GN's Progress Log - Self-Love Arc: 1 Week of HingeX Results, and Need Texting Advice

[Foducossy]

I need to clarify: I don’t get them all out for a date. I’ve matched with really hot ones but so far no luck actually going on a date with them, generally starting to get 7s and 8s out though. Apparently improving my profile further won’t really help with matches but it should improve compliance (ie I might be able to get them out for a date).

I would say your race will always hold you back. But everyone can improve their outcomes. And I’ll always struggle with matching with white British girls but the Europeans don’t seem to mind. What you need to do is just make sure you don’t look like a fresh of the boat (FOB) brown guy. Wearing American/Western style clothes (good style tho), like how I have a suit or leather jacket etc can help. And you have a better body than I do. So with the right pics there’s a lot of potential to improve.

So far it seems you do have your foot in the door at least and ur getting good matches so maybe it is just working on game and compliance.

Holding back as in I won't appeal to as many girls as some other guys? Yeah that makes sense. I am not asking for all the pussy in the world. Just a few good lays is enough for me. I have always thought most brown guys weren't attractive because they dressed like shit and didn't work out. I do have western hobbies (baking/cooking, gym), some niche ones (dance), and wear western clothes. I mainly buy from Banana Republic, Jcrew, Levi's, etc. May need to get a suit tho.

Yeah at least my foot is in the door, I think texting is the bottleneck right now. New problems. Before my bottleneck was my photos, affecting match quality.

Yes you will never have the same appeal as white guys. You are paying an ethnic penalty. That’s how it is. Upgrade yourself to compete.

Hobbies don’t matter unless they’re reflected in your pictures. Ditto for style.

Buying from those shops is only step one. You need to dress better than everyone else. It’s not just about having a suit it’s about wearing it stylishly. Rings, necklaces etc. Then facial expressions in pics etc.

 

[G.N]

So far it seems you do have your foot in the door at least and ur getting good matches so maybe it is just working on game and compliance.

Holding back as in I won't appeal to as many girls as some other guys? Yeah that makes sense. I am not asking for all the pussy in the world. Just a few good lays is enough for me. I have always thought most brown guys weren't attractive because they dressed like shit and didn't work out. I do have western hobbies (baking/cooking, gym), some niche ones (dance), and wear western clothes. I mainly buy from Banana Republic, Jcrew, Levi's, etc. May need to get a suit tho.

Yeah at least my foot is in the door, I think texting is the bottleneck right now. New problems. Before my bottleneck was my photos, affecting match quality.

Yes you will never have the same appeal as white guys. You are paying an ethnic penalty. That’s how it is. Upgrade yourself to compete.

Hobbies don’t matter unless they’re reflected in your pictures. Ditto for style.

Buying from those shops is only step one. You need to dress better than everyone else. It’s not just about having a suit it’s about wearing it stylishly. Rings, necklaces etc. Then facial expressions in pics etc.

I need to work on my text game too. I guess its just a result of the west's history of white supremacy. Oh well. At least I can still do better than the white guys who put no effort or who have a shitty profile.

I have a cooking pic and a gym pic hopefully planned out. Would love to get a dance pic/social pic with girls. Got a necklace on the way but not sure what to do about rings since I have big fingers. Tried on a few and they looked weird.

 

[G.N]

One of the best life hacks at your age is to quit porn completely and not look back. It's going to be pretty hard and won't say I was able to do it at that age but if you can pull it off you're going to be doing so much better.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to get rid of that shit. Especially at a young age.

I'm beginning to realize I can't even believe how much of my 20's were wasted in a bunch of extreme social anxiety that was all totally fixable the entire time. And stopping porn finally once and for all was a crucial part of that.

Fucking preach. My social anxiety has been a looming cloud over me as of late and I am definitely sure its the porn. Im gonna repeat myself but I would rather deal with urges than social anxiety and not feeling good enough. I went to target and saw lots of pretty girls, but didn't approach any and just auto-rejected myself.

Yes, thats it. I will build hatred for porn, hatred over the fact it takes things away from me I need to be happy.

It is a good thing I am realizing this at 21 and not 30.

