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PillowDrifter's progress log

PillowDrifter

PillowDrifter

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2022
Heya,

I'll keep this section for tracking my progress (I hope I do this correctly), it is not perfect but it will surely get better with posting.

Initial situation: 26 and finished graduating, currently living with parents and tindering

Longterm goals (1-2 years):

- Financial independence from my family
- Have my own place to live
- Have a threesome with two girls
- Backpack travel around the world

Current short-term goals (1-2 months):

- go to the gym 3x per week
- take back the AA program from Day 6 and go on
- apply for jobs (get your shits together)
- take better dating app pictures

I, PillowDrifter, commit to working on my goals and taking myself seriously.
 
Okay, the first day :

Fitness :
- Went to the gym and rotated between bench press/Bulgarian split squat/leg press (1/3 from current gym goal).

Jobs:
- Reached out to some friends currently hunting for jobs for advice and networking. Received nice input about sending okay applications, asking HR for advice in case of rejection, improving on it, repeat with other companies.
- Went through my resume and LinkedIn profile applying some advice from youtube (Jeff Su): Have to go with shorter and clearer experience descriptions and foster impact. The CV looks nicer and more readable.

Tinder picture:
- Took a Nikon DX camera and asked a friend to take some nice pics in a library. Get accustomed to the camera and had some experience with shutter speed and aperture.
 
Second day,

Fitness :
- Went to the gym and rotated between Rower/Bulgarian split squat/Biceps curl/Abdominal (2/3 from current gym goal this week).

Jobs:
- Updated my LinkedIn profile with a more professional picture and banner.
- Discussed my resume with a friend currently searching for the same job.
- Registered for a career event near my town.

Dating:
- Started again AA program, approached one woman smoking asking for directions and time, pussied out on two others.
- Planned for a date tmrw night via Tinder.
- A good friend with benefits and I created an account on Feeld.

I have lost a lot of time from video games and smoking, apparently, brains takes in average 3 months to reset from nicotine. I'll apply the "let's see how long you can do without" technique from Andy's video. If it doesn't work, ill prioritize quitting these addictions.
 
Didn't post yesterday and the day due to a small depressive relapse, so ill catch up there:

Fitness :
- Caught a cold so I did exercises at home (pump and abdominals).

Jobs:
- Went to a data science seminar and networked with two guys.
- Met a guy who recommended some contacts for working at a nuclear research facility (we're even going together to a concert organized by the facility, hope to network more with some sick dancing moves).
- Write a cover letter template on Latex, this way I could change it easily with commands.

Dating:
- The date of Yesterday had mixed feeling about dating so we preferred to stop it there.
- From Tinder, I used a boost and got 3 numbers using Andy's template. Have a coffee date this Monday.
- Talked with my friends with benefits about taking some nice sexy pics together for the Feeld account, she needs to think about it so I'll bring up the subject another time.

Addictions:
-The further I plan things, the less I need to escape my lack of motivation with videos game so it has been 2 days without it.
-Concerning smoking, apart from social smoking I have reduced my 5 daily cigarettes to 3 then to 2 using the "how long can you last without" technique.


It's not much but things seem to slowly get better!
 
Fitness :
- Went to the gym and rotated between Leg press/Abdominals/Bulgarian split squats/Bench press (3/3 from current gym goal this week)

Jobs:
-Participate in a seminar about job searching
-Networked a little at a party with fellows physicists

Dating:
-Took some pictures in the mirror with my camera -> will use Faceapp for improving pics as in the guide by Manganiello.
-Friend with benefit agreed on us taking pictures for Feeld -> will seek inspiration on these forums and train a little on taking nude pics.
-Went to a concert and hit on 3 separate girls ("Hey you're cute, are you up for a drink?"), they said no but were super nice! (In my head I was expecting some slap time, I don't know why). Even though it was rejection, I felt empowered by the idea that, as long as I am respectful and nice, people don't mind being hit on.

