Vic's Progress Log - What’s wrong with my Hinge profile?

[Vic]

Afternoon, I'm GN44 (now Vic as of 5/13/24). I have made some posts here and there asking for advice. I want to try and formally start a progress log, see if it motivates me some more.

Starting off with looks I think I am pretty above average. I used to be below average with no muscle but in a year I lost about <40 pounds, but gained some back over the summer, so I am at 170 lbs and 5ft 10inch and have some muscle. I am currently in a 300 calorie deficit to bring my weight down more since I am only 2 pounds away from overweight. I wear clothes that fit me well and shirts that hug my arms nicely. My fashion sense is still average but I got some jackets for the fall that I think will elevate me. I used to wear oversized clothing but got rid of all that since it just made me look fat. I have a decent jawline as in my face is not super round.

My biggest issues with my looks are gyno and hair loss. My doctor last week told me I had gyno so I booked a November consultation with Plastics so I can discuss the removal surgery, hopefully insurance covers it and maybe I can get the surgery before I go back the next semester.

Hair loss has been an issue since I turned 20, didn't start doing anything about it until May. Got on 2.5 mg Oral Minoxidil and 1 mg Finasteride starting June. The Fin destroyed my libido and gave me ED so I switched to taking it every other day and the sides mostly left too. I am still in a shedding phase that should end soon. I just got a derma stamp too so hopefully that helps as well.

I try not to see this as an "issue" per se but I am a South Asian dude in a primarily white area. I feel like the girls around me live in a different world and that I am not deserving of them. No its not like I am pedestalizing them or not seeing them as people. I just think our life experiences are so different that I should not be around them. I am working to get this out of my head. Most of the girls around here (at least at face value) are nice so so far I haven't had many negative interactions with women. The only "negative" interactions I had were with girls I wasn't even trying to date. I surprisingly have not had anyone say anything racist towards me.

As of a few days ago I am back in my University City (Columbus, OH) after being stuck at home for nearly 4 months. I want to hopefully get laid once or more before I leave college in 2024 with someone I am at least 50% attracted to. I have done about 25 approaches (Probably like 18 warm and 7 cold) so far since starting to take dating seriously last year. I approached two women yesterday. One was incredibly attractive. She was sitting on her phone. I went up to her and complimented her earrings and asked her how things were going. For some reason I froze up and literally could not speak. I ended up mentally shitting myself and just said "well nice meeting you" then left.

A few hours later I was in target and I saw this one lady with a visible arm tattoo, I went up to her and said I liked her tattoo and asked her where she got it from. We talked a bit about tattoos and I told her I am considering getting one and where I should get it. I got her number, sent her a text this morning and no response.

At this point in time most of my approaches involve starting with a compliment since I am currently not 100% confident in calling a girl cute/sexy right away like what Andy says to do.

Icl I know its a part of the numbers game but I would rather be told no on the spot, but a lot of women are afraid of rejecting men directly (don't blame them). Currently my goal is to do one cold approach per day at least, if I cannot do one day, it carries over to the next day. Meaning the next day I have to do 2. Part of me does not see how Cold approaching is even all that good since I probably did not give the girl enough time to build some attraction. I just don't see a reason for a girl to want to sleep with me from that.

I prefer approaching at social events. I am in a few clubs and two of them have more women than men, the third is an even split nearly. Sometimes I attend gym hosted yoga classes which also have a lot of women in them. Ive been lucky that from social stuff I have managed to get 2 dates from 21 approaches. One girl was really pretty and I met her at the hospital I volunteer at. It was only one date for Brunch, things did not work out. The second girl was cute, not as cute as the first, but she didn't speak English super well but we had a coffee date a few days ago. She also ghosted me.

I think I will continue cold approaching although I am already feeling massively disillusioned. I also need to get on actually building an OLD profile. Things are tight financially so Bumble and Hinge will be the apps I work with, Tinder likely won't work. I only have two usable photos and my phone is old so I gotta somehow get my hands on a DSLR.

 

[pancakemouse]

At this point in time most of my approaches involve starting with a compliment since I am currently not 100% confident in calling a girl cute/sexy right away like what Andy says to do.

That's the more optimal approach anyway. There's no need to change it. Women aren't dumb, they know what's going on when a guy walks up and talks to them in public.

 

[Vic]

At this point in time most of my approaches involve starting with a compliment since I am currently not 100% confident in calling a girl cute/sexy right away like what Andy says to do.

That's the more optimal approach anyway. There's no need to change it. Women aren't dumb, they know what's going on when a guy walks up and talks to them in public.

