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Meet&Shake’s Pornfree Journal

MeetNShake

MeetNShake

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2022
Today, I wanted to make a short note about my attempt to go porn free for the time that my GF is away. (1 month). I’ve got the blockers in place, I feel like I can do it this time. For 14 days, I’m going to be really kind to myself and make it as easy as possible. I’m allowed to fap if I need to, but I will try to limit it as much as I can. After 14 days, we’ll spend the next 14 doing nofap. See how I feel after I’ve built up a bit of a streak. If I fail, it’s not a problem, I keep going with the progress I’ve made. However, I really want to have a month of porn detoxing. I’ve been indulging in it this morning and have had my fill. I realise it doesn’t do anything for me - the fun I used to have from looking at porn is gone, and I want to stop. I’m going to stop.

I’ll keep this journal updated. If I succeed, amazing! If I fail, I hope I can you guys to support me/kick my ass back into gear. Writing stuff down helps me, and Andy and KYIL in general has been instrumental in my self improvement journey. This is probably the least stressful time I’ll have trying to complete this goal, so I’m going to give it my all.

Expect daily updates. Once a month is done, I’ll re-evaluate and see what the next steps are.
 
Let us know how you feel once you start to beat it.

From my experiance with no fap, the challange is there is little punishment or penelty for breaking no fap. Your drive to complete your 'I want to go 14 days with no fapping' goal is going to be your best defence and motivator against this.
 
I broke a 5 day streak yesterday. I spent 1.5 hours at night scrolling through porn. I disabled one of my porn blockers and was getting tempted to relapse entirely. At one point in the night, I did stop and go on a walk for 40 minutes. However when I got back, the feelings of temptation returned almost immediately. I ended by closing all the browsers and pages I was on, jacking off to “imagination” (likely a mix of past experiences and lingering porn images in my head) and finished. Maybe that’s not strictly PMO, but it’s still looking at porn for way too long, so I’m calling it a reset.

Before going to sleep, I checked out Andy’s 9 month update video on eliminating his addictions. It got me to revisit his older update videos. It’s comforting to know that Andy also finds the giving up of porn the hardest out of his vices. I’m going to try what he did: remain patient, have the goal of staying pornfree for a year, and reset the timer until you do eventually achieve that goal. I also think weening down my porn use will help me. Going cold turkey hasn’t helped me and ultimately leads to me feeling like shit even if I have maintained a streak for a little bit. I’m going to give up porn for a week starting today. After that week is done, I’m allowed to look at porn. If I don’t want to however, then I’ll keep it going. Going from everyday porn to porn once a week is progress and now I want to focus on progress, not just on streaks.

In the meantime, I’m doing what I can to keep myself busy for the week. I’m organising plans with friends, starting up new hobbies, continuing on my side hustle work and getting some summer university bits done before the term starts. I’ll keep working out, getting rest and enjoying my time off. I’ll also keep posting on here. I’m going to post every day for the sake of accountability. Andy says the most successful quitters are the ones who post and make themselves accountable to others, so let’s give it a try.
 
Sin Silver said:
Let us know how you feel once you start to beat it.

From my experiance with no fap, the challange is there is little punishment or penelty for breaking no fap. Your drive to complete your 'I want to go 14 days with no fapping' goal is going to be your best defence and motivator against this.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the motivation, Sin Silver! I hadn’t realised anyone had checked the journal yet. I’m going to keep going. Knowing there are other motivated guys looking out for me is a great source of accountability.
 
https://easypeasymethod.org/
 
Yesterday temptations were easy to manage. They only hit me late at night, after I got back from my evening walk. I quickly checked reddit, turning off the NSFW filter, but turned it back on and browsed some SFW self improvement subreddits until the thoughts had dissipated.

Other than that, I hit the gym, hitting an overhead press of 60kg for 4 (so close to hitting 1 plate for 5 and achieving the first step of 1/2/3/4!). I made a quick and tasty lunch, I worked on my abstract and made plans to meet up with friends next week. I didn’t manage to practice Hindi, but I got everything else on my daily list achieved, so I’m very happy with that.

I spent a couple hours speaking to a girl about a new networking opportunity for the tutoring work I’m doing. I’m very excited to meet the group and see what help I can provide and what they can do to help me. As a bonus, it was nice to find myself so easily talking to and connecting with a stranger. Apparently that call was basically my interview, and I did well based on the general vibes and the fact we had to reset the zoom call a couple of times to keep the conversation going.

