Hey everyone,
So its been a long time, I'll get you all up to date with what has been going on. Questions at the end. TLDR: AFTER 1.5-2 YEARS, COMPLETING MOST OF THE AA PROGRAM, I FINALLY LAID A COLD APPROACH AND DID IT ON THE FIRST DATE.
So I stopped posting here in September, because I had two dates with two super open minded girls that I felt went well but didn't get laid from in part because I didn't have my own place (parents place). Dating girls 30+ minutes drive from where I lived just seemed retarded for a 28-29 year old. In retrospect I don't think that was necessarily the problem, but I couldn't help be frustrated at the back of my mind.
So I went out and got a real estate agent and bought a 2 bedroom condo in the middle of Montreal. Despite the overwhelming advice here, renting was not acceptable to me, I want to own assets so I wanted to own a condo. Yes living with your parents until almost 30, working since 16, investing in the market since 2013 and being a software developer makes this possible for me, I realize this isn't possible for most.
I bought in November, DIY fixed up and painted the place until about 2 weeks ago (actually the neighbours shower leaked into my place and that set me back until March).
Currently my only dating strategy is cold approach. My tinder is garbage with basically zero results. Its something I'm intending on working on.
Since beginning of March I've approached girls almost every single day. Basically same "hey your cute, are you single/available" approach. I went 24 days without getting a single date, and effectively no numbers. However, I went on a date last weekend with a French girl, which was the longest conversation I've ever had in French ever, and managed to kiss her. Last week I had much more success. I got 3 numbers (4 if you count the sex worker girl I didn't call back for obvious reasons), and got one girl on a date this Saturday.
Dude, this girl on Saturday, I've never seen a girl this into me ever. Like she was sending me kisses and winks emojis over text, I was genuinely worried I was going to end the night without a kidney. But she came to the bar, super sexy british accent and everything. 35 year old girl which is older than I target, but she had a damn cute face.
She was touching me at the bar, I just straight up kissed her at the bar after an hour. She did like 80% of the talking. We stayed at the bar for like 2-3 hours (I'll address this later) and then at like 10:30 I invited her to my place. She said yes, but no sex (technically it did happen, but physically it didn't, will be addressed later). As soon as we got to my place she was all over me, we spent hours and hours kissing and naked and etc. She kept initiating, like I don't understand, shes horny as FUCK.
At some point during the night I carried her to my bed (I can't remember if it was right off the bat or not) based on Andy's picture https://killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide-4/#31-once-youre-back-at-yourher-apartment (fireman carry is pretty dope, I'm also squat like 2 1/2 plates though so I'm pretty strong).
She stayed the night (I wasn't sure what to do here, I don't mind if she stays) and we had breakfast and I drove her back to her place (I have the car on some days, not all though since I don't have a parking spot and its got to stay at my parents place). She fucking loved my body, gym for like 2 years didn't go to waste (even though looking big in a shirt still eludes me).
So long story short, short of technicalities; I FUCKING DID IT. BROKE A 3 YEAR DRY SPELL, AND LAID MY FIRST COLD APPROACH ON THE FIRST DATE.
And more importantly, I GOT LAID BEING MYSELF. NO FUCKING PUA BULLSHIT, NO "TECHNIQUES" OR MANIPULATION TACTICS OR BULLSHIT.
Commentary:
- I found my "range" and "consistency" has improved by daily practice. I approach girls in the metro, bus, on the street, in the store, etc and on the drop of a hat. Still might take a second or two for me to gather myself, and I don't approach every girl I could ever want to, but a couple of girls a day is certainly doable.
- Andy's idea of "high fiving" random strangers on a date is awesome. While walking back to my place, I high went and high fived some people and etc and my date had fun with that. Great filler date.
Questions:
1) I generally find I like talking to the girls for really long periods of time (hours) at bars/coffee shops. I presume this isn't an issue but I wanted to confirm this. It feels right for me anyway.
2) So I have huge performance anxiety. I just couldn't get hard at all at night, and in the morning I was hard a little bit but I couldn't be hard for long enough to put a condom on. So even though we had the condom and she consented to sex and everything, I just couldn't bring my dick to do it. For context, I started looking at porn again. I found when I had quit porn for a few months, I was more "present" in the moment when I did jack off. I wasn't sexually active when I wasn't looking at porn, but at least jacking off, I was able to get off based on the feeling rather than simply the porn.
I took some actions in this respect preventative. I've had this problem in the past, so in anticipation, I bought the huge Doxy vibrator that Andy suggested somewhere (I cant remember where). We were laughing at the size of the fucking thing, and its pretty awkward to get that thing into the right position, but she really liked it, at least she was able to cum with that thing on low setting (she couldn't take anything more than low lol). If you see this Andy, THANK YOU ANDY, YOUR SUGGESTION OF A HUGE ASS WALL POWERED VIBRATOR SAVED THE NIGHT FROM A LIMP DICK.
But regardless, I still have a limp dick problem. And I don't know how to solve this besides quitting porn completely. I'm not sure if I should completely stop jacking off too (that will be really hard to do to be honest). What should I do? Is there any information on GLL/KYIL on this?
3) We didn't talk about dating other girls. She's really really into me and she mentioned that she is might be looking for a something more serious. Shes 35 and has definitely mentioned the whole "other girls my age are getting married but I'm not", etc. I don't want to be exclusive right now, I have a loose goal of 50 girls, but mainly I want experience and to prove to myself that I can, at least somewhat consistently, get girls into my bed.
I have mentioned, and we did talk about cold approach and me asking other girls out. Its a natural topic for discussion given how I meet girls. I think I can do the relationship thing pretty well to be honest, I carried a 7 year long one previously, but that might be part of my problem. I might be too good at relationshipping, at least at the start. Its naturally a part of me if you will.
For context, shes already coming up with second date ideas (we actually talked about some on the first date, places I want to go and etc). She actually even wants me to meet one of her friends too.... so like yeah I'm pretty sure she wants this to be a relationship thing.
Is there any information/articles about this? I'm not aware of this topic being covered anywhere, but to be fair I'm more on the GLL site than this site in general.
4) Second/third date ideas elude me. Can I do a bar/coffee shop date again? Do we have any ideas on what kind of other acceptable second date ideas there are? This isn't an issue with this girl since we slept together and basically anything is OK, but will be an issue for subsequent girls.
).