How to actually make progress. Forget about the slight edge and balls to the wall

[CainGettingLaid]

STOP BEING ALONE – it’s what’s keeping you back

Yes I’m talking to you. Yes, you. How do I know?

Because almost all guys who get into dating forums are lonely. Not only in terms of women, but usually in general. Brutal, sad, but true.

Why?

If you had a big social circle, if you had cool friends with good social skills or if you had a big brother who you were close with and showed you how to to this, then you would have probably never stumbled across this forum. Because you would somehow have found a solid girlfriend, would have led a good relationship with her and never gone down this rabbit hole.

But you didn’t have that social environment.

And that’s why you’re here.

This forum is a great place, don’t get me wrong. Loaded with men who are hustling on their goals and who give solid advice. But it’s just not the real thing.

There is only so much you can learn from online advice. It’s not like seeing a guy in real life do the work and showing you how.

There is only so much you can get feedback from online people on your appearance. People here can rate your pics, but they can’t rate what you look like in everyday life, how you use your mouth, how you gesture, how you hold your posture.

And most importantly, there is only so much online people can motivate you. They aren’t really there to pick you up when shit goes south. They aren’t really there to give you a hug when you need it. They are not really there to push you that first step. They are not there to pat you on your back when you succeed and give your self esteem the continuous improvment.

Until today you thought that being alone is simply the way the world works for you. It is who you are.

You’re lonely and this forum is the best thing you have found so far to help you with your goals. You never really considered that there is an alternative.

Gamechanger​

But that’s not true anymore. You don’t have to be alone. We are building a real life community right now and you can become part of it. It is your chance to really change your life's trajectory.

You think you don’t need this? You are LYING to yourself

Research shows that people who live with 4-5 others are the happiest. You are probably living on your own or in a shared flat with strangers you don’t socialize with.

Human beings are social animals.

YOU spend the vast majority of your free time ALONE.

Fucking think about that for a moment please before you continue reading. STOP. Think.

Do you want to live like this?

If you think that this is an acceptable state of existence, I gotta give you some straight news mate. YOU. ARE. COPING. You have no idea how happy you could be. You have no idea how good you could be at achieving your goals. And you refuse to accept the thought that there is a much better life waiting for you so you don’t have to get up and change something big.

Find or build a community for yourself. It’s what is holding you back.

We are building one right now and we have two open spots. You are invited to join. This post about the House of Brothers has all the details.

We’re looking forward to your message

 

[Svadhishthana]

Great post. Everything I'm hearing indicates that you're making an amazing place, and your points about community are 100% correct. I'd sign on in a second if there weren't 8 different things keeping me tied to another continent.

 

[Zug]

All the guys debating getting a coach or lamenting their lack of progress would change their lives overnight if they found 2-3 other guys from this place and got an apartment or airbnb together for a few months and just be immersed 24/7. I never thought of it early, but if I somehow had to startover it is what I would do.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Update House of Brothers: Moved in, massive action, 4 people announced visits

Massive action

T. and I spent three full days on moving our stuff and fully equipping the place with furniture for four people.
Besides the stuff we already owned, we bought (incomplete list)

• A kitchen with oven, dish washer, two fridges
• Washing machine
• A huge leather couch for the living room
• Another couch
• A solid wood table and chairs for the living room
• Kitchen table and chairs
• 3 queen size beds
• 5 wardrobes
• 5 shelves and dressers
• 3 desks and office chairs
• lamps

Basically, the place is fully equipped, we are now working in putting everything in the right spot.

The action was MASSIVE, we were riding around non-stop for three days with a sprinter van, picking up furniture. I still got a leftover muscle ache. Gained even more respect for T., who is less muscular then me but pulled through the entire three days and showed great endurance. We didn't remember to take pics of everything we moved, just a small selection here:



The place

It is amazing with 4 private rooms, a bathroom, a separate restroom, a kitchen and a large living room, separate rooms for storage and drying clothes. It has high ceilings, wooden floor, it's well-lit, has a balcony and a huge garden for barbecues.

It's located near local transport to the center, within walking distance to the teachers campus (mainly chicks studying there), of course grocery shopping nearby, a cafe with couches on a rooftop terrace that is in 4 min walking distance and which is perfect for dates.

When we have put everything in the right spot, we'll share pics of the living room and the available rooms.