Glad someone understands me. The thing that scared me the most about cold approach was coming off as creepy and I felt like saying that would probably immediately be creepy. A personalized compliment is something most girls take very well to it seems as long as its not some weird shit like "Nice tits". So far none of the girls in my 7 cold approaches found me weird or anything (again at least at face value) meaning I will probably continue with this. I could just be playing it safe but is cold approaching in an of itself really safe?

 

[Vic]

8/28

MB no update yesterday. Just feeling like shit about my body (what else is new). I tried a new salmon recipe though that was low calorie and tasty so I have another meal-prep dish to add to the list.

I "approached" one girl today, in an elevator leaving my research building. She was short, asian, and had glasses. Pretty cute, I have a soft spot for nerdy looking girls. I just asked her about research and stuff. Wanted to continue the conversation but she didn't seem all that interested and had other shit to do, so I left her be.

 

[Adrizzle]

Oh a new guy! Sup man. Also huge props for diving right into cold approaching that’s sick man.

Shave ya head. I mean do what you want really but shaving it/being bald is p good. If you still look neat and not like a dad you’ll be fine.

We talked a bit about tattoos and I told her I am considering getting one and where I should get it. I got her number, sent her a text this morning and no response.

How did you close the number? Was it “hey I might have some more questions about tattoos what’s your number” or “hey you seem fun/cool/interesting we should grab a drink and talk some more what’s your number”. Cos they set a different tone

 

[Vic]

Oh a new guy! Sup man. Also huge props for diving right into cold approaching that’s sick man.

Shave ya head. I mean do what you want really but shaving it/being bald is p good. If you still look neat and not like a dad you’ll be fine.

We talked a bit about tattoos and I told her I am considering getting one and where I should get it. I got her number, sent her a text this morning and no response.

How did you close the number? Was it “hey I might have some more questions about tattoos what’s your number” or “hey you seem fun/cool/interesting we should grab a drink and talk some more what’s your number”. Cos they set a different tone

Yeah man. I knew how to talk to girls beforehand, cold approach was just a whole different ball game. Still is, I will try to get a cold approach in today, if not I guess that makes two for tomorrow. I am having a hard time just going for it. My mind keeps making up excuses like "oh she don't wanna be interrupted" or "she will think you are weird" or "she would probably call me a creep". I mentioned earlier my approach was to give a compliment first but I usually struggle to do that when there isn't particularly anything standout about the girl and I just find her attractive.

Going bald is a last resort, my doc told me to check my results on the meds after 6 months (its been 3), if nothing I will try what I can until I am out of options. I would probably be more ok being bald after i get gyno surgery so I can get jacked and look like Indian David Goggins lmfao.

Didn't think too hard about my closing, I had to catch a bus so after I got the number I was like "thanks, have a good one!", which is of course incredibly generic. Usually I end up sending the message the next day asking if she would want to get coffee. Would asking about getting a drink or setting up a date better my rates?

 

[pancakemouse]

Didn't think too hard about my closing, I had to catch a bus so after I got the number I was like "thanks, have a good one!", which is of course incredibly generic. Usually I end up sending the message the next day asking if she would want to get coffee. Would asking about getting a drink or setting up a date better my rates?

Too rushed. Banter over text a little bit, feel her out. Couple back and forths. Then date pitch.

 

[Vic]

Didn't think too hard about my closing, I had to catch a bus so after I got the number I was like "thanks, have a good one!", which is of course incredibly generic. Usually I end up sending the message the next day asking if she would want to get coffee. Would asking about getting a drink or setting up a date better my rates?

Too rushed. Banter over text a little bit, feel her out. Couple back and forths. Then date pitch.

Makes sense, but I should probably not ask too late since she could lose interest. Before I used to wait a lot of time before asking but before i asked the convo would always fizzle out. I hate texting ngl.

 

[Vic]

8/29

I approached another girl with an arm tattoo who was standing idle, she looked about my age. I had the same opener as the other tattoo girl. This time I just said I could give her my number instead so we could "bounce off ideas for a first tattoo". My friend who has had success with women suggested I give my number to girls instead of the other way around so it takes pressure off.

Even if this does not work, I at least have a "formula" for approaching certain women. For women with tattoos, piercings, certain fashion pieces, etc. I can just give a compliment and ask where they got the thing from.

I also reached out to some university departments to see if I could borrow a high quality camera. One of them said No, the other no response. How should I go about getting my hands on a DSLR? Money is tight right now and my iphone is old.

