On True Iron Will
En route to NY
Will be with Pancake for a week.
Will do a bootcamp with Dante.
Will commit myself to pushing myself to limits I have not yet been to.
I will learn.
I will grow.
I will find answers.
I will keep going and remain dedicated.
There will be challenges ahead.
There will be tough times and new lows, no doubt.
It may be a long time before this starts to look better, if it ever does.
I may fail again and again and again.
Over and over.
Until it is just sheer sadism and not a soul in their right mind would continue.
I have already hit that point many months ago.
Few would have the god damn balls to keep going.
Few would have the fortitude to say, fuck you, you will not stop me.
Few will ever know what it feels like to go from 285lbs, obese, housebound agorophobic virgin, too sick and too scared to live, too stuborn and too determined to die.
To creating this motherfucker right here.
Just to get to here, I ground myself into a fuckin FINE POWDER.
Countless hours spent pounding the pavement, just trying to beat my approach anxiety. 7000 approaches smashed.
Photoshoot after photoshoot, many profile overhauls, to now get to where, in some locations, I can get good quality matches and solid volume at that. Years of hustle.
Years of grind to improve my physical appearance.
Few will ever understand these feelings and the barbarism of the grinding I have engaged in.
Packing my entire life up, moving around the world.
Trying again, and again, and again.
Failing so many times.
I remember some fucking cold moments out there, suffering in the grit of life.
Moments of agony that were beyond what I even thought were possible.
Remember times like this?
https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=50099#p50099
So many of these experiences.
Since the start of 2023, it feels like the bullshit will never end.
I get closer, and think, finally, maybe this time it will just be ok.
But no.
Cucked again.
The cycle continues.
And I just keep pushing forward.
Here are some things I know about progress, achievement, and success:
-The Universe is not yet so insane it will not reward a truly deserving person
-The best way to get what you want, is to pay the price, in blood, sweat, and tears
True Grinding Ability
I am not dead yet.
I am still alive, have motivation and drive, am able to draw another breathe of air.
And for this reason, I know I will succeed.
You get out of these patches, by going on the attack.
You do not win by being passive and burying your head in the sand.
You gut up, get in the ring, and give your opponent hell.
It does not matter how strong they are.
How they have smashed your head in the previous 12 rounds.
How everyone in the arena is telling you to throw in the towel.
If you want something, bad, you must be willing to drop dead trying to obtain it.
When I started this journey, it was either I make it, or I drop dead trying.
Period.
I remember those many months GRINDING in the gym to lose 85lbs, off of nothing but hope for a better future.
Suffering, alone, with my own thoughts tormenting me and trying to get me to quit.
I remember those many months in London, hammering the pavement every day for 4 hrs a day to beat my approach anxiety. For months I could not talk to people. I thought my AA would never go away. And then, it began to fade.
To achieve my goals the first part of this journey, my standards were low to say the least.
It got me experience, and I kept pushing ahead.
Quality improved after my last photoshoot, now in some locations, I can do OK online.
And there is progress being made in approaching.
Comes down to animal spirits. You have to feed off your own passion and intensity.
Time and time again, I have pulled it off, by wearing the enemy down through sheer force of will, attacking them again and again, not giving them a moment of rest.
Few will ever comprehend how hard you have to be as a human being in order to accomplish even this.
Nothing in this world can withstand something that is truly relentless.
Nothing.
That is how you do this.
For The True Dogs: Never, Ever Give In
Every day, people out here are getting it.
Do not give them the comfort and security of your absence.
Some are operating at a distinct disadvantage.
They know who they are.
….Do not allow this to limit you in your life, limit your enjoyment of your time on earth, and cause you to become a shadow of the person you want to be.
This is YOUR LIFE.
No one can tell you where to go, who you can be, what your limits are, and what place in this world you have to accept.
That is YOUR CHOICE, and YOU GET TO DECIDE.
I do not like being treated like a peasant and afterthought. I do not like living on a knife edge. I do not like being perpetually ghosted.
I am learning about why that happens, and what can be done to correct that.
I will overcome this.
And so will you.
For the true dogs in life, the only way I know for us to level the playing field, is work ethic.
You just have to be prepared to sacrifice more.
We just have to out grind them.
We just have to stay in the fight for longer.
We just have to be willing to endure, willing to take Ls, and be willing to go even harder.
The journey, from the hell I came, was never going to be a rose garden.
Life is War.
You must be a Warrior Scholar.
I remember how I used to live for the first 29 years of my life.
I remember the deep recesses of hell.
I remember the promise I made to make something of myself and to prove to other people who were also told they will never amount to shit that success is possible.
That is my why.
And that is what gives me so much power.
I am here 100% for the underdogs in life.
You & I belong here too.
Do not accept misery.
Do not accept not living your dreams.
Turn all your sadness, loneliness, frustration, and weakness into passion and drive to go high in life.
I know there is a buried treasure inside myself.
And the complex situation I find myself in my journey right now, in a location that is not tenable, will be overcome, and a distant memory as I continue down the road of success.
It is not over until you’re 6 feet under.
A natural disaster will stop me.
A bullet to the brain will stop me.
Excuses will not.
That is why, I WILL SUCCEED
_________________________________________
KEEP HAMMERING,
-MAC DADDY