Today should be good too. Going out to meet some friends this afternoon and evening. It’s morning as I type this and no temptations so far.
 
Today, temptations were a lot harder to manage. Particularly in the evening and night. I woke up today feeling energised and happy. I had planned to get some projects done, work on some admin, chat with the boys online and generally have a relaxed day at home. But I ended up having to do a lot of busy work - shopping in about 5 different shops, travelling a whole bunch of places etc.

The temptations didn’t really start until after dinner. I was responsible for making food for everyone at home. My parents were snapping at each other (one is stressed, the other doesn’t understand why the other is stressed), so I’m trying to make dinner whilst also keeping things emotionally okay. It’s a headache having to deal with family sometimes, particularly when their stress and annoyance starts affecting you. After I had finished making dinner, fed everyone and cleaned up everything, I felt the temptations super strongly.

Typing up today’s reflection has shown me how much of a role acute stress plays into using porn. In the past, I absolutely used porn as a mechanism of relaxation and escapism from life’s stresses. I would escape to somewhere private (my room or a bathroom), find my favourite kind of porn, and the combination of visual and physical stimulation was enough of a comfort that it allowed me to distract myself from the stress quickly. The orgasm, and the quick but powerful release of hormones and emotions was often enough to keep me going for the rest of the day. Now that I recognise that part of my porn use is as a stress-releasing pattern, I can work to respond to that cue in a different way. I should still give myself some time to escape to somewhere quiet and private, but maybe I can handle it using a different medium - like journaling, meditating or just watching videos until the feelings of stress and the desire to watch porn subside. Typing the journal right now is certainly helping. Maybe it’ll continue to work!

UPDATE:
I broke today’s streak by disabling the porn filters and watching porn. I’m annoyed at myself, but ultimately I just have to pick myself up and keep trying. I managed 3 days, I’m going to try for a week. Stress and temptation are issues, so I need to reduce the stress I experience daily. I can do that with regular meditation, slowing down and getting some rest.
 
I’ve never written down and posted my reasons for wanting to quit porn and PMO before. As I give it another attempt, I think I should. This way, I’ll have something to look back on if I ever feel the temptation getting too strong. I’m driven my motivation, so reminding myself of why I am on this path will continue to motivate me.

My reasons for quitting porn:

1. My girlfriend and my sex life: I am very lucky to have a very loving and very sexual girlfriend. She’s my type in every way, and she also has a very compatible sex drive. She wants to have sex all the time when we’re together, and she’s willing to explore lots of new things together. She’s the perfect package. However, I feel, by watching porn, I limit how much sex I can enjoy. Deep into my addiction, porn was affecting me physically and emotionally. When I have streaks of quitting, even fairly short one, my libido skyrockets and my feelings of intimacy and sexual confidence grow. I want to give this better version of myself to her now and for many many years into the future. We both deserve it.

2. Drinking the Kool-Aid: I ran into the nofap community on reddit many years ago. That group has their problems, but they have also provided some solid advice and motivation in my goals. One of the most desirable things they talk about are the amazing benefits a nofap streak will bestow: more energy, more confidence, more testosterone, more muscle, more female attraction. At the time as a teenager, these benefits were all I wanted and I was desperate to maintain some sort of streak. However, these benefits, according to some members of the community, would be limited or even disappear if you were to indulge in bad habits again. At the extreme end, some people would tell you that even one PMO would reset all of your progress. Realistically, I have no idea whether these benefits exist or not. On some streaks, I’ve experienced some benefits. On other attempts, I haven’t. Logically, the idea that not watching porn would bestow all these benefits and watching would take them away makes no sense. It’s not like people losing weight suddenly gain it all back the moment they eat some junk food. But at this point, I just want to see what may happen to me if I do maintain a long streak or make lots of progress. I know there are good reasons for quitting porn, but if the benefits are as real as people say, I’d at least like to give it an honest go.

3. Conquering this goal: quitting porn is my longest incomplete goal. All other goals I’ve wanted to achieve are currently being worked on (fitness, friendships, relationships etc.) or are newer goals (developing more hobbies, networking and business). I’ve been trying to beat this addiction in some form or another since I was 19. I want to conquer it good and properly.

