• Welcome to the forums, Guest. Please note that you must make a post in the introduction thread and upload an avatar to gain full access to the forums.

Lex' AA log

lexluther_999

lexluther_999

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2020
I decided to sign the AA petition here on KYIL because I use this forum the most.
Because I already created a profile on this forum I will go immediately to day 2 of the AA prorgamm.

Day 2

- My goal and only goal for the next 3+ months is to beat approach anxiety.

- Because that is my ONLY #1 goal and I care a lot about it- I won't try to balance it with anything other than going to work/school/gym.

- Since I'm not trying to BALANCE it with several other goals, I will have more than enough time to do the drills.

- I agree to FORGET ABOUT GETTING LAID (for now).

- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.
- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.
- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.
- I will DO THE DRILL as it is written and leave.

- I will NOT turn the drill into an 'indirect' approach and get deflated if it doesn't go well.




- I will also start a POF (or OkCupid) account and use GLL's or Rooster's guide because I understand that giving myself some online options will decrease my neediness.

(I already use online dating and other options. The AA program should mainly increase my progress in other fields.)

- I will check in on ~daily basis, documenting what day I'm on, what I plan to do and if I did it.


- I understand that doing a Vlog will only help me be more accountable and get better results.

- I will stop ONLY WHEN I have beaten 90-100% of my approach anxiety. (~3-5.5months, @Level 7).

- I will see this through or get professional help for my anxiety and do it again.
(I planned to do a combination of the 2 at the same time. That way I plan to overcome my inhibitions.
My plan is to join the KYIL accountability group the moment I hit a insurmountably threshold in the program. )
 
Day 3 of the programm.


Plenty of fish was outdated at my place (current location). I do use Tinder, Badoo, and OKcupid though.
Discussed the scenario with a friend of mine who is doing therapy proffesionally. He didnt find the idea of running around a girl in circles while saying tick repeatedly ,very safe. I was taking his argument about being eventually beaten up by doing it to someones girlfriend not very serious. I could be wrong.

(Day 4)
I am trying to get ahead of the basic tasks very quickly, being aware that later tasks might take for a week to finish only one day.
I must admit that I was slightly nervous again even though I did this basic stuff (asking for the time) as well as weirder stuff for as long as I can remember.
Approached ten girls in approximately ten 20 minutes ( 16:23 - 16:49) asking for the time.
I didnt feel a big accomplishement because I fully know that her reaction will be a different one when I ask her to meet up. Anyway, the girls seemed a bit scarred by getting approached out of nowhere. That doesnt happen all the time but can happen quite often. (not all girls though)
 
Day 5 of the programm.
I did walk up to 5 girls asking for the phone number. I tried to approach at least somehow good looking girl i would feel remotely attracted to and capable of having sex with.
Once I walked over the street I was able to do the remaining ( second 5) in less than 5 minutes. I didnt quite remember their reactions in detail later as the drill was done very quickly.
I do remeber one girl which was quite uncommfortable when I asked her another question later on. However I did follow her like a stalker and might understand that reaction.
The biggest issue I face is not even being blamed by girls but rather this fear of being regarded as an idiot by society for acting weird. I used to have a lot of trauma from past public humiliations that were induced by my nutcase parents. Overall it wasnt a big issue so far given that I happend to have asked girls for phone numbers ( on street) in the past. However I do fear the more advanced points. I feel its like impossible not to become ashamed ( very uncomfortable) of acting as if you were nuts.
Also I might come up with scenarios where I could introduce myself and then ask them for hi fives. I am not sure whether this constitutes a valid approach. Anyways, I plan to go over the task as long as possible once I hit a point where I feel uncomfortable and repeat it till I don't feel like that anymore.
 
Day 6 of the programm
Felt a few times bad because I got ignored quite often by women on the street. Or they would simply reply to the first question but not the the second or third.
Manage to o it anyway but it took me 1 and half hours.
Seriously some women got really scarred away. Street approaches might not be the best type of approach anyway. Changing to some more plausible locations like to supermarket etc would be better for most of the questions mentioned in the programm. Anyway, I was starting to feel bad because of the many rejections. Also, I would mostly get rejected here by uglier women or elder once who felt Like I was approaching them for ther reasons to steal their money etc.
The goodlooking girls remained helpful. Anyway, some past issues got trigerred. WIll be spending one day to think about this stuff in a therapeutic sense.
BUt seriously it seems that today the prpgramm tends to make even less sense than in the past like ten years ago.
Like who is lacking a fucking watch for gods sake . Also the question as allwasy seemed highly disconnected. I mean I could invent a bunch of questions just to remain talking to her for minutes without haing to stick to the AA programs questions.
 
