- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Hello Everyone - My name is Brandon.
I want to start by setting my intention for this log:
1) Get feedback and support along my journey. Andy has talked about the lone wolf mentality. Its something I struggle with. Although it has brought me very far in building resilience, self efficiency, goal attainment, and self respect. But what has helped me reach this level is not the same thing that will help me reach the next. Its time to stretch the muscle of asking for help. I also want to practice writing and sharpening my ideas. The best way to do that is getting feedback on your ideas.
2) Provide value from my experience. I am grateful to have found Andy's tinder guide, podcast, and the AA program when I did. It has already compressed the amount of time needed to reaching goals in my sex life. I want to help provide value to other guys here in things I may have done a little different or think differently than Andy. It's a big experiment anyways.
I commit to posting once a week asking for help and helping one other person. As you will see in just a moment, I have a lot I'm working towards. For this reason, I am very particular about what I give my time to. So if I am getting value and see my value helping others, I will give more. But I don't like making promises I can't keep. So for now, once a week is what I'm willing to commit for posting.
Now, lets get to the meat of this.
INTRODUCTION
I came to KYIL because I want to improve my sex life after my divorce. The marriage was a good part of my life (8 years together), but I don't think monogamy was for me. I've come to realize I do want multiple partners, and to make up for my lack of skills in high school/ college and just not focusing on sex. I am actually a really sexual guy, I just never allowed myself the time to focus on it. I spent some time in the Red Pill, but never really vibed fully with it's mentality. It helped a lot with getting me away from being a nice guy and being friend zoned. But I was immediately attracted to KYIL after seeing how much Andy focuses on honesty. That really resonated with me.
Brief snapshot of my current situation:
- Working on launching an education startup; a new online university
- Recently divorced; it was amicable and we still respect one another, just wanted different things in life.
- Moved to Austin, TX to get closer to startup scene and bigger city
- 168 lbs, 10% BF, 395 squat, 325 deadlift, 250 bench press
- I lead a men's group of 6 guys who keep each other accountable, mentally resilient, and contribute to our community
- Have a podcast interviewing social entrepreneurs and thinkers solving global challenges
- Into photography, podcasting, weightlifting, personal development, reading... and of course getting laid.
I found Andy's content right after we started the process for divorce. There could not be more perfect timing. I read Andy's Tinder guide and started listening to his podcast while we worked on getting my exes and I's situation split in two and her moved out.
I try my damnest to be a man of action. My ex left on April 22nd (1 month ago), here is the progress I have made so far.
- April 23rd - I planned on taking photos, but honestly I was pretty fucking sad. I gave myself the weekend to grieve the end of a good relationship. I am more often hard on myself and push myself. That day I had to push myself to give myself a break.
- Taken photos and continue to do so, trying to improve my profile with the best set. I'm into portrait photography so I have camera and lighting equipment which makes it easy to keep iterating.
- Profiles made on tinder, hinge, bumble, and ok cupid. I spend time swiping everyday or sending messages. Currently I average 1 match a day. Then I boost once a week.
- I have had 3 dates from the apps, with one leading to sex on the first date.
- I tried cold approaching without doing the AA program. I cold approached 3 girls, calling them cute, and each time it got a little quicker for me to get out of my head. But that was after passing on a ton of other girls. I thought I could do it without the AA program, but I want to have the confidence to talk with ANY girl and tell her she is sexy, not just cute, and do it much faster. I knew the AA program would help me get there. So now I'm on day 7.
GOALS
I'm very goal-orientated and go after the things I want in life. Andy talks about going all in on your goals, and while I agree with that, I also believe it's a little more nuanced. I believe in going all in, for all areas. Yes this means some goals go a little slower, but that is a compromise I am willing to make.
I believe in finding ways that all your goals are intertwined so they feed off of each other and serve your higher purpose. For example, getting better at talking to girls raises my confidence which can be applied to doing sales in my startup. Achieving success in my startup raises my status, which helps talking with girls. Its mutually beneficial goals. All of which serves what I have chosen as the purpose of my life which is: 1) help others cultivate meaning and purpose. 2) help push human progress forward by solving global issues. My main vehicle for doing this is the startup I'm building which is personalized, online university that combines a student’s passions with real world skill building to solve the world's greatest challenges like education, poverty, healthcare, climate change, ect.
(Side note: I still struggle saying this because I'm not trying to have my ambition come across as arrogance. But it's literally the stuff I think and take action on all the time.)
Below are my current goals. Some may make sense to you, others may not without further context, which I am happy to provide if you want to know. They are also written in the framework of OKR's (Objectives and Key Results) Please remember, this is the game I have chosen to play. These are thing I want. We must all choose our own games.
