Cold Approach Log: Journey to Abundance

Despair can drive you.

Let the pain engulf you and let it drive you like a thermonuclear reactor, we can work like fucking demons because many men have never visited hell and are soft cunts because of it.

Outwork them all, outlast them all, break down as many times as your body and mind need to, even if you break into a million pieces and there is nothing left, find a way to put yourself back together and run on fumes if needed. This is between you and God, everything else will fade into emptiness. You need to know in your heart you gave EVERYTHING.

What if the most fucked up guys here could become something?

That thought alone can drive you.

You are not alone brother, if there was anything I could do to help men who have known the dark side I would move heaven and earth.

Please listen to the advice given here, these guys know, please listen to them

mAC
 
Rags2Bitches said:
AmericanAndy said:
So far the matches either don't talk or they're a fake profile that asks you sign up for their onlyfans. Really frustrating and annoying as hell. I'm going to get back to doing cold aproaches. Tinder is an awful experience so far.
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Ok come on this is way too soon to think about giving up...you saw an improvement in matches from the actions you took earlier but it was just the first step.

You’ve done one (1) photoshoot. You haven’t changed your style. You have no photos with a different facial expression, any hobbies, or a single other animal or human.

Is your tinder the same one you have linked earlier in this thread?

If so, may I ask why you haven’t used the photos I took the time out of my non-depressing day to edit? And why you aren’t using only those 4 in the order I suggested so your clothes aren’t repeating which clearly indicates all your photos are from one photoshoot?

Also why is your age shown as 34?most girls on tinder in North America are 18-25...some older ppl on the app too, sure, but you’re much better off using bumble and hinge as your real age and changing your tinder to 25-27 and hiding the age (can put the real one in bio if you want as Andy’s tinder guide suggests).

I hope I’m wrong about the above or you aren’t taking yourself nearly as seriously as you need to be
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I'm using the newer photos and boost (used boost many times). Also figured out a lot of the fake profiles put their snapchat username on their profile. The amount of time spent swiping and on a computer just isn't worth it both mentally and psychologically. Better to see real people instead of sit inside isolated from human interaction.
 
Ok we can’t argue over the basics. Idk if you’re just not noticing it or there’s some bigger comprehension issue...you’re using the newer pics but not my edits.

You can clearly see that the edits I sent you for all 4 pics have a slightly different facial expression, crop and color scheme than the photos you’re using.

That’s a minor point though. You see other guys on this forum have success with online dating. Why can’t it be you? What’s different about you that makes all these other guys go on dates and hook up with girls? Are you much uglier than ALL of them?? What do you think it is
 
Rags2Bitches truly truly appreciate you helping all the guys with their OLD, it makes me fucking happy to see.

AmericanAndy, you need to listen to him.

MAC
 
Rags2Bitches said:
Ok we can’t argue over the basics. Idk if you’re just not noticing it or there’s some bigger comprehension issue...you’re using the newer pics but not my edits.

You can clearly see that the edits I sent you for all 4 pics have a slightly different facial expression, crop and color scheme than the photos you’re using.

That’s a minor point though. You see other guys on this forum have success with online dating. Why can’t it be you? What’s different about you that makes all these other guys go on dates and hook up with girls? Are you much uglier than ALL of them?? What do you think it is
Click to expand...

ok fixed it. I'm going to go over the tinder template see if I'm missing anything. Hmm in the past I've tried using tinder in countries outside of USA and could get a date everyday. I once went on a vacation to South America and had dates on the same day. But within USA I don't understand why it's so difficult.
 
So for an update. I've had matches but they flake. Haven't seen anyone I'm attracted to when I use boost, they're mostly very overweight women. I think I could either look for women in cities much farther away or try to date in another country or big popular city for better odds.
 
I figured out what was going on with tinder and it's something else. When I switched phone carriers and updated all the network settings, I was getting matches alot more often. I've noticed having undelivered messages before. So change your phone carrier to more modern high-speed service instead of the cheap providers. Thought this might help someone.
 
Aiming to do cold approaches and working on an elite body now. I can't stand the amount of effort I put in with no reward on dating apps. They work better in another country but not here in the USA. The amount of time I spent swiping I could get better at talking to people with cold approaches. There's not enough incentive for me to be sitting around on a computer.