As mentioned the goal of the programm is to prevent me from developing blockages at other places and developing and more advanced vocabulary plus reduced nervousness when approahcing girls at other places. I dont quite myslef believe in the long term time to investment ratio of cold approaching. Not that I dont respect. Having done some cold approaches on the street with rather positive reactions. Actually I got told by some therapists in the past to skip the AA programm and move immediately to cold appraches.
one theless I believe that the benefits of the progarmm are the fact that one slowly starts to feel all the possible issuesin social settings that can be analyszed later and deatl with
 
lexluther_999 said:
Seriously some women got really scarred away. Street approaches might not be the best type of approach anyway. Changing to some more plausible locations like to supermarket etc would be better for most of the questions mentioned in the programm. Anyway, I was starting to feel bad because of the many rejections. Also, I would mostly get rejected here by uglier women or elder once who felt Like I was approaching them for ther reasons to steal their money etc.
The goodlooking girls remained helpful. Anyway, some past issues got trigerred. WIll be spending one day to think about this stuff in a therapeutic sense.
BUt seriously it seems that today the prpgramm tends to make even less sense than in the past like ten years ago.
Like who is lacking a fucking watch for gods sake . Also the question as allwasy seemed highly disconnected. I mean I could invent a bunch of questions just to remain talking to her for minutes without haing to stick to the AA programs questions.
Click to expand...
The drills within the program do not serve any purpose. They are all dares. Just do them. Its just your social programming kicking in, Treat it more like a challenge and remind yourself that you arent weird, you are just doing something that makes no sense for an external observer.
 
lexluther_999 said:
Day 5 of the programm.
I did walk up to 5 girls asking for the phone number. I tried to approach at least somehow good looking girl i would feel remotely attracted to and capable of having sex with.
Once I walked over the street I was able to do the remaining ( second 5) in less than 5 minutes. I didnt quite remember their reactions in detail later as the drill was done very quickly.
I do remeber one girl which was quite uncommfortable when I asked her another question later on. However I did follow her like a stalker and might understand that reaction.
The biggest issue I face is not even being blamed by girls but rather this fear of being regarded as an idiot by society for acting weird. I used to have a lot of trauma from past public humiliations that were induced by my nutcase parents. Overall it wasnt a big issue so far given that I happend to have asked girls for phone numbers ( on street) in the past. However I do fear the more advanced points. I feel its like impossible not to become ashamed ( very uncomfortable) of acting as if you were nuts.
Also I might come up with scenarios where I could introduce myself and then ask them for hi fives. I am not sure whether this constitutes a valid approach. Anyways, I plan to go over the task as long as possible once I hit a point where I feel uncomfortable and repeat it till I don't feel like that anymore.
Click to expand...

yeah i have the same fears exactly of being regarded as an idiot. I get embarrassed and self conscious way too easily as well. I'm not doing the AA program, but I'm doing straight up approaches. You're right, it is impossible not to become very uncomfortable, but that's okay. Gotta ask yourself whether you'd rather be comfortable all the time or live the life you wanna live. Also if you're already able to approach girls and ask for numbers, you could do full approaches like that too
 
Day 7
Got my first fail some time ago. Didn't complete the programm some hours ago. Stayed the entire night awake ata party doing illegal stuff I guess.
My mistake was that I did the drills during night time At a unreasonably late time.
You wouldn't barely find girls outside and they really scarred faster.
Managed to get all questions answered for the time.
2 out of five replied to my second question second drill.
Third one received only two complete drills but one reply.
That is only 4 would even listen to my question which I counted as a third competed drill.
The fifth one didn't even listen.
I messed it up quite a bit and am sure that I need to repeat the programm for that days.
Especially since I failed the approaching the first girl.

Overall received some concerns from friends of mine concerning the the safety of the programm.
I mean running in circles asking saying semms to me like the weirdest stuff to do.
Overall I received an advice from a friend who is a therapist and coach to try vzualizing the scenarios before I do them.
It would help as well.
Anyways, I will take the programm as slowly as possible in order to prevent unnecessary burnout while handling the problems using cognitive behavioral techniques.
 
lexluther_999 said:
I believe that the benefits of the program are the fact that one slowly starts to feel all the possible issues in social settings that can be analyzed later and dealt with
Click to expand...
This is the essence of the AA program. The AA program teaches you Social Freedom. Do what you want when you want because you want to.

TBH your friends are holding you back and creating doubt in your mind with these ideas. Not once did I ever even feel the threat of getting beaten up during my time approaching. In fact I probably made more girls happy while doing the program then offended. The odd reactions where girls are offended are the outliers and literally like less then 1% of the total interactions.

