FredBurger ch 3; tries to beat social anxiety or fear of the unkown and social rejection;

[FredFredburger]

4/26- got rejected from a job I had high hopes for. Felt really bad, didn't do much that day.
4/27-All day long I tried scavenging for jobs I may have missed on hidden job boards within my city. Didn't find many jobs in my city. Just started spam applying to remote jobs.
4/28 back at the gym. Chest and Triceps day. Also did steps machine today @ speed 3 for 20 minutes, last 30 seconds at speed 11. Which is a big improvement from where I started 2 weeks ago. I found out watching tv while using the steps machine kind of numbs the pain/boredom of using the steps machine. I will try speed 4 for 20 minutes next time I go which is hopefully tomorrow. Finished my workout by going home and cutting the grass. I was a sweaty nerd today for the entire day.

 

[Akilles7]

I found out watching tv while using the steps machine kind of numbs the pain/boredom of using the steps machine. I will try speed 4 for 20 minutes next time I go which is hopefully tomorrow.

Try finding something productive on YouTube to watch while doing cardio, like fitness or pick up vids. Even just scrolling through trying to find something to watch while still walking/running/cycling will kill time quickly. Fitness vids can be motivational to go even harder. Then you’ll be learning and getting fit simultaneously. Two birds, one stone.

 

[FredFredburger]

Gym today. back and shoulders.
went on steps machine 30 min @ speed 3. Heart rate maxed at 191 but it was at 185 for the majority of the time according to the machine.
steps machine turned up for 1 min @ speed 5 but then my brain reminded me to take it easy cause I still need to drive home. I might not listen to my brain next time.

 

[FredFredburger]

Okay, I haven't posted in two weeks because my wrist was injured, so I stopped going to the gym. I did not feel like I had progressed enough towards my goals to post anything I went on like one or two walks but i didn't want to add that. I felt bad no job, no gf, wrist injured. I gained a bit of weight

Even though my wrist was injured I went to the gym yesterday, it felt good to workout. my body may not be at its peak but I think I achieved a new skill in mental fortitude. As I was working out I noticed my mind and body was very hesitant over lifting some weights. At that moment I realized I had anxiety to lift weights because I was afraid of the future. Ive learned a little bit more about psychology and realized this is anxiety, and I turned off my anxiety like a switch. I realized my body and mind are going to keep fighting me every time I go to the gym my body and mind do this to me they have done this to me. I have to accept it my mind and body is just trying to protect me. I decided "okay fine" im going to count to 10 and when I reach 10 no matter what im going to lift the weight, with no fear. Even if my body starts shaking and it starts yelling at me telling me "No stop its going to be painful" Just remind myself i have literately picked this up 10,000 times everything is going to be ok. My mind became focused, I wasn't twitching and turning at every sound i heard around me just looking for a distraction or an excuse to avoid pain and confrontation of what it takes to reach my goal . my mind and body were just focused on moving the weight at a consistent slow tempo. I felt so focused and I didn't stop lifting even if I was in pain, until the end of my set. Once the end of my set came i started jumping around and shit in pain. But when I was in my set I was hyper focused and successfully quelled my anxiety. It felt like I achieved a new power. I was so happy when I reached the end of my set I felt like a machine doing consistent movement, no grunting, no stopping, no showing of emotion.
I haven't been completely honest, as I have social anxiety as well, so I make it a goal to yell "see ya!" to the cashier as I leave the gym. This time it was a little different though because a woman was checking in and as I yelled "Peace out!" to the employee cashier, the woman who was a guest and checking in to gym she is in her early 20's she looked cute, not fat. She turned around and looked a little confused, and it looked like she was holding back a smile , maybe because she thought i was saying "Hi" to her. The part the got me to think a little bit was that it looked like she was holding back a smile. In my mind I was thinking "Why would she be holding back a smile, is she happy to see me? or why is she happy that I was talking in her direction." I was a little confused but kind of happy that she almost smiled. It brings up the thought, maybe i should go to the mall and look for women to say hi to, maybe they will actually be happy that I am talking to them. Idk maybe its a story for another day. I want to add I will not be approaching women in gym ever because of tiktok trends.

But I want to add I recently found a job in tech. So that's the second goal on my list achieved. Two goals down two goals to go. I just have to remember I am responsible for the effort not the outcome! peace!