It does become difficult to resist especially when ur not getting any girls atm, but I just have to keep trying. Hope to god I can make OLD work for me.

 

[G.N]

10/6

Anatomy test this morning. Did really good on it, like an 86/100. Did some grocery shopping afterwards.

Only significant part of this day was that I went to a Salsa dance party around 9PM. It was an open dance floor so I just went up to girls and started talking and dancing. Good way to show off my good side. Some of the girls I wanted to escalate with left really early so I lost out there. One woman I asked out said she was married. In the end there was this other woman I danced with who said she was a college student. She was kinda short, blonde, little chub, but overall pretty cute. We danced a few times and eventually I sat next to her and started talking about life. I slowly was getting close to her, and at some point we were talking about pets and I showed her a pic of my dog.

I tried to take GLLs advice about lowering your standards. Out of all the girls catching my eye the one I tried to fuck was probably the least attractive.

When I did I put my arm around her, which she seemed cool with. Eventually as we kept talking someone else was talking to us and then I started touching her hair. Made some comment about her hair and she made a remark back, it seemed more like banter so I just went with it. We danced again and then I said we should just leave as the room started getting more and more empty.

We went back to her car and she said she was probably gonna head home. So I popped the statement of why don't we head back to my place. She said sure since she has young siblings and lives with her parents. She also mentioned not being touchy cuz she was worried about something, idk what, I think maybe my roommates hearing us? Basically I just reassured her nothing to worry about and she was like "ok", so I thought I got her to comply. We went back to mines and sat on my bed. Got her some water and sat next to her. We chatted a lil bit and then she deadass asked me "what do you want to do", I tried to banter a bit but she was seein through my bullshit. I told her straight up I wanted to make out. She said no and said something about how it was a bit weird for some reason I don't exactly remember. I did try again but still no. Said oh well, maybe just a kiss. Still no to that. She told me she was from a very religious household and usually doesn't do hookups and stuff. She said sorry she couldn't give me "what I want". Just left it at that, and opened my apartment door and said bye. She said something like "youre not gonna walk me back to my car?". And I am over here like "bruh" and I made some dumb remark about her being an "independent woman". Walked her back then went back to my room and started typing up this entry.

I really tried my hand HARD at escalation and actually going all the way with getting laid. This is so far the closest I have ever gotten. Pain it didn't go as planned.

May just work on getting better at escalating and flirting. I am dogshit at both of these at the moment but I tried what I have heard some ppl do on this girl.

 

[G.N]

I have a little over an hour till my photoshoot. I prepared all my outfits. I also dug up a black bomber jacket. I used to love wearing those back in high school. I got a maroon bomber this year which I like. Only concern is if a black bomber is still in style. Someone on this forum said that blue is not a badass color so I am not wearing any lighter blues shirts in my pics. I am mainly doing dark green, black, maroon, or navy.

I also preprepared some fried rice for the cooking picture. I took pancakes advice and told my photographer to shoot "high and tight" which he seemed to have understood. I can make the rice look nice and its quite easy.

Now just need to clean the kitchen.

Worst part about this right now though is my anxiety is running wild. I think it is also a bit worse due to my blunder last night.

Stuff that is going through my head:

"what if the pics don't come out good"

"what if they are good and don't get you results"

"doing all this for a dating app is stupid"

"dating apps suck anyways"

"No way I am getting laid on these, my race will hold me back no matter what"

It is stupid. But I came this far, I have to go all in. A lot of guys who bitch about dating apps don't put in nearly as much effort as they think they do.

I will just give it my all now. Lets fucking do this.

 

[G.N]

Update:

Photoshoot went really well! I think he snapped some great pics. For each photo idea I had him take hundreds of photos. Hell he even said this is how he generally does it. Lots of good candid shots. I had some reservations about how I looked and we worked on doing some posed while others were much more candid. He also took pics on his iphone 12 too. Smiled in some, stoic in others. He said he will get to editing them and he will send me the highlights. I told him I would pay him then.

Ill post the pics he sends me here.