Mission: ***** University becomes a real company
KR1: Create 10-20 Skill Courses
KR2: Run pilot program of 30 students
KR3: Attract and onboard cofounder
KR4: Replace part time job with income from startup to go full time
KR5: Sustainable growth engine
Relationships: Create an elite sex life
KR1: Complete AA program
KR2: Sex with 100+ women
KR3: 3 FWB on rotation
KR4: 2-3 guy friends in Austin for support
KR5: Improve sexual experience exploring new things
Health: Build an optimal body and mind that looks and feels great everyday
KR1: 175 lbs, lean muscle w/ 10% BF
KR2: Get 60-90 Mins of sun everyday
KR3: Get Bloodwork and testerone tests done
KR4: Optimize Sleep
Mastery: Be a black belt in mental jiu jitsu
KR1: Constant practice of being in present moment
KR2: Practice expressing self, honestly and vulnerably
KR3: Practice mental reframing of situations
KR4: Constant learning of new skills
KR5: Study Philosophy (Plato, Nietzsche, Stoicism)
Autonomy: Freedom & Independence
KR1: Minimize unimportant expenses that do not bring value to life
KR2: Pay off student loans
KR3: $35hr from current part time job
KR4: Full time income from startup
Spirituality: Taking the Hero’s Journey and Path of Individuation
KR1: Strengthen meditation practice with second session in the day
KR 2: Dive more into Jungian shadow work and dream analysis
KR 3: Giving compassion and love for all others
KR 4: Nourishing my masculine with feminine energy
THIS WEEK'S REFLECTION
Before this week, I had my first date after getting the divorce. The girl was a little below my standards, but honestly I just wanted to have sex and connect with another woman. I also wanted to have gone through the whole cycle from matching to tinder to having sex, just so I had been through it once and had the experience. I was pretty nervous, and timidly invited her back to my place, but she said yes. I was nervous back at my place, so the sex for me was ok. She said she enjoyed it. We had setup to meet again later that week, but when the day came she ghosted me. Not sure if I did something wrong (of course this is immediately what I thought) or if something came up but she has not texted me since. I was bummed, but moved on.
This week I had setup of 3 dates with different girls from tinder/hinge.
Date 1: The first ended up being with a girl who was from out of town and flying out the following morning. I originally made a plan to meet her at a place near my apartment. But she didn't know the area and asked to meet downtown. I agreed and chose a spot downtown. The date was ok, but I chose a bar that was too loud to hear each other well. I was nervous to ask her back to mine, but got it out after about an hour. She said she would rather get to bed early, but then asked me if that was ok. I said of course, I was not going to pressure her. But then she asked again if that was ok. I was too nervous then and initially bummed because she said no, that I didn't realize she may been inviting me to ask why she seemed unsure and I could have helped solve the problem.
Lessons Learned: Have a good plan. Make sure YOU'RE having fun on the date. Get out of your head, listen to her, and catch the cues to solve problems.
Date 2: This one was a lot of fun because of how honest and open we were with each other. When we matched on Hinge I ran the standard script, asking her our for a drink and not wanting anything serious. She asked what I was ideally looking for. I told her the truth, saying open, long term FWB. She gave me her number and we setup a date. When we were on the date, we started by chatting about the typical stuff (job, study, hobbies) but then she was upfront and shifted the conversation to talking about being FWB. We started talking about sex, kinks, desires, and what our boundaries would be for the relationship. I then asked her back to mine, but she said no, and I asked her what her hesitation was. She just replied she wanted to think about this and did not want to have sex that night. I said that was cool, walked her back to her motorcycle, and we made out a bit before I left. However I was kinda awkward going for the kiss because I was still trying to figure out if she was really into me or not. I texted her the next day to set another date. She said she might be down to play in the future but was going to pursue a couple other things at the moment.
Lessons Learned: It really sucked not being able to hookup with this girl. She was attractive, honest, and very sexual. All things I was looking for in a FWB. However, I really needed to have this kind of date early because it showed me the level of honesty that I want to have with other girls. I loved how upfront we both were. It also made the date way more fun for me.
Date 3: Or I should say non-date. The above two girls I had matched with at the same time as this one, but was more keen on seeing them. So I pushed this date out to the end of the week which I knew would make the chances higher she might flake. I did confirmation text in the morning and got no reply. An hour before the date I also asked if we were still good for 630. Nothing. And the time came... and she did not show up. Luckily the bar is literally right next door to my place. However I started to beat up on myself a bit because I had already struck out twice this week. And to just get ghosted sucked. So I went home, did some laundry, and tried not to think it was me, maybe something in her life happened that kept her from even replying. LO and BEHOLD, she texted me this morning saying she was in the hospital the last two days, puking blood from an ulcer, and that she felt so bad she could not make it because I was sexy and she had been thinking about this date all week. So we rescheduled for tomorrow. What are the fucking odds?