 

[pancakemouse]

My friend who has had success with women suggested I give my number to girls instead of the other way around so it takes pressure off.

Do not listen to your friend. Take her number. Always.

Women are not the initiators. LEAD.

 

[Vic]

My friend who has had success with women suggested I give my number to girls instead of the other way around so it takes pressure off.

Do not listen to your friend. Take her number. Always.

Women are not the initiators. LEAD.

I have always preferred to do it my way. I don't know how it is supposed to make a difference. I am not pressuring her anyways, she is not forced to respond to my text.

He says your lay rate is much higher with those girls but my view is that no matter even if the woman is fine with initiating it WILL NOT hurt to be the initiator.

 

[Adrizzle]

Dude well done on the consistent approaching. Going far better than me.

I think asking girls their number “to talk about tattoos” is a bit silly and inauthentic. Girls know what’s up, like we have the internet and all the YouTube videos about every topic you don’t need people for info. If this gets you out approaching keep doing it, maybe you wanna try being direct at some point.

Camera stuff.
Search for rentals
FB groups for photographers/models/tfp
Online has changed a bit. Imo it more important and effective to build a cool lifestyle, get your look down, learn to pose and have phone photos of that than posed high quality camera photos. My reasoning is that any guy with $400 can get high quality photos and the market if flooded. Having a photo of you looking good surrounded by girls/doing soemthing cool is actually hard to fake

 

[Vic]

Dude well done on the consistent approaching. Going far better than me.

Appreciate that man! I am trying to give it my best shot, my schedule today especially is really full, I will still try to get one approach in, if not no need to beat myself up over it.

I am still trying to figure out the "right approach", but there is no wax on wax off to dating, you learn by getting out there. I think my opener seems okay, but closing I need to figure that out. Usually when I ask the number I say "Lets stay in touch, can I get your number?" which in my view does implicate some sort of relation but seems a bit innocuous. Do I need to be more forward? Because from what I see being forward and attraction is like a bell curve. Being forward is great but being too forward will repel women to some degree.

Good idea, I don't use facebook anymore but I can probably search for groups. I can also try my city's and or university's subreddits and see if anyone will meet with me. Currently I do have about 60$ to "spare". I am a bit cautious about using that money as of now since my finances are under scrutiny by my dad due to having a horrible spending addiction and falling for goofy ass "Retail therapy" nonsense.

I would say my lifestyle is a massive step up from previous years. I am in several social clubs, have good friends, more hobbies, go to the gym 3-4x a week, am in better shape, and I am making moves in my academic career as well as I just began doing Biochemical research this year.

The only setting I may be able to get a good picture with a few girls is if my Dance club hosts another Salsa Night. I meet a lot of cool girls there so I could probably get some good social photos.

 

[pancakemouse]

Dude well done on the consistent approaching. Going far better than me.

I am still trying to figure out the "right approach", but there is no wax on wax off to dating, you learn by getting out there. I think my opener seems okay, but closing I need to figure that out. Usually when I ask the number I say "Lets stay in touch, can I get your number?" which in my view does implicate some sort of relation but seems a bit innocuous. Do I need to be more forward? Because from what I see being forward and attraction is like a bell curve. Being forward is great but being too forward will repel women to some degree.

Ramp up to it and gauge her interest.

- Do you like <activity>
- Yes!
- We should do <activity> together sometime

Or if straight line persuasion doesn't work:

- Do you like <activity>
- No
- <tease her because she's not compliant>
- <banter more>
- So what do you like to do?
- OK cool we should do <other activity> sometime

 

[Vic]

I am still trying to figure out the "right approach", but there is no wax on wax off to dating, you learn by getting out there. I think my opener seems okay, but closing I need to figure that out. Usually when I ask the number I say "Lets stay in touch, can I get your number?" which in my view does implicate some sort of relation but seems a bit innocuous. Do I need to be more forward? Because from what I see being forward and attraction is like a bell curve. Being forward is great but being too forward will repel women to some degree.

Ramp up to it and gauge her interest.

- Do you like <activity>
- Yes!
- We should do <activity> together sometime

Or if straight line persuasion doesn't work:

- Do you like <activity>
- No
- <tease her because she's not compliant>
- <banter more>
- So what do you like to do?
- OK cool we should do <other activity> sometime

Sounds like a good plan, wish I saw this earlier for the reasons I am about to add to the log, I get mega nervous in closing so I need to get better at that

 

[Vic]

8/30

Went to a sandwich food truck and saw a cute girl there. The truck was about to close and they only had grilled cheese sandwiches so she ordered that. I said to her "man thats gotta suck only getting grilled cheese, the sandwiches here are fire". We talked about food for a while, she told me she likes to cook and said she recently made pork chops. I just said something about how I would like to learn how to make those too as I have never cooked with full pork before.