 

[FredFredburger]

I need help. I get like 3-7 matches on tinder per week. Women would sometimes message me or reply but would stop messaging me after like one or two messages. I found this very rude and frustrating, however I still want to meet more women. I deleted tinder for about 3 months, I plan to re download the dating apps after a 3 month break due to frustration. Please judge my pictures my fashion reveal any blind spots and let me know of things I can improve within one to two months. Please dont tell me I need to lose weight because I already know I need to lose weight and that would take over a year to accomplish.(Also im already working on weight loss)
Also is there any hope for me on online dating apps, or should I just quit trying until I lose 100lbs or 45 kilos.

 

[MakingAComeback]

Its a hard game brother but I praise your ongoing commitment!

3-7 matches per week, is a GREAT start! I think the max I got in a week was about 10 and that was after working on myself for years.

Can you let us know how you're texting them?

I understand your frustration. It can be tough. Nonetheless, I praise your willingness to ask for feedback to improve,

Questions for you...........

-Have you read the Radical style guide? It's a superb place to start, Radical is awesome. With all due to respect, and I wish to not hurt your feelings, your style is rather bland and sub optimal. The good news? We can overhaul this a tonne for ya.

-Your facial expressions, as well as the overall vibe of the profile, could use some work.

-You ask whether it's worth trying given your current outcomes. You realise you have no excuses given you're getting consistent matches, right? I didn't get my first match for SIX MONTHS.

Breathe. Regroup. Just keep working on yourself man. There's light at the end of the tunnel if you're just looking to get a consistent dating life I can promise you that.

-MAC

 

[FredFredburger]

Questions for you...........

-Have you read the Radical style guide? It's a superb place to start, Radical is awesome. With all due to respect, and I wish to not hurt your feelings, your style is rather bland and sub optimal. The good news? We can overhaul this a tonne for ya.

-Your facial expressions, as well as the overall vibe of the profile, could use some work.

-You ask whether it's worth trying given your current outcomes. You realise you have no excuses given you're getting consistent matches, right? I didn't get my first match for SIX MONTHS.

Breathe. Regroup. Just keep working on yourself man. There's light at the end of the tunnel if you're just looking to get a consistent dating life I can promise you that.

-MAC

Thanks for the quick response MAC. Don't worry my feelings are not hurt I find your message extremely positive. I like to imagine myself as Rocky from the film in 1976 and everyone else as Micky giving Rocky advice. Micky was very tough on Rock but at the end of the movie Rocky went the distance.


I've looked at Radicals style guide and I am trying to improve. But I lack fashion brain power. I purchased the boots and pants, but I am going to need to spend a few hours at the store getting all the items he recommends.

First Match message:
Hey sexy its Fred, sup?
(she unmatched me, she was really hot to so I quit putting sexy in my first message)

Women1 on bumble:
Her:Hey
Me:Hi, nice to meet you I am Fred. What are you up to?
Her:Hmm not much just watching tv and you?
Her:Nice to meet you too
Me:I was practiceing playing my guitar and trying to sing for fun. I am terrible at it lol. What do you like to do for fun?
Her:*Ghost*

Woman#2 Facebook Dating:
Me: Hi Dani nice to meet you what are you up to?
Her:I'm watching a show rn hbu?
Me: Just came bnack home from a friends birthday party. What do you like to do for fun?
Her:*Ghost*
(3 days later)
Me:Thats one long ass tv show.
(1 day later)
Me:unmatch

Woman#3 Hinge:
Her:Liked my image
Me:Hey what are you up to?
Her:Hey Fred, I'm watching a movie while petting my dog
MeI lost this screenshot but it probably went something like) "I am watching youtube or something followed by a question)
Her:Ghost

Women#4
Me:Hi lilly, you seem intresting, this means we'll either click immediately or clash spectaculary. read to roll the dice?
Her:almost insta unmatch

The majority of matches don't respond to first message. Only like 5-15 respond and they all ghosted. Only one number close on hinge and she cancelled the date.

 

[MakingAComeback]

Thanks for the quick response MAC. Don't worry my feelings are not hurt I find your message extremely positive. I like to imagine myself as Rocky from the film in 1976 and everyone else as Micky giving Rocky advice. Micky was very tough on Rock but at the end of the movie Rocky went the distance.