Addictions:
-Smoking was going up to 6 until I realized why I have been smoking that much tonight: decided to stop social smoking as it is my main source, and reserved it as an alone time privilege until now.
 
Fitness :
- the cold got worse, it’s like my body forgot to pay this month’s heating bill. Still, I have watched some workout routines online for when things will get better.

Jobs:
-Applied for 2 internships
-Searched for some Ph.D. positions
-Contacted a friend about an interview she did with a trading company and got bits of advice.

Dating:
-Used faceapp for better pictures on Tinder.
-Matched with 3 girls today and got two dates this week, one with a girl in finance so it can go in the job section lol.


Addictions:
-Smoked only once and tried to replace the urge for the other ones by playing guitar.
 
Okay, improvements are slows but it keeps going up.

Fitness :
- Did some home exercises (pumps + abdominals)

Jobs:
-Applied for 2 jobs

Dating:
-Date went well but I didn't feel attracted to her after our conversation (weren't on the same page about a lot of stuff) and even though my objective is to get laid, I decided to tell her that I prefer to stay friends. She didn't take it slightly and had to reassure her as she took a lot upon herself (it's more that we were too different).
-Use a boost and got no matches. Should take 10x more pics, I'll follow some guide on the forum to prepare and keep pumping toward above-average.
 
Fitness :
- Sadly none today

Jobs:
-Improve programming skills on leetcode
(-Discussed with an informatician about interviews in a bar)

Dating:
- Took the couple's picture with the friend in benefits for the whole afternoon. Will work on them to make them nice and see with her which ones we want to include in the Feeld profile. It was awkward initially, but we were swift to find fun ideas to try :) (Some acrobatic stuff with her legs crossed around my chest while wearing lingerie). Felt it made us more into a team than me pushing her to try Feeld.

- Went to the second date of the week. We went to a coffee, discuss our least favorite Netflix series, and went back to her flat to cook. I was super nervous to make a move, and for about 10 minutes, I was only thinking about how to approach her.
At some point I awkwardly put my hand on her shoulder and say "hey you're cute, can I kiss you?". She went with "I don't know" AND I DID NOTHING (darn). We went on the discussion casually after. At some point, we laughed about making up weird start-up ideas and I found her super duper cute on the spot. I REALLY wanted to make a move again but I was thinking about the previous attempt, How she was going to react if I ask again, If it would be going against her consent and etc.

I realized I was too much in my head
I held out my hand
She took my hand
Dragged her toward me while making her turn
Kissed her
Doves and fireworks.jpeg

We shared a link kiss, ended up in her bed and we went busy for some time. After that and some cuddle time, we kissed goodbye and went on our separate way to drink with friends.

Was a super good night and we have some plans for other dates, plus she is alright being in a non-serious relationship. Next time: less in the head and more in the action!

Addictions:
-First day without videos game and smoking!
 
Fitness :
- Last day being sick

Jobs:
-Improve programming skills on leetcode
-Searched for several jobs
-Begin to write a cover letter for one

Dating:
- Played around with the pictures taken for Feeld, and learned a lot on Gimp.

Addictions:
-Went back to a video game and 3 cigarettes. I'm not very good at dealing with stress -> read more books on assertiveness
 
Fitness :
- Went to the gym: alternated from Leg press/Abdominals/Bulgarian split squat/Bicep curl and chest press (1/3 from current gym goal).

Jobs:
-Received a positive answer for a job and I'm preparing for an online skills test
-Continuing the cover letter for a Ph.D. abroad.

Dating:
- Meet the Feeld girl and we fooled around and discussed which photo and bio to put on our account. Some of them were refused by the app (strangely the steamiest ones were not noticed).
- Went on a date with an old friend with benefits that I haven't seen for some time. We spent the night talking about life and football goals. Then we smoked and went busy in my car.

