PillowDrifter's progress log

Progressively going into a passive phase as I manage my sleep and my working time badly. I do feel hopeless sometimes to achieve my goals and have no ideas how to do them even though there are so many resources and cool people out there to reach. It's almost as if a part of me wants me to fail constantly, it may be that inner loser. Let's prove him wrong.

Getting a job:
- Spend the day programming for developing skills in future interviews
- Received some job applications opportunities from friends

Dating and 3some :
- Well nothing to see there, I was letting go of most of my dates as I don't feel good about dating and meeting after some girls I dated for months just stopped responding. Its time to take new pictures, send 10x more messages, and try different approaches to relationships (living to experiment).
- Went to the gym

Mental health and addiction:
- 4 cigarettes
- Journaling (this one help a lot! Especially writing dark thoughts and then comment them with kind jokes. It's kinda as if someone was here to analyze the fears and shows you that they are actually there to help you find what's wrong and how to surpass them)
- Reading Loving what is
 
Jobs:
-send 2 applications

Dating:
-had two dates, the first was just a coffee break as she had to take a train and the second ended with a kiss.

Addictions:
-5 cigarettes, play some guitar to pass the need.
 
Jobs:
- Coded on leetcode

Dating:
- Yesterday's date kindly made clear she wasn't into non-serious relations.
- Went jogging

Addictions:
-4 cigarettes
-Reading
 
Back after some time, felt I was letting myself down.

Jobs:
- Send an application

Dating:
- I have slacked on my relationships and they are practically all gone except one. It was a little depressing to feel relationships fade away but it's an occasion to start again while focusing on myself.
- Started again AA approach from week 6 with a friend in the park. Could only ask the time to two people but its a good start
- Played around with a DSLR camera to learn how to have good lighting for further pictures.
- Went jogging for 1 hour

Addictions:
- 4 cigarettes
- Videos of Dr. Gabor Mate
- Gratitude exercises in a personal journal
 
Alright continuing

Jobs:
- Nothing

Dating:
- Started again fitness pal
- Went to the street to continue AA week 6, could only speak to one person about the direction of a supermarket.
- Change Tinder profile pictures for more recent ones

Addictions:
- 5 cigarettes
- Gratitude exercises in a personal journal
 
The self-improvement starts anew.

Jobs:
- Applied in a research group, now writing cover letters is straightforward.
- Made contact with a bank employee that can refer me when I'll apply for a position (and some sweet money).

Dating:
- Attempt on week 6 of AA program: asked 5 girls where I could find the nearest pharmacy and train station. Missed the opportunity to talk with a very cute girl as I pussied out. I kinda liked the rush of adrenaline and it motivated me to start again and succeed.

- I realized that it was my anxiety and that I should cure it not only for me but for all the people who kinda suffered from it (my family, exes, and friends). I felt a sense of peace and relief from this thought and ill stick with it.

- Tried remote-controlled sex toy with a date who is currently in another country.

Addictions:
- 1 cigarette
- Gratitude exercises
 
Jobs:
-Applied for 3 jobs

Dating:
-went jogging to lose weight
-went to a date, it went well but she was not ready to kiss and go back home.
-used a boost on Tinder, got 7 matches

Addiction:
-0 cigarettes today!
 
Jobs:
-Organized a meeting with an entrepreneur with the same background as I

Dating:
-Used a boost and matched with 5 girls, got an Instagram

Addiction:
-Stopped cigarettes
-Was sick so I concentrated on meditating and reading
 
Jobs:
-Done some leetcode

Dating:
- still having hard coughs so pushing gym and jogging for later.
- Used a boost and got 5 matches, got one number.
- Attempt on AA day 6 and Andy challenge : did ask directions to 3 girls and gave compliments to 2 strangers about their jackets and clothes (one of them even removed its jacket to show me the brand)

Addictions:
- Meditation
- 0 cigarettes
 
Have to keep the consistency of journaling but not much is happening right now.

Jobs:
-Nothing

Dating:
-It's been too long since I haven't been to the gym and it can be felt on my body. I have subscribed again for a monthly pass since there was an offer and ill go tomorrow.
-Had three matches on Bumble and the conversations were meh.
-Went to a party and got a number.
-I have also pouted the AA program for too long and it's just week 1. Ill take back day 7 tomorrow while I'm in town.

Addictions and mental health :
-It's been three days without smoking.
-Sent a mail to see my therapist again as I was having a depressive relapse. Now I just want to get rid of crippling social anxiety. I feel I'm losing my friends and non-serious relationships due to my being super passive.
 
Keep going man. It can be hard on the path to greatness. If you just don't quit you're guaranteed to win.
 
Dating
Attempts on week 1 day 7 of AA program: talked to 15 strangers today. I spent two hours outside decided to not come back until I asked time and directions to 15 person's.

I was very shy with a closed posture at first. But when one girl smiled when I asked the time, I realized that doing these exercices can actually make other people happy. Ended up talking to the last 4 person's with a confident posture and a grin.
It's kind of funny to think that the person I talked to (with and without rejection) were unknowingly helping me becoming a better version of myself and I'm grateful for them.

Jobs
-Sent 2 jobs applications
-Created a profile on efinancialcareers

Addiction and Mental health
-no cigarette and alcohol (fell much better)
-guitar and journaling

Thanks @MILFandCookies ! I'll give my best shot.
 
Just another day

Dating:
- Took back a pass for the gym and followed the day one of Jeff Nippard minimalist workout:
https://youtu.be/eMjyvIQbn9M

-Used a boost and matched with 3 girls, only one responded. Have to continue taking better pictures

Jobs:
-Send applications
-Organized a meeting with a research group

Addictions
-No cigarettes
-Journaling
 
Went to a party, had a lot of social anxiety and got super drunk.
On the way back home I went under depressive relapse and hurt myself with a knive.
The next morning, I looked in the mirror and had the impression that it was a some kind of bully looking back. This moment I understood that being angry against myself was currently my only way to deal with anxiety and frustration.

Seeing now a psychiatrist and having also a loving parental support. I will set mental health as a #1 priority (the others goals will suffers but I have to fix this first). Currently the plan is :

-Have another meeting with a psychiatrist to try EMDR to deal with social anxiety and fear of rejection.

- Will apply to try LSD therapy, as it is now something you can legally do with the rights prescriptions.

- Fix my sleep habits to get a good dopamine balance (as pointed out in Huberman Lab podcast). Meditation before sleeping usually improve recuperation.

- Train on memory retention so that I can remebers the actionable takeaways from various self-help books I'm currently reading. Currently watching a great YouTube channel by Elizabeth Filips that treat this subject.

So yeah that's a start and I'll do what I can do each day to make my mind a nice place to live.
 
Mental health:
- Applied asertives methods from "When I say no I feel guilty" to conversation with strangers and friends. Conversation felt more real and nice.

- Set up a routine to work and read self-help book more efficiently

Jobs:

- Applied for 2 jobs
 
Mental health:
-went on a trip to see a friend in the country side, we pushed each other in applying for jobs.
-continue reading self-help books.

Jobs:
-Got an interview and waiting for answers.

Dating:
-Train to use my DSLR camera with friends for better pictures.
 
Today:

-Programmed with a friend for a challenge and increased coding skills for jobs.
- Went for jogging (sport is back and it has a very positive impact on my mind).
- Used the DSLR for training. Will follow lecture and post on how to take good pics.
- I have cutoff all dating apps except for Tinder and Hinge to give me some space.
-Prepared for a job interview tomorrow
 
PillowDrifter said:
- I have cutoff all dating apps except for Tinder and Hinge to give me some space.
Click to expand...

Probably a good move, tbh I've found the time v results ratio isn't ideal on most other dating apps apart from Tinder, Hinge and also Raya.

Pareto principle wise it's better worth putting all the time/effort into the things giving the majority of the results rather than spreading that time/attention across 7-8 dating apps.
 
PillowDrifter said:
- Will apply to try LSD therapy, as it is now something you can legally do with the rights prescriptions.
Click to expand...

Where do you live? I've been wanting to do legit therapy with psychadelics.
 
Jobs:
-apply for a PhD
-scheduled meeting for an interview
-followed lecture on 'achine learning

Mental health:
-spent some times with friends, I tend to practice more and more direct honesty with them and it works very well.
-saw a psychiatrist and she is up to ask for a treatment on LSD
-read about negative inquiry and applied it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top