Post-AA Program Log

[chocolate]

My old log is here https://www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/beat-approach-anxiety/144363-prude-nervous-but-completed-covid-day-46-aa-still-sticking-points

I realize now that this is the more active forum, so I'll continue it here.

For context, I completed AA program over on GLL over 8-9 months and now I'm approaching for numbers/dates. I still live with my parents but I'm working on moving out into my own place (buying condo downtown, not renting). My last post I went out a few days ago, went on an insta 1-2 hour date with the girl that was really into me. I might have fucked it up towards the end (the date went a bit cold towards the end, she was still laughing towards the end though. I don't know how I could invite her back home at my place though, its a far drive away, also the date might have went on a bit long or something). Honestly I was jacked to the tits regardless, because this (cold approaching and then going on an insta-date) has always been a life goal of mine. I never screamed so loudly from joy after that date ever. Or from any date ever.

So today I decided to write it off. Scheduled second dose for covid and was prepared to write the day off. Honestly I feel fine though, don't know what people we're talking about feeling terrible. I would have scheduled my week differently had I known (ie. planned to approach today).

I called the bank today for pre-approval on a mortgage. Talked for an hour and a half with this girl, found out she was in the same city as me and everything. Of course no idea what she looks like but whatever, she was chill. She even said at the end of the call that she REALLY enjoyed talking to me (I fucking just talked for an hour straight making jokes and just talking about whatever.... it sounds retarded but this whole cold approach thing has got me really good at running my mouth now... she was laughing the whole time and joking with me though). She even went out of her way to tell me my credit score (she isn't supposed to) and give me the best possible service. I was going to ask her on a date but then she said she'd call me back in a few business days to get me the total amount.

Here's where I'm pissed at myself. I chickened out asking her out/phone number. I legit thought "well if I'm going to talk to her in a few days, I don't want to make it awkward asking her now". But fuck she told me she really liked talking to me, I mean that's a freaking open invite to at least ask her for her number. Plus I could have just told her how I really feel that honestly I'm totally cool with rejection (getting rejected a shitload of times will do that to ya). And, what pisses me off most, there's no guarantee I'll speak to her again.

I fucked up on an opportunity and I need to learn to seize the opportunity when its presented. I keep doing this "don't want to make it awkward thing" and it fucks me up. This is me taking ownership of this.

 

[chocolate]

Approached about 10ish girls over the course of the weekend. I'm not happy with how low that number is. I went out twice today for cold approach and didn't have time yesterday (but still did some as I went about my day). Almost all had boyfriends, got 1 number, and that number I retardedly didn't save it so that was actually a zero. I met this girl who, although has a boyfriend so instantly didn't continue the approach, was really chill and walked and talked with me as I headed back to my car. Actually the number I did get was while walking and chatting with her. Got some feedback on how to improve my approaches from her actually (I wave my hands too much when I'm nervous and talking in general, and that can be off putting) and how to improve my looks, which is pretty dope (she suggested ear piercings, which Andy also suggested). Also that girl I got the number from I approached when it was pitch black outside, but because I was so pumped up talking to the friend, I didn't even notice. I always had a lot of AA approaching pitch black.

Actually this weekend represents some of the firsts for me:
- First time going 5 days in a row with at least 1 approach (its somewhat integrating into my life).
- First time approaching a girl at the gym
- First time approaching a girl at night (and trying to get a number, this excludes the AA program)
- First time approaching a friend of a friend at a party

 

[chocolate]

Went out again today, must have spoken to 5-6 girls. Approached about half when it was sundown and half at pitch black outside, honestly I had very little AA. Today was fantastic actually in that respect. Typical "hey your cute, are you single?". Every single girl had a boyfriend so it was a total bust in that respect, but the girls we're really nice and that cheered me up actually.

Been trying to keep a more chill demeanor, for the most part anyway. I like it since it requires less energy (and fuck walking takes a lot of energy). Also forces me to stop and think a bit more rather than just say whatever the first thing pops to mind.

I've been trying to work on eye contact before the approaches (this was one AA-program drill I just randomly ended up skipping at the time) and I'd say it works well. I get a bit self-conscious staring (its a bit creepy I'd imagine?). But I actually realize that eye contact is something I lack (I was that shy kid who couldn't really maintain eye contact with anyone, too afraid to start a fight or be creepy or whatever). Anyway it seems to "warm up" the approaches a bit when I can get eye contact at least a second before the interaction begins.