 

[G.N]

10/7+10/8

Actually got to finally rest after the hellish workload of the past few weeks. I woke up pretty weird on Saturday because I came back at my place at nearly 2AM, had that failed hookup then slept. For some reason I woke up w/ a hard on twice in the middle of the night. I think also since my body was circulating less cortisol now that my work was less, my testosterone rose. Apparently cortisol and testosterone compete for the same substrates so you are generally less horny when stressed. Maybe also my body was more bummed than my brain that I didn't get to sleep with that girl. I didn't even think I was going to get laid so me escalating with that girl was just a suicide mission cuz I figured Id rather try and fail than not try and still fail.

Saturday itself was pretty chill. I just woke up and started preparing for the photoshoot. For lunch I made fried rice and it tasted exactly like the takeout fried rice I love to get. I figured out why I couldn't get my chinese food to come out like takeout, its because I was not using MSG. Anyways I also made it w/ shrimp to make it fancier. I used a bowl for presentation and then added a basil leaf to make it more gourmet.

After lunch I pressed all my outfits, confirmed logistics w/ my photographer, cleaned the kitchen and living room. He showed up exactly at 5 and we got to work. Overall great shoot. He sent me some samples but they have his watermark and I don't think he has finished editing. I will probably post them in the picture megathread He said he will remove it once I pay him. And I told him I would pay him once he showed me all my edited favorites.

Sunday was also chill though I tried to get a little work done since I didn't do much the day prior. My friends and I planned to meet at my place at 7PM to make pizza. It was a lot of fun and we talked a bit about deeper topics. Funny thing is when the convo turned towards girls I mentioned my number one type being redheads and my homeboy was like "yooo thats my boy", felt like such a fun bro moment lol. At some point the conversation turned towards dating apps. I initially was not going to say anything about my photoshoot but since we talked about it and one of them told me to "get on Hinge", I brought it up and showed them the photos. They thought they were really nice but also suggested asking women I know. I am happy knowing they don't (at least to my knowledge) think what I am doing is stupid cuz I also brought up how I try to shoot my shot more often.

 

[G.N]

10/9+10/10

Feels weird not having as much work in a week, past few weeks I was just constantly studying. We have a short mid-semester break coming up soon. Still buggin like hell about my photographer sending me the pictures as the sample ones imo aren't the best ones.

Wanna use this time to experiment with cooking more, put the finishing touches on my profile, and study for an exam next week. I also have a research project I am working with a family friend on that I have been neglecting so I need to get back on it so they do not drop me.

Writing a bio is pretty damn difficult for me since i have to balance making it sexually appealing but not too forward as well as telling a good bit about me.

I think I will use this picture as my first picture on the apps. The goal is 5-6 photos. I did throw on some facetune and faceapp. I like how it looks now.

In these past two days I did approach two women. One was at my volunteering shift she started talking to me, and turns out she is going to be at my shift for a some time. We definitely had stuff in common but I don't want to make things too awkward between us.

Second girl was manning some stand to raise money for preventing kids suicide. I gave a little money, had some casual chat but she took her hands out of her pocket and I very clearly saw a wedding ring so I knew that was a closed door.

 

[G.N]

10/11+10/12

My school has mid semester break so I am just using the time to study and hopefully get my dating profiles situated. I get to wakeup whenever I want now so I am just trying to get better sleep for the time being since my sleep these last few weeks has not been good.

Anyways so I approached another two girls. First girl on Wednesday was this really tall girl at Kroger. I think it was just the boots though, w/o them she was probably the same height as me. She had the same shoes as my brother so I asked her "Are those Doc Martins" and she said yes. I talked about how my brother got some and how he had to break into them. She said something about how she got ones with fur in them for more comfort. We exchanged names but she seemed a bit detached so the conversation ended abruptly.

Thursday I was just studying like normal. I was seriously struggling on my physical biochem homework so I decided I would go take a break and maybe grab a snack since I was hungry. As I left the library I saw this cute girl in a pink dress. It looked like a Sari so I went up to her asked her if it was one, turns out it was not. It was some traditional egyptian dress. She said she was Egyptian and her fam was Jewish, I wouldn't have guessed she was Egyptian since she had blue (or green) eyes, blonde hair, and light skin. I thought Egyptians were darker skinned? Well whatever.

