Holden said:
I used to do this as well like a year or so back, but I ran into the same trouble as you. Girls reply to the meme but don't keep up the conversation after that.
Re-engagement is really difficult. The only thing that works semi-reliably in my experience is texting girls while I have an IG Story running of me being out with another girl. And that still isn't foolproof (there's no guarantee she'll check your story)
I don't use any other social media other than LinkedIn. So shit out of luck there. I think I read in your log somewhere though that you have recorded videos of girls and sent it to other girls before. Might give that a try in the future.
This week’s reflection
Before getting into this week’s reflection, just want to say thanks to the community and of course those who started it. Sometimes when I’m alone about to go on a date or out cold approaching by myself, I look at the other people and think “nobody else is doing this”. Then I think about the rest of you guys in your separate cities all doing the same thing. It’s cool to read some of your guys’ stories and know that we are all putting in the work across the globe.
Ok, enough with the flowery kumbayah. Let’s get down to business.
Weekly Stats:
Dates
- Monday-Thursday: Shit time trying to get girls scheduled.
- Friday: Canceled. Wants to reschedule, told her I’ll get back to her next week.
- Saturday: Lay 11 - https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=43124#p43124
Sunday
- Hinge: 107 DMs, 4 Matches, 0 Numbers
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 0 Likes, 2 Matches, 0 Numbers
Monday
- Hinge: 60 DMs, 2 Matches, 0 Numbers
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 0 Likes, 0 Matches, 1 Numbers
Tuesday
- Hinge: 94 DMs, 1 Matches, 0 Numbers
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 0 Likes, 2 Matches, 0 Numbers
Wednesday
- Hinge: 100 DMs, 0 Matches, 0 Numbers
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 0 Likes, 0 Matches, 0 Numbers
Thursday
- Hinge: 30 DMs, 1 Matches, 0 Numbers
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 0 Likes, 0 Matches, 0 Numbers
- Feel’d: 3 Matches, 0 Number
Friday
- Hinge: 75 DMs, 3 Matches, 0 Numbers, 0 Date Scheduled
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 2 Likes, 1 Matches, 0 Numbers
Saturday
- Hinge: 56 DMs, 3 Matches, 1 Numbers
- Tinder: 0 Boosts, 0 Likes, 0 Matches, 0 Numbers
Apps
Tinder: Still garnering passive leads occasionally without doing any swiping. Nice to have girls message me so direct like this:
Date set for Monday.
Hinge: Still tried and true app for me. Hit heavy volume in beginning of the week and slowed down as I started getting dates scheduled.
Feel’d: Racking up likes here. The vibe here is different than on Hinge. On Hinge most people are vanilla, so when I open with the BDSM script it stands out. But on Feel’d that’s the majority so it’s less effective. The girls conversations on here are more engaging though and they write a lot more in their bios. So I’m going to try openers that are more tailored to each girl, as I have a lot more to go off than the standard 1 sentence Tinder Bio.
Bumble: Feel like my profile is too edgy here. Might try not leading so hard with the BDSM to see what happens. The quality of girls I see on Bumble seems higher, so would be nice to get a few leads coming in from here. Hinge is great because I can message first and lead with intrigue. Getting a girl to message first on Bumble is like pulling teeth.
Dates
When scheduling dates I pushed them out to the end of the week because I was trying to leave the beginning open for a 2nd date with a girl coming back from Milan. I feel confident in pulling on the 2nd date with her, so was trying to go for the sure thing. But she works as high profile business consultant and had to go run workshops in Chicago right after she got back.
Tried getting some other girls scheduled but nothing panned out for those days.
Friday: Canceled. She was “having a bad week”. Maybe she was maybe she wasn’t. I don’t know. She suggested rescheduling and still seems down to go out. I told her I’ll back to her next week. I already had dates scheduled.
Saturday: Lay 11: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=43124#p43124
Dates Next Week
Monday with the girl from the Tinder message above. Was supposed to have another one Wednesday but she literally just cancelled as I was writing this post. Grateful she cancelled early so I can fill the spot.
Cold Approach
Because I actually had a free night without having a date scheduled (I know, what a problem to have) I thought I would go do a CA session. It’s been a while since I have been out, so the AA creeped in and I didn’t end up doing any approaches. The first one is always the hardest, then I start getting in the groove. But couldn’t even muster the first.