Honestly I realize posting here actually keeps me motivated.

Edit: I felt like this post was too positive, so to balance that out, I think I'd be worth discussing some of the lingering insecurities here.

My Tinder fucking sucks and I don't know what I'm doing wrong (the only thing I can think of is I don't have any outdoor pictures). Only girls I could match with (by the way, I haven't had any likes in days) are all severely overweight or really not pretty. Maybe I should give the less pretty ones a chance though (obese girls really aren't my thing), but its not the girls I want to match with to be honest.

Although I can approach some of the hotter girls now (I used to be deathly afraid), I find I might be missing out on the less hot ones that might be single (jesus christ like everyone I talk to has a boyfriend, FFS). I don't think they are lying necessarily, at least they seem honest enough, but I'm not sure if I'm just selecting from a "tougher" cohort of ladies or if the question "are you single?" gives them an easy out they all take? I find I waste a lot less time so I do like the "are you single" question very much though.

I've been training for 2 years, but I haven't gained really any weight on the bar since the lock down in my area recommenced last fall. I'm back at 235lbs squat (I was 295lbs before) and my bench unmoved if not slight decline (215lbs). I'm not sure if I should gain 5 pounds to fill up my shirts more (I don't look like I lift in a shirt) or lose 5 pounds to look better face wise.

 

[offwego]

I've been trying to work on eye contact before the approaches (this was one AA-program drill I just randomly ended up skipping at the time) and I'd say it works well. I get a bit self-conscious staring (its a bit creepy I'd imagine?). But I actually realize that eye contact is something I lack (I was that shy kid who couldn't really maintain eye contact with anyone, too afraid to start a fight or be creepy or whatever). Anyway it seems to "warm up" the approaches a bit when I can get eye contact at least a second before the interaction begins.

Damn, I was looking forward to practically skipping that drill. I have the same problems with eye contact. Do you smile when you do eye contact?

 

[chocolate]

I've been trying to work on eye contact before the approaches (this was one AA-program drill I just randomly ended up skipping at the time) and I'd say it works well. I get a bit self-conscious staring (its a bit creepy I'd imagine?). But I actually realize that eye contact is something I lack (I was that shy kid who couldn't really maintain eye contact with anyone, too afraid to start a fight or be creepy or whatever). Anyway it seems to "warm up" the approaches a bit when I can get eye contact at least a second before the interaction begins.

Damn, I was looking forward to practically skipping that drill. I have the same problems with eye contact. Do you smile when you do eye contact?

For now not really, I suppose I might subconsciously keep a bit of smirk since I'm usually smiling. I'm just guessing here (I legitimately don't know what I'm talking about here), but I suspect it doesn't matter so much as actually having the eye contact. I'll make it a point to do this drill the next time I go out.


As for updates: I've been psychologically in a really weird place the last few days. I know I'm making progress but I'm not going to lie, the amount of work it takes to get numbers and dates from cold approach gets to me psychologically. Maybe its just all the physical walking + driving that gets to me; it could be the laziness cropping up here though.

Yesterday I stayed home, worked on learning the process of buying a property. I have a lot of work here. Financially so worth it though, its pretty much what rent would be (granted I no longer would have stocks, which sucks).

Today I only went to the gym and hit on one girl as she was leaving the gym. I botched the approach hard to be honest, and she was cold (didn't want to shake my hand, left almost immediately, etc). To be fair though, I also looked like shit, I usually bring my absolute crappiest clothes to the gym. The previous girl I approached at the gym I legitimately had holes in my shirt (like the story Andy tells). I think I've proved to myself that I'm actually approaching girls at the gym so I think its time I actually get some decent gym clothes.

What do you bald guys do at the gym? I sweat a shitload, I'm not sure if I want to take my nice hats into the workouts....

 

[Toast]

As for updates: I've been psychologically in a really weird place the last few days. I know I'm making progress but I'm not going to lie, the amount of work it takes to get numbers and dates from cold approach gets to me psychologically. Maybe its just all the physical walking + driving that gets to me; it could be the laziness cropping up here though.

You need to reframe your view on approaching. Focus less on being outcome oriented and focus more on improving your process of approaching.

If you keep viewing it as a job or a chore to go and approach you will not be able to continue to do it long term.
Enjoying the process of approach is as important as approaching itself.

