Does Anyone Have Experience Being a Sub?

[SIGMA_1234]

Does Anyone Have Experience Being a Sub?

Some really cute chick matched with me on Tinder. When we moved on to chat in a different app, she upfront told me she wants a submissive guy, because that's what gives her pussy the tingles. So if anyone has any experience with that, I'd love some insight.

 

[Radical]

Go in with no experience and try it

She will lead for the most part. If you dont like anything you dont have to do it

My experience with the couple of dominant chicks ive had has not been that great though. The sex was fine but its not my thing and the girls were a bit dickish

 

[Crisis_Overcomer]

Zero experience but I think Andy had met a few girls like that. However when he boinked them, they loved being submissive and it was a "wtf" moment for him.

Do you really want the lay that much though?

 

[InsaneAndHappyWithIt]

No experience being a sub, but I do have switch tendencies if I'm with a girl who's into that (now is the time lol). Been fantasizing about being drowned lately. I haven't had sex with a woman who's full into being dominant, though. Seems different.

I'd say just go check it out and play with it, and if you have doubts, read this:

When I was with my ex girlfriend in the beginning, *she* was the one who initiated "beat me the fuck up" motif into our relationship. I was terrified for couple weeks after, I remember like it was yesterday. That was my first BDSM experience (and so was hers), and it was way over the top, but what the hell we were kids really. That event though paved road to other great experiences that maybe would not have happened, and those other experiences shaped how I like and understand sex.

Btw my ex gf was true sub, but I never understood her (or any woman's) drive to be submissive until I've started getting those urges with a girl who is curious about switching it up. So think of it this way: sexuality is fun, go play with it, and the more you play and let go, the more you'll understand not only yourself but also the other person, and help yourself and the other, and you'll have even more fun.

PS.: Can't wait to choke on water for breath. lol
PPS.: I kinda miss the super submissive vibe as well tho. The grass is so vividly green on the other side like someone's turned gamma to 200% it hurts my eyes.

Question: Do women lose attraction towards men who are into being sub? Assuming she's into it as well, will that reduce her attraction to me seeing me as sub sometimes? /unnecessarilyafraid

 

[SIGMA_1234]

A bigger question is: are you at a point where you can handle being submissive? Or is it something best left for when you have stronger boundaries? Are you at a point where you can tell the difference between dominance and abuse? Will being submissive bring out your "nice guy" tendencies (which you have), and lead to you just being a doormat for this woman? Should you be playing with dominance/submission/BDSM when you've only had sex once?

What if I just wanted to try it out, even if I had sex just a few times (not once) so far?

 

[SIGMA_1234]

Fuck it. I'm going for it then. If she's open to meeting up right away, I'll report back here.

 

[Lema]

Fuck it. I'm going for it then. If she's open to meeting up right away, I'll report back here.

Please do, I'm eager to know your experience.
Been talking to this girl in fetlife who is a friend of an ex sub of mine and is hot, but she is a switch and told me she would be the the one shibaring my ass lol.

 

[SIGMA_1234]

Lema hey man. This was a long time ago. Back then she was pretty demanding to me that I couldn't meet up with her on my terms. Not to mention, moving around back then was pretty tough, so it was just not meant to be.

 

[Lema]

@Lema hey man. This was a long time ago. Back then she was pretty demanding to me that I couldn't meet up with her on my terms. Not to mention, moving around back then was pretty tough, so it was just not meant to be.

Thanks for the answer man, sorry I didn't realize this was some time ago.
Funny, just matched with a girl on Bumble asking me if I was a Dom, she says she is a switch but could play bottom if we have a good chat lol.

 

[SIGMA_1234]

Haha go for it. You should make a log & tell us about it!

 

[Lou]

I do but BDSM is something I was attracted to since an early age and the idea of women being powerful and evil fascinated me so it was something that I naturally pursued to experience.

I had a girlfriend years ago who initially wasn't into BDSM but after watching some videos I showed her she kind of got into it and was a pretty decent dom. I have also been to pro doms in BDSM studios but, if you are not too sure about it I suggest establishing your limits really clearly before trying. Otherwise the pain or domination dynamics might become too much to handle.

BTW, I also like being dominant so enjoy both sides of the game. Establishing clear limits is always super important.

Cheers!

 

[Jesseetc]

I do but BDSM is something I was attracted to since an early age and the idea of women being powerful and evil fascinated me so it was something that I naturally pursued to experience.

I had a girlfriend years ago who initially wasn't into BDSM but after watching some videos I showed her she kind of got into it and was a pretty decent dom. I have also been to pro doms in BDSM studios but, if you are not too sure about it I suggest establishing your limits really clearly before trying. Otherwise the pain or domination dynamics might become too much to handle.

BTW, I also like being dominant so enjoy both sides of the game. Establishing clear limits is always super important.

Cheers!

Bro, I love this. I’m a relatively new sub, but the more I’ve explored my sexuality, the more I realize that’s what I’m into. I can’t top without coming across inauthentic.

If you feel like you’d enjoy it overall and the idea of submitting is sexy to you, I’d highly encourage trying it with someone who knows that you’re new. The litmus test for me was really picturing that dynamic and seeing how that felt. If the idea of submitting feels gross or uncomfortable, then perhaps don’t.

Also Andy’s advice is good. Be aware of your bad attachment habits and watch out for them coming up. Although speaking more to people in general vs OP who posted years ago.

 

[Lou]

I do but BDSM is something I was attracted to since an early age and the idea of women being powerful and evil fascinated me so it was something that I naturally pursued to experience.