Lessons Learned: Sure, it might be you. But it's also pretty likely its something else. You have no idea. So don't just blame you right away.
Cold Approach: I started doing the AA program last week and continued into this week. I have been going out for about an hour every other day to do the drills. Before doing the AA program, I approach a girl after like 5-10 mins of being in my head and say she was cute. But I would pass sooo many others because "she has a coffee in her hand, she is on the phone, she is walking the other way, she is..." I'm only on day 7 but just asking for the time and location of places has already be helpful. If I'm going to get through these drills in a decent time, I can't really worry about what these girls are doing that keeps me from bugging them. Once I started doing it I realized most girls are actually really nice and cheerful. The ones that spent like 2-3 minutes google mapping a place because they had never been there or were out of town, and giving me directions really blew me away.
Beliefs: A big breakthrough I had in my own beliefs from starting this was believing I was man that would would swoon for. In high school and college I was a bit chubby, had bad acne, I was insecure, and unconfident. The biggest I got was 200lbs before I started weightlifting in college. Over my fitness journey I went from 200 down to 145 8% BF, and now at 168 lean muscle and 10% BF. I also removed things from my diet that cleared my acne, fixed my allergies, and made my skin and hair healthier. I started grooming and dressing better. But I still believed I was just average looking. Being married, I only had my wife to give me feedback. And in the last couple years of marriage the sex became less and less. I felt like I was not someone a woman would check out, call sexy or lust for. However after putting in almost decade of work of consistently going to the gym every week, I am really proud of the body I have built. I like to run at about 10-12% BF which makes my abs less defined, but is better for the hormone balance for me. Taking pictures of myself and having women message me how sexy I am or swoon over me is like a foreign world.
ASK FOR HELP
As I mentioned at the top, I struggle for asking help. So at the bottom of my log's I will have at least one ask based on that weeks struggles.
1) For the guys that don't drink, are there any alternative but simple dates you do for first dates? And what do you say in lieu of "let's grab a drink"? I have been just grabbing water each time, but I would like something more fun for me.
I want to start by setting my intention for this log:
1) Get feedback and support along my journey. Andy has talked about the lone wolf mentality. Its something I struggle with. Although it has brought me very far in building resilience, self efficiency, goal attainment, and self respect. But what has helped me reach this level is not the same thing that will help me reach the next. Its time to stretch the muscle of asking for help. I also want to practice writing and sharpening my ideas. The best way to do that is getting feedback on your ideas.
2) Provide value from my experience. I am grateful to have found Andy's tinder guide, podcast, and the AA program when I did. It has already compressed the amount of time needed to reaching goals in my sex life. I want to help provide value to other guys here in things I may have done a little different or think differently than Andy. It's a big experiment anyways.
I commit to posting once a week asking for help and helping one other person. As you will see in just a moment, I have a lot I'm working towards. For this reason, I am very particular about what I give my time to. So if I am getting value and see my value helping others, I will give more. But I don't like making promises I can't keep. So for now, once a week is what I'm willing to commit for posting.
Now, lets get to the meat of this.
INTRODUCTION
I came to KYIL because I want to improve my sex life after my divorce. The marriage was a good part of my life (8 years together), but I don't think monogamy was for me. I've come to realize I do want multiple partners, and to make up for my lack of skills in high school/ college and just not focusing on sex. I am actually a really sexual guy, I just never allowed myself the time to focus on it. I spent some time in the Red Pill, but never really vibed fully with it's mentality. It helped a lot with getting me away from being a nice guy and being friend zoned. But I was immediately attracted to KYIL after seeing how much Andy focuses on honesty. That really resonated with me.
Brief snapshot of my current situation:
- Working on launching an education startup; a new online university
- Recently divorced; it was amicable and we still respect one another, just wanted different things in life.
- Moved to Austin, TX to get closer to startup scene and bigger city
- 168 lbs, 10% BF, 395 squat, 325 deadlift, 250 bench press
- I lead a men's group of 6 guys who keep each other accountable, mentally resilient, and contribute to our community
- Have a podcast interviewing social entrepreneurs and thinkers solving global challenges
- Into photography, podcasting, weightlifting, personal development, reading... and of course getting laid.
I found Andy's content right after we started the process for divorce. There could not be more perfect timing. I read Andy's Tinder guide and started listening to his podcast while we worked on getting my exes and I's situation split in two and her moved out.