So on the same night, I had sex with two girls separately (Something I couldn't imagine doing but it felt natural as I had known them for quite some time). As they are both bisexuals, I asked both if they were up to meeting each other for a date (threesome goal) and they're up for it.

Even if I know I can't make them like each other and I should keep it cool, I feel I could mess it up -> read forums threads on threesomes and set up the date. The day I'll have a salary I'll buy Andy threesome's guide for a more serious approach.

Addictions:
-Went back to a video game and 3 cigarettes. I clearly lack self-discipline so I asked my dad if he can be an accountability partner for this (he said yes and kinda admitted he never understood people lacking self-discipline so it's a new thing for him too).
 
Went on a trip with a girl I met on Tinder (lets call her Math girl) for some Christmas holidays and concerts, gave me some really good reasons to make some money soon.

Fitness :
- As the fitness center was closed, I have run for 20 minutes around my place.
- Integrated a WhatsApp group of joggers through a friend that I met in a bar.

Jobs:
- Set a meeting with a recruiter to talk CV and advice
- Applied for two Ph.D. positions
- Solved some problems on Leetcodes

Dating :
-Have a date set up for this Wednesday with a girl I met in a bar
-During the trip, Math girl and I bought some kinky stuff in a sex shop (She is super open and was almost more excited than I to try new stuff, its awesome to hang with her). I have bought a leg restrainer with a blindfold as an entry-level pass to BDSM.
- We activated our account with Feeld girl but didn't get any match. Our photo might be not interesting enough and the one we took during the photoshoot are a little bit too silly. I'll think of new nice and non-sexual pictures.
- The French girl who was interested in meeting Feeld girl didn't respond to messages yet. We will see how it goes.


Addictions:
-I haven't smoked once during the trip and it was awesome. But once I got back I smoked like crazy during parties and family meetings. At this point, it adds nothing to my life (I first smoked as it put me in a state of clear mind), it is just a habit when I'm stressed. So I have implemented three things: First I put the cigarettes in a difficult place to reach as they were too available before. Secondly, I will try to meditate to find clear peace of mind thing and Thirdly I'll continue playing the "How long can I last without?" game.
-Currently one week without video games


Merry Christmas and wish you all to overeat and overcrush your goals !
 
Another day in paradise

Fitness :
- Went to the gym and rotated between bench press leg press/abdominal/bulgarian split squat/bench press/bicep curl/triceps press down/adjustable pulley (1/3 from current gym goal).

Jobs:
-Made a list of job opportunities and sent emails as I need referees to apply for some positions.

Tinder:
- Match with someone and went on a date. The conversation was nice, I proposed to continue the date at my place but she will wake up early tomorrow. We hugged and we went our ways.

Addictions:
-At 5 cigarettes daily
 
Fitness :
-Quickly went to the gym and did rower/leg press/leg curl (1/3 from current gym goal).

Tinder:
- The date from tonight wasn't yet back in my town so we will meet tomorrow.
- Spend the day with an old date who became a friend over time but we ended up kissing at some point. She wasn't up to going further as she have to leave the city soon and doesn't want to create a strong bond by having sex.
- Matched with some people on Tinder and Bumble.

Addictions:
-At 2 cigarettes daily and some alcohol
 
Fitness :
-Went climbing with some of my date friends and did pumps/Bulgarian split squats/tractions. (2/3 from current gym goal). Really enjoyed it so I have planned with a friend to go exercise here.

Tinder:
- Today's date withdrew as she was sick.
- Planned a short trip with Math girl, I'll take a camera for nice profile pictures.
- Planned some dates with previous matches with which I keep contact.
- Practiced brutal honesty with the date I went climbing with by asking if

Jobs:
- Had a meeting with some start-up guys.

Addictions:
-At 4 cigarettes daily and no alcohol, I have momentarily chased away the last cigarette urge with meditation. It helped a lot to find some confidence and peace of mind. I'll practice more and I will not take cigarettes during trips with friends
- I have also found I have some addiction to comparing myself with others in a way that traps me in negative thinking. I have started a journal to write anxiety and things I'm grateful for, it helped increase my confidence a little.
 
