Jbell98
Member
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2023
I'll give some background on me and my journey I'm on, and what I'm currently struggling with.
So I was in a long term relationship from the time I was 18 and had just started college, until 6 months after graduation, when things abruptly ended (This was November 2021). I think it likely would have happened no matter what, due to issues on her end, but I definitely made a huge amount of mistakes and wasn't nearly as good of a partner as I could have been.
I spent the next year both on the road for work and also reinventing/working on myself, reading and studying on evolutionary psychology, male/female dynamics, and sexual desire/attraction, and finally at the end of last year felt ready to go out and try dating again.
I have used Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, and so far, only really gotten results from Tinder (I spent a good chunk of the end of last year trying to get comfortable just talking to girls in person, so I didn't hit the apps until the beginning of January.) With 1 month of Tinder Gold and just endless swiping, I've gotten probably 40 or so matches, the vast majority of which either ghosted me, were scams, or I rejected outright, and probably 6-8 good conversations going, which so far I've only managed to convert to 1 (sexless) date. So I'm still developing that, and am busy reading the posts here regarding better pictures and style (If you've seen the picture I have, it's a lot of what I've got, and I definitely tend to attract the girls who like blue collar guys, which I'm fine with.) Currently, as I've been described by one girl who actually asked me out, I have a vibe of "nice and kind but also cool."
I've got two issues that I wanted to ask people here on though. First one is pivoting to a casual/hookup mode. I'm in a temporary location right now, so I don't want anything serious, but all I know to do is to do the rapport building dates. I've gotten pretty decent at asking girls out over Tinder right away, but actually moving things towards a seduction/sexual vibe is where I struggle. I think one of my biggest issues is mental (I don't like to feel like a douche, nor is really flirty behavior natural for me, though I'm working on it.) So a lot of the girls I tend to match with are ones looking more for slow-burn, long term relationships, not quick sex. How do I change my game and pivot so I can shift into that mindset and attract those women?
My other huge constraint is time. I work a job (really two) that require a tremendous amount of travel, and on top of that, I travel for conventions, and just for fun, so I'm rarely in one area very consistently. I would like to turn this into an asset, because I can hook up with girls in different cities, but figuring out how to pivot to the mindset, and really only having a couple hours a day to put into it (because I'm working nearly 60-70 hours a week, then I need time for exercise, self-development, meals, etc.) so right now, I'm looking for tips or strategies to make the most efficient use of my time possible.
Any tips are appreciate! Apologies for the long wall of text
So I was in a long term relationship from the time I was 18 and had just started college, until 6 months after graduation, when things abruptly ended (This was November 2021). I think it likely would have happened no matter what, due to issues on her end, but I definitely made a huge amount of mistakes and wasn't nearly as good of a partner as I could have been.
I spent the next year both on the road for work and also reinventing/working on myself, reading and studying on evolutionary psychology, male/female dynamics, and sexual desire/attraction, and finally at the end of last year felt ready to go out and try dating again.
I have used Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, and so far, only really gotten results from Tinder (I spent a good chunk of the end of last year trying to get comfortable just talking to girls in person, so I didn't hit the apps until the beginning of January.) With 1 month of Tinder Gold and just endless swiping, I've gotten probably 40 or so matches, the vast majority of which either ghosted me, were scams, or I rejected outright, and probably 6-8 good conversations going, which so far I've only managed to convert to 1 (sexless) date. So I'm still developing that, and am busy reading the posts here regarding better pictures and style (If you've seen the picture I have, it's a lot of what I've got, and I definitely tend to attract the girls who like blue collar guys, which I'm fine with.) Currently, as I've been described by one girl who actually asked me out, I have a vibe of "nice and kind but also cool."
I've got two issues that I wanted to ask people here on though. First one is pivoting to a casual/hookup mode. I'm in a temporary location right now, so I don't want anything serious, but all I know to do is to do the rapport building dates. I've gotten pretty decent at asking girls out over Tinder right away, but actually moving things towards a seduction/sexual vibe is where I struggle. I think one of my biggest issues is mental (I don't like to feel like a douche, nor is really flirty behavior natural for me, though I'm working on it.) So a lot of the girls I tend to match with are ones looking more for slow-burn, long term relationships, not quick sex. How do I change my game and pivot so I can shift into that mindset and attract those women?
My other huge constraint is time. I work a job (really two) that require a tremendous amount of travel, and on top of that, I travel for conventions, and just for fun, so I'm rarely in one area very consistently. I would like to turn this into an asset, because I can hook up with girls in different cities, but figuring out how to pivot to the mindset, and really only having a couple hours a day to put into it (because I'm working nearly 60-70 hours a week, then I need time for exercise, self-development, meals, etc.) so right now, I'm looking for tips or strategies to make the most efficient use of my time possible.
Any tips are appreciate! Apologies for the long wall of text