Went to cold approach at the library, mall, and gym. Were only two women at the library. At the mall approached about 3. Then at the night club around 5, I wasn't counting then. Didn't get anything. Just a boring night. To me it feels like a job doing this, wish there was a more fun way to do things. Most of the time just hear they have a boyfriend, they're married, or not interested.
 
Hey man, as someone who has a crap Tinder profile and no success there and very demotivated about that, maybe I can share some perspective that keeps me going. I've been cold approaching since November 2020 and I've got laid once for context.

I'm pretty sure this is something Andy has said before, but sure maybe you'll have to work 10-100x harder than other guys. Maybe you'll have to grind for hours on the streets and 99.99% of girls will reject you for <insert reason you think is the problem>. What does that make a difference? It takes one girl to get laid. If you approach 1000 girls before getting laid, would it not be worth it? If you had to approach 1000 more to get laid again, wouldn't it be worth it? Your bio says your goal is to get a relationship, it seriously only takes only 1 girl for that.

Lets say it took you 15 lays to find the perfect girl, so 15 x 1000 = 15000 approaches to do it, wouldn't the perfect girl for the rest of your life make it all worth it?

Remember, if you count the number of girls in the AA program on GoodLookingLoser, that is well into 1000 I believe. That's all before you even start approaching with the intention of getting numbers/etc.

Maybe 1000 girls for a lay/completeing AA seems like a lot. It is. Its hard. As Andy says, its hell. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it fucking sucks and some days you're going to fucking hate yourself. You might think your an ugly piece of shit. Think your pathetic for walking around like a loser without friends. You'll be jealous of the guys who succeed on Tinder or whatever (hey I know I still am!). You'll hate yourself that the only girls you can approach are the ugly ones and you really want the hot ones. The weather will suck, you're feet will hurt, there will be no girls and you'll just want to go home. You'll feel desperate, you'll hate your parents for making you look like a loser who can't get matches on tinder, etc. You'll want to do more productive things like make money/work/jerk-off/playgames/etc and ask yourself wtf you are doing with your life. You won't be able to mumur the words "hey your cute" and it'll feel crippling, like the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. You'll get a lot of thoughts like this; or you might not. I'm just saying what happened to me.

But what do you get on the other end of it?

You get agency in your dating life. You get CHOICE.

Think about it, YOU have the choice to approach any girl YOU find attractive. YOU can make it happen, YOU can start it. YOU can CHOOSE to be judged on MORE than your pictures/looks/whatever by building that connection IN PERSON. YOU can choose to invite her on a date, choose to get her into your bed, and choose to make her your girlfriend. No girl has that power. Girls don't ever (realistically anyway) go up to guys and hit on them; if they find someone attractive they can't do anything besides sit there and HOPE he comes and talks to her. Nothing happens, no matter how the girl feels. But you get the power of the spark. Sorry for the retarded analogy but the girl is the gas, but you are the spark. Can't make fire without both. You just need to spark the right person at the right time.

Look I'm not a fucking pro here. I got laid once from cold approach and I've spent probably thousands of hours on this in one way or another. I completed AA program (1000 girls or whatever) and then approached another 1000 before getting laid. I started WAY below average in my mental game and stuff and I've had a ton of shit to work on to even get to where I'm at. I'm too cheap/poor to pay for coaching from Andy or use Tinder boosts. And I'm not even close to where I want to be. But getting laid once from cold approach made it all worth it. Trust me.

As a bonus, you wouldn't believe the number of girls that have told me that this never happens to them. I was on a date today with a girl that was like "yeah the last time I was approached in broad daylight was in 2013" and she's smoking hot (to me anyway). Girl I got laid with told me she's never been approached in broad daylight in my city (shes been here for years). I made an older married lady's day today, she told me as such anyway. One girl told me to keep going and keep it up, even if she wasn't interested. And look, I did all these approaches (maybe 5-10 today) while just going about my regular day doing normal stuff. YOU MIGHT BE SHIT AT TINDER, BUT YOU WILL BE EXCEPTIONAL TO THESE GIRLS IF YOU CAN DO THIS. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE EXCEPTIONAL.