Fitness :
-Went to the gym. (1/3 from current gym goal).

Tinder:
- Photoshoot with a professional

Jobs:
- Phone call with a recruiter

Addictions:
-Meditate more regularly and down to 2 cigarettes
 
Tinder:
- Organized a three-date with Feeld girl and a girl we met last Thursday in a bar. Initially, all were down for a meeting, but Feeld girl flaked at the last minute as she said it was too much pressure. Spend the rest of the day with the bar girl and ended up back to my place. The bar girl left the town tomorrow and Feeld girl said she need time to think about us. I don't feel great about this as we were excited to date together the day before and this happened.

-Went for a second date with an old bumble date. She preferred to stay friends as she find we went too quickly last time. I think I'll keep less and less contact as she's very busy with her studies.

Addictions:
-Meditate and 3 cigarettes
 
Gym :
- went in the gym for 1 hour, rotated between biceps/triceps/bench trench and Bulgarian split squat (1/3 from current gym goal).

Tinder :
-Matched with two girls and currently asking for their number
-Replace some pictures with new ones from the holiday photoshoot
-Have a date tomorrow with Feeld girl to discuss what went wrong and how we can communicate with more honesty (hope to achieve the brutal one kind)

Jobs :
-Writing a cover letter for a Ph.D. position
-Coding on leetcode

Addictions:
-3 cigarettes and using meditations to fight the urge of others ones.
 
Fitness :
- Went to the gym (2/3 from current gym goal).

Jobs:
- Received a test from a company to complete by the end of this month, I can ask for advice and will with some math friends.
- One of my referees warned me about my bad results when I was his student and advised me to write strong cover letters
- Saw some videos about cover letters and took some notes for later purpose

Dating :
- Matched with four persons on Tinder and two on Bumble (the pictures from the photoshoot improved results greatly!)
- Set a date for next Saturday (it is the examination period at her university)
- Had a date with Feeld girl about our research of a third partner and we agreed first to spend more time before she feels ready to meet other people (she's very anxious about dating).
- Went to a bar and asked a girl for her number, it went well.

Addiction:
- 2 cigarettes
- No alcohol today
- Reading When I say no I feel guilty
 
I stopped writing for a quick trip, it's been a time when I felt I was losing focus on my goals. I went through a short relapse and had a long discussion with my parents about life drive as I feel I lack one. They were very helpful in finding a way to action and I understood that I couldn't find one when fear of failure is the main emotion about my goals. Decided to go all-in for the next two months in only 3 directions: getting a job, having a 3some, and getting better mentally.

Getting a job:
- Subscribed for three Coursera lectures to develop skills for the challenge, stopped at week 2.
- Asked a friend for some advice on coding.

Dating and 3some :
- Organized date with Feeld girl Friday, I have planned to go to a bar and check how we feel about dating together with another girl.
- Got a number on tinder with Andy's template.
- Talked with Math girl about 3some, she said she is not into girls, but if it goes with the flow why not (that's something)

Mental health and addiction:
- 2 cigarettes, weirdly I didn't feel the urge to smoke them strongly as before. I was relaxing my pressure not to smoke and it made the impression of being addicted less powerful, making it easier to say no.
- Journaling
- Reading When I say no I feel guilty
 
Getting a job:
- Advance in lectures

Dating and 3some :
- Date on Friday went well and she prefers to take some time before dating non-exclusively again
- Date of tonight went a little less well as after some thought, she didn't feels comfortable going into a nonserious relationship. However, by just letting go, I didn't feel rejection but some kind of nice peaceful feeling.
- Went to the gym for 1 hour.

Mental health and addiction:
- 3 cigarettes
- Journaling
- Reading When I say no I feel guilty
 
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