Most of my approaches have just been about common interests and stuff but we actually talked about religion a bit and community holidays. She was asking me a lot about my culture which made me feel really nice to be appreciated. One interesting thing we talked about was what our names mean. I told her I was named after an important religious figure while she was named something like "to bring Gods teaching" or something, idk I thought it was cool. I was asking her questions too but she honestly seemed way more into the conversation than I was which has literally never happened to me before in cold approach. She was asking me a lot about myself. It had me wondering if she actually found me attractive unlike my other approaches.

I got her number and left. I went to get some boba and just studied a bit. Went back to my apartment and these mfs STILL haven't fixed my horrible internet. For some reason the wifi just is not working.

 

[G.N]

Ok so this morning around 10 AM I sent her a message saying my name. I didn't expect anything since basically all of my cold approaches even if I get their number I do not get a response. But this time she responded literally INSTANTLY.

What the fuck, this is new. So either she is fucking with me, or she genuinely finds me attractive. I started following total's guide again cuz I seriously don't want to fuck this up if the chance is there.

I just asked her her weekend plans, she said she was gonna go pumpkin carving today and study for midterms on the weekend. I sent a response to that, said I was doing something too. Then I asked if she was free tommorow/sunday to grab boba/coffee.

Probably shouldn't text with so many slashes.

Hoping for the best here.

 

[G.N]

So she texted me back over an hour later cuz she was at a doctors appointment. She said that she was 29 (a big surprise considering I thought she was 22-23),and that she "appreciated my offer". I thought she may be worried I thought she was old, at least for casual I really don't give the largest shit. I told her that I don't consider her old so if she was still down it was on the table.

She said that the age difference made her uncomfortable because she thinks she feels like "an elder" to me. And what I am thinking is "okay guess this means no date". She said I was a sweet person. I told her I understood. She said "lets keep in touch", so nicely I just said "yeah sure". I did a couple hours later have the idea of maybe I can just ask her for some input on my OLD photos. I have already asked two girls I know for their opinions, and since I did find this girl quite attractive, her opinion could be very valuable.

But anyways getting rejected like this hurt p bad. The instant response and seeming way more into the conversation than me really had me thinking she was a "yes girl" like some members on this forum say. Turns out even that is no guarantee she would go on a date w/ me or fuck me.

I think I just need to learn there are no 100% guarentee signs a girl wants to fuck, date, or is into you. Maybe there are some things that definitely make it more likely, but there is no 100% guarentee.

I probably should have realized this last week when I got a girl back to my place and we didn't even kiss, even though I was doing my best to escalate, and I had my arm around her shoulder stroking her hair. At the time all I thought she was worried about was my roommates hearing us, but seems that didn't matter and she knew already she didn't want to go there.

If this is true (which it probably is), I don't know where to go from here. Like how do I even approach relationships in general whether casual or serious? Just completely detach myself? Repress any feelings of desire and attraction? Or allow myself to feel those things and accept the hurt that comes with things not going my way, but then moving forward?

 

[pancakemouse]

If this is true (which it probably is), I don't know where to go from here. Like how do I even approach relationships in general whether casual or serious? Just completely detach myself? Repress any feelings of desire and attraction? Or allow myself to feel those things and accept the hurt that comes with things not going my way, but then moving forward?

It is possible to simultaneously have feelings of desire and attraction while also realizing that the person will probably not want to see you. I wrote about this here:
https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2023/01/03/the-best-mentality-for-dealing-with-flakes-and-ghosts/

 

[G.N]

10/13

So after that bullshit earlier today I took the bus to a Salsa party about 40 minutes by bus away. It was a long party, went until like 3AM. I was hoping I could find a girl and maybe take her back to my place, in addition the party would probably take my mind off of that girl earlier this morning. I went up to tons of girls, and basically struck out with all of them. I got straight rejections from a few, some more indirect. One I tried physically escalating with told me to back off. Around 2:30 AM I was like "yeah there is no way I am getting laid", so I just called an Uber and left. Apparently this social night was also part of a joint thing happening tomorrow night so I may come back tomorrow but right now I am just mega pissed off.

