How To Get Over the Thought of "Dirtying Girls By Fucking Her"

[SIGMA_1234]

So I had a blowjob recently, but my conservative upbringing kicked in. And I think it's subconsciously keeping me from fucking more girls.

I have the thought that I am "dirtying" them after fucking. Like, I am making them more "unmarriagable" because I fucked them. Get what I mean? This definitely happened after I received a blowjob from my chick earlier.

How do you guys get over this feeling?

 

[AGF]

First of all: congrats for the blowjob.

Second: Dude, you're in the Philippines. I am not sure how aware you are of what your fellow countrywomen do in their spare time.

I have spent some time there and talked to a lot of guys with tons of experience with Filipinas as well (local guys + foreigners) and we all agree that the girls in the Philippines are the naughtiest and most dtf girls in the world (not sure if you already knew that and to what extent you disagree). I have heard and personally experienced some crazy stories that would've never happened anywhere else (e.g. 18 year old girls with notch counts of 50+). So if I were you, I would never assume that any girl you meet in the Philippines is an innocent angel (no offense to your country or culture!).

To your question: if you're not "dirtying them", sooner or later some other guy from Tinder or their social circle will. If they want to do dirty stuff, they will eventually do it.

 

[SIGMA_1234]

18 year old girls with notch counts of 50

Dafuq? Really? All the girls I'm pulling are good girls so far. I need to work on myself to screen the DTF ones.

 

[Lostcause]

How do I get over that thought?

I dont.

Because I am not a douchebag.

Sorry if this sounds offensive (ok, ok, I realize it does, sorry), but it sounds really douchy to me thinking girl gets somehow worse by having sex with you, while you dont.

If your upbringings idea of sex is something you believe in you should not have casual sex until your idea changes. And if you dont really agree with that idea and still do it, think of why. Then realize why shouldnt a girl have sex if you do even if your ideas tell not to.

Not sure if it helps, but treat girls fair.

 

[Wifty]

You do what you want and they do what they want.

You want lots of sex, she wants too.

What's the problem ?



How to get over it ? Meet more women, it is therapeutic when you have such intentions.

 

[realrandymarsh]

That point of view disturbs me. If you think a girl you had sex with gets dirty, don't have sex them. I think you have more important social issues. I think you should make some friends, get socialize with new people. Getting to know new people would open your mind in a healty way.

 

[JamalHash123]

Agreed with MattsCrib .

Perhaps a better way to reframe this would be "Yes I am making them more 'dirty' but she's doing this out of her own free will and she has agency so it's not my fault".

 

[Lostcause]

Wow, what a piece of bullshit.

Guys, you have to understand that this feeling isn't just "societal programming" and disturbing - it's biologically NORMAL to be repulsed by women who are/have been promiscuous. It's a natural "flight or fight" reflex of sorts

Rats - "icky" because the possibility of diseases (mainly the plague)
Spiders - "icky" because of the possibility of being venomous
Blood - because it shows obvious damage, danger
Feeling that women are "dirty" when they've had a lot of sex (even if it's with you) - the possibility of them being impregnated by other men (your genes not going to survive), the possibility of diseases, not to mention your "ego" getting in the way (if she has had a lot of partners, she wont love me the same as i'll be just an object etc.)

Our brains aren't evolved for this "free love" society of hook-ups and casual sex (hell, we haven't evolved for a lot of things in the modern society). Yes, on a rational level, it's completely harmless, but you have to understand where it comes from and act accordingly (whether you want to change your views and get over it is up to you)

Just telling people to "get over it" or trying to rationalize a primitive feeling doesn't help much.

All in all, reframing thoughts might help, like in "You Can't afford the luxury of a negative thought"

Ok, lets assume it's a nature's, not cultural thing. Lets skip the part where we are civilised people, with ways to RECOGNIZE, TREAT and AVOID stds. Lets skip the part where we should have RATIONAL CONTROL over the PRIMITIVE INSTINCTS.

How are the girls having sex worse then men having sex then? Its not like its only women who can spread dieseases. We can do it aswell. Why should we hold women to a standard where they are worse for possibly spreading dieseases, when we possibly do the exact same thing - having sex with plenty of diffrent partners. Are we, men somehow lower value because of that? Stop rationalizing your ideas with nature.

 

[AGF]

Our brains aren't evolved for this "free love" society of hook-ups and casual sex (hell, we haven't evolved for a lot of things in the modern society).

