Update - 2 Months in Denver
Hey gents. Here’s an update of my van adventures and what I have been up to the last couple months since departing from ATX. Currently writing this at the park with my shirt off taking in those sunny rays because don’t you know that’s what all the cool kids on the forums are doing.
Direction & Goals
After having left one lifestyle for another, basically hit the reset button on a social and dating life, and being given a ton of room for self reflection, I’ve had many personal revelations.
When I first started van life it was just to wander, to explore other places, to feel other cities and cultures. However after visiting with the ex wife when I reached Denver, I realized that this first portion of my trip was to close open loops. These open loops were thoughts about the decisions I had made up till now in my life and how they have affected me and my relationships with others. It also feels like giving myself 100 percent permission to really do and be my own person.
The other half of that has been evaluating what it is I want in life and am I on track to get that. I had the opportunity to spend some time with Zug while I was in Denver. I personally enjoy spending time with those older than me. It gives me windows into the future. Though his comments were not directed at me, he spoke of peter pan syndrome, and it made me contemplate where I may have not grown up in my goals.
Rather than go on tangent of explaining my thinking, I’m just going to drop these here from the other thread started by Vamos. I know these are different than many peoples goals, so if you’d like to know the reasoning behind one, feel free to ask.
Goals:
- Poly; 2-3 LTR's with the freedom for the occasional ONS when the tension is there with a girl I meet, possibly having one of those LTR's be live in, but most likely not.
- No kids
- Own a piece of land in a sunny state, build a tiny home, and still have the camper van
- Pursuing my PhD and building my non-profit
- Being active in my community, volunteering and participating in politics
- Being active and well known in the kink scene of that area
After having reflected on these, my van adventures no longer were about wandering, but have turned into finding a place I want to lay down roots and build community. To have a place to actually call home, a concept that I have never really known.
Right now, I know that place must have:
- Sun for 80% or more time of the year
- A melting pot of cultures, with open minded, progressive, non judgmental people
- A city of around 1 million or more people
I may very well return to Austin. There was a reason I originally went there. However I want to explore a few other locations. One of those places is the LA/ San Diego area. I’ve always been drawn to SoCal and ended up going to Austin because it seemed similar in culture and vibe but was more affordable. I’ll also explore some of the other major southwest cities as well.
I also found a network of van life communities that were started by a VC and other van lifers. They have been going since 2019, have five communities along the west coast, and are expanding to several states in the next few years. What's cool is they do fractionalized ownership, where you can invest in future communities and earn a return, so its helping those van lifers earn equity like traditional home ownership. I plan on getting in touch with their team because they need people with skills like community building, content creation, and ones that most people don’t have, design and building skills. I just happen to be someone with all those. May be an opportunity for me to acquire land wherever I decide to lay roots. If nothing else, I’ll be a part of a network of land in multiple states that I can travel between.
Girls
As I mentioned before, I was not really worried about getting laid that much while I was here. I honestly needed a break. I went to one BDSM event here but did not get into the scene at all otherwise. Again I needed a break.
However, after a while my high libido started to become distractingly annoying. I went on one date from Feeld and it was terrible. Girl was a little pretentious and judgmental, it was big turn off, and our date got cut short anyways. I didn’t pursue further.
As observed from my last post, I wanted to start cold approaching again. However, its really less about getting laid from it and more about overcoming any anxiety/fear around it and gaining the last confidence & charisma points. While volume was really low at times, some days going out and getting 0 for my time spent, I say I made progress towards that goal. I got some numbers and was supposed to have a date, but the girl had to reschedule, then got cold feet, and I tried to push it and found out she wants more of a relationship and I was leaving in a few weeks.
Towards the end of this month I was getting extremely fucking horny (for those lamenting about a low libido, sometimes the opposite is a nuisance, too) so I download Tinder. To my surprise, it did very well matching with a good amount of attractive women, including a few “top picks” from time to time. Since its been a while and it’s helpful for those trying to build out their profile, here’s what I’m currently running. Obviously, I’m someone who beats the preselection horse all the time, but I think they help out a lot. Shout out to
@MILFandCookies for helping me get the photography one.
Now although I was accruing matches, it was damn near impossible to get these girls on a date. It was so hard to calibrate, too, because it was not like I was losing them all at one stage in the funnel. Every girl seemed to drop off at a different stage. All the way up to even having a couple girls scheduled for a date, and then them getting cold feet just like the cold approach girl and canceling the day before. Funny enough this not only happened on Tinder, but FetLife, too. I’ll elaborate more on what I observed about the girls in the Tips on Denver section.