Good, great attitude man!

I've looked at Radicals style guide and I am trying to improve. But I lack fashion brain power. I purchased the boots and pants, but I am going to need to spend a few hours at the store getting all the items he recommends.

Alright, good! You've got access, so let's dive deeper.....

We can start with outerwear, jackets, stuff like that.

ONE small action for us here - how about we review the guide, and make a note of ONE piece of outerwear Radical recommends? Thereafter, please post in this log, and we can take some action on getting that piece for you.

First Match message:
Hey sexy its Fred, sup?
(she unmatched me, she was really hot to so I quit putting sexy in my first message)

Tighten your grammar up, bro. We need punctuation. Show you're serious, and a man.

Calling them sexy, is hard screening, and can work well when your profile is stronger.

For now, I like that you observed what was happening, and toned it down. Good.

Women1 on bumble:
Her:Hey
Me:Hi, nice to meet you I am Fred. What are you up to?
Her:Hmm not much just watching tv and you?
Her:Nice to meet you too
Me:I was practiceing playing my guitar and trying to sing for fun. I am terrible at it lol. What do you like to do for fun?
Her:*Ghost*

She texted first! GREAT!

Fred you little charmer.....

The tone of your comms, needs a bit of work IMO, you need to demonstrate a bit more vibe and energy. As a rule, shortening the messages, works better.

Woman#2 Facebook Dating:
Me: Hi Dani nice to meet you what are you up to?
Her:I'm watching a show rn hbu?
Me: Just came bnack home from a friends birthday party. What do you like to do for fun?
Her:*Ghost*
(3 days later)
Me:Thats one long ass tv show.
(1 day later)
Me:unmatch

Normal variance, they do this, they just stop using the apps. Most chicks never reply. Standard online dating. Punctuation here could have been better, you also made a spelling mistake in your 2nd message bro. Tighten this up.

I like that you did a funny re-engagement text ;-)

Woman#3 Hinge:
Her:Liked my image
Me:Hey what are you up to?
Her:Hey Fred, I'm watching a movie while petting my dog
MeI lost this screenshot but it probably went something like) "I am watching youtube or something followed by a question)
Her:Ghost

Women#4
Me:Hi lilly, you seem intresting, this means we'll either click immediately or clash spectaculary. read to roll the dice?
Her:almost insta unmatch

The majority of matches don't respond to first message. Only like 5-15 respond and they all ghosted. Only one number close on hinge and she cancelled the date.

Some work to do here, Fred, but honestly, a good start man.

Look bro, there's hope. Really, really, really proud of you for keeping up the fight.

ACTIONS FOR FRED

-FASHION: Let's commit to ONE step to improving your fashion. Shall we start with outerwear?
-TEXTING: Just improve spelling and grammar for now, shorten the messages, and let's see what happens.
-KEEP IMPROVING YOURSELF: You're going to get there, and you are ALREADY getting convos and matches. WOW. Imagine when you're lean, ripped, and have a brilliant profile?

LETS FUCKING GO

-MAC

 

[FredFredburger]

Good, great attitude man!



Alright, good! You've got access, so let's dive deeper.....

We can start with outerwear, jackets, stuff like that.

ONE small action for us here - how about we review the guide, and make a note of ONE piece of outerwear Radical recommends? Thereafter, please post in this log, and we can take some action on getting that piece for you.



Tighten your grammar up, bro. We need punctuation. Show you're serious, and a man.

Calling them sexy, is hard screening, and can work well when your profile is stronger.

For now, I like that you observed what was happening, and toned it down. Good.



She texted first! GREAT!

Fred you little charmer.....

The tone of your comms, needs a bit of work IMO, you need to demonstrate a bit more vibe and energy. As a rule, shortening the messages, works better.




Normal variance, they do this, they just stop using the apps. Most chicks never reply. Standard online dating. Punctuation here could have been better, you also made a spelling mistake in your 2nd message bro. Tighten this up.

I like that you did a funny re-engagement text ;-)



Some work to do here, Fred, but honestly, a good start man.

Look bro, there's hope. Really, really, really proud of you for keeping up the fight.