And to be honest, you'll likely get an exceptional girl out of this too. Sexually/emotionally open minded, confident, etc. This might just be speculation though, I can't speak for the apps.

If makes you feel better, cold approach is tough and its just a numbers game a-la-max. I approached 50 girls in 4 hours this weekend as a challenge, I got 4 numbers out of it and 1 date of a girl that didn't want to kiss me/go home with me. RogerRoger did 124 girls in 10-ish hours and I think had similar, if not worse results than me (I don't remember specifically, I could be wrong, but I remember the podcast with Andy was something to that effect).

Remember dude, GLL said this best somewhere on his site, but people aren't having as much sex as you think they are. Maybe some very few sure, but most aren't. Most dudes get no matches on tinder and can't do anything about it. You can be better than them.

Lastly, I want to leave with just a bit more about what you get from cold approach besides just dating. I've become a better person overall in a lot of little ways. I have a sense of self confidence I never had before. Talking to girls or any stranger isn't that stressful anymore. I see the positives in life because I spent so much of it complimenting other people and making people happy. I don't get feelings of loneliness anymore since I can just strike up conversations with strangers at will. Speaking out at work isn't a problem anymore. My ability to communicate my thoughts clearly and without shame is a million times better since I've had to use my words to express my thoughts this whole time (hey your cute, hey are you single, hey I want your number, hey I want to kiss you/hold your hand/take you home).

I hope this is helpful, I poured my heart and soul into this one. I see you're still coming back to this site, so it proves you want this. Don't give up, it might take years, but its worth it.
 
chocolate said:
Hey man, as someone who has a crap Tinder profile and no success there and very demotivated about that, maybe I can share some perspective that keeps me going. I've been cold approaching since November 2020 and I've got laid once for context.

I'm pretty sure this is something Andy has said before, but sure maybe you'll have to work 10-100x harder than other guys. Maybe you'll have to grind for hours on the streets and 99.99% of girls will reject you for <insert reason you think is the problem>. What does that make a difference? It takes one girl to get laid. If you approach 1000 girls before getting laid, would it not be worth it? If you had to approach 1000 more to get laid again, wouldn't it be worth it? Your bio says your goal is to get a relationship, it seriously only takes only 1 girl for that.

Lets say it took you 15 lays to find the perfect girl, so 15 x 1000 = 15000 approaches to do it, wouldn't the perfect girl for the rest of your life make it all worth it?

Remember, if you count the number of girls in the AA program on GoodLookingLoser, that is well into 1000 I believe. That's all before you even start approaching with the intention of getting numbers/etc.

Maybe 1000 girls for a lay/completeing AA seems like a lot. It is. Its hard. As Andy says, its hell. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it fucking sucks and some days you're going to fucking hate yourself. You might think your an ugly piece of shit. Think your pathetic for walking around like a loser without friends. You'll be jealous of the guys who succeed on Tinder or whatever (hey I know I still am!). You'll hate yourself that the only girls you can approach are the ugly ones and you really want the hot ones. The weather will suck, you're feet will hurt, there will be no girls and you'll just want to go home. You'll feel desperate, you'll hate your parents for making you look like a loser who can't get matches on tinder, etc. You'll want to do more productive things like make money/work/jerk-off/playgames/etc and ask yourself wtf you are doing with your life. You won't be able to mumur the words "hey your cute" and it'll feel crippling, like the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. You'll get a lot of thoughts like this; or you might not. I'm just saying what happened to me.

But what do you get on the other end of it?

You get agency in your dating life. You get CHOICE.

Think about it, YOU have the choice to approach any girl YOU find attractive. YOU can make it happen, YOU can start it. YOU can CHOOSE to be judged on MORE than your pictures/looks/whatever by building that connection IN PERSON. YOU can choose to invite her on a date, choose to get her into your bed, and choose to make her your girlfriend. No girl has that power. Girls don't ever (realistically anyway) go up to guys and hit on them; if they find someone attractive they can't do anything besides sit there and HOPE he comes and talks to her. Nothing happens, no matter how the girl feels. But you get the power of the spark. Sorry for the retarded analogy but the girl is the gas, but you are the spark. Can't make fire without both. You just need to spark the right person at the right time.