Now while I didn’t WANT this to happen, and it was pretty fucking annoying, it may have been what I NEEDED. It gave me more time to reflect what I wanted out of dating and to make sure I was acting out of accordance with my goals and values.
Before we get into them, these are rules I’ve set for myself. Not for you. Freedom is not having no rules at all. Freedom is the ability to set your own rules for what you believe will be the best for your life. With that preamble, Here’s some reflections I had:
- If I say I want LTR’s as stated in my goals above, then I need to prioritize that as I’m dating. For me, that means screening for that potential from the beginning. I’ve always operated from the belief that how you start the relationship sets a frame for the rest of it.
- I will not sleep with a girl on the first date. I will at least sleep on it and wait till the next day. I’ve already proven to myself I can pull in as quick as 15min if I wanted, doesn’t mean I ought to. There’s been times I’ve even said in the date report that if this girl was not going home with me that night, I was not giving her a second date. I only found her intriguing enough and I was horny enough to sleep with her right then. But then after doing so, I already knew I did not want to see her long term. That’s not fair to either of us. I also know that I build deep emotional rapport with these girls, and even if they know and agree its casual, it still hurts them when I drop them for another girl in the harem. That’s not fair to them either. “But all is fair in love and war.” Yeah, I don’t operate that way. Seriously, what is one more day for me to wait and evaluate if this girl is actually worth me putting my dick into? Funny. I finally get what it means to turn the tables and have a girl qualify to get my dick. To be the prize.
- Within reason, I’ll avoid ONS. Yes I want to have sex, but these are so unfulfilling for me. This means as I move cities, I’m aiming to setup flings for my duration in that city at the beginning of that duration.
- For those girls I REALLY click with, I will make effort to stay in touch emotionally and revisit if warranted.
After having these reflections, I contacted my harem from Austin and just checked in on them. They all loved it and if felt good for me too. Still hopeful to fly Bumble Girl out to me when I’m in Seattle. We’ll see.
I also had a date lined up last week, but instead I canceled on her. I’m only here for another week and she’s a traveling nurse. We probably would have had sex twice, tops. Pretty much ONS zone. Wasn’t worth it, even though my libido is telling me to go fuck anything that has a vagina.
Short side note: My FetLife is reaching 300 friends and 300 followers (which are different people). That combined with having curated my images from boudoir shoots, preselection photos, and a couple shirtless ones, and having a novel of a bio, has made it pretty easy to slide in DMs. Furthermore, I’m still getting girls occasionally reaching out to me, even in the new cities were I have no circle yet. Its possible that when you search under a city, the people with high friends/followers/engagement are shown first and 300 in the FL world is def top 10%. Top 1% is like 30000, because it’s an exponential curve.
Adventures in Denver
While in Denver, I’ve done small experiences on the weekends and when I wasn’t working or day gaming. It’s been a lot of fun.
Here’s some things I have done:
- Went to Meow Wolf, the huge art/light installation. The artist has other installations in other cities.
- Went to the Denver Art Museum, not for the art per se, but rather because it was designed by Daniel Libeskind, a famous architect.
- Saw Amon Armoth & Cannibal Corpse at Red Rocks Amphitheatre and hiked around Red Rocks.
- Hiked the Garden of the Gods
- Hiked to the top of St. Mary’s Glacier
I also held my first professional networking event in the non profit space. It went well and had 7 people, which I find better than tons of people. The sweet spot is between 8-30. After that the connections are not as deep. Most my munch ever had at one time was around 25. The gender ratio for these are beautiful, I was the only guy there. I also get all their emails, so I can peruse their social media and find out their relationship status before they even come, allowing me to tailor my attention. Unfortunately, the three cute ones that came were all taken. Professionally, I made some good connections, too. I tried to hold a second, but signup was low that week. So I will continue to iterate in the new cities.
I had a coffee and strategize chat with one of the girls from the meetup later. She is also an education nonprofit founder. She is cute, but unfortunately was married. However, once you learn game, you get to decide when to turn it on or off. I decided even though we were not going to act on it, it would be fun to flirt anyways. We had a moment when chatting where we both stopped talking, I locked eyes with her, slowed my breath, and just held eye contact without showing any sign of discomfort. She blushed hard, smiled, and had to look away and start talking to break the silence. After that she was on the edge of her chair and leaned towards me the rest of the interaction. She’s going to email me some resources later and I’ll throw her my IG so she can “follow my adventures”. Never hurts to have admirers.