ACTIONS FOR FRED

-FASHION: Let's commit to ONE step to improving your fashion. Shall we start with outerwear?
-TEXTING: Just improve spelling and grammar for now, shorten the messages, and let's see what happens.
-KEEP IMPROVING YOURSELF: You're going to get there, and you are ALREADY getting convos and matches. WOW. Imagine when you're lean, ripped, and have a brilliant profile?

LETS FUCKING GO

-MAC

Thanks you for your kindness MAC, I'll get back on the mission starting tomorrow.

 

[MakingAComeback]

Thanks you for your kindness MAC, I'll get back on the mission starting tomorrow.

Attaboy Fredders!

I know you made a comment regarding your weight loss journey, and I am really, really happy to see you taking this seriously.

I want you to know, if you did want help with that, and wanted to be part of the community effort in supporting the men of Winner Within in building excellent bodies, I welcome you to join our bodybuilding mega thread

No worries if not - it is not mandatory, and may not be something that is for everyone.

The invitation is there should you wish, and if not, hey, no worries - got your back regardless.

Have a good weekend bruv

-MAC

 

[FredFredburger]

Attaboy Fredders!

I know you made a comment regarding your weight loss journey, and I am really, really happy to see you taking this seriously.

I want you to know, if you did want help with that, and wanted to be part of the community effort in supporting the men of Winner Within in building excellent bodies, I welcome you to join our bodybuilding mega thread

No worries if not - it is not mandatory, and may not be something that is for everyone.

The invitation is there should you wish, and if not, hey, no worries - got your back regardless.

Have a good weekend bruv

-MAC

Sounds awesome! I would love to join the workout megathread I am going to go workout after I run some errands. I will post a workout update later today or tomorrow after work. I went to multiple stores to find a good outfit, but I am fashion blind. I ended up buying the lightweight bomber jacket at the end of my trip from Zara because it was only $32. There was not many stores selling bombers. There was a lot of linen button down shirts and denim jackets in my area. I am willing to go back and buy whatever outfit is in fashion though. Below I posted the photos that document almost every piece I tried on. Thanks again for the kindness.

 

[Perseus]

Sounds awesome! I would love to join the workout megathread I am going to go workout after I run some errands. I will post a workout update later today or tomorrow after work. I went to multiple stores to find a good outfit, but I am fashion blind. I ended up buying the lightweight bomber jacket at the end of my trip from Zara because it was only $32. There was not many stores selling bombers. There was a lot of linen button down shirts and denim jackets in my area. I am willing to go back and buy whatever outfit is in fashion though. Below I posted the photos that document almost every piece I tried on. Thanks again for the kindness.

Dropbox

www.dropbox.com

I like the first denim jacket

 

[MakingAComeback]

Checking in @FredFredburger

How are you?

-MAC

 

[FredFredburger]

Went to gym worked out chest and triceps.
Back on the grind.
Friday night I reached 271lbs
Saturday I remeasured and was at 274lbs I also cheated on diet for Saturday
Sun I am 275.6lbs
Ive been trying to say Hi to random people, and unchaining myself from the mental chains my mind has put on me by circumstance or habit or something i really don't know why they are there. I want to try to do the Approach Anxiety program by Andy. Ive never seen the post, but he keeps bringing it up in his videos. I think Ive primed myself enough for it. I feel like i don't know what to do to get the results I want. Sometimes I feel lost. I really want to be a champion, I just don't know how to get there or if I am able to do the work to become a champion.

 

[FredFredburger]

I haven't updated for 2 months, feels like forever.

I was able to mark one or two things off my quest log, but my search for abundance continues.
Quest 1 find a better job-
TLDR; I need a new job
This is an awkward one. There was an error in communication at my job, I was not given all the information regarding the assignment. I was expected just to figure stuff out and improvise as I did the assignment as well as read my superiors mind as to how he wanted things done. I did not do things as he wanted and he yelled at me at the top of his lungs, and was name calling me. I am barley surviving with the amount of $ I get from this job. The job is also a lot of responsibility since I was playing the roles of network admin/PC admin . He also told me I was useless and if I made one more mistake or asked one more question he would fire me. He gave me the next day off because of budget issues. I spent my day off in my bed all day due to how hard my ego took a hit. I got assigned to a new task, I decided I couldn't keep living like this I sent a text telling him I quit.
Quest 2 Lose Weight-
I am down 57lbs from my all time high of 305lbs
My 2000 cal diet didnt work. I tried keto and keto did work. I go to the gym about 2-4 times a week. I typically go 3 times a week.
Quest 3 get laid-
I deleted all dating apps because it was frustrating talking to women on them. I ocasinally talk to a female cashier but, all attempts have been unsuccessful. I feel like I quit on this mission or just put it to a side and just focused on my job. I am doing something wrong and I need to change something I just dont know what I need to change.