Look I'm not a fucking pro here. I got laid once from cold approach and I've spent probably thousands of hours on this in one way or another. I completed AA program (1000 girls or whatever) and then approached another 1000 before getting laid. I started WAY below average in my mental game and stuff and I've had a ton of shit to work on to even get to where I'm at. I'm too cheap/poor to pay for coaching from Andy or use Tinder boosts. And I'm not even close to where I want to be. But getting laid once from cold approach made it all worth it. Trust me.

As a bonus, you wouldn't believe the number of girls that have told me that this never happens to them. I was on a date today with a girl that was like "yeah the last time I was approached in broad daylight was in 2013" and she's smoking hot (to me anyway). Girl I got laid with told me she's never been approached in broad daylight in my city (shes been here for years). I made an older married lady's day today, she told me as such anyway. One girl told me to keep going and keep it up, even if she wasn't interested. And look, I did all these approaches (maybe 5-10 today) while just going about my regular day doing normal stuff. YOU MIGHT BE SHIT AT TINDER, BUT YOU WILL BE EXCEPTIONAL TO THESE GIRLS IF YOU CAN DO THIS. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE EXCEPTIONAL.

And to be honest, you'll likely get an exceptional girl out of this too. Sexually/emotionally open minded, confident, etc. This might just be speculation though, I can't speak for the apps.

If makes you feel better, cold approach is tough and its just a numbers game a-la-max. I approached 50 girls in 4 hours this weekend as a challenge, I got 4 numbers out of it and 1 date of a girl that didn't want to kiss me/go home with me. RogerRoger did 124 girls in 10-ish hours and I think had similar, if not worse results than me (I don't remember specifically, I could be wrong, but I remember the podcast with Andy was something to that effect).

Remember dude, GLL said this best somewhere on his site, but people aren't having as much sex as you think they are. Maybe some very few sure, but most aren't. Most dudes get no matches on tinder and can't do anything about it. You can be better than them.

Lastly, I want to leave with just a bit more about what you get from cold approach besides just dating. I've become a better person overall in a lot of little ways. I have a sense of self confidence I never had before. Talking to girls or any stranger isn't that stressful anymore. I see the positives in life because I spent so much of it complimenting other people and making people happy. I don't get feelings of loneliness anymore since I can just strike up conversations with strangers at will. Speaking out at work isn't a problem anymore. My ability to communicate my thoughts clearly and without shame is a million times better since I've had to use my words to express my thoughts this whole time (hey your cute, hey are you single, hey I want your number, hey I want to kiss you/hold your hand/take you home).

I hope this is helpful, I poured my heart and soul into this one. I see you're still coming back to this site, so it proves you want this. Don't give up, it might take years, but its worth it.
Click to expand...

GLL had a video sort of about "You care more than the average person." Most people don't think or care as much as we do in getting those results.

I agree it doesn't feel as stressful anymore. A lot less anxiety.

In cold approaching you at least get a guarantee of being able to talk to someone real. Online you don't know who it is. Many online matches have been scammers, cam-ers, onlyfans ads, snapchat ads, and a few tried to blackmail me for sexting. After a year's worth of swiping I only got one date on bumble and one date through fetlife. I used hinge, tinder, bumble, fetlife. When I tried tinder in South America I could get a date every night. Depending where you are in the world online-apps may or may not help you.

It's so much better for your own mental health to just approach women or even talk to random strangers and maybe even make a friend. I was walking around town and several strangers at the bar would walk up and fistbump or compliment on my cologne. Many times the women will say thanks for calling them cute. It's just a probability game and I've been going through a dry season. When I was in Arizona a few years ago I took home women from the club several times. I need to simply keep going and get used to a new routine.
 
AmericanAndy Keep going with cold approach. Whilst I'm using Tinder as well, I do agree that cold approach feels more human and I also definitely prefer it.

When you cold approach, have you got a plan in mind or are you just spamming whichever girl you see? Are you trying to get physical.. kiss them etc or just talking?
 
SpicyBoi said:
@AmericanAndy Keep going with cold approach. Whilst I'm using Tinder as well, I do agree that cold approach feels more human and I also definitely prefer it.

When you cold approach, have you got a plan in mind or are you just spamming whichever girl you see? Are you trying to get physical.. kiss them etc or just talking?
Click to expand...