I've been working on improving myself for a number of years now. With nofap/pornfree being my albatross. It's a weight on my shoulders that makes me feel like my wheels are spinning with no aim. Maybe part of my difficulty quitting is fear. Fear that, if this does succeed, I'll have bigger, more challenging problems to face. At the same time, I feel that if I don't conquer this goal, I'll be limited in how much I can achieve in other aspects of life. For example, if I don't succeed, there will always be some free time being washed in my daily life. Time that can be used for rest, hobbies, dates, relationship building etc. Same idea with the amount of energy I have everyday.

What are some of your reasons for quitting?
 
I write this entry feeling exhausted, but in a good way. I spent most of my afternoon with my friends in a woods not too far from where I live. We spent about 4 hours slowly making our way around the forest, having deep conversations about philosophy, the future, self improvement and catching up on the past 4 months or so, intersperced with injokes and plenty fo random conversations. It’s honestly the best balance to have in a friendship and I truly appreciate my friends and the time we’ve spent together.

I’ve felt no temptations today. I JO’d in the shower and that felt good! No need for any external stimuli. Best part was that the memories of my GF were enough to get me going. I feel my brain slowly rewiring from PMO and into a healthier headspace. I’ll keep up this sort of pattern until I no longer need to JO everyday. My only rule right now is to stay away from porn for a week and see how I feel.

Day 1 down and I feel good. 8/10 day

I’ve also looked into a CBT online course. Seems like a nice one to help manage my social anxiety. My social anxiety has significantly reduced over the past year from regulalry going out with new friends and old. However, it would be really nice to reduce it further. Right now, I have normal-high levels of anxiety in certain situations (e.g. night clubs and house parties). Being able to reduce that to low-normal levels in all situations would be a huge achievement. I think recognising negative thought patterns and behaviours will do a lot to alleviate some of these problems. I’ll take the course one day at a time, updating my learning on here and seeing what effect it has on the long term.
 
Yesterday and today have been fairly relaxed days. Waking up, working, eating, chilling and sleep. Not a difficult schedule, but one that can be a bit draining. After having a lot more fun and excitement this last month, the quieter days feel a lot more boring. Of course, boredom is my usual trigger for PMO, so I’m trying to keep myself occupied with other activities. I’m about to go on a walk to get out of the house. I’ll also go to the gym later this evening so I’m not spending forever staring at a screen and letting the temptations build.

I’ve been monitoring my screen time and it’s a lot higher than I want it to be. My phone screen time ranges from 2-3 hours, iPad is around the same and my laptop has the most because I also work online. I’m learning to trim it down. Having the screentime be visible at all times is a good motivational tool, but on days when I’m being lazy, I find it easy to ignore. Eventually, I think I’ll start to set timers for my most distracting apps. I do have a bedtime timer for my devices. It’s good, but again I need to make sure I adhere to them.

I have been tracking my habits too. Another excellent motivation. The most effective tool I’ve been using remains the accountability here. I don’t know how many people are reading these entries, but just the knowledge that there may be someone looking at these posts and rooting for me is enough to keep me posting, even if I miss a day occasionally. I’ll continue to keep writing stuff here, especially if things start getting interesting.

Overall the last two days have been 5/10 - perfectly average days. Wish I could’ve done some more interesting or productive things, but I also got what I needed done complete, so can’t complain.
 
I really like the concept of warming up for the morning routine and cooling down for the nighttime routine. I was thinking about it last night. Rather than get straight up and straight asleep, it makes far more sense to have a proper wind down and wind up schedule. I’ve sort of implemented that today. I’ve gotten up, hoovered, started off some of my habits for the day. Doing the similar tonight will also be helpful in leting me drift asleep.

I also have realised something about myself. I’ve fallen into a habit of repetitve experiences. I watch or do the same things over and over, even if i’m not really taking things in or enjoying the experience. I think this stems partially from a childhood coping mechanism. During times of stress, I drew a lot of comfort from the familiar. I remember during exam times, I would reread harry potter over and over again, watch vine compilations over and over (which would often contain the same clips every time), and watch shows I had seen hundreds of times. This was my way of dealing with stress, through embracing the things I knew I liked and were easy to experience. However, I’ve noticed myself doing that a lot more in recent years. That could be because I am more stressed and more busy than I was as a kid. However, this coping mechanism feels more like scratching an itch, rather than healing a wound.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve enjoyed experiences more in moderation. Watching Atlanta and only viewing an episode a day made me enjoy each episode and the overall experience more than binging the whole season in 2 days. Watching one or two youtube videos a day is more enjoyable than a 3 hour compilation. Reading for 30 minutes of a new book is more enjoyable than rereading the same old books. Going out and seeing new and old friends regularly is better than seeing old groups and hanging out every single day. Knowing I can find comfort in the familar is good, but I should also embrace the new in controlled amounts. It’ll make my days feel more enjoyable overall. It’ll also make me less prone to boredom, eliminating another PMO trigger.