Steps im planning to take:
I am going to make a youtube channel and make tech tutorials. I am going to put the youtube channel on my resume.
I need to go to the temp job agencie to get a part time job ASAP. There is not a lot of jobs in my region so competition is tough. I may need to move to another city.

Things I may do:
Start a photography side gig.
Take a different style of self portraits for online dating to see if I get more success.


I am unsure of how to win I just know what I am doing for weight loss and getting laid is not working. I need to change something and I need to change it fast I am just afraid or unsure of the next steps to take. I just know I cannot stay the same.

 

[FredFredburger]

Yesterday, I went in search of a new job. I went to a two job agencies to ask what the market was like. I plan to go to a job fair tommorrow exchange numbers with ppl and give everyone one copy of the rare collectible a FredFredBurger resume.

I got my desk tripod set up so I can start making tech youtube videos tutorials which will be included in my resume once I get at least 10 high quality videos made. I am planning to make a short today Just to get shit started. I need to figure out a good name for my new youtube channel though.

Yesterday I worked out my chest and triceps.
My workout was:
5 minute treadmill warmup
10x4 Smith machine incline bench press
10x4 Smith machine Bench press
10x4 chest cable press high
10x4 chest cable press low
10x4 dumbbell fly;lying down (my chest was starting to give out at this point)
10x4 seated overhead triceps extension single hand
1 hour on the steps machine

Weight Tuesday morning 259.8; Weight fluctuates up and down but as long as it is on a downward trend that's whats important

Check list for today:
Make 30 job applications, 10 in my city, 10 out of city, 10 out of state.
Do my leg/abs workout
Make one video or record footage to prepare for upload

Things I should do but don't feel like I have the courage for:
Try to take pictures for dating apps and try to make small improvements.

 

[FredFredburger]

I felt kind of bad today there is returning thoughts that keep telling me im a loser, Whenever im in the middle of a workout I have to ward away the thoughts by remembering hard goals Ive hit and telling myself I am a champion.
I did not each much today, I had 2 scrambled eggs and chorizo in the morning, some pork chips with chamoy and a keto ice cream at night.

Goals hit Today
Uploaded video
Leg+ABS workout
1 min jumping jack
3 x 30 sec kettle bell swing 35 lbs
3x12 sit-ups
3x12squats
3x12 calf raises (need to rework this this is to dirt easy)
3x30sec kettle bell around the world 35lbs (core)
24x3 walking lunges
6x12 bent leg side kicks
3x12 sumo squats
3 x rear decline Bridge
1x30sec Plyo sit squats (wall)
2x30 quadriceps stretch
2x30 sec knee to chest stretch
2x30 calf stretch with hands against wall

only did 3 job applications then I lost all my will power on application #4 with its frustrating loading times and horrible UI will try 15 job applications tommorrow (switching up my goal to something a little more obtainable)

tommorrow goals
Back workout
15 job applications
film video #2 which will be creating users in active directory. And installing windows 11 in Virtual box.

idk I kinda want to meet more woman but I lack confidence and courage. Maybe I try to set up a online dating photo

I wont be doing much more today

 

[FredFredburger]

FredFredBurgers Log:

Ive been to the gym twice since the last time I posted.I only have two videos so far. I am beginning to doubt myself.I took some pictures of a golf bag I am planning to sell(baby steps).Over the past few weeks I was interacting with some female cashiers at the gym. I think they are cute and I want to take them out on dates, but they are giving me mixed signals. So I am just going to assume worst case scenario and completely ignore, because rejection hurts and it has an impact on my performance at the gym. There is an exception, one of the woman I was trying to talk to actually seems to enjoy my company. She mirrors my movements sometimes, and her eyes light up when she sees me sometimes. My eyes light up when I see her as well, but its because I am surprised a cute female actually wants to talk to me. However I am trying to ignore her as well. I ask myself why? I have many excuses and fears. These are some of my thoughts. "What is she rejects me?""I don't feel like I am good enough""She should just forget me like everyone else, I am comfortable being alone"."What if I say the wrong thing?""I don't know what to do"."I dont want to get hurt". I realized one of the biggest reason why Ive had such little success is I keep rejecting myself and I feel ashamed. I am so afraid of failure, I don't even try. The other day my car broke down. I was able to fix it and I saw my car starter is starting to show signs of failure, and I have an idea on how to replace it. I feel like I have such little motivation to do anything. I quit my job recently, The reason I quit is because my boss had a fight with me. I did one thing wrong and he yelled at me at the top of his lungs giving me 100 different reasons why I am useless for 10 minutes before I went home. He told me not to show up the next day, and if I mess up one more time he would fire, in addition to this he told me if I asked the team one more question I would be fired. I didn't like the terms or the way he spoke to me. He told me I was wasting his time, and the customers time. He literally took away any guilt I had from me quitting. I had a lot of time to think, I sent hima text the next day. This guy lowered my confidence with his speech. I sent him a text telling him I quit. Now I sit here feeling useless. It is hard to find a job in my city, in addition to this employers take advantage of this and pay atleast 50% then what the job is suppose to pay. I will probably need to move. I also need to work on my anxiety I watch Andy's vids, and his vids help a lot with anxiety. He also gives me a lot of reasons to stop focusing on my fears of failure. I wish I could just go on YouTube and easily find good advice and find positive people instead of the constant news that's is saying everyone is getting laid off, and everything is going down hill. As for my youtube videos they have no views and sometimes I wonder, am I wasting my time making them? I am feeling kind of down and I really dont want to do much right now. But I dont want to stay stuck, however it seems I always have the same problems and stuff like sex and jobs comes to other people so easy. My circumstances make it easy for me to wonder, "is it true am I truly not good enough". "maybe my boss is correct I am useless". It truly feels like I have to work %10000 harder than some of my friends to get some of the same results, idk im just going to chill for the rest of the day I feel kind of burnt out.

On a side note I was looking at myself in the mirror today and from the correct angle I am starting to look like a fucking chad. Perhaps if this continues and I continue to lose weight and gain muscle I can change me name to FredFredChadBurger.

 

[FredFredburger]

This week I went to the gym multiple times. I ate an entire cheese cake on Saturday, and didn't eat so healthy last weekend and this increased my weight by 5 lbs. I went to the mall with a friend to try Andy's AA program, I felt a little bit more confident but I haven't gone to the mall since. My money is running out I know I need to get a new job soon, but I feel unmotivated. It feels like im signing up for slavery. Its hard to get a job in my profession in my location, it takes about 6 months to get a job. I need to move to somewhere with more prosperity and upward mobility but honestly I don't know where to go or even how to start applying. It seems kind of awkward to apply to a city that is 200+ miles away or that I am not even close to and ask the interviewer to interview me through zoom or so I can save gas money.
But then again I am playing to win, so i shouldn't even think about failure. Still though if I were to get another job it would just feel like slavery giving up my whole day so I can earn enough money to just barely get by. I have a bachelors degree in IT but sometimes it feels like it is not worth shit.

 

[FredFredburger]

Time to start chapter 3 of my boring ass log. This is going to be a long update . I have always had a hard time making friends and getting girlfriends and its because of social anxiety, the best way to describe what it feels like. Imagine the shower is really cold in the morning and you feel scared to jump in multiply that feeling by 10, that's what my social anxiety feels like, when trying to talk to people.

