11/4
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2309
Protein: 119g
Gym: 0/4
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: Yes
Skincare: Yes
Reading: Yes
11/5
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2055
Protein: 143
Gym: 1/4
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: Yes
Skincare: Yes
Reading: Yes
11/6
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2532
Protein: 137g
Gym: 2/4
Meditation: Yes
Journal: No
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: No
Skincare: No
Reading: No
11/7
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2126
Protein: 162g
Gym: 2/4
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: Yes
Skincare: Yes
Reading: Yes
11/8
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2136
Protein: 116g
Gym: 3/4
Meditation: No
Journal: No
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: No
Skincare: Yes
Reading: No
11/9
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2409
Protein: 136g
Gym: 3/4
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: Yes
Skincare: Yes
Reading: Yes
11/10
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2159
Protein: 174g
Gym: 3/4
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off 1 hour before bed: Yes
Skincare: Yes
Reading: Yes
Initial Weight: 182.0
First Week: 180.6
Second Week:
Notes:
As of November 4th I ended my 6 month bulk and started with my cut. My final weight was 182 lbs up from 154. After the first week I am down to 180.6. I have about 2 months before grad school starts and I want to have my face and body looking good, mainly face for initial pictures and all that other stuff.
About three weeks before the end of the bulk I was experiencing pain in my wrist and joints so I took a deload the next week where I halved my weights but kept the volume the same. Came back the next week which would be the last week of the bulk and felt little to no wrist/joint pain. I made some pretty decent gains in the last month and I attached a progress comparison. Feeling a bit better about where I stand now. Before it felt like I covered every base when it came to looks except physique, now that’s not necessarily the case
Also, I just realized in a few days I’ll be able to switch out my current piercings with some more interesting ones. My current ideas are either these 4 star dangling ones, hoops, or another more “flashy” stud. I’ll attach my brother’s piercings for reference. Which one do you guys think would suit me? Or should I just experiment.
I’ve been able to keep 1 client as a regular for tutoring and so far it’s going pretty well. She said she did far better on the previous exam than the last one, and now she’s awaiting results of this other exam I helped her prepare for. A couple others I kind of cycled through but I’m happy to finally have a regular again.
When it comes to other habits I’ve stayed mostly consistent but broke consistency a bit as of late due to being busy with this one class exam I have to take before starting grad school, pathophysiology. It’s a lot of material for an 8 week course. I need at least a B to keep my admission. I did okay on the first exam but it has my grade right on the edge of a B so I have to do good on this next exam as it’s the only other exam I have. When I really think about it this is good preparation for nursing school as the cutoff between passing and failing is far harsher than anything I have experienced before.
Speaking of grad school I am 99% sure I will be moving to Phoenix for the next 1 or so year. I say 99 because there’s a low chance I get into this one SF school I applied to which is supposedly really good and grads from there are actually sought out by hospitals in the area.
I got into two schools in Cali but both seem like bad options. One is relatively new, expensive, and I am struggling to find people who vouch for this program. This one Cali school I got admission to is closeby but after doing some research I found out that if I went here I’d be struggling to find a job because they cut out an essential part of the accelerated nursing program, a preceptorship. Basically with a preceptorship I get taken under the wing of a mentor nurse who shows me the ropes and gets me clinical experience. They also can write you a letter of recommendation if I decide to do a doctorate (which I will need to become a CRNA). Also many of the hospitals do ask if you have done a preceptorship. I read into it some more and the tuition is mad expensive too, others were saying to make up for no preceptorship you’d have to do other nurse adjacent jobs.
It’s so stupid in retrospect that I ever considered/applied to that program. Why the fuck should I have to do more work and pay more money to be on the same level as someone who didn’t have to do either. I made a pretty big mistake though putting off deciding between this program and ASU (the one in Phoenix obv). Hard decisions are something I struggle with as a part of me wasn’t ready to leave home but also didn’t want to go somewhere really hot and also would be so different from my old life. I had said here before I wanted out of the Bay Area but I think I got used to it again. As much as I complain about stuff here it’s still home after all.