I also spent a few weekends hanging out with the ex wife. She did a couple of the adventures above with me and we also went and seen Dune 2. It was nice spending time with a girl I was not trying to fuck the whole time but had deep rapport with. The day we went hiking at the glacier, it was like old times, with me leading and having her help me with small tasks. There was a recent weekend I went over to pick up something I had delivered to her place and I just emotionally supported her and gave her some space to vent and then come up with a plan for a major life situation she was going through. It was also the last time I’d be seeing her while I was here in Denver. The sexual tension was palatable. But again, not fair to either of us, especially because I know I don’t want that kind of relationship with her. So I left her with a hug and we’d stay in touch, and if either needed anything, to let the other know.
Lastly, I just returned from seeing some family in Nebraska for the weekend. I visited one of my aunts on my mom’s side, my uncle, and cousins. It was actually really great. I’m not going to delve into my entire family history, but the short version is my dad’s side is largely dark triad traits and toxic, and my mom’s side has a lot of family, but its so broken from trauma, sexual abuse, and physical abuse. So my mom kept us away from all that and because I was an only child with a single mom, I pretty much grew up a lone wolf. I’ve never really valued family; however, this particular aunt is the one family member who made an effort, doesnt judge, supports, and overall is good human being despite her own childhood trauma. She’s definitely of the what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger variety like myself. So I’ve stayed in touch.
It was great to visit and experience the small town culture. Her husband is just a stand up guy; he gave his baseball glove to some dad who did not have one when we were at the softball tournament, and went and helped a neighbor change a tire who broke down a few miles from the house right while we were in the middle of cooking dinner. They live on a feed lot and farm that he manages. Though they are not hardcore traditional by any means, you can still feel the values of that life, such as a focus on family and respect for roles. And there was just a whole lot of love and happiness in that family. It was wonderful to be able to say I adamantly don’t want that, but I can appreciate and admire its beauty.
It also gave me some reflections on my childhood, and things that have developed through nature or nurture. Something interesting, I think part of my dominant and masculine personality may have come from interactions with the mexican and peruvian family on my mom’s side. I can’t speak for latin culture outside of the US because I’m unfamiliar, but at least for those in America, respect is huge. Specifically, respect for men for being men and what they provide to their families. By no surprise, respect is huge for me too. So much so, to feel loved, I need to feel respected too. I will do a lot to earn respect, because its not something you can demand. I also don’t tolerate being disrespected. Dominance has a lot to do with respect and being worthy of that respect. I think I shunned that side of myself for a long time though because I also saw these men being macho - demanding respect when they had not earned it and instead cause multiple children and family members real, severe trauma. My mom and her sisters were abused, and her brother committed suicide. I had so many bad examples of masculinity, no wonder it took me so long to decipher this shit for myself.
After I left, my aunt texted me thanking me coming to visit, that the whole family admires and finds me to be an inspiration, and that it helped here heal some mental wounds regarding family.
Tips on Denver
This is not going to be a robust guide as I didn’t go hard here in Denver in terms of dating, rather, it will be a few tips and observations in case you want to.
The Kink Scene
From what I could tell from FetLife and only attending one event, so take it with a grain of salt, is that the community here is even more gatekept and clicky than Austin was. While that may seem bad, it actually makes it ripe for running the same playbook I did for Austin. If I were staying here for a year, I would absolutely do so.
It looks like there are three major groups and a couple kink clubs/spaces that are the equivalent of country club with really high admission prices.There is also a social circle here that holds exclusive parties. That social circle includes a top 1% FetLife profile of this really hot, 6 ft amazonian, heavily tatted, bi, alt girl. I was talking with her when I was in ATX to setup doing photos but then just failed to follow-up and got distracted with other stuff. Rookie mistake on my part because the other girls in that girls in that social circle, who she fucks at these events, were hot too. Lesson learned, on to a new town.
If you’re into hotwifes, couples, being a bull, the city is ripe for you. It’s a large portion of what you’ll find on Feeld.