Really threw myself a pity party thinking about how much I suck, how I will probably never get laid no matter how hard I try. Keeping hope is difficult especially when its failure after failure after failure. I will get over it though.

Still awake, having urges to watch porn right now. Not going to give in, it wil just make me feel much worse about myself.

My ears are still ringing like hell from the loud ass music, I am probably gonna go to bed. Can't believe I just dicked around like I had nothing to do over the weekend. Still got an exam next week I can't afford to do bad on.

 

[G.N]

I set up all three of my profiles. So far I got about 10 Likes on Tinder, 3 on Bumble, and 1 on Hinge within a 24 hours period. I used a browser extension+Github script to see my Tinder likes and 5/10 of them are overweight :? , one was a really hot blonde but I think she could be a bot, the other two were brown girls w/ one being pretty hot, and another was also a blonde but she was like 100 miles away when I came across her profile.

I also decided to try out a days worth of Bumble Premium. I checked out my likes and all looked pretty solid. Two were light skin black girls and the other a tall blonde. One was 18 and messaged me. She seems to be looking for a relationship though. We set up a date regardless, she sent me something about how she wants to make sure I am "not the type of guy who expects sex on the first few dates". Not really sure what to do about that, possible shit test? I just said I understand that it takes some level of comfort.

Honestly may just go on the date anyways, not sure what to do if its basically already set that we probably won't fuck, and maybe if we do fuck she will want exclusivity, don't need that shit right now. Should I cancel the date, tell the truth I do want sex within the first few dates, or do something else?

 

[pancakemouse]

I set up all three of my profiles. So far I got about 10 Likes on Tinder, 3 on Bumble, and 1 on Hinge within a 24 hours period. I used a browser extension+Github script to see my Tinder likes and 5/10 of them are overweight :? , one was a really hot blonde but I think she could be a bot, the other two were brown girls w/ one being pretty hot, and another was also a blonde but she was like 100 miles away when I came across her profile.

I also decided to try out a days worth of Bumble Premium. I checked out my likes and all looked pretty solid. Two were light skin black girls and the other a tall blonde. One was 18 and messaged me. She seems to be looking for a relationship though. We set up a date regardless, she sent me something about how she wants to make sure I am "not the type of guy who expects sex on the first few dates". Not really sure what to do about that, possible shit test? I just said I understand that it takes some level of comfort.

Honestly may just go on the date anyways, not sure what to do if its basically already set that we probably won't fuck, and maybe if we do fuck she will want exclusivity, don't need that shit right now. Should I cancel the date, tell the truth I do want sex within the first few dates, or do something else?

You could treat the date as practice. It's unlikely you'll be able to bang on date 1 but likely on 2 or 3. No 18-year old is going to wait 4+ dates unless she's Ukrainian or something.

 

[G.N]

I set up all three of my profiles. So far I got about 10 Likes on Tinder, 3 on Bumble, and 1 on Hinge within a 24 hours period. I used a browser extension+Github script to see my Tinder likes and 5/10 of them are overweight :? , one was a really hot blonde but I think she could be a bot, the other two were brown girls w/ one being pretty hot, and another was also a blonde but she was like 100 miles away when I came across her profile.

I also decided to try out a days worth of Bumble Premium. I checked out my likes and all looked pretty solid. Two were light skin black girls and the other a tall blonde. One was 18 and messaged me. She seems to be looking for a relationship though. We set up a date regardless, she sent me something about how she wants to make sure I am "not the type of guy who expects sex on the first few dates". Not really sure what to do about that, possible shit test? I just said I understand that it takes some level of comfort.

Honestly may just go on the date anyways, not sure what to do if its basically already set that we probably won't fuck, and maybe if we do fuck she will want exclusivity, don't need that shit right now. Should I cancel the date, tell the truth I do want sex within the first few dates, or do something else?

You could treat the date as practice. It's unlikely you'll be able to bang on date 1 but likely on 2 or 3. No 18-year old is going to wait 4+ dates unless she's Ukrainian or something.