I try my damnest to be a man of action. My ex left on April 22nd (1 month ago), here is the progress I have made so far.
- April 23rd - I planned on taking photos, but honestly I was pretty fucking sad. I gave myself the weekend to grieve the end of a good relationship. I am more often hard on myself and push myself. That day I had to push myself to give myself a break.
- Taken photos and continue to do so, trying to improve my profile with the best set. I'm into portrait photography so I have camera and lighting equipment which makes it easy to keep iterating.
- Profiles made on tinder, hinge, bumble, and ok cupid. I spend time swiping everyday or sending messages. Currently I average 1 match a day. Then I boost once a week.
- I have had 3 dates from the apps, with one leading to sex on the first date.
- I tried cold approaching without doing the AA program. I cold approached 3 girls, calling them cute, and each time it got a little quicker for me to get out of my head. But that was after passing on a ton of other girls. I thought I could do it without the AA program, but I want to have the confidence to talk with ANY girl and tell her she is sexy, not just cute, and do it much faster. I knew the AA program would help me get there. So now I'm on day 7.
GOALS
I'm very goal-orientated and go after the things I want in life. Andy talks about going all in on your goals, and while I agree with that, I also believe it's a little more nuanced. I believe in going all in, for all areas. Yes this means some goals go a little slower, but that is a compromise I am willing to make.
I believe in finding ways that all your goals are intertwined so they feed off of each other and serve your higher purpose. For example, getting better at talking to girls raises my confidence which can be applied to doing sales in my startup. Achieving success in my startup raises my status, which helps talking with girls. Its mutually beneficial goals. All of which serves what I have chosen as the purpose of my life which is: 1) help others cultivate meaning and purpose. 2) help push human progress forward by solving global issues. My main vehicle for doing this is the startup I'm building which is personalized, online university that combines a student’s passions with real world skill building to solve the world's greatest challenges like education, poverty, healthcare, climate change, ect.
(Side note: I still struggle saying this because I'm not trying to have my ambition come across as arrogance. But it's literally the stuff I think and take action on all the time.)
Below are my current goals. Some may make sense to you, others may not without further context, which I am happy to provide if you want to know. They are also written in the framework of OKR's (Objectives and Key Results) Please remember, this is the game I have chosen to play. These are thing I want. We must all choose our own games.
Mission: ***** University becomes a real company
KR1: Create 10-20 Skill Courses
KR2: Run pilot program of 30 students
KR3: Attract and onboard cofounder
KR4: Replace part time job with income from startup to go full time
KR5: Sustainable growth engine
Relationships: Create an elite sex life
KR1: Complete AA program
KR2: Sex with 100+ women
KR3: 3 FWB on rotation
KR4: 2-3 guy friends in Austin for support
KR5: Improve sexual experience exploring new things
Health: Build an optimal body and mind that looks and feels great everyday
KR1: 175 lbs, lean muscle w/ 10% BF
KR2: Get 60-90 Mins of sun everyday
KR3: Get Bloodwork and testerone tests done
KR4: Optimize Sleep
Mastery: Be a black belt in mental jiu jitsu
KR1: Constant practice of being in present moment
KR2: Practice expressing self, honestly and vulnerably
KR3: Practice mental reframing of situations
KR4: Constant learning of new skills
KR5: Study Philosophy (Plato, Nietzsche, Stoicism)
Autonomy: Freedom & Independence
KR1: Minimize unimportant expenses that do not bring value to life
KR2: Pay off student loans
KR3: $35hr from current part time job
KR4: Full time income from startup
Spirituality: Taking the Hero’s Journey and Path of Individuation
KR1: Strengthen meditation practice with second session in the day
KR 2: Dive more into Jungian shadow work and dream analysis
KR 3: Giving compassion and love for all others
KR 4: Nourishing my masculine with feminine energy
THIS WEEK'S REFLECTION
Before this week, I had my first date after getting the divorce. The girl was a little below my standards, but honestly I just wanted to have sex and connect with another woman. I also wanted to have gone through the whole cycle from matching to tinder to having sex, just so I had been through it once and had the experience. I was pretty nervous, and timidly invited her back to my place, but she said yes. I was nervous back at my place, so the sex for me was ok. She said she enjoyed it. We had setup to meet again later that week, but when the day came she ghosted me. Not sure if I did something wrong (of course this is immediately what I thought) or if something came up but she has not texted me since. I was bummed, but moved on.
This week I had setup of 3 dates with different girls from tinder/hinge.