But ultimately my procrastinating idiot ass decided on ASU about a week before they set a deadline for some stuff I had to submit. That week was super fucking stressful as I had to do a shit ton of appointments to meet requirements. Also I had to get another CPR certification because they only accepted one specific organization and they didn’t care if the other one has the same exact curriculum. Also I had to do another TB test because they didn’t accept the way my hospital does them. I got an extension luckily because a couple were taking time to arrive back, but now I have everything and I just got my rotation for the spring semester assigned, so I’m in the process of filling out the paperwork for that. The process of moving is really daunting and the new standards for grad school being so different from undergrad is a lot to process, but it’s fair as I am focused on getting into the workforce here. I think I’ll get used to it within a couple weeks or so. I’m also uncertain about quality of life and dating/self improvement stuff. Ik there’s a good amount of Mexican people there and I got mistaken for a Hispanic in Mexico a lot, so I would like to think I’ll fare fine. Who really knows how much time I’ll even have for dating though but we’ll see. Gym wise if I can go 2-3 times a week most weeks that’ll be fine but I’ll have to budget my time. I just want to avoid getting too fat/losing my gains.
Phoenix does also have slightly more men but the ratio isn’t as bad as SJ. The girls are hotter I’ve been told. Also Scottsdale is 20 minutes away which has more women than men, and supposedly is a good market? Idk tho.
Another interesting life thing is I got high for the first time on Friday night. My best friend from high school invited me to his cousin sisters engagement party along with the rest of our group. We hung around at the party and one of my friends brought his bong so I joined them in going to our old high school campus. I got curious and they let me take a hit. The smoke hurt my throat but a little later I started feeling a chill in my body which I think was the start of the high. I also felt like I was phasing in and out of existence every millisecond. Being high was a fun feeling, I just felt really positive and also a tad goofy. I think I did get slightly paranoid at a time as I thought I was recognizing people I used to know even though when I showed up sober I didn’t.
The most interesting part though was I felt like I did more inner work in the 1-3 hours time I was decently high than I did in the last 2-3 months. I had an open convo with my friends when we broke away from the party about how I feel about myself and dating stuff. They know a good amount about my dating life so this isn’t anything too new. A lot of what I said was about how I felt like shit because of how many girls I’ve “fumbled” which include some talking stages, and just about how I’m not happy with my dating life because the girls I’ve gone out with recently are exponentially worse than what I’ve had before. I especially talked about how I was still upset over that one failed talking stage I thought had gf potential but I was hesitant to commit.
My best friend, the one who invited me said that I inspired him to start trying to lose weight again. He’s also a virgin and said that to him, what I’ve done is amazing and how I shouldn’t talk so negatively about myself. My female friend also mentioned a lot about how making yourself happy is what matters at the end of the day, and gave her own story about how initially her bf wasn’t accepted by her family, but still loved him anyway and now they’re engaged and she’s the happiest she’s ever been.
This is stuff I’ve heard before but I think being high just made me more open minded too, and I found it easier to internalize these positive thoughts. Now that I’m sober, I feel like I’ve overcome an obstacle in how I talk to myself. I’m not gonna say ive entirely moved on from these girls but I think I have moved forward, and I am able to combat these negative thoughts when they arise. I also feel more equipped after getting through nearly 2/3 of “you can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought”. Most of the advice the book gives is standard but there’s a few interesting tidbits. Noticing something negative is different from having a negative thought and usually when we act on it in some way is what is “bad” so to speak. I can use this for self talk so if I say something like “man I miss *insert girl I went on a date with here”, I acknowledge it but move on to another thought. The wrong thing to do would be to think like “oh man I don’t know if I’ll ever find a girl like that again” or “oh she’s so amazing all these other girls are nothing compared to her”. It’s not self serving at all, so best to avoid.
I won’t let my past failures drag down current and future successes.