Genghis Khan and the vikings disagree.

Do you have any scientific sources for your statement? I would argue that the exact opposite is the case but society nowadays suppresses our primal desire for sex. The recent surge in online dating and hookup culture is more a move back to what our ancestors were already doing hundreds and thousands of years ago.

High-value man have always had multiple partners for the entire history of mankind. Look at any high-value male hundreds of years ago and you'll find a man with mulitple women. It was even more acceptable back then than it is now.

 

[Lostcause]

.If we were rational human beings we wouldn't do animalistic things in the first place, but we aren't.

Part of being rational is taking your animalistic feelings into consideration, but not letting them control your life. Thats what being rational means. A rational person has sex because she/he knows it is rationaly good decision to have it, not because she/he NEEDS to whatever the cost of fullfilling this desire.

.Also, show me an average guy who has a lot of sex and spreads std-s. It's often the argument of "but men do it too!".

Whats the point, do you want me to give you names, or something?
But well, I guess the women get STDs from masturbation in the first place, its not like they get it from.. men. Gross.

. One more thought: if it's only cultural, why have I felt it being gross for the majority of my life while living with pretty liberal friends?

You were not raised in a bubble. You are exposed to different opinions even if you was not raised strict.


I truly believe no one should be having sex as long as he thinks its gross/degrading for a woman. We can argue whether its good or bad, but if you truly feel like this, then you are a real asshole consciously making the women worse/gross for your own pleasures sake.

 

[Lostcause]

. Genghis Khan and the vikings disagree

Not just them. What about the Romans and Greeks doing orgies on a regular basis? Or the medieval times and visiting brothels being common thing?
Its the recent times that did something gross and taboo from a sex.
We have a benefit of living in times of hygiene and medicine where we can recognize and treat stds, yet make no use of it, because we are still mentaly 100years behind, thinking its gross.

 

[SIGMA_1234]

I have to agree that historically, high-value men have always had concubines and multiple women. And it was just recently that religion has had a strong imposition on monogamy and such. Though I have to hand it to the last few hundred years where monogamy was strictly enforced, that society as a whole is more civilized. But deep down I think we all know that the natural order is that high-value men aim to scatter their seed, and young women are intrinsically driven to capture high-value seed from such men.

After some thinking and reading all the responses, I have decided to try to frame my mindset this way:

Everytime I have sex, I will do my best to frame it in a non-selfish way. I will try to teach them how to make me and men in general feel good, and I will do my best to encourage them to express themselves sexually. I will literally make the effort to at least make them learn something new when we engage sexually, and I will make damn sure she enjoys our time. I'll do my best that she be sexually satisfied with our time.

I just realized that even if the chick I scored with wasn't cute for my standards, I actually had this^ thought running in my head. Might sound basic to you guys, but this would be what I would try for the next few lays.

 

[Lostcause]

It just IS icky, like spiders, blood, heights, rats etc. If anything the fact that you don't feel like that is cultural programming.

I personaly think spiders and rats are cute (ok, the latter as long as they are clean), blood is whateva. Height scares me, but I feel like it scares me much more then everage person around me. The point is, if it's not cultural thing, but nature, then how am I not icky?
Other argument in that regard - isn't eating bugs icky? I mean, bugs are dirty and can be poisonous. They can be as dangerous as whatever thing you mentioned earlier. Nature has reasons for it to be universaly icky. Meanwhile some cultures eat bugs like it's whateva.
The point being - nature has it's way of making things icky, some come from our genes, some from culture. Culture is a way of nature of causing ickiness, yet it's flexible enough to adapt to reality we live in. So blaming your reaction on nature is an easy way to justify it, but think if doesn't come from your experiences in fact.

We aren't evolved for porn, hookups with 20, 30, 100 partners, condoms, birth control on a large scale level.

We are evolved to make as much children as we can, using as varied gene pool as we can. Which means as much sex as we can. Which means as many partners as we can - because it's a way of providing variety in a gene pool.
We are not evolved for birth control, but I do not thing it changes anything in the topic of discussion.

That's why I DON'T fuck women AND am looking for an asexual-ish girl to raise a family with. I feel kinda gross about my past experiences - even if I've rejected them and not gone further. I know what op feels.

Trust me, it really really sucks that I feel like that and I need to take steps to solve it. Nobody enjoys hating/being grossed out by something so major.