Date 1: The first ended up being with a girl who was from out of town and flying out the following morning. I originally made a plan to meet her at a place near my apartment. But she didn't know the area and asked to meet downtown. I agreed and chose a spot downtown. The date was ok, but I chose a bar that was too loud to hear each other well. I was nervous to ask her back to mine, but got it out after about an hour. She said she would rather get to bed early, but then asked me if that was ok. I said of course, I was not going to pressure her. But then she asked again if that was ok. I was too nervous then and initially bummed because she said no, that I didn't realize she may been inviting me to ask why she seemed unsure and I could have helped solve the problem.
Lessons Learned: Have a good plan. Make sure YOU'RE having fun on the date. Get out of your head, listen to her, and catch the cues to solve problems.
Date 2: This one was a lot of fun because of how honest and open we were with each other. When we matched on Hinge I ran the standard script, asking her our for a drink and not wanting anything serious. She asked what I was ideally looking for. I told her the truth, saying open, long term FWB. She gave me her number and we setup a date. When we were on the date, we started by chatting about the typical stuff (job, study, hobbies) but then she was upfront and shifted the conversation to talking about being FWB. We started talking about sex, kinks, desires, and what our boundaries would be for the relationship. I then asked her back to mine, but she said no, and I asked her what her hesitation was. She just replied she wanted to think about this and did not want to have sex that night. I said that was cool, walked her back to her motorcycle, and we made out a bit before I left. However I was kinda awkward going for the kiss because I was still trying to figure out if she was really into me or not. I texted her the next day to set another date. She said she might be down to play in the future but was going to pursue a couple other things at the moment.
Lessons Learned: It really sucked not being able to hookup with this girl. She was attractive, honest, and very sexual. All things I was looking for in a FWB. However, I really needed to have this kind of date early because it showed me the level of honesty that I want to have with other girls. I loved how upfront we both were. It also made the date way more fun for me.
Date 3: Or I should say non-date. The above two girls I had matched with at the same time as this one, but was more keen on seeing them. So I pushed this date out to the end of the week which I knew would make the chances higher she might flake. I did confirmation text in the morning and got no reply. An hour before the date I also asked if we were still good for 630. Nothing. And the time came... and she did not show up. Luckily the bar is literally right next door to my place. However I started to beat up on myself a bit because I had already struck out twice this week. And to just get ghosted sucked. So I went home, did some laundry, and tried not to think it was me, maybe something in her life happened that kept her from even replying. LO and BEHOLD, she texted me this morning saying she was in the hospital the last two days, puking blood from an ulcer, and that she felt so bad she could not make it because I was sexy and she had been thinking about this date all week. So we rescheduled for tomorrow. What are the fucking odds?
Lessons Learned: Sure, it might be you. But it's also pretty likely its something else. You have no idea. So don't just blame you right away.
Cold Approach: I started doing the AA program last week and continued into this week. I have been going out for about an hour every other day to do the drills. Before doing the AA program, I approach a girl after like 5-10 mins of being in my head and say she was cute. But I would pass sooo many others because "she has a coffee in her hand, she is on the phone, she is walking the other way, she is..." I'm only on day 7 but just asking for the time and location of places has already be helpful. If I'm going to get through these drills in a decent time, I can't really worry about what these girls are doing that keeps me from bugging them. Once I started doing it I realized most girls are actually really nice and cheerful. The ones that spent like 2-3 minutes google mapping a place because they had never been there or were out of town, and giving me directions really blew me away.
Beliefs: A big breakthrough I had in my own beliefs from starting this was believing I was man that would would swoon for. In high school and college I was a bit chubby, had bad acne, I was insecure, and unconfident. The biggest I got was 200lbs before I started weightlifting in college. Over my fitness journey I went from 200 down to 145 8% BF, and now at 168 lean muscle and 10% BF. I also removed things from my diet that cleared my acne, fixed my allergies, and made my skin and hair healthier. I started grooming and dressing better. But I still believed I was just average looking. Being married, I only had my wife to give me feedback. And in the last couple years of marriage the sex became less and less. I felt like I was not someone a woman would check out, call sexy or lust for. However after putting in almost decade of work of consistently going to the gym every week, I am really proud of the body I have built. I like to run at about 10-12% BF which makes my abs less defined, but is better for the hormone balance for me. Taking pictures of myself and having women message me how sexy I am or swoon over me is like a foreign world.
ASK FOR HELP
As I mentioned at the top, I struggle for asking help. So at the bottom of my log's I will have at least one ask based on that weeks struggles.
1) For the guys that don't drink, are there any alternative but simple dates you do for first dates? And what do you say in lieu of "let's grab a drink"? I have been just grabbing water each time, but I would like something more fun for me.