I had a girlfriend years ago who initially wasn't into BDSM but after watching some videos I showed her she kind of got into it and was a pretty decent dom. I have also been to pro doms in BDSM studios but, if you are not too sure about it I suggest establishing your limits really clearly before trying. Otherwise the pain or domination dynamics might become too much to handle.

BTW, I also like being dominant so enjoy both sides of the game. Establishing clear limits is always super important.

Cheers!

Bro, I love this. I’m a relatively new sub, but the more I’ve explored my sexuality, the more I realize that’s what I’m into. I can’t top without coming across inauthentic.

If you feel like you’d enjoy it overall and the idea of submitting is sexy to you, I’d highly encourage trying it with someone who knows that you’re new. The litmus test for me was really picturing that dynamic and seeing how that felt. If the idea of submitting feels gross or uncomfortable, then perhaps don’t.

Also Andy’s advice is good. Be aware of your bad attachment habits and watch out for them coming up. Although speaking more to people in general vs OP who posted years ago.

Hey Buddy! Sorry for the delay but I have just re-started posting in these forums yesterday.

Yep. As long as you are comfortable with what you like it is great.

As I mentioned, I like both roles in BDSM. I enjoy both equally and don't have any issues accepting that. Some men tend to think that male subs are cucks/"beta males", etc but that is not necessarily true. I am not submissive at all in real life, practice Muay Thai 3 times a week and back in my younger days I used to get into street fights for the "fun" of it (something totally stupid I know but I was a bit crazy in my early 20's).

 

[Squilliam]

I wanna try being a sub. Sounds fun. I bought a BDSM leash recently, if my plate sees me again I think I'll try being a sub and let her be dominant towards me. Seems hot.

 

[Lord Rey]

I'm a switch so I regularly play the sub. Of course, most girls are submissive so it's almost necessary to teach girls how to be dominant, but a lot of them don't really enjoy it tho.
So yeah, the first challenge to experience being a sub is to find a trustworthy girl who likes being dominant sometimes.

I'd say to be careful with new girls who present themselves as being dominant or "alpha female". They can just be abusive bitches who won't respect boundaries and will take the play outside of the bedroom and disrespect their sub in public...

That said, being a sub can be really enjoyable. Personally, I'm into chastity plays with tease and denial. That shit makes me go crazy. I like to be used by girls for their pleasure, being tied up and softly tortured (including my dick and balls - CBT). Otherwise, I'm not into humiliating/degrading stuff like cuckolding, pegging (I still want to keep my anal virginity haha), hard ballbusting, etc.

I have one girl who is really good at being a dom as she's a bisexual switch and we have a lot of fun plays. It's even hotter during a threesome to be tied up and dominated by two girls.

 

[AskTheDom]

I'd say to be careful with new girls who present themselves as being dominant or "alpha female". They can just be abusive bitches who won't respect boundaries and will take the play outside of the bedroom and disrespect their sub in public...

Firstly, I want to steer the conversation for a moment because we are using a specific terminology (D/S relationships) and I want to make sure we all understand each other.

It is different to be dominant outside and inside the bedroom - In my experience, women that claim to be dominant lack the leadership skills to make things happen, and still want to be seduced and led to the bedroom.

In the bedroom, yes, the chances of her being "Domme" are higher, but when it comes to having sex, how does she mean to be dominant? restraining you? edging you? there are a lot of particular things that need to be address, and I give the same advise to men that I give to women, TEST YOUR DOM/DOMME.

That's a point I wanted to bring up. Like there are idiots who sell themselves as Doms or are just toxic cunts, there is the same equivalent in women. There are low key misandrists that use bait and switch (sex is the bait, being toxic is the switch) to hide their toxicity.


There is nothing wrong with being a sub, and I think if that's what you want, go for it, but I know for men starting out and exploring their sub side, it's hard to understand what to look in a Domme because they never had to experience that part in their normal dating life before.

 

[Wnyhg]

She initially thought as a virgin that she was a sub, but now what she really likes is to peg guys.

 

[AskTheDom]

That's a point I wanted to bring up. Like there are idiots who sell themselves as Doms or are just toxic cunts, there is the same equivalent in women. There are low key misandrists that use bait and switch (sex is the bait, being toxic is the switch) to hide their toxicity.

It's hard to really define the line though. At what point does something cross from healthy BDSM to toxicity?

And who decides that?

Boundaries and respect

 

[Bman]

It's hard to really define the line though. At what point does something cross from healthy BDSM to toxicity?

And who decides that?

Boundaries and respect

I would also add self awareness and intention. Are you doing these acts from a place of love or a place of hate? And yes you can purposefully inflict pain from a place of love IF the other person asked you to do so and they really enjoy and find pleasure from it. You can be controlling IF the other person consented to you doing so and they gain pleasure and benefit from it. So examine your own intentions and why you desire to do any act in BDSM.

 

[Bman]

I am definitely engaging in "play" that is on the edge at this point.

Well only you will know if it's healthy or not. If you have built the ability to explore those other parts of your psyche and return to a loving state quickly, and the other person has consented to you doing that with them, it can be quite healthy for you owning your full self. All parts. "Good" and "bad".

However, if you are not able to separate the two states and be in full control of them or very quickly regain control, then know that you are basically playing with psychological dynamite. When you're doing edge play, you are at the edge of yours and their psyche. You may not be prepared to handle what you find. So I recommend working up to and integrating in stages. If the play you're doing now is too dark, maybe back off a bit, and have really good communication with your partner about what these acts mean for the both of you.