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Can You Get Erections Without Direct Contact? (Eg, from Kissing)

ImChuckBass

Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Hey everyone,

Slightly hesitant to make this post, but I really do feel you will all be honest about your experiences.

Do you often need direct contact (hand stimulation or blowjob) to get an erection?

Or can you get an erection from making out/kissing only?


I know there's no right or wrong, but I'm in the process of trying to better understand my own body.

A couple of times last year, I was really happy that I managed to get semi-erect when making out with girls.

Lately, I've regressed, and when I'm with a beautiful woman and she's completely naked, there's no blood flow or 'signal' being sent downstairs.

I'm sure it's part performance anxiety, but I'm also convinced it's physiological sometimes.

I got my testosterone levels checked, and my free testosterone is in the average - high range so no problems there.

Thanks everyone.



 
In my experience, no. I can get a boner just from making out and touching her.

I think you're probably just dealing with performance anxiety. It's easy for anxiety to inhibit you from enjoying yourself. It's difficult to get turned on if you're anxious
 
ill second that and say its an anxiety issue. Once these things get into your head it can really paralyse your ability to be in the moment. Highly unlikely it is any other reason.

For me i get rock hard erections from making out with girls especially if its a new one for the first time, definitely don't need anything more to be turned on.

Supplementing with zinc, maca and working out consistently definitely helped with the quality of my erections and overall horniness aswell.
 
For me it depends on:

- How well I've slept the night before / recently.
- The girl, and how much she turns me on.
- How good the connection is between us. A better connection usually = harder cock.

Some girls my body just does not respond to. I dated a hot blonde last year and her personality really put me off and I just couldn't get hard with her even though she had an objectively great body and face.
 
Renton said:
- How good the connection is between us. A better connection usually = harder cock.

This is super underrated and somehow never talked about. For me, and I suppose, for a lot of guys, having an emotional connection IS important for having an erection.

I don't know you, but I think that in 95% of cases the problem is psychological/emotional, not phisiological.
 
I can get fully hard from just making out (or thinking about fucking a girl). It takes more than a few seconds though, maybe a minute.

The Reddit poster had good advice though. Just find what works for you and do that. In my case, sometimes I can lose an erection if I'm focusing too long on touching her body / fingering her / eating her pussy. The thing that works for me is testicle stimulation. I get the girl to fondle my balls for a bit - gets me hard again in no time. But for you, it might be a blowjob, dirty talk, whispering in your ear, feeling her titties, etc. Experiment with things.

If you have trouble getting / maintaining an erection at all though, I would definitely look into Viagra and/or supplementation.
 
Sisyphus said:
Renton said:
- How good the connection is between us. A better connection usually = harder cock.

This is super underrated and somehow never talked about. For me, and I suppose, for a lot of guys, having an emotional connection IS important for having an erection.

I don't know you, but I think that in 95% of cases the problem is psychological/emotional, not phisiological.

I don't have a problem with it. You must be referring to the OP in your second sentence.

But yes it's nearly always psychological. Unless you have a condition / disease then for the vast majority of men the issue is mental (though it can run deep).
 
Renton said:
Sisyphus said:
This is super underrated and somehow never talked about. For me, and I suppose, for a lot of guys, having an emotional connection IS important for having an erection.

I don't know you, but I think that in 95% of cases the problem is psychological/emotional, not phisiological.

I don't have a problem with it. You must be referring to the OP in your second sentence.

But yes it's nearly always psychological. Unless you have a condition / disease then for the vast majority of men the issue is mental (though it can run deep).

Yes, I was refering to OP
 
ImChuckBass said:
Hey everyone,

Slightly hesitant to make this post, but I really do feel you will all be honest about your experiences.

Do you often need direct contact (hand stimulation or blowjob) to get an erection?

Or can you get an erection from making out/kissing only?


I know there's no right or wrong, but I'm in the process of trying to better understand my own body.

A couple of times last year, I was really happy that I managed to get semi-erect when making out with girls.

Lately, I've regressed, and when I'm with a beautiful woman and she's completely naked, there's no blood flow or 'signal' being sent downstairs.

I'm sure it's part performance anxiety, but I'm also convinced it's physiological sometimes.

I got my testosterone levels checked, and my free testosterone is in the average - high range so no problems there.

Thanks everyone.



Screen Shot 2023-03-10 at 12.16.11 pm.png

Usually I can get hard from making out by itself. Just having that closeness with a girl is a HUGE turn on for me. It helps a lot if I haven’t masturbated for around 4 days minimum. The longer the better, but it seems to plateau after a couple weeks. I don’t seem to get any more turned on after that vs a month.

Sometimes if I’m tired or stressed I may have issues? Are you getting enough sleep each night and managing any stress ok?
 
So there's a great resource called mojo if you want to find some exercises and content to help.