I feel like you being grossed out comes from the way you think, even tho you think it's nature that speaks through you. I am not psychologist, neither are you, but I have a feeling visiting one could help you fix it. Neither being grossed about what you did, neither being grossed to the point of wanting asexual relation for life sounds healthy to me. I mean - being asexual is fine, but it comes not from being asexual, but being grossed.

Taking examples from a culture who diddled kids and had orgies isn't that great imo. They were mentally fucked up according to basic human ethics. Shouldn't we thrive to be MORE systematic as a whole?

Yeah, they were. 1000 years from now we will be also considered a damned degenerates. That's the way society evolves. But answering your questions - yes, we should. And we do - we live in a times where we can more or less do casual sex without harming anyone. Let's make use of that.



Sorry if I am being a little aggresive in this discussion by the way, but the topic seems to trigger me a little. Because not only it's totally unfair and double standards, but also hurting men as a whole. What do I mean? Basicaly every single women I met was more concerned with playing not easy just because they knew, most men would treat them like shit if they thought they were having a lot of sex. Or even JUST sex. That's unhealthy both for women, and for men. It makes sex look like something bad and people end up grossed by it. Then armies of incels roam internet spreading hate on women, because they get no sex and the wheel closes.

Everytime I have sex, I will do my best to frame it in a non-selfish way. I will try to teach them how to make me and men in general feel good, and I will do my best to encourage them to express themselves sexually. I will literally make the effort to at least make them learn something new when we engage sexually, and I will make damn sure she enjoys our time. I'll do my best that she be sexually satisfied with our time.

Make every person you sleep with a better person. It sounds like something Andy would say.

 

[Wifty]

https://killyourinnerloser.com/go-talk-to-more-girls/

 

[Crisis_Overcomer]

All the time most of you guys spent replying and trying to rationalize decisions you already made on an emotional level....

...is time you could have spent working on yourself and finding answers via experience, not mental wanka-wanka-bation.

 

[SIGMA_1234]

Because not only it's totally unfair and double standards, but also hurting men as a whole. What do I mean? Basicaly every single women I met was more concerned with playing not easy just because they knew, most men would treat them like shit if they thought they were having a lot of sex. Or even JUST sex. That's unhealthy both for women, and for men. It makes sex look like something bad and people end up grossed by it. Then armies of incels roam internet spreading hate on women, because they get no sex and the wheel closes.

Oh now this I will keep in mind. I just created this topic because I really want to get off this toxic mindset I just realized is subconsciously affecting me. I really, really do not want to judge women for being slutty, because moth men and women are also experimenting shit to see how this sex thing works. It is just such a sick double standard to allow men to have experience and women to be shamed for having experience (had this talk with the girl who gave me a BJ. May have also played as a factor as to why she sucked my dick).

Make every person you sleep with a better person. It sounds like something Andy would say.

Yeah, now that I think about it. KillYourInnerLoser was the first person to at least show that getting laid can be a self-improvement experience for both you and the girl you're getting laid with. That was what drew me deep here in GLL and KYIL.

 

[lucasxpogba]

Just my two cents, a year later:

To op: you are not alone. Asking yourself if you want to be a part of the whole "degeneracy" is fine. A lot of people don't ask themselves this because they are not "perceptive" or "critical thinking" enough to even reflect on such issues. They might just not be smart enough. Or they weren't surrounded by the particular environment that would push them to think about such a dilemma. Or a mix of all the prior. So don't feel lonely.

Also, you're right: when compared to the "low lay-count" cohort, women with high lay-counts are less desirable to men around the world coming from different cultures and religions, and from different eras, too. How can it be "cultural reprogramming" (or whatever the term used in the posts was) if it is extremely present INTER-culturally. In any case, it's rather people looking to confirm absurd biases that suffer to a certain extent of such a programming. As somebody pointed out, there are multiple (an infinity) studies out there on the topic and its tangents; the bottomline is that promiscuous girls are a liability to the passing-on of genes of a particular guy.

In terms of practical solutions, one approach is to try to be the best you can be. Then ideally, if you're "high-value" enough, you'll have a pool of girls (that will all look kind of identical to your own eyes) from which to choose one. And that's what you can do, with the added benefit you would be so much more valuable than any of the candidates that, out of self-interest, the one you choose will be loyal beyond believe (if you keep the same "value" ratio when compared to her).

 

[Radical]

lucasxpogba mate you need a profile pic for here

Cant make any exceptions. Can be cropped or blurred