October 12; 2024
Fred confronts his anxiety. It is a warm sunny morning and Fred decides to take a walk in the park at 6:00am. He is totally alone with his thoughts, and His thoughts keep on bombarding him. Saying things like "you'll never be good enough", "you will never win Fred" Fred is having these thoughts on a loop and they wont stop. Then Fred sees an old man, Fred's thoughts start going wild again, telling him "I bet you cant even say hello to him" "How will you build the courage to get a girlfriend if you cant even build the courage to say hello to this old man". Fred keeps walking until he walks next to the old man, the old man says "good morning", as he continues to jog. This snaps Fred out of his own mental prison but only for a moment, in the moment Fred stumbled on his worlds but was able to say "ummmmm, hello" to the old man, when the old man said hi to Fred it give him a small glimpse of confidence and a short moment of clarity, Fred thinks to him self "thanks old man I wasn't going to say hi and stay trapped in my thoughts but you made it easy for me, to focus on something other than my thoughts". After that Fred continues to walk and he notices a dog that is scared of Fred and Fred is also scared of the dog, Fred is thinking, "that dog might chase and bite me". Fred goes a whole lap around the park seeing multiple people with reoccurring thoughts that belittle him, thoughts that say "you'll never be good enough" again and again. Fred finishes his first lap around the park and he is about to cross paths with the same dog as before, freds thoughts are once again telling him the same shit. Freds thoughts "I bet you cant even say hello to this dog cause you're to shy and afraid". This time fred confronts his thoughts with a good argument, he tells his thoughts "You dont know that, dogs are the nicest animals, the dog could be very happy that I said hi to him and you are being afraid for nothing". Fred and his thoughts are going back and fourth, until fred reaches the dog he says hi to the dog, and he walks past the dog. "Fred tells his thoughts see nothing bad happen". As fred looks behind him the dog is following fred wagging his tail. At this point fred is thinking "wow that dog is really happy that I said hi," Fred decideds no more excuses he is going to say hi to every single person he walks paths across in the park including one attractive women, cause I guess in general attractive women do not walk around the park at 7:00am or something. As fred was saying hi to every person he came accross, his thoughts stopped being so negative for the morning. He also said hi to a runner, who was kind of mopy. Fred giggled because the runner reminded fred of himself sometimes, but as fred was finishing his fourth and final lap, the runner rose his fist for a fist bump from fred. When this happen Fred felt happy because he was accepted. Fred was actually excited, as he walked home, fred thought to himself "wow I was really scared for nothing"

October 17th
Fred goes to the gym, at a strategic time because he wants to see a woman who works there. Whenever she is there her eyes light up at the sight of Fred and she always has a big smile when he shows up. This started because 2 months ago Fred built up the courage and decided to talk to every woman cashier at the gym whenever the chance presented itself. He did a good job at this but the majority of the woman showed no intrest and giggled when talking to other men who were taller and more ripped then fred. This hurt Freds ego so to protect himself Fred decided gym is only for working out no more, no less. and it worked for a little bit but then fred noticed one of the woman cahsier was really happy to see him, and he hardly said anything to her. For two months she was persistant with her eyes lighting up and giving fred green signals to give her attention, but fred kept ignoring her hoping she would just leave fred alone. Then october 17th came and Fred kept thinking about her and her smile, and he was finally going to give her the attention she was asking her but the vibes changed. Fred no longer saw the same smile on her face when he was close to her and she was instead turning her back at fred, despite her having an opportunity. Fred, felt sad maybe she was just having a bad day. Fred hopes she did not find someone else, but being ignored for 2 months kind of sucks so I understand if she found someone else. Fred found a random ass park somewhere after he finished his workout, cause he is tired of being fat and he hates how he felt rejected Feeling major frustation out of desperation Fred was willing to give andys aproach anxiety program another shot. Fred went to the mall after he had some time to think walking around the park . He tried to say hi to random attractive women at the mall, but he was unable to. Until he was heading towards the exit. Fred managed to say Hi to a single attractive women,(edit: fred noticed a woman sitting a table across from them with a hint of jealousy on her face hehehe) Fred was very proud of his small success. Fred will be going back to the mall tommorrow and say hi to random woman. Hopefully he will be able to build the courage to give one a compliment. I know I sound like a weak simp, but I really just want to see the cahsier at the gym eyes light up again, when she sees me, and her smile I want her to smile at me again too. That damn smile, I would be willing to do almost anything to see that damn smile again. If she ever shows it to me again im going to be honest and tell her. "I love seeing your smile".

Update 2: oh yeah almost forgot, I also found a job that pays 2x what my old job paid me in tech but this is not as Important as seeing the smile of the female cashier at the gym. "That damn smile". So yeah if u made it this far just disregard update 2
P.S:Eh i might as well also add Ive been going to gym 5 time a wek.