For me it gets easier the longer I've been seeing the girl. There really is a connection aspect to it that can be the difference between hard before we are even naked to not feeling it at all.

For one thing, you need to get out of an anxious frame to enjoy sex. So much of it is mental game. You need to relax into who you really are. A trap that some users fall into is pretending they are someone they are not. This can make you nervous and make the situation too tense because you're worried you will break character because you can't get it up.

When I started with this, I had tight pelvic floor muscles that made it harder for me to get an errection. Mojo gave me some stretches and breathing exercises which helped with this dramatically. I also was just honest with girls. I told them we were going to have a great fucking time regardless, but my engine doesn't always start, it's not because I don't want to fuck them. Most of them were really understanding, or took it as a challange to earn my D. It made things easier because I felt accepted either way.

While the lessons you will learn from here and the RP community is to fake it until you make it, you really need to become the person you're pretending to be. If you want to be that guy that has casual sex and a rotation of 3 girls every week, you need to accept the sexual side of you and operate on the basis that you actually want this and are not just chasing this to impress strangers on the Internet. It's a tough place, but you can beat this. You have to own it and truly accept rejection in order to start feeling comfortable for casual sex.
 
ImChuckBass said:
Hey everyone,

Slightly hesitant to make this post, but I really do feel you will all be honest about your experiences.

Do you often need direct contact (hand stimulation or blowjob) to get an erection?

Or can you get an erection from making out/kissing only?


I know there's no right or wrong, but I'm in the process of trying to better understand my own body.

A couple of times last year, I was really happy that I managed to get semi-erect when making out with girls.

Lately, I've regressed, and when I'm with a beautiful woman and she's completely naked, there's no blood flow or 'signal' being sent downstairs.

I'm sure it's part performance anxiety, but I'm also convinced it's physiological sometimes.

I got my testosterone levels checked, and my free testosterone is in the average - high range so no problems there.

Thanks everyone.



Screen Shot 2023-03-10 at 12.16.11 pm.png
Yeah that's definitely performance anxiety. I've got it too. When I make out with a girl without having to stress about getting hard, I can get hard from just kissing. But when I need to get hard because she wants to have sex in 5 minutes, all of a sudden my dick doesn't stand. You can't be stressed and horny, and being horny gets you hard.
 
I was actually having some problems with ED - not severe, but I often lose my erection while I'm putting a condom on, or after I've been fucking for 10+ minutes. I managed to get some Cialis from my doctor.

This shit really works, fellas. I didn't get soft AT ALL fucking a girl for 30+ mins straight. And the erection comes on so quick - like think about sex and 10 seconds later, boiyoingggg. Only side effects were a bit of gas and a minor headache - easily fixed with OTC painkillers.

So, I fully recommend Cialis. I guess I don't *need* it but it helps with my "performance". It would be nice to fix my ED without drugs though.
 
For any dudes who want to try ED drugs, I would recommend experimenting with the dose. Derek from More Plates More Dates (and Tim Ferriss) talk about this concept of the "minimum effective dose", which I think is hugely important for any substance you take. The MED is the smallest dose which generates the desired outcome. Above the MED, there are diminishing returns - you may get a *slightly* better outcome but you'll get an even greater increase in unwanted side effects. More is not always better.

E.g. for Cialis, your doctor will probably give you 10mg pills. You probably do NOT need that much. Even old grandpa whose dick don't work probably doesn't need that much - let alone a young healthy guy. I started on a full pill (10mg), and it worked great, but I'd always get awful headaches afterwards. I tried half a pill, and am now taking a 1/4 pill (2.5mg) on demand. I still get minor headaches, so I might even try 1/6 or 1/8.
 
i'm on like 25+ days of nofap and cold showers and approaching girls everyday and i can't stop getting boners
 
Sparkles said:
E.g. for Cialis, your doctor will probably give you 10mg pills. You probably do NOT need that much. Even old grandpa whose dick don't work probably doesn't need that much - let alone a young healthy guy.

Need to be careful with blanket statements like this. ED issues are insanely complicated due to how many factors at play in this system. I can take 20mg and it only has minimal impact. Some people solve everything by quitting porn, for others it does nothing or makes things worse. I found amazing results from PT141, but there is a swathe of people it does absolutely nothing for. There are no blanket solutions that work for everybody. Try everything, play around with dosing, take notes about what you felt. No one is going to give you the perfect answer for you. Take ownership of the issue, keep experimenting until you find a solution that works for you. Once you find it, realize your solution is almost definitely not someone else's solution.

ziva said:
Yeah that's definitely performance anxiety

It's not "definitely" anything. It *might* be PA, it *might* be generic lack of arousal as a result of never sexualizing these situations before, it *may* be life stress, there could be other psychogenic causes. Some people need combinations of smells, sounds, music, or lighting to create the correct mood. I know I'm harping on this, but the blanket statements in regards to ED are very harmful. There's so many people that try 1 or 2 things, don't get results, then just give up. It may require MANY changes to solve the problem.


My journey was something like this:

1. "Just get cialis" - slightly helpful, but not even close to solving the problem.
2. "Use a cock ring" - ditto. slightly helpful, not even close to solving the problem.
3. "Just no-fap / no-porn" - Moderately helpful. Definitely a requirement in terms of getting to a solution, but didn't solve the problem.
4. "Use these this supplement" - no effect
X. "Despair" - nothing works, there is no solution, be bitter and resentful
Y. "Grow a pair" - Who cares if there is a full solution or not. I've found some things that have made slight improvements, let's take ownership of this problem, try everything possible, the worst case scenario is that it results in only minor improvement.
5. "Therapy" - literally zero help, if anything it made it worse
6. "Creating a ritual" - This involved using specific light colors and dimming, playlists, and process to get into the zone. Actually pretty good at reducing PA, but still didn't solve the issue.
7. "Mindfulness/being in the moment" - Preventing myself from being "in my thoughts", focusing on the moment. Useful, helps with PA, but it takes a lot of consistent practice to maintain this state for long period of time. Definitely improved the experience, but wasn't a solution.
8. "Start using every possible fucking supplement" - I tried fucking everything here. Minor help only, weirdly makes me both very horny but without helping me get aroused in anyway.
9. "Physical training/practice" - Start using a fleshlight regularly and never my hand for any sort of physical stimulation. I wasn't masturbating to completion, just getting used to a specific physical sensation as being adequate that wasn't my hand. Minor help.
10. "Psychological/sexual fantasy practice". - Practicing/imagining realistic sexual fantasy (stuff you could pull off on a first date pull) and replaying them over and over in enough detail to where I could get hard. Minor help, but helped me discover #12..
11. "Trying weird/extreme drugs" - Tried PT141 and Caverject. Both work. Caverject is just insanely expensive and requires injecting it directly into your dick. Hard to do it quickly enough in the bathroom that it doesn't become obvious, not pleasant at all. Does work. PT141, moderate cost, some real side effects, needs to be used well in advance. Singularly capable of keeping me constantly aroused + hard, and even makes sex feel better. This was almost a solution in and of itself, but couldn't be used consistently. It was singularly responsible for me being able to actually just enjoy sex and stay hard while moving around or through breaks in the rhythm. Tried weed, makes sex feel better, but makes me nearly incapable of vocalizing, initiating, or being aggressive. Overall made things worse.
12. "Dirty talk / practice" - Found that dirty talk is really capable of getting me and my partner incredibly aroused. However, I was so fucking bad at verbalizing and it was one of the most unnatural, unintuitive, and uncomfortable processes to get better at. Takes A LOT of work to not only get good at it, takes even more work to get comfortable doing it, and takes even more to develop a sufficient repertoire that you can improv/freestyle naturally. Major help. Solved most "pre-game" issues, and is just really hot overall for both people. Probably the best / rarest bedroom skill for anyone to have at a high level too.
13. "Pure physical experimentation". - Trying everything I can think of in terms of positions, thrusting technique, hip movement, etc. With the goal of finding things that actually felt good for me. Useful, helped find a couple tricks/moves that keep me going. Still had issues though. This in combination with an epiphany during a blowjob and comment from my partner made me realize there really is only a handful of spots on my dick that actually produce much of a positive effect.
14. "Physical experimentation part 2". - Still doing this now, but basically repeating the previous tests and focusing on ways to stimulate that part of my dick in particular. Realization that this was the "missing piece" the entire time and why I couldn't stay hard. Further realization that all the previous steps were both necessary to get to this understanding and were pre-requisite requirements that were going to need to be implemented anyway.
15. "Passion/lust/aggressiveness training - Just started working on this. Had realization I'm missing something here that's critical. Reading reports of other people's burning lust/need to fuck and complete inability to understand that experientially. Still in early experimentation, but focusing on trying to tap into animalistic needs, impulses, removing as much of the intellectual component and thinking as possible. There's really something here, but I haven't been able to get to the bottom of it.
 
Tips for no contact:
Feel as if you have all the time you want. Expecting to get hard quick just causes anxiety.
Get her to face you with her legs spread and play with herself.
Imagining your favorite positions with her.

Do you often need direct contact (hand stimulation or blowjob) to get an erection?
It helps, depends if I want it at the time.
Or can you get an erection from making out/kissing only?
I have. It helps.

Really it's better to talk with your partner about what turns you on. It seems as if you think you need to get hard without physical stimulation. What if flogging her or giving her a massage turns you on? Everyone is different, you tell your partner what you want and figure out what they like as well.
 
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