Last couple days have been 7/10 - some strong temptations in the evening. I’ve used JOing to keep me from getting too tempted, but I have also peeked more times than I should have. When I do peek, I stop and give myself 15 minutes to calm down before doing anything else. That has been helping a lot. I have felt a slight boost in energy in the last 5 days and feeling a bit more relaxed. Let’s see how things go!
 
MeetNShake said:
I’ve never written down and posted my reasons for wanting to quit porn and PMO before. As I give it another attempt, I think I should. This way, I’ll have something to look back on if I ever feel the temptation getting too strong. I’m driven my motivation, so reminding myself of why I am on this path will continue to motivate me.

My reasons for quitting porn:

1. My girlfriend and my sex life: I am very lucky to have a very loving and very sexual girlfriend. She’s my type in every way, and she also has a very compatible sex drive. She wants to have sex all the time when we’re together, and she’s willing to explore lots of new things together. She’s the perfect package. However, I feel, by watching porn, I limit how much sex I can enjoy. Deep into my addiction, porn was affecting me physically and emotionally. When I have streaks of quitting, even fairly short one, my libido skyrockets and my feelings of intimacy and sexual confidence grow. I want to give this better version of myself to her now and for many many years into the future. We both deserve it.
Click to expand...

This is very true in my experience, i used to watch porn fairly often. What woke me up to how damaging it is was when i started to have an active sex life and id be in bed with a girl i'm absolutely attracted to and i'd be thinking of some fucked up porn scenario i'd watched in order to cum. This would happen often and would gradually go away the longer i stayed away from porn.

It can be incredibly addictive, quite often the stuff you're watching increases in overall weirdness as you need more and more unique stimulation to get off. I think this is why a lot of people end up with certain fetishes.

The book 'your brain on porn' is meant to be very good in helping people give it up. Anyway good luck man, hopefully you'll succeed with this and can get back to having an awesome sex life with your girlfriend.
 
I’ve hit a week of pornfree. I attempted to go a week porn fee and I was mostly successful! I’ve peeked a little bit during days 5 and 6, but less than I had thought I would. I decided to deactivate my browsers and see what would happened.

Something interesting happened. I didn’t enjoy it. I had full rein to view anything I wanted to. But none of it really hit the same spot that it used to. At first, having total freedom I started scanning all my usual NSFW places. But they just weren’t hitting the same. If anything, they were making me feel bored and a bit anxious. Some things did excite me for a little bit, but then something stopped me. I think things have finally started to sink in and my mind fully wants to commit to this goal.

I felt pretty good this week! Sure, I had some stresses. Boredom was still present. But the desire to watch porn was more potent than actually watching porn. It’s like waiting for ages to get the thing you’ve always wanted, only to then finally get it and realise it’s wasn’t as impressive as your mind made it out to be.

Staying away and keeping clean felt good. I had minor improvements in energy. I was able to hit the gym consistently. I got a lot more work done. I want to continue on this path. I’m going to do it. I’m going to try for 2 weeks now. I know I can hit 7 days without much issue, so I’m going to try for 14. Happily enough, my GF will be back in 14 days, so my reward can be to have amazing sex with her when she arrives. I’ll reset the counters, gotta keep myself accountable. But I am feeling good about this. I’m gonna keep trying until I hit a year of no porn, just like Andy is attempting.
 
september said:
https://easypeasymethod.org/
Click to expand...
just read this damn thing so you stop having to waste all your time and energy on struggling with the temptations etc
the willpower method SUCKS
it takes like 3 hours to read at most
 
So we’re day 2 into my new pornfree streak. One JO and no major temptations. Feeling really good about it. I’ve been using today as an opportunity to rest and recover. I’ve been htiting the gym and socialising and doing all sorts for a long time, so it was good to take a break. I have felt a little lazy, but I’m making up for it by writing in the journal today.