Actually good idea. I have been doing some self reflecting and realized both my other first dates I gave off friend vibes rather than sexual partner vibes. So maybe I can work on being more flirty I guess? I still have a lot of work to do, my ass is too afraid of making a girl uncomfortable though that fear goes down when I have some alcohol in my system.

I was kinda thinking how goofy the whole conversation about it was with her. So I propose something low cost as an idea. She says "so are we just gonna get tea, talk, then go home lol", which makes me think she wants more. So I say something like (and forgive me if this sounds stupid but) "well lets get tea but see where it goes", then she says something about how she wants to be sure I am "not the kind of guy who wants sex on the first few dates". So wtf does she want. First she made it seem she wanted more, but then simultaneously wants less. But her bio said looking for a relationship, mine is short term but open to long. I guess maybe she just wants something a lil romantic? idk, may just take her for a walk or something after, unless we don't vibe then ill just get my tea and chat for some time, then leave.

 

[Manganiello]

Wrong 1st dates:
Doing whatever she wants

Right 1st dates:
Drinks + conversation that escalates sexually both verbally and physically with an invite back home.

Wrong mindset:
What can I do to win this girl over?

Right mindset:
How can I get more dates with more girls.


Wrong mindset:
How do I get her to like me?

Right mindset:
Is she gonna hook up today or should I just end it early?



There's so many mistakes you will make.

But eventually you realize the girl has to be down to go to your area of town and do what you want to do on the first date. If she's not willing to do that she's not welcome to go on a date. Because there is no scenario where this process is enjoyable for you OR gets you what you want (sex). So it's a colossal waste of time with these girls (unless you have enough experience where you know intuitively when you can break this rule).

Your a guy, she's a girl. It's a date, she should expect you're trying to sleep with her. It shouldn't be a surprise or something you earn over time. She's into you, you're into her, it should happen fast. No bs around what both of you want.


You're selecting girls, not the other way around.
Get more dates until your brain actually starts thinking that way GN44

 

[Foducossy]

I probably should have realized this last week when I got a girl back to my place and we didn't even kiss, even though I was doing my best to escalate, and I had my arm around her shoulder stroking her hair. At the time all I thought she was worried about was my roommates hearing us, but seems that didn't matter and she knew already she didn't want to go there.

Why didn't you kiss? Did you try to? Were you waiting for her signal? Some girls don't give strong signals. You may just have to go for it. Mystery's Kiss Close is handy sometimes. I don't use it anymore but it was useful back in the day.

Actually good idea. I have been doing some self reflecting and realized both my other first dates I gave off friend vibes rather than sexual partner vibes. So maybe I can work on being more flirty I guess? I still have a lot of work to do, my ass is too afraid of making a girl uncomfortable though that fear goes down when I have some alcohol in my system.

I was kinda thinking how goofy the whole conversation about it was with her. So I propose something low cost as an idea. She says "so are we just gonna get tea, talk, then go home lol", which makes me think she wants more. So I say something like (and forgive me if this sounds stupid but) "well lets get tea but see where it goes", then she says something about how she wants to be sure I am "not the kind of guy who wants sex on the first few dates". So wtf does she want. First she made it seem she wanted more, but then simultaneously wants less. But her bio said looking for a relationship, mine is short term but open to long. I guess maybe she just wants something a lil romantic? idk, may just take her for a walk or something after, unless we don't vibe then ill just get my tea and chat for some time, then leave.

Just tell her it's a low stakes vibe check as you are meeting up in person for the first time. When a girl says she won't sleep with you, just say "that's fine" or if you want to be a bit more gamey and high energy you can disagree and amplify/chase frame like "Get your mind out of the gutter, I didn't even mention anything about sleeping with you". Don't do the latter over text unless the interaction is very fluid fun flirty.

Either way you're going to want to try to sleep with her on the first date. You most likely won't, but you have to try so that the girl knows you're a sexual threat.