The excuses I told myself before did not show up. Instead they were along the lines of “what’s the point, she probably has a boyfriend/fiancé/husband anyways” as has been 90% of responses I have received in my approaches. While that may be true, it does not matter. It’s still the same AA.
With the volume you can do online, and relative effort it takes, it’s just more efficient. But that means I’m not hungry to approach. Also, when I was first approaching I was not yet seeing much traction online. If I’m going to actually get over AA and meaningfully learn CA skills I am going to have to it consistently, not just when I get a free night.
My ultimate goal with all this is to get laid. I’m doing that online. But I also enjoy the confidence and social skills I’ve gained from CA which have poured over into networking (more on that in a minute). So I still want to give it attention.
My initial idea is to possibly set aside one week of every month and one month of every 3-6 months where I don’t use online at all and go out to approach. This way I’m still having some periods of time where I consistently focus on it.
Networking
So right now I’m grinding on the startup. Revenue will take time to come with that. In the meantime, I wanted to start making some extra income to put into stocks and crypto during the dip. So I decided to start doing freelance web design again. Except instead of hunting for clients, I want to build a completely referral business with this.
I inadvertently started a 365 day project because each day I have been sending one email to a contact I have not spoken to in a long time just to see what they have been working on and how I may be able to help. In literally the first email I sent, a connection of mine referred me to a nonprofit that needs 5-10k project done. Already have had the discovery call and sending the proposal Monday morning.
But this also prompted me to want to start networking in person again. I started doing this last year, but honestly was shit at it. I was fine at holding conversations, but mr.introvert did not want to approach anybody or be that sociable.
Well this week I went to one and it was a world of difference. Was a small gathering of entrepreneurs and was sort of like a book club where we discussed a bunch of nonfiction books. When I arrived at the event I was easily the best dressed, confidently introduced myself and connected with everyone, and often times lead the discussion or moved the group in a particular direction. I had read about 75% of the books brought up during discussion so I had something meaningful to contribute most of the time. Afterwards I connected with everyone and grabbing a tea with one of the guys next week.
Seriously, the sense of ease I had with myself and ability to focus and read others, rather than be stuck in my head, has come from CA and going on dates. To me there is not anything more nerve wracking that CA’ing a really hot girl, and even that is really not that bad. So why would I have anxiety about these people? All the more reason I would like to at least dedicate some time to getting better at CA.
Fitness
Fun note. After seeing AskTheDom talk about powerlifting numbers in Paid Renegade’s log, I noticed for my weight, my lift numbers are in the “Advanced” category. So I thought it would be fun to see if I could hit the “Elite” numbers. So right now I’m doing a pure powerlifting routine which prepares you for competition. I have no interest in actually competing. I’ve been lifting for a decade now and do it more for the health benefits and pure joy of doing over anything. Still fun thought to see what I can get my body to do though.
Feels
So I lead a men’s group 6 guys who meet biweekly for 90 mins to talk through our lives and push each other to be better men mentally and emotionally. They are all entrepreneurs in some sense and push themselves hard.
This week I had led them through an exercise to examine the relationship with our fathers. My relationship with my father is subpar, but he was a high functioning drug addict for part of my life and occasional weekend dad. It was quite emotionally draining to relay more story to these men and then hold space for them to tell their stories over 90 mins.
In BDSM there is a concept known as sub-drop or top-drop. During certain BDSM acts you are getting huge surges of neurochemicals in your brain. During the hours and days after the scene your brain drops your normal production of these chemicals in order to return you to equilibrium. So you can actually feel slightly worse because you have lower levels of dopamine, serotonin, ect. This also happens sometimes after flow states and other events that spike neurochemicals.
Well you can imagine after a high charged, emotional conversation, that I was leading, I would have a big spike and drop in my own neurochemicals. So the next morning I was feeling lonely and down. The morning used to be the best time for my ex-wife and I to connect. All I really wanted that morning was to hug and hold her. Then add on top of that I was struggling to get any dates scheduled during that part of the week, and was starting to get somber. I know getting canceled on, flaked on, ghosted, is all part of the game. Still doesn’t change on emotional level, it sucks sometimes. But I acknowledged the feelings I was having and didn’t let it keep me from being productive.
Questions
Whose log is great for studying on retention? There were a few girls in the last few lays I would have liked to have retained. Going to read back over Andy’s guide on this. Just wonder who else might be great to look at.