If your friends are not supporting your decisions to try and better yourself then I would go as far as to say that you should stop listening to their advice and just work on it yourself. The people here on the forums are very supportive and the collective input from everyone here is more valuable then the close minded opinions of those who have not put them selves in strenuous situations.

Keep up the good work and keep approaching. You will most certainly come out the other end a stronger and mentally healthier person if you complete the program.
 
I think Toast is right but I don't think your friends are just trying to peg you down. If you're from the UK, and from the way you type I suspect you are, then it might behoove you to approach more in the daytime when people's guards are down. You guys have a different culture (euphemism) than what Canadians and Americans are used to. That's what your friends were probably talking about. In the daytime you should always be good, it's basic human psychology, how can people wild out in the day?
 
Today I took a day off to get my some job done.
Did however approach 3 girls asking them the required questions to keep momentum.
Plan to take up the programm tommorrow.
By the way, am currently in south eastern Europe.
 
Day 7
Finished off of the task for today.
Took mě fucking 2 hours and more.
Hmmmmm.....
The programm can be really time consuming unless you wanna ask every woman on the street that passes by.
You will in all likelyhood encounter many women of old age which is basically not the point of asking.
I did not experience much issues today.
The programm has however the drawback of making you aware of your past failures where you start asking yourself why you didn't do it earlier and whether things are really gonna change after completion of the programm.
 
One must really consider how to slowly integrate the progress made in real life unless you wanna waste time doubting the programm.
The programm should really be a playground where after integration one sees the results somewhere else forcing you to feel making progress.
Otherwise you will feel like having wasted time.
Its not just about overcoming AA but also developing a proper way of presenting yourself and handling interactions skillfully.
 
Took one day off yesterday for other stuff. I missed to complete the log unfortunately.
Day 8
Today
Did the basic three question 7 girls in total. I was not really able to find a girl which would stik till I finished with my forth question. This makes the problem unnecessarily harder as suddenly its not just about you overcoming your inhibitions but at the same time I must be convincing. I dont know if its because of the people here in the town I am currently. ( by the way am avoiding to tell the exact location because of anonymity concerns )
Also, i really didnt feel like in the mood to do it today. I got very quickly infuriated.
Weird how some days one is not at all in the mood to approach anyone. I am wondering whether this will ever completely change. I feel like I should seriously review my Tinder before going on with this task. I dont know what happened in general. Two months ago I used to have 5 likes per day , suddenly the amount dropped considerably for no obvious reason. No modifications were taken on my profile.
But lets forget about complaining, doesn't help at all.
 
Day 8
Realized that I was doing the challenges instead of the regular stuff. Damn!!
NO wonder it was harder.
Managed to finish of this day without much trouble. Thus I only approached four girls. The third approach didnt go all that well. She got slightly disturbed by my question. She looked really weird at me.
This caused some irritation which would persist for a longer period of time. Question 4 (do you like it) workout out pretty easily as I was asking for the direction of a famous underground club.
Overall I didnt feel the progress being the same as the one made by doing the hard challenges.
I assume that goin over this day one more time wouldnt be a bad idea.
Overall I reallized that I happen to have issues in handling frustrations which happened more often than not by appraoching women. ALso I tend to be rather hostie when appraoching them( not allways but often).This causes some anxiety in the women as I tend to believe. Its very difficult to not be subconscioiusly in defensive mode when appraoching women and secure at the same time I guess.
 
lexluther_999 said:
ALso I tend to be rather hostie when appraoching them
Click to expand...
What exactly do you mean by this?

Id also advise you to keep doing the challenges as well. Not like every drill is the challenge but do the extra challenge approach at the end of each set.
 
Repeated the program again today approaching 4 girls this time without interruptions.
Doing the challenge tommorrow again
 
Toast said:
lexluther_999 said:
ALso I tend to be rather hostie when appraoching them
Click to expand...
What exactly do you mean by this?

Id also advise you to keep doing the challenges as well. Not like every drill is the challenge but do the extra challenge approach at the end of each set.
Click to expand...

I meant hostile. The defense mechanism is kinda felt by women.
 
Im just trying to understand the attitude you are approaching with when you say hostile. Like do you mean aggressive/assertive? or are you literally being unfriendly and angry?
 
I tend to be aggressivewhen approaching and have a way too serious look.
Friends female and male would regularly point out that I am approaching people in a way to harsh manner. That is, I should learn to calmly approach and ask someone when on parties instead of almost yelling at them.
I tend to be rather mouthy when doing any approaches. I might be talking way too loudly and look way too serious.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top