think each and every social contact may turn out to be valuable. They don't always turn into gold. But might just do.

If I would be in your situation I'd think:
- Do I have time for meeting a new person?
- If yes, what is the biggest benefit I can get from them, if any?
- If there was such benefit let them know that you're interested in (whatever that is) and wanna talk.

For example photoshoots, arranging a party, getting to know their friends etc.

Ones reputation is really important. Especially in such small niche groups. I see that you have noticed this and you're asking the right questions.

There's nothing wrong in saying them that you're busy right now. Getting people to open up to you and revealing their superpowers is a skill. For example I have a girl who has 6/10 looks but she's 9/10 in photoshoots and editing. I might wanna tell her that I'm interested in a BDSM photoshoot with her. -> profit.

 

[Bman]

Small Update

Both the suits I ordered came in about a week ago. Before ordering I went to an alteration shop and got measured. Then I ordered the suits from two different shops.

First was from one on Etsy in the UK. Despite giving the correct measurements, the suit was way too big. Figured I could get it tailored, but then my other one arrived from a tailor out of china. It was the most well fitting suit I have ever worn without having to get personally tailored! So decided to order my white suit from them and will just sell the one from the Etsy shop (because sending it back is like half the price of the suit just in shipping. Lol)

For anyone interested, its BD Tailormade. It looks sketchy at first because they market themselves like they are a UK shop, but then you get an paypal invoice from China... But they actually are great. They messaged me after my order to confirm measurements and in a few weeks it came. $160 for the best 100% cotton 3 piece suit I've worn. I don't know who is actually making the suits, but worked out for me. Suits can be spendy, so just dropping a budget friendly option that's way better than your off the rack options at department stores.

Will have to wait another 3 weeks for the white suit, but took some photos in the charcoal tweed one for the apps to start building the smart/professional look.

"Yes, the professor will see you now."