If possible you should try and change your logistics so that approaching is so difficult. Like having a spot to approach that is closer to where you are living. That way you don't have to go so far out of the way to approach. If I had to drive 30+ min every time i wanted to approach i could see it becoming a chore.

 

[chocolate]

I'll respond at the end of the post, I'd like to write my original thoughts here first.

Went out again today for about 2-3 hours or so, approached anywhere from 5-10 girls (I don't really count anymore to be honest). Spent about half of that shopping for clothes but I did approach the cute girl working there (boyfriend). I stopped approaching once I felt bummed out (all the girls were either unavailable or not single). I have got the compliment about having guts to approach a few times though, that kind of cheers me up when I hear that. I find I get discouraged really quickly once a few girls give me the boyfriend thing. The last two ladies I approached were really sweet, one told me "you made my day" and the other was super nice and friendly, a little bit of small talk was nice.

Man at some point when I was first starting I got a number out of like 1 out of 3 girls. I must have got really lucky at first, or been really selective, or went for less attractive girls, or something. Now its like 10-15 in a row with no success. Its probably peanut numbers but damn, it got a lot more real just how much approaching is really required. Damn.

For what its worth though, I might get a little bit of AA here and there (sometimes it takes a few seconds to build myself up for an approach in an unfamiliar situation), but in large part I feel pretty good. I won't say AA is over, not by a long short, but I'm at least a somewhat functional human being during an approach now.

Enjoying the process of approach is as important as approaching itself.

Thanks, I needed to hear that. You're right. It might be time I rethink how I integrate cold approach into my daily life. I've spent the past few minutes thinking about it and honestly, maybe walking around downtown alone with no music or purpose isn't the most fun thing. I should at least bring a guitar or some headphones hah. Maybe I'll restart an old dance hobby I had. I'll have to think about this.

If I had to drive 30+ min every time i wanted to approach i could see it becoming a chore.

Pretty much my situation right now.

You do bring up a good point though. I suppose I could try places closer to me. I don't live in the best neighborhood for approaching but its worth a shot. There are also a few universities a 5-10min drive away so I could try there too. I will say where I go now does have a very good concentration of women per sqft FWIW.

Thanks for you're feedback, it was insightful I have some thinking to do.

 

[offwego]

I think it's too early to think about integrating approaching into your everyday life. You developed a very enviable (admittedly inchoate) ability through the AA program. You should make approaching your lifestyle for a while. Just like how the AA program is a lifestyle.

 

[Toast]

I find I get discouraged really quickly once a few girls give me the boyfriend thing.

Something else you need to address.

Just the other day I went 1/25 and was on a 20 rejection streak with most of those women having boyfriends, or saying they do. The difference in my thinking is that I know for a fact that if I keep approaching it is literally inevitable that a success is bound. Like 100% guaranteed. Seems kind of outrageous to make a statement like this but it is in fact true. The one contact I got that day was from a girl who said she had a boyfriend. I said "well why don't we exchange numbers anyway?" she said " sure why not.

There are days where I have a positive tilt and I'm going 1/3 or 1/5 and I'm like WTF is going on right now. This is not normal.
Where as on days where I'm going 0/20 I'm like ok. this is good I must be doing something right.
Rejection is the outcome 99% of the time. It is NORMAL to get rejected. It is not normal to exchange.

Another thing is are you immediately ejecting yourself after the word boyfriend is mentioned? How many times are you pushing to exchange for the contact?

Not everyone wants to hook up with a girl who has a boyfriend. That's your prerogative. But id suggest treating post boyfriend as a time to experiment with being audacious with what you say. Be extra pushy, ask 10 times to get her number. It will surprise you how many women will exchange.

All this being said I have to include the disclaimer that I am an approach noob with only ~600 approaches under my belt at this time. I am still evolving myself, but what I write comes from more experienced people then myself as well as what I have experienced in my small amount of approaches as well.

 

[chocolate]

Went out today, took the tip from Toast and tried a location nearby. The area is more than acceptable, way better than I thought at least. Not perfect either, there are a lot of teenagers & like bearly 18 year olds here, which I suppose is a good challenge. I kinda feel a bit wierd hitting on girls the same age as my niece lol, although objectively there shouldn't be a problem with approaching an 19 year old. They're usually pretty hot anyway. Shrug.