Visitors

Interest on the project is solid, as four people have announced their visit and I'll be happy to have them

Pure visits

• @Lord Rey will come from Switzerland with his girlfriend for a weekend visit in May
• @coffeetable will fly over from the United States to visit us for a week in summer

Mid-duration stay

• @Holden will come and stay for 2-3 months in July-September. He might briefly visit sooner beforehand, but since he already visited for a week and we got to know each other, the green light is already there. He will use the time to get super focused and create an additional product for his online business that will give him a new passive income stream and he'll get some lays on the side

Potential mid-duration stay

• @Chamele0n from Sweden will visit for a week in May. An unlimited stay isn't possible for him because his family relies upon him heavily. It's not yet clear whether he can get other family members to fill in so he can carve out a few months to focus on himself and join for that time. If he can, he will use the time to focus hardcore on his main priorities health and getting laid

We are ideally looking for people to join us for longer periods of time, but as long as not all the spots are filled, medium term stays like the two above are also welcome. Pure visitors are always welcome, we are happy to meet new cool people, take action together, see new perspectives and learn something from each other.

Check out THIS POST to understand what this project is about and reach out if you are interested

Action steps done:

• finalized my goals, which I'll share in my personal log
• bought boxes
• packed all my stuff in boxes
• blocked the strip in front of my place so the rental sprinter van has space to park
• signed the electricity contract
• had the first call with the coach
• arranged around a dozen deals for furniture
• contacted the last few furniture sellers
• picked up the rental truck
• drive to Munich, pick up T. and his stuff, and drive back
• moved my stuff
• moved the kitchen
• pick up all the furniture, washing machine, lamps etc.

Action soon:

• put all the furniture in the right place
• keep posting here and elsewhere to inspire men to join
• set up regular meetings with the brothers
• go hard on my own goals
• support the brothers in achieving their goals
• host visitors
• much, much more!!

Lets goooo, ACTION

 

[wave]

Go Cain!

 

[Tragedy]

STOP BEING ALONE – it’s what’s keeping you back

This advice is life changing. I completely destroyed my 20's due to loneliness, once I left my family for university. Crashed in a way that will require years of hard work + luck to be fixed.

What you guys are doing is astonishing, I really wish more people will follow your advice.

I recently started to do the same with a friend of mine who is also into personal development and got impressive results in the last 12 months compared on being on my own.

You are probably living on your own or in a shared flat with strangers you don’t socialize with.

Just a note, if one lives with people of the wrong kind or attitude, despite living together and socializing, it can have the same detrimental effects as being alone. Sometimes even worse. So it is important not to stay with depressive and complainy people, or they will drag you down in their grave without you even noticing.

-------
Are you guys in Freiburg?

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Are you guys in Freiburg?

Yup

 

[Thrice]

Good idea, maybe I could do something like this in Milan. Trying to do everything on your own can fuck up your mental game

 

[Chamele0n]

In May, I spent 10 days in Freiburg, Germany, to see and try to join the House of Brothers project.


I came by train from Sweden, which I wouldn’t really recommend. It’s long, tiring, and the trains are often late. But if you're moving half your life and you want the cheapest option, it might be worth it.


The first thing that hit me was the beauty. The station is placed high up in the city, so right away you can see parts of Freiburg and the surrounding hills. It’s stunning. Then we walked to a restaurant nearby, also elevated, and from there the views were even better. Freiburg is honestly one of the most beautiful cities I’ve ever been to. Hills, rivers, greenery, old European architecture. It’s got it all. And every day I saw some new corner of the city that was just wow. I don’t say this lightly.


The city has a youthful energy. It’s full of students and young people, and you feel that in the streets. People walking, biking, hanging out. It’s a walkable and bikeable city. Lots of pedestrian areas, and when it’s sunny, the vibe is amazing with lots of people (women) out.


The house, the members and the project


The apartment itself was great. It’s big, every room is spacious, the kitchen is big and has two refrigerators, and there’s even a balcony. We only had one toilet, which sounds like a problem, but it really wasn’t. The walls are a bit thin, so maybe not ideal if you're loud in bed, but overall the place is very livable.


The location of the house is great too. There’s a tram stop 5 minutes away, and you’re in the city center within 15 to 20 minutes. It’s also right near the river, close to hiking trails, and nature is everywhere. You also have a grocery store nearby, so for day-to-day living, it’s very easy and beautiful.


What really stood out though was the vibe inside the house. I’ve had long-term issues with procrastination, but those 10 days were different. The energy of Cain, the presence of T, and just the seriousness of the house helped me focus and be productive. I didn’t even need to use blockers on my phone. I was busy approaching, working on my CV, applying for jobs in Basel, and researching for a course. If procrastination is something you struggle with, this project might be the best decision you could make. I made big progress with women, health, and self-discipline in the little time I was there.