However, I would say if you have really very very little experience going on dates, and you are having trouble with escalating confidently (kino and stuff), you should go ahead and go for dates that will go nowhere (e.g. where logistics are poor). It does mean nothing will happen on the first date, but you will get the practice, especially if you're struggling to get matches and need more practice on dates, you should capitalise on whatever opportunities you have to go on a date. And who knows, maybe you'll get a second or third date that will lead to a lay. You should still try to follow Manga's advice about location logistics, but if you're inexperienced with dating then having a few dates as practice won't hurt. You can practice flirting, kino, eye contact etc. I came from a very sexually repressed childhood so going on many dates was very helpful for me. I used to find it soooo difficult to even break the touch barrier on a date. It took me a good number of dates to finally do so and do so more quickly. I came up with strategies such as leading her by the small of her back while crossing the street, as a simple but effective way to begin kino, or practiced things like touching her earrings and rings and asking about them. I naturally do not have strong eye contact so I had to work on this quite intentionally as well. Heck, I was also worried to even say "let's go back to my place and hang out", let alone coming up with pull reasons, seeding the pull etc. I needed practice just saying that because I was worried the girl would think I wanted to have sex with her (though that is actually the goal in saying "let's go back to my place"!!). These are all elements you can get better at by going on a date, even if your logistics are not perfect because the girl insisted on meeting in the middle rather than near your place.

Even now I have poor logistics. I manage it by handling other aspects of logistics (being more careful about timings, starting the date earlier to give time for the pull.)

Here you can see my dates across the years. Note the long dry streaks earlier on when I was inexperienced. I got friendzoned many times. And yes it appears that I did sleep with my fifth online date, but this doesn't include maybe 3 online dates I had before I started tracking. (I may go back and retrospectively add those...) That lay came from 2 friendly dates ending with a kiss, and on the third she just came over.

 

[Squilliam]

I also decided to try out a days worth of Bumble Premium. I checked out my likes and all looked pretty solid. Two were light skin black girls and the other a tall blonde. One was 18 and messaged me. She seems to be looking for a relationship though. We set up a date regardless, she sent me something about how she wants to make sure I am "not the type of guy who expects sex on the first few dates". Not really sure what to do about that, possible shit test? I just said I understand that it takes some level of comfort.

Tbh this is up to you. If you're inexperienced and she's attractive I would say go for it. It's good practice. You don't really learn much from girls who are easy to sleep with.

Although, there is a decent probability she won't fuck you on the first date based on what she said.

I would say go for it if she's hot enough. If you're not really crazy about her then I would probably just next her tbh. But if you're inexperienced then maybe it's better to get some experience regardless

 

[G.N]

Wrong 1st dates:
Doing whatever she wants

Right 1st dates:
Drinks + conversation that escalates sexually both verbally and physically with an invite back home.

Wrong mindset:
What can I do to win this girl over?

Right mindset:
How can I get more dates with more girls.


Wrong mindset:
How do I get her to like me?

Right mindset:
Is she gonna hook up today or should I just end it early?



There's so many mistakes you will make.

But eventually you realize the girl has to be down to go to your area of town and do what you want to do on the first date. If she's not willing to do that she's not welcome to go on a date. Because there is no scenario where this process is enjoyable for you OR gets you what you want (sex). So it's a colossal waste of time with these girls (unless you have enough experience where you know intuitively when you can break this rule).

Your a guy, she's a girl. It's a date, she should expect you're trying to sleep with her. It shouldn't be a surprise or something you earn over time. She's into you, you're into her, it should happen fast. No bs around what both of you want.


You're selecting girls, not the other way around.
Get more dates until your brain actually starts thinking that way @GN44

Theres a boba spot and a coffee spot about roughly 10 minutes away by walk from my place. Those are my go to for first dates. I would love to do 5 minutes but the only spots nearby have bad food/drinks. Very very easy to take the lead here.

You can't force a girl to like you, either the chemistry is there or there isn't, that isn't to say don't try. I think for this one I may just try to be less of a "friend" and keep my voice calmer rather than like two bffs talking, which is what my first two dates were like.

For this date she seems to already have her mind made up though that she does not want to sleep with me, is physical escalation even worth it? Maybe we won't sleep together but hopefully I can get some physical contact which can double as good dating experience.