I’m also happy to say that I finished the booking “the power of letting go” by Jon Purkiss. Very interesting and insightful book. Definitely going to reread it to utilise the different activities for letting thoughts and pain go. For now, I’ll focus on his ideas of mindfulness and gratitude exercises, as well as moving onto transcendental meditation once I’ve built up a meditation habit again.

I’m also pleased to say I’ve started my learning Hindi journey. It’s a hobby I’ve wanted to pick up again. I’ve attempted in the past but the language didn’t stick because I didn’t take enough time to converse with others and I was afraid to make mistakes and sound silly. This time, I’m taking it much more slowly, practicing with family and friends in small chunks until I’ve mastered conversational Hindi. I’d like to do about an hour a day, but 10 minutes a day at a minium is also good, as long as I actually make some progress with new words or by memorising old words through flashcards and revisiting lessons.

This week has been off to a strong start. Been enjoying it so far. Today has been a 6/10. Pretty fun but also pretty quiet. Glad to be doing something new and have been enjoying expanding my hobbies.
 
september said:
september said:
https://easypeasymethod.org/
Click to expand...
just read this damn thing so you stop having to waste all your time and energy on struggling with the temptations etc
the willpower method SUCKS
it takes like 3 hours to read at most
Click to expand...

Definitely agree. I've read the easypeasy method before. A lot of it makes sound sense, but it alone hasn't helped me to quit like it has for other people. Maybe because in past attempts I still hadn't fully internalised all the stuff it says. I'm using this journal for accountability, so if temptations do arise I wanna record that.
 
I've also read the easypeasy method, and while it gave me a little extra food for thought, it was not powerful enough to overcome the porn demon long-term. I've been trying to go porn-free for 10 years and I'm still relapsing all the damn time. Even on my longest streaks, I might come home from the party or something by myself and then that demon gets me at my most vulnerable state. Sigh. One day I will overcome. Best of luck to you, dude!
 
Pretty boring start to the day. I’ve felt a haze of tiredness going through the whole day. Probably a combo of heat and my workouts catching up with me. I’ll have a wind down before going to bed tonight, just listening to an audiobook and meditating without using any devices to help me drift off.

All I’ve been doing today was working and browsing the internet during my breaks. In retrospect, I should have done something more relaxing during my time off. Browsing the internet is just a distraction if done all day. Next time I’m in a funk like this, I’ll use my time off to actually rest and unwind. Even if it feels more boring, I know it’ll do me more good in the long run.

Porn wise, I’m doing well for day 3. Chatted with my GF for a long time, played some games and flirted with her. It feels good to keep the relationship strong even while she’s back home. The distance hasn’t made that spark diminish.

I’m continuing to work hard on the tutoring business I’m running. I’ve been working 8 hour days with a big break in the middle of the day. Obviously this is pretty chill in comparison to some other jobs, and I’m grateful that the work is not hard. What I’m aiming to do by the end of August is have my website up and running (it’s basically ready, I just need to learn how to use the scheduling software and we’re good to go) and then start advertising my services. I’ve got students lined up to start in September and hope to start at least 1 group tutoring class a week (with room to expand if needed).

My biggest issue with work at the moment is that I keep putting the needs of the students ahead of my own. Many have asked to reschedule at the last minute, which is very frustrating. Some have legitimate excuses, others just can’t be bothered. I should be more discriminative in future. Or at least ensure I have a proper cancellation policy put in place.

4/10 day - could definitely have been better with some more rest and some actual enjoyment instead of low energy browsing. Will try to make the evening a little more enjoyable for myself.
 
AspiringMaleStripper said:
I've also read the easypeasy method, and while it gave me a little extra food for thought, it was not powerful enough to overcome the porn demon long-term. I've been trying to go porn-free for 10 years and I'm still relapsing all the damn time. Even on my longest streaks, I might come home from the party or something by myself and then that demon gets me at my most vulnerable state. Sigh. One day I will overcome. Best of luck to you, dude!
Click to expand...

I think the ideas in the book work logically, but in the heat of moment it can be really hard to stop yourself if you haven’t laid down the ground work. Meditating and reading through it have definitely started the brain rewiring process I need to fully turn away from porn for good. Thanks bro! Best of luck to you too
 
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