Cain is an awesome guy. He combines a sort of calm, self-grounded confidence with this go-getter, no-excuses attitude. He’s disciplined with himself, but he’s also incredibly kind and generous with others. He gave me hours of his time, helping me with job applications, talking through personal stuff, encouraging me without ever babying me. He’s the kind of guy who knows his own flaws, and he builds systems around them. He says himself that he doesn’t have perfect discipline, which is why he’s put so many structures in place. Accountability, social pressure, house rules. And those structures work.


I got along great with the other member of the project. He was an awesome guy and I had no complaints about him. I got along with him as much as I did with Cain, if not more. We had lots of meals together. Long talks about history, politics, and women.


Cold approaching and women


Within 15 minutes of meeting Cain, he told me I was going to do my first cold approach. I’d never done one before. I was unsure, didn’t know what to say, had all the usual fear and resistance. But he just gave me the basic script and said, “Let’s go.” And I did it. I was nervous, unsure, but he pushed me through it. That moment kind of defines Cain.


Cain made me approach everywhere: in stores, on hikes, on flower fields where girls were picking flowers — everywhere I was with him, and he saw an opportunity, he pushed me to do it. He even pushed me to talk to a girl going inside a lingerie store. I didn’t think I could do it, but he said, "Yes, you can," and to my surprise, I ended up getting a date with her. He doesn’t let you spiral into doubt. He knows when you’re truly at your limit and when you’re just making excuses, and he’ll call you on it, but always with good intent.


Over the trip, I did around 50 approaches, got 8 numbers, and went on 2 dates, with 2 more that could have happened if I stayed longer. It wasn’t just theory or tactics. Cain’s approach is: go talk to her, flirt, see what happens. Very different from the overcomplicated stuff I used to read. If you’re struggling with women, you won’t find a better hands-on coach.


Freiburg has a lot of volume, especially when it’s sunny. You’ll see beautiful women, and I was surprised by the quality. On cloudy days, there are fewer people, but still totally approachable. There’s a strong presence of lefty, hippie, colored-haired feminist types, but also normal girls, fashion girls, and everything in between. Personally, I kind of like the hippie-lefty aesthetic and the adjacent types, so I enjoyed it. But if it’s not your type, just be aware.


There are mostly German chicks there, with a smaller minority of mixed foreigners, mostly other Europeans, Africans, and Middle Easterns.


I’m a Middle Eastern guy, with a beard, and I’m sometimes self-conscious about it. No negative reactions from women or bystanders. If you’re a minority, no need to worry, you will get results.


I’ve attached a few photos from some of the approaches — I ended up getting numbers from all of them and went on dates with the girl in the brown jacket and the one from the lingerie store.


Job search and economics


I did a basic job hunt, and even without German, I got 2 serious leads in the hospitality industry. If I had stayed longer and searched harder, I’m confident I would’ve landed something. Also, Basel is nearby, and you can commute there, which gives you access to Swiss salaries while living with German costs. That’s a huge plus.


Groceries are cheaper than Sweden. Restaurants are a bit more expensive, maybe 10 to 20 percent more. Alcohol is much cheaper. Rent is normal for a European city. Overall, it’s affordable, especially considering what you get in return. Scenery, nature, vibe, growth.


Random highlights

• Hiking into the Black Forest and taking a drink at the restaurant up the hills
• Partying with Cain’s ‘alcoholic’ friend and clubbing
• A cold river bath with Cain and T in the morning after the night out clubbing
• Eating at a Moroccan restaurant and having a deep talk with Cain the night before leaving

Why I Didn’t Join (And Why You Should)


Honestly, this trip opened my eyes. It showed me what kind of life is possible when you’re in the right environment and take action. Living with serious men, pushing each other, and creating that upward spiral is powerful. You grow faster, you enjoy life more, and you start becoming the person you were meant to be.


I didn’t end up joining because of some personal issues and responsibilities with my family back home. But honestly, if I didn’t have those ties, I would’ve stayed. Without hesitation. The house, the city, the people. Everything about it felt like a place where I could build something real. The progress I made was incredible. Living with Cain and being in this project is something truly worth making sacrifices for.


If you’re someone who struggles with procrastination, or who’s been stuck in theory, or who knows you’re capable of more but just can’t seem to get moving, go visit the house.

 

[Self Improver]

Brings tears to my eyes to read this.

Beautiful.

The world was build by groups of men like us coming together and freely associating.

Keep going brothers.

The work is not finished. There is a hell of a way for us all to go.

Just keep the faith, and keep going.