Archetype
Despite doing well in terms of matches and engagement on Tinder, I don’t think the variation of my archetype jives well here. I say that because many girls were hesitant to give out their phone number, hesitant to meet up for a date, and for the kink girls, hesitant to give their real names. I ALWAYS got their real name. I’ve never had resistance to that, even before I was really known. It was also the first time I’ve had a girl ask why my profile was not verified on Tinder. I had a few girls on both FetLife and Tinder OPEN ME, be pretty direct with me, and then the minute I go to set the date, their feet turn to fucking ice cubes. I had another girl that I set the time and the place, then she asked if we could go to some other bar which looked like crap, and I told her I’d rather the one I chose. Then poof, nothing. The resistance of these girls was wild. Of course I got the “I’ve had bad experiences in the past” comment a few times and all I could think is what the hell are these Denver boys doing to these girls.
So either my game sucked, my archetype was not trustworthy enough for this city, or just wasn’t a great match. I don’t know. Honestly, I didn’t care enough to decipher. If I was staying here long term I would adapt and be fine.
What I will say is if you are really into mountain biking, hiking, and rock climbing, an outdoorsy, professional, and just have a little bit of edge to you (but not toooooo much) you’d probably slay here. You must be in shape though, like really good shape. A good majority of the women here are athletic, slim, and petite because of the previously mentioned activities. A good majority are middle class or upper middle class. Personality wise, people don’t seem to be as open or friendly as compared to Austin. Certainly not as diverse in culture.
Daygame
I only DG in Denver and not any of the surrounding cities like Boulder.
The quality spots I found were:
- The RiNo district near The Denver Central Market: Best to go Fri, Sat, or Sun afternoon. It has decent foot traffic and easy to instadate them because of all the bars, coffeeshops, and little restaurants or food trucks there.
- The Cherry Creek Mall: I did the best here. It has a lot of high end stores like Louis Vutton but also middle class ones like Urban Outfitters. I dressed up a little with black button down and gold jewelry when I went here. Any day works in the evening.
- The downtown university campuses: There are several colleges and universities that share the same campus downtown. Full of college girls during the day. I didn’t game here much as I’m still calibrating my appearance and best way to walk around on campus, because my look is a little hard for a college campus.
- Downtown along and near 16th street mall: You’re going to walk a lot to get enough volume, but there are sets throughout the streets around here. Mostly professionals, so be prepared to be blown out. However I had some real quality conversations and interactions here, too. But I also do just fine with mature, professional women on the apps, so your mileage may vary.
What’s Next?
The end of this week I leave for Spokane, the old city I grew up in. On the agenda:
- Visiting my mom, closing open loops
- Visiting my dad, closing open loops
- Attending a wedding of one of the men in my men’s group
- Visiting couple guys in my men’s group, deepening our connection
- Visiting old friends, closing open loops
- Probably setting up vasectomy for when I visit Seattle
- Practicing Shibari. I started learning in my free time here in Denver. My brain is picking it up quickly. I’ve never really been drawn to doing shibari, but after having started learning, I think I’m going to enjoy it just for mastering a skill. Plus, as both Zug and I have mentioned, riggers punch waaaaay above their weightclass in SMV. So if I combine that with being a leader in the community and photography, I think it will slide me right into the top. I also think it will be a great way to escalate at events, because of the inherent touching in the activity.
- Getting back into the scene. I had enough break. I’ve already contacted a hot girl in the scene there who is pretty active. She’s giving me the rundown on all the groups, events, people to know. She’s into the heavy edge play stuff, so we are not going to match up kink wise, but great to already have an in with a hot and respected girl there.
- Running my munch. I skipped mentioning earlier that my munch in Austin has been flourishing and is still going. Plan on setting one up in Spokane and Seattle while I’m there and basically creating a network.
- Running the professional meetup. Going to give this one a go again and continue to iron out the logistics for making it successful.
- Try and setup some shoots. I’ve reflected on where I want my style to go for the photography. As said before, I don’t care to make porn. I matched with sex worker here in Denver and she wanted to pay me to get some photos done. She didn’t want to budget for the price I pitched so it didn’t happen. However, I discovered the style I want to start doing, which is high end, elegant nudes. Also, I’m going to make it clear on my profile that the only way you can work with me is through collabs, not paid. That means I get to be picky, it’s more exclusive, and with time, it will hold more weight in terms of status. Already in works of setting up a shoot with a girl in Spokane.
- Have 2 dates setup for when I get there. Will setup up more.
- I think Spokane is going to be way to low volume for day gaming and I may have to put that on hold till Seattle. However, there are events and stuff happening all the time, so I won’t make that an excuse not to do it. I’ll get it in while I can.
- Doing some exploring of WA in areas I never went to growing up and adding to my van adventures.
Until the next chapter, my friends.
) on family.