I got her number, I just had the same closing as usual but for my next one I will try to do something like what pancakemouse says. In the meantime, how should I open over text with this girl? Because go figure asking for a date suddenly may ward her off too fast.

Some random thoughts/experiences today/bits I need advice on:

-Saw the girl I went on my first date ever with again, didn't really talk but was nice to see her again.

-In one club I am in that has a few girls I want to approach, my good friend is also in that club and I and another person are like the only guys he knows there so he sticks to me often. It makes it hard to go up to these girls. At the same time I don't want to blow my friend off over women.

 

[pancakemouse]

8/30

Went to a sandwich food truck and saw a cute girl there. The truck was about to close and they only had grilled cheese sandwiches so she ordered that. I said to her "man thats gotta suck only getting grilled cheese, the sandwiches here are fire". We talked about food for a while, she told me she likes to cook and said she recently made pork chops. I just said something about how I would like to learn how to make those too as I have never cooked with full pork before.

I got her number, I just had the same closing as usual but for my next one I will try to do something like what pancakemouse says. In the meantime, how should I open over text with this girl? Because go figure asking for a date suddenly may ward her off too fast.

Some random thoughts/experiences today/bits I need advice on:

-Saw the girl I went on my first date ever with again, didn't really talk but was nice to see her again.

-In one club I am in that has a few girls I want to approach, my good friend is also in that club and I and another person are like the only guys he knows there so he sticks to me often. It makes it hard to go up to these girls. At the same time I don't want to blow my friend off over women.

Feeler text after an approach: wait a few hours, or the next morning.

Best option: <callback reference to what you talked about that provokes a response>
Second opton: Hey <name> fun meeting you ;-)

Fuck your good friend. Go approach girls. If he's not comfortable, he can fuck off. A man stays on his purpose.

 

[Adrizzle]

Yeah fuck your friend. I had a mate who would literally follow me around the nightclub like a lapdog. I told him hey man imma go talk to girls cya later

$60 won’t get you anything. Keep grinding. If your dance class gets a photographer or there’s someone in class with a camera offer then $50 to bring it and take a photo of you dancing

 

[Vic]

8/30

Went to a sandwich food truck and saw a cute girl there. The truck was about to close and they only had grilled cheese sandwiches so she ordered that. I said to her "man thats gotta suck only getting grilled cheese, the sandwiches here are fire". We talked about food for a while, she told me she likes to cook and said she recently made pork chops. I just said something about how I would like to learn how to make those too as I have never cooked with full pork before.

I got her number, I just had the same closing as usual but for my next one I will try to do something like what pancakemouse says. In the meantime, how should I open over text with this girl? Because go figure asking for a date suddenly may ward her off too fast.

Some random thoughts/experiences today/bits I need advice on:

-Saw the girl I went on my first date ever with again, didn't really talk but was nice to see her again.

-In one club I am in that has a few girls I want to approach, my good friend is also in that club and I and another person are like the only guys he knows there so he sticks to me often. It makes it hard to go up to these girls. At the same time I don't want to blow my friend off over women.

Feeler text after an approach: wait a few hours, or the next morning.

Best option: <callback reference to what you talked about that provokes a response>
Second opton: Hey <name> fun meeting you ;-)

Fuck your good friend. Go approach girls. If he's not comfortable, he can fuck off. A man stays on his purpose.

Ill probably do something next morning, I am so wiped right now.

What I will say is "Hey *insert girl's name*, you wanna share more cooking secrets?". This is just a draft.

For my homie I will just go straight for the girl, do what I need to do, then go back to my friend.

 

[Vic]

Yeah fuck your friend. I had a mate who would literally follow me around the nightclub like a lapdog. I told him hey man imma go talk to girls cya later

$60 won’t get you anything. Keep grinding. If your dance class gets a photographer or there’s someone in class with a camera offer then $50 to bring it and take a photo of you dancing

I said this to pancake earlier I would just straight up go to the girl after the meet (if she is not already talking to someone), talk a little, then get her number. If my homie says anything Ill just explain honestly, not like he would discourage me (or at least I think),

I am not looking to buy a camera, just maybe get maybe a student photographer to help me shoot. I could ask around if there is anybody who does gave a camera in the club. They do competitions and get some pretty good shots of the competition dancers.