-MAC

 

[Thrice]

I would like to visit this house too

 

[Self Improver]

I would like to visit this house too

Do it.

But don’t go Ted Bundy on these hoes like Lithuanian chick

Gonna get us all cancelled lmao

 

[CainGettingLaid]

How to actually make progress. Forget about the slight edge and balls to the wall

Every guy on this forum wants to grow, reach their goals and become a better man. And you are working on it. And you have experienced times of progress and times of stagnation.

There is usually two philosophies behind progress:

1. The slight edge

• This idea says that consistency is key. Just keep progressing a little bit every day and over time, you can reach big goals

2. Balls to the wall

• Hustle as hard as you possibly can. Reach your goals right fucking now

There is downsides to each strategy, that are obvious to anyone who follows these philosophies:

1. The slight edge won’t get you to your goal fast
2. Balls to the wall isn’t sustainable and most likely you’ll burn out and need to recharge before your next burst of hustle

But there is a much deeper issue in these concepts. They act like things only go upward. But that’s not true. Shit happens. Life throws you curve-balls. Issues arise.

And some of those can put you in really terrible life situations in which you stop doing the slight edge, in which you regress, in which you lose motivation to work, in which you get depressed or worse.

The two progress theories sort of ignore that fact that

• the baseline from which you are working upward isn’t guaranteed
• motivation to keep going on one’s path is limited and dependent on external factors

In fact, in my experience, the idea that “effort = progress” doesn’t apply to real life.

There is times in which progress comes with ease, things just kind of work out, one thing leads to another, and things go well with relatively little motivation and effort.

Then there is other times in which things go bad, one experiences setbacks, motivation falls, it’s hard to get started or even get out of bed.


Why? And why does all this theoretical blabla actually matter Cain, wtf are you talking about?!?

Your motivation and effort is NOT the key driver to progress.

Yes. Let that sink in.

Your motivation and effort is NOT the key driver to progress. Because motivation and effort are majorly influenced by outside factors.

How you think it works:

1. I put in motivation and effort
2. I make progress
3. Repeat

In reality, life is not that simple. Your motivation is driven by what happens, how well you succeeded before, by how well you slept, by how good your relationships are going, by how well you are nurturing your body, by the people around you that inspire you or drag you down.

What I experience in my life, is that life usually moves like a spiral which has two directions.

1. Upwards

• things are going generally well. I have self-control, a positive outlook, keep up my healthy habits, don’t waste my time on dumb distractions, work on my goals, achieve things, get a positive feedback loop of success feeding success. I don’t need to push myself super hard to do work, it happens with little to no effort

2. Downwards

• things are going generally bad. I have bad self-control, negative thoughts. I fuck up my routines, am sleep deprived, eat junk food, procrastinate. I don’t achieve much, which drives a negative feedback loop of self doubt and failure. When trying to progress I need to put in a lot of energy and motivation, which I am severely lacking

In essence, while you are in the upward spiral, you are progressing and achieving your goals with ease, meanwhile, when you are in the downward spiral, you are not achieving much at all, EVEN if you put in all the effort and energy you got.

The reason why I describe it as a spiral, is because the positive or negative behaviors and conditions reinforce each other. One thing leads to another. It is a dynamic movement, not something purely driven by deliberate action

So the way to progress is not to put your energy and focus narrowly on progressing, but instead on maintaining the upward spiral.

That is the most important thing.

Progress comes with little effort and energy when you are in the upward spiral. Your routines are easier to uphold. You have more energy. You are more motivated.


How to create an upward spiral for yourself and how to maintain it

1. Habits are key: Sleep, nutrition, exercise. Build those up
2. Surround yourself with people who support you in those things. People who are positive. People who work out. People who pay attention to sleep and nutrition. It makes it easier for you to do all these things as well
3. Don’t do dumb shit that you know risks derailing your upwards spiral
4. When shit happens in life, focus not on keeping up the progress trajectory that you were on previously, but focus on maintaining the upward spiral. Don’t sacrifice sleep over work, exercise over work, quality friend time over work. Stabilize the spiral before you focus your energy back on progress

Building up the robustness of this upwards spiral is what I have been doing throughout the past years. I have focused majorly on positive habits and surrounding myself with people that are also driven to grow, that are fun and positive.

It’s actually one of the main reason why I created the House of Brothers project, because I know how important being in a good environment is for myself.

Put yourself in the upward spiral as well and set your next 12 months up for success. Come join us.

 

[Self Improver]

Love this shit Cain

Get them all posting on here too!

Get them all posting their own logs, representing the brotherhood house, and all of you go fucking crush

KINGS!!!!!!!!!!