I approach any woman I'm attracted to. I use the Good Looking Loser screening guide here.
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/screening/basic-screening-dialogue
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/screening
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8kzmaYUSsI

After I find out they are free or available I try to get physical to see if they are interested. If you don't get physical they may think of you as just trying to be a friend.
 
Went out to the mall then later to the night club. Around 5 at the mall and maybe 10 at the night club. I didn't really count just a rough memory. Did not feel fun doing these. Just got on my nerves hearing the same responses from different women. I'm not sure how to make it more fun I'll try to find a friend on bumble to go with me next time. Overall just feel exhausted and mad at not seeing any kind of result.

Back to grinding at the gym for the week.
 
Had a tinder date. We talked for about 20 minutes then tried to kiss and failed.
Then she made some excuse about her drunk friend needing help then she left. I tried approaching a group a girls and asked if they are single also nothing. Just in a shit mood now.
 
Went to the mall and approached around 5 women. Later went to the night club and approached maybe 6 women. Nothing came out of it. Have a tinder date for Sunday. Long term I’m going to plan on selling everything and going to another country. Most American women are low quality compared to what I’ve experienced overseas.
 
Had an amazing time with the tinder date. Had sex all night into the morning. More good times ahead.
 
I ended up going with her on a trip to California. I thought we were going to start a relationship but I guess not. She suddenly put me in the friend zone even though we hooked up. Something about her ex husband abusing her and her not liking intimacy. She was more interested in me doing photo shoots for her. Originally she enticed me by saying she could hook me up with some women to do porn. Overall I couldn't be around her personality it was too much for me because she would criticize or micromanage everything I did. On the plus side I did make a new friend in California when I was leaving.

Time to look for someone new, no big deal. That one trip really pushed me out of a lot of comfort to try new things.
 
Been focused on working out at the gym lately. Only approached one girl at the gym, already has a boyfriend but at least was nice to talk to about the city. Going out this weekend to try to approach at the night club. Also going to try the bookstore and library. Later on going to plan to go to a rave for way more people. I haven't been to a rave before so no idea what to expect.

Overall just feel exhausted with my life just grinding at work and the gym and not seeing enough results is getting tiring. I want to get a business going as well but after work I feel so damn tired it really pisses me off on a deep soul level I want to get shit done not feel like fucking napping after every time I go to work. I feel like I've been conned into this way of life. 9-5 just blows and I get fed up of seeing so many successful people on youtube that I've stopped watching it. They're probably on speed or drugs or a ton of caffeine to be so damn animated no regular person talks that way.
 
MFbag said:
You keep mentioning how the dating scene is so much better in South America. Have you ever considered just moving there? I'm currently learning spanish with the eventual goal of having a remote developer job and moving to Chili or maybe Argentina. Not just for the girls, theres lots of reasons I want to leave the USA.
Click to expand...

I'm planning to in around 5 years after I pay off a house. Then I could sell the house and get property somewhere else for much cheaper and have a better living doing online-work.
 
I'll chime in as someone who has seen success this year.

First of all, we have no idea as to where OP is in the US before we write the entire country off. If you are in a small town or small city, you have to be choosier about how you approach. If you are in a big city, you can do more high volume without being noticed or worrying much.

Dating apps are for the most part not what they used to be back in the day. I got 100+ matches on Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. Back in 2012 and onwards, these apps were legit. As of 2018 and onwards, they started to go downhill and ended up being filled with more robots and OnlyFans accounts. Sure, having a good profile helps and you can certainly still meet women from them (I have), but they are starting to become more of a waste of time for the most part unless you are paying for boosts or constantly starting a new profile.

All that said, here is my advice for daygame cold approach as someone who has gotten laid multiple times from it:

1. Lower your standard of what a "approach" is if you get approach anxiety. Todd V mentions this but if you get it, something as simple as breaking rapport and making small talk to start out is an approach.

2. Keep a log as you approach, use Notes App on your phone and just write it down. When you get back home, evaluate what you could have done better.

3. Find a good template or program, I highly recommend Austen Summers and what he does, his has made the biggest difference for me.

4. Go to high volume areas in whatever city you are in. Typically these are the happening areas with the most shops and malls.
 
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