Thanks for the tip about enjoying the approaches. I've been less focused on the outcome and been finding ways to enjoy the process (grabbing coffee, looking at condos, getting a vibe for the areas I might want to move to, etc). I went out today and I don't feel frustrated that I went 0/5-0/10 today (I really should start taking better count). I think the mental re framing (less outcome dependence, etc) is what I needed. At least, I look forward to going out again.

I think it's too early to think about integrating approaching into your everyday life.

I admit, I don't think I trust myself enough to just integrate it into my life and stop setting aside blocks of time for cold approach. If not at very least because most of my hobbies are quite loner type hobbies anyway that don't necessitate a lot of human contact (guitar & bench press aren't exactly sociable activities ya get my vibe?). That being said, ultimately I do want to be picking up girls efficiently like that GLL article suggests, so shrug that's probably where I'd like to end up one day.

The one contact I got that day was from a girl who said she had a boyfriend.

Actually interestingly enough I had the exact same experience about a week ago. Some girl with a boyfriend was basically following me around as I did approaches on other girls. First time I felt pressured since I had an "audience" for my approach haha. She was dope though, gave me plenty of good advice on how to improve my approaches and shit. Shes the only girl I have as a friend in my phone lol.

Its an interesting thought, there have been plenty of times where a girl offered me her number but "just as friends" or whatever. Generally I pretty much say no to stay focused on approaching more girls. And yeah usually when they have a boyfriend I pretty much eject right after. Maybe I'll start talking them post boyfriend discovery and keep talking just to see how it goes. Or pop the question a bit later in the interaction. Thanks for the tip.

 

[Toast]

Good shit dude. Sounds like you made some improvements

I kinda feel a bit wierd hitting on girls the same age as my niece lol, although objectively there shouldn't be a problem with approaching an 19 year old. They're usually pretty hot anyway. Shrug.

Im having the same issue as well. If they're on the cusp of being 18 i tend to not approach. Just probably another form of approach anxiety. No harm approaching, asking their age and then immediately ejecting once you find out.

She was dope though, gave me plenty of good advice on how to improve my approaches and shit. She's the only girl I have as a friend in my phone lol.

What exactly did she say? Id be careful with receiving advice from a chick.

Its an interesting thought, there have been plenty of times where a girl offered me her number but "just as friends" or whatever. Generally I pretty much say no to stay focused on approaching more girls. And yeah usually when they have a boyfriend I pretty much eject right after. Maybe I'll start talking them post boyfriend discovery and keep talking just to see how it goes. Or pop the question a bit later in the interaction. Thanks for the tip.

Sounds like a shit test. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't give u her number. She would just reject you.

Another example. Today literally the first thing a girl said after i approached was "just so you know i have a boyfriend"
I just didn't react and said "cool, we can still meet up and grab a coffee." We exchanged after a little back and forth.
Pushing past the boyfriend stage is really up to you. if I'm hyper attracted to a girl ill push +5x times for their number. if I'm not feeling it ill eject. Really just depends on how you want to handle the approach in that moment.

 

[CainGettingLaid]

Took the time to reply to your post on GLL from a few weeks ago. I once again want to say that finishing the drills you did finish is HUGE. Follow my advice and finish all the days you skipped, including physical and nighttime ones. They are important.

It is also pretty impressive to me that you managed to do so without sharing your journey. The feedback and encouragement from the other guys helped me a lot. Seeing that you are now here, I hope we can push you through the tough times whenever they come and accelerate your growth.

Maybe repost your leftover questions here and Manganiello, Toast, Spazdig or any other of the more experienced guys can add their sauce.

 

[chocolate]

Updates first, replies later:

So I did a few more approaches, must have been about 5-10 girls over the past few days. Rejected by all except tonight. Every day I try to at least do one approach (as per Andy, it was great advice). I've been trying to work it in with my work day to not much success; my work requires internet and cafe internet sucks. I've explored some of the areas near me as suggested by Toast, generally filled with teens & old people but there are a few pockets that seem better. On the days with more time though, the drive downtown seems to be worth the effort anyway, today I was downtown and had no problem finding people within my age. Plus university is coming back so the universities are crawling with cuties now. All the more reason to move out; I got pre-approved for a mortgage today lets gooo.

So finally I broke through the cold streak I've had and went on an insta date with a girl today. She was cute as hell (honestly she was pretty fucking hot), kinda weird and quirky personality but I liked it. She was sitting on a bench, I went up to her and after introducing myself I sat down with her. I can't believe I have the balls to do that (this was unbelievable to me a few months ago). Went to a bar, and then I drove her home. I tried to kiss her but I got rejected, but at least I tried. I tried to kiss her in my car which, man, its awkward.

I think my date drag on a bit too long and I go in without really much of a plan, which kills my prospects. End up talking about the same things over and over again which yeah, isn't good. The spark at the start of the date sort of dies off after a few hours. That being said though, I don't think it was a complete loss either, I feel more comfortable in my own skin on the date and can converse at least more honestly (less fear of rejection) than I could in some of the earlier dates. I'm still nervous as fuck, I still don't want to fuck it up pretty badly and I let my nice guy come out wayyy too much though.

This time I drove her home, she said she had to go and I proposed to drive her home and after a really strange back and forward she agreed to be driven home by me. I drive stick and had a ton of fun watching her try to drive my car. Back to the point though, I personally feel really weird, in a really illogical way, to ask a girl back to my car and back home.

This time I tried being really hands off, not pushing to hold hands or kiss (until the end). Just to see how it goes. Not sure how I feel about it, I think I would have preferred to be more hands on (hand holding at least).

Overall, I become paralyzed and "hang in there" on the dates instead of pushing to the next step (drive her home, etc), which really doesn't work. I'll have to work on this; coming up with a plan ahead of time and ending the dates after an hour or so like Andy suggests in his Tinder guide.

Also, as per my responses below, I'm 1) quitting pornography (I don't know about nofap quite yet), 2) work on my weakness (interrupting, or being "rude") by doing the "drill" cain suggested and 3) finish the rest of the AA program.

Sounds like a shit test. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't give u her number. She would just reject you.

Perhaps, its a good point. Maybe I should push harder on those girls.

Id be careful with receiving advice from a chick.

Haha your reading my mind I thought the same thing! She suggested I get ear piercings. Thankfully Andy wrote about this in his guide so I'm at least willing to give her the benefit that shes not full of shit. Anyway, its not something I've ever considered before (I thought it was gay herpderp). Studs look pretty cool imo but I'll have to do my DD first

I just didn't react and said "cool, we can still meet up and grab a coffee." We exchanged after a little back and forth.

Wow thats interesting. I'll give it a go. I took the advice from Andy/Radicals videos and just "go next" on the girls that have a boyfriend, but yeah Andy did say that its not a complete show stopper either (getting a girl to cheat on boyfriend is a good ego boost and etc). I don't know if I'm there yet but you are right, I should at least push for the number, what do I have to lose honestly.

YOU are a hero for finishing this program. HUGE!!! I don't know much about you but given that you write about your social anxiety and that you are an Engineer (I'm gonna go after the stereotype, nothing bad intended), that is even more impressive.

Seriously thank you so much. Its a huge emotional roller coaster, I'm not used to living the highs and lows of these emotions. Its thrilling and scary all at the same time. Yeah I'm a software engineer, so not only do I have a shitload of useless knowledge about shit but I write code (ie. dont talk to people) all day. At least the job is chill enough that I can do approaches in the middle of the day and nobody says anything FWIW. But yeah tonnes of anxiety.

The program is fucking genius though. The way the drills break down everything into small steps and introduces those concepts slowly is brilliant. Plus having a goal number to achieve (20 girls, etc) really tricks my brain to be rewarded when I succeed.

Plus, the drills expose everything about your weaknesses. Fuck the bathroom drill, I never thought I had an issue asking for the bathroom until I did that drill. Fuck honestly, the entire program was a god damn slog, I struggled on every day past day 12. Every day felt like another "whos your daddy and what does he do", except I'm like Andy and the total batshit crazy stuff is actually easier than the more serious stuff. ABCs & daddy didn't kick my ass nearly as much as shaking a girls hand, giving a high five or especially telling a girl shes cute. But damn I did it.

Quitting porn is crucial though imo so if you haven't, do it.

I'm definitely addicted to porno. Nowadays, I can go a few days in a row no problem without fapping (which is an achievement, I used to be religious about it). But when I relapse I relapse hard; fapping multiple times a day to double anal shit. Its fucked. I started nofap a few days ago, and failed almost immediately. Honestly your right though the fucking porn is the main problem.

I've thought about doing this for a while and I'm doing it now. I've deleted my 500GB porn collection. I don't know if I'll do nofap outright but from now on no pornography.

Create your own challenges. Like inconveniencing 10 chicks in a day. Approach girls with headphones, girls talking on phones, girls reading, girls sitting on chairs of a restaurant in the open air, girls with their mom, girls with their family, girls with a guy who might be their boyfriend, girls that are running, girls riding on bikes. The opportunities are endless

HAHA I like it, good fucking advice. Fucking brilliant. I'm going to try this. Pretty much all of those are problem areas for me (except the headphones one). I definitely want to nail the girls on phone thing for sure. Groups too.

Tinder is pay to play unless you look really good, that is the simple truth.

I always had too much pride to pay for that stuff. But that's probably retarded. At least my buddies who use those apps all pay. I dunno, I feel like I need to prove to myself that I can actually get matches "organically" on these apps otherwise I'm just throwing my money away.

Funny enough the best picture I have is one with my muscles showing. And best isn't saying much. Maybe getting jacked like Master is is the solution here. Couple of pounds shy of 2 plates for 5 on bench, but nowhere near where I want to be (3 plates).

High-fives, shoulder-tapping, arm-grabbing. By now, Covid is a mere excuse. Go get it. You could for example alternate days with real approaches and the days you skipped. It will make you more confident and aggressive.

Yup. Agreed. Will do. Thanks. People are still cucks about this where I'm at (Montreal Canada), so clubs are still closed AFAIK. Bars are super strict too AFAIK. But you are right I did see a couple of bars that seemed more laid back so I can try those for night game. I really never went to "party" bars or clubs before the pandemic so I have some logistics to figure out. The other day stuff though is definitely doable, I will go and do them.


Edit: I did want to mention, I actually explicitly worked on eye contact during this date. Holding the gaze a bit longer and that sort of thing. I want to get to a point where I can just bluntly stare into the girls eyes and tell her shes fucking sexy, something like Andy has mentioned in one of his videos.

 

[Toast]

Haha your reading my mind I thought the same thing! She suggested I get ear piercings. Thankfully Andy wrote about this in his guide so I'm at least willing to give her the benefit that shes not full of shit. Anyway, its not something I've ever considered before (I thought it was gay herpderp). Studs look pretty cool imo but I'll have to do my DD first

Increasing Sex appeal with tattoos and piercing's can possibly have some sort of effect. But personally im not going to do any body modification just to increase my chances of getting laid. That's all ur preference. I'm of the opinion that confidence on the cold approach holds a much higher value then looks do. That said, looks do matter to a certain degree. If u dress above average and are not a slob, u can pick up chicks with cold approach.

Radical style guide is a great place to start if ur fashion sucks like mine did. Dressing well made me feel more confident which directly translates to cold approach confidence imo.

Wow thats interesting. I'll give it a go. I took the advice from Andy/Radicals videos and just "go next" on the girls that have a boyfriend, but yeah Andy did say that its not a complete show stopper either (getting a girl to cheat on boyfriend is a good ego boost and etc). I don't know if I'm there yet but you are right, I should at least push for the number, what do I have to lose honestly.

Exactly, nothing to really lose. She might give u her number and go on to ghost anyway so no loss. I eject from the conversation a lot of the times if I don't feel the need to push past boyfriend. Really depends on how you feel in the moment. Also depends on your personal values. There's tons of women out there, so no need to score a chick with a boyfriend if u dont want.

But it is fun to throw dumb lines at chicks to see how they react.
-I have a boyfriend.
-Yah that's right, I'm your boyfriend. -Oh yah? how serious is it? - How about a second boyfriend?
I say dumb shit like this all the time. It amuses me to mess with them.

 

[chocolate]

Went out twice today, I took a few days off due to a variety of reasons (other commitments, family drama bullshit, gym). So I felt a lot of AA come back today. I must have still approached at least 5-7 girls in a few hours; but I did pussy out on a lot of girls I wanted to approach.

Went on one short insta-date, short 10 minute walk, she rejected me (didn't give me the number). She kind of left a bad taste in my mouth to be honest, wasn't directly answering my questions right from the beginning and just standoffish. She was the least cute girl I've carried any sort of actual conversation with interestingly enough.

But it is fun to throw dumb lines at chicks to see how they react.
-I have a boyfriend.
-Yah that's right, I'm your boyfriend. -Oh yah? how serious is it? - How about a second boyfriend?
I say dumb shit like this all the time. It amuses me to mess with them.

I hope to be like that one day, I still kind of follow a cookie-cutter opener and just either get the date basically instantly or break it off. I'm actually pretty lousy at teasing come to think of it. I guess I've always hated being made fun of so I don't do that to others; I take myself way to seriously. But to be honest that's kind of retarded come to think of it. This might be something else to work on come to think of it.


EDIT: I just thought of this now, but yeah so I quit porn a few days ago as suggested by CainGettingLaid, and well its been enlightening. Man its hard to get hard without porn not going to lie. Half the time I can't even get off, its like it just doesn't work. I thought about relapsing quite a few times but so far so good (it helps I deleted everything anyway).
On the bright side though, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but man I was at a McDonalds and someone was ordering on those electronic menu things so I could only see her legs (its summer here and she was a wearing a short dress), and jesus christ I fucking got so turned on. I still pussied out of actually talking to her, but I've never had that happen before to me... I guess that's as bout as close to pornography as I'm going to get these days HAHA.

 

[Manganiello]

Went out twice today, I took a few days off due to a variety of reasons (other commitments, family drama bullshit, gym). So I felt a lot of AA come back today. I must have still approached at least 5-7 girls in a few hours; but I did pussy out on a lot of girls I wanted to approach.

Went on one short insta-date, short 10 minute walk, she rejected me (didn't give me the number). She kind of left a bad taste in my mouth to be honest, wasn't directly answering my questions right from the beginning and just standoffish. She was the least cute girl I've carried any sort of actual conversation with interestingly enough.

But it is fun to throw dumb lines at chicks to see how they react.
-I have a boyfriend.
-Yah that's right, I'm your boyfriend. -Oh yah? how serious is it? - How about a second boyfriend?
I say dumb shit like this all the time. It amuses me to mess with them.

I hope to be like that one day, I still kind of follow a cookie-cutter opener and just either get the date basically instantly or break it off. I'm actually pretty lousy at teasing come to think of it. I guess I've always hated being made fun of so I don't do that to others; I take myself way to seriously. But to be honest that's kind of retarded come to think of it. This might be something else to work on come to think of it.

You don't need to tease imo. Just be yourself.
The fact youre getting instadates is what
actually matters.

Seems like AA is directly attached to recent approach counts.

 

[chocolate]

Had to take what is effectively a 3 week break to... well essentially solve other peoples problems. I had to choose between cold approach and the gym but couldn't pick both, I chose the gym.

I went out last Saturday, talked to 5-10 girls, got one number, pretty much a flake.

Went out Thursday, and had so much AA all I could do was look at girls. Walked around like an idiot for an hour and a half.

Today I went out, was able to talk to like 1-2 girls. I let her take my number, and I realize in retrospect that is probably going to mean that's a bust too. Oh well.

As suggested, I started to try night game. Never went out alone ever. I went out today to a dead bar near my area and it was pretty much that, old people and pretty much dead. The gambling machines keeps that place alive. That being said, I just sat in silence for a bit and talked with the waiter and one super old lady there. Nothing remarkable here besides being out alone. I did a few lines from the "How to Go Out Alone to Bars" thing for what its worth.

I continued on to downtown, holy fuck nobody cares about covid there its amazing. The rules officially are no dancing but holy hell nobody respected that. Wow I wasted so much time thinking these rules were actually legit. I pussied out of actually lining up and going into any of these places; it was very overwhelming and I was afraid to go in. These are the kinds of places I want to go to and pick up chicks; and also what terrifies me. But I walked a hell of a lot and stood in the middle of some crowds in the street FWIW.

My nights are much more free than daytime, so at least I can work on this at night even if the day is a bust.

 

[chocolate]

Alright, we're back, lets go.

I spent the past few days out walking A LOT, talking to some girls, honestly I can't remember how many girls (around 10) but its been pretty rough getting back into it and shaking the AA. Nothing really notable happened with the cold approaching for the most part. I've watched Andy's video on being old and hitting on younger girls, I suppose that gave me the "permission" to go hit on some younger girls (18-21); Andy did a good job addressing the feeling of being a creep which definitely was holding me back. At least one of the days I approached like 5 girls 18-21 year olds in like 10 minutes (this city is crawling with them).

My bigger goal has been to address night game. I started the "How to Go Out Alone to Bars" program on GLL but I've never been alone in a bar before (at least one worth going to anyway). Yesterday I went to an actual decent bar (ie. people my age or younger) all by myself. This comes after a few days straight of standing in front of bars looking into them, people watching like a creep, but never actually going into one. I was on the verge of giving up yesterday too; I was watching the line for one bar for over an hour trying to build the courage to go inside. I was going to ask my friend to come with me next time or something, anything to just get me into a bar, but eventually I just had a "fuck it" moment and just went into a bar.

I actually had a really good time; I stayed for an hour or two. I chatted with at least a few people and honestly it was way more fun than just being at home or approaching in the street at night. I felt the power of the AA program here too; the social anxiety basically disappeared once I actually got to the bar and started talking. And for what its worth, the people I did talk to were interesting people and had good life stories.

I tried to spend a few minutes just being alone, which I did. Then the bar maid introduced me to her friend and we just started talking.

I can't say I actually tried hitting on any girls, I was just exhilarated to be out. Talked to one cutie, the bar maid introduced me to her, but I didn't hit on her, just talked. I don't really know how to hit on a girl at a bar to be honest... does hey your cute work there too? And furthermore I didn't really do anything from the program, I just talked. I also sat at the bar rather than at a table, I'm not sure if that counts. Also, it wasn't the most busy bar; maybe 5 people actually drinking but it got closer to 10-ish people at the end.

But it's a hell of a lot more than I thought I could ever do.

I'm not going to lie, the thought of going into a bar alone, still makes me nervous. Standing in a line outside the bar terrifies me. Also the bars with super hot chicks lining up at them terrifies me too. Honestly crowded places in general really make me uncomfortable too and probably terrifies me the most.


I wrote this in my phone while working sobering up a bit before driving, its cheesy as fuck but whatever:

I'm surrounded by first year university froshies who haven't had university kick them in the ass yet. But honestly, I haven't felt more in the right place either. This is my university of social life. I'll figure this out one day, and I'll make it.

 

[offwego]

Did you do the bar days in the AA program? It was my first times in bars period. Super crowded in NYC when COVID was dying down. I got virtually all positive reactions from over 40 girls squeezing them and saying I liked their style and calling them cute. Might not mean shit, but at least it doesn’t hurt. These were hot NYU girls, about 10 years younger, all white.

I hi fived people on the way to the bar purposely to get rejected. That def helped like 10% to get started. Those drills were very touch and go, never spent more than 15 or 20 minutes in the bar.

It’s funny how the AA program doesn’t really get rid of some people’s anxiety. It just gives you reference experience to go, Oh right, that’s how momentum is supposed to feel like.

 

[chocolate]

Hey guys,

So I've been around, doing the go out alone program here and there every few days. Its going slow, like most of my progress, but at least its somewhat getting better. Doing the eye contact drill on the How to Go Out Alone actually felt pretty impactful to me, I find myself adding it to my regular routine. I have a hard time finding really crowded places that the program expects, most venues I've been to by this point have a handful of girls and they're pretty much all sitting at tables.

I did a little bit (10 girls maybe) of cold approach Sunday and wow got 4 numbers. One girl I went on a date with tonight (actually the approach I felt the worst on), two of the really hot ones never messaged me back so either their fake numbers or not interested. One I pretty much forgot to message back, I don't know if I should given its almost been a week. Shes older lady so I'm not sure if I'm into that.

One girl I spoke to, full on eye contact unbreaked for 20 minutes straight. I honestly wanted to kiss her right then I was so turned on. I never had that with a girl before.... that was really hot. I don't know if I did something here or not, but damn was that hot.

The date went OK, once again I think I made it drag on a bit too long, I went for two drinks instead of one and I could barely hear the girl. I thought she was cute, she dressed up pretty cute anyway, but I don't think she was feeling it. I tried holding her hand and she kept pulling away. I tried to kiss her but no dice (honestly I was feeling shit by this point, so I knew I was going to get rejected).

The only thing I can say I positively did, my main goal going into this night actually, was to ask her back to my place. I did that (of course rejected), but I did it. First girl I've ever asked back to my place.

---

I know I need to spend more time on this dating stuff, I currently spend about a couple of hours a week on this. I'm consistent (I do something every week, even if its very little like it was a few weeks ago, I always at least approach a few girls a week), but just don't put the time in. I find I get fed up, dare I say bored, of approaching. I want the results but the work feels like a slog.

Did you do the bar days in the AA program?

Nah bars were closed in my area for the most part when I was doing AA. They're opening up now though, I just don't really know where the good places are.

These were hot NYU girls, about 10 years younger, all white.

Those are the hottest